Colors may be off, my color pencils hate me :(

So here I am, better than ace aversed, it fits much more my though.

How are you, my fellow other 13.5 apothisexuals?💜

I've talked quite a bit about being very on edge, especially online (both here and the Discord) and I feel like I have nobody to talk to.

Just living in this allonormative society gets a bit much at times. I've talked about how I feel constantly paranoid and perverted for noticing and trying to avoid sexual content. It's hard enough finding a space online (very thankful to this sub) but it's hard enough finding a more broad ace space that has repulsed members. Sometimes I wish I was allo or at least favorable, they seem to have it so much easier.

This is kind of incomplete since I'm still gathering my thoughts, so I'll be updating it in a bit
this is also more of a collection of my thoughts, so it's a bit all over the place

I'm over the moon about this!! <3 My chest size (and the mere fact I have the things on my chest) usually makes me feel really inapropriate when wearing many types of clothing (along with it being uncomfortable and anti-gender stuff) and there is a 0.001% chance I'll ever get null or chest surgery, so I'm super glad to have the option to get rid of the visual for ~8 hours of the day. I hope it fits well!

I’m apothiaroace so I wanted to know is anyone else also apothiromantic as well?

I’m tired of being so alone. I’m tired of feeling isolated from spaces, I’m tired of not knowing anyone I can find relatable. There’s nobody I know in real life whether it’s in my home state or New Jersey or my current state of Rhode Island who‘s like me, and it’s so fucking lonely. I’ve recently officially come out to everyone I know irl, but I still don’t really know anyone who’s like me, and especially not any guys who are like me (I’m homoromantic). I feel like I’m going to be alone forever, and I fucking hate that so much. I hate it feels so impossible for us. I don’t even know what to do at this point.

I'm getting so tired of seeing this regurgitated in aspec communities and being completely ignored when I tell people that advocating for our humanity by exemplifying how people in the community can still experience attraction or engage in intimate relationships is exclusionary towards loveless, non-partnering, averse and repulsed individuals.

We are not loveless robots? No, because even robots or artificial intelligence or large language models will engage in love when directed. The chatbot algorithm spitting out "I love you" doesn't make it any more than an algorithm, and it sure as Hell isn't more human than humans who wouldn't say the same.

We are not robots, period. There doesn't need to be anything else than that. You don't need to have sex, you don't need to date, you don't need to have platonic connections or keep familial ones to be a human being. We should not be trying to advocate for our humanity when being seen as human is just a basic right.

No one is more or less human depending on how much or how little they engage in love, and that includes the complete absence of it whether that be sexual, romantic, platonic, familial or any other type of love. Someone who experiences none of that and doesn't seek out those types of relationships is not any more a robot than any person who experiences and seeks out all of that.

Hello everyone.

I’ve been looking at how communities are structured here on Reddit and noticed a clear gap. While there are active subreddits like r/Apothisexual, r/SexAverse, and r/SexRepulsed, there isn't a main space specifically dedicated to apothiaroace individuals—people who feel total repulsion or aversion toward both physical intimacy and romantic dynamics.

Most general aroace spaces end up flooded with discussions about dating, "how to handle relationships," or attempts to fit into conventional social norms. For those of us who completely reject the prevailing social script and seek a purely neutral space—free from romantic or physical expectations—uniting both forms of repulsion in a single sub seems like the most logical step. I’d like to know your thoughts on this:

Question 1: Do you think the lack of an r/apothiaroace sub is simply because people prefer to split up between r/Apothisexual and aromantic subs rather than unifying both forms of repulsion in one place?

Question 2: Would a dedicated r/apothiaroace community—focused strictly on total aversion, analytical discussions, and zero tolerance for relationship talk—be useful to you?

Question 3: Is the absence of such a space the result of the mainstream internet trying to force the "aroace" label into traditional lifestyle molds, ignoring those who feel total repulsion toward both sex and romance?

I’m curious to hear what you think.

I have an aspec group chat, and we sort of just chill in there, posting a few memes and whatnot. I posted an apothi meme, and when I explained what apothisexuality was to an allo friend, they literally compared me to the anti-sex league from the book 1984. They probably didn't mean it in a bad way, but...wow, really? In the aspec group chat of all things? I also have a meme page where many of my friends drop cool memes they find, and another friend keeps telling me that the tab that contains ace (and some aro) memes is weird or freaky (and saying "what the hell are those memes bro you need to touch grass"). It's literally ASEXUAL memes. Some of my friends also make certain jokes about me and my late sleep schedule, despite me saying that things like that disgust me and make me uncomfortable. (I haven't told them that I'm ace, much less apothi, because I have a feeling that won't go too well.)

Greetings everybody. Let’s just say that I’m Nox—a 23y/o, Apothisexual, and Hetero(hopeless?)romantic female.

(Please be mindful of your replies as a person with their own thoughts and feelings also exists beyond your screen.)

Most of my life, I really thought I would be fine not having a significant other or partner of some sorts. I thought I was fine with the company of my family and friends after having failed relationships due to incompatibilities and disrespect; until I wasn’t anymore. One might consider me a hopeless and idealistic romantic, and I guess that’s actually true, but I have found this to be difficult and sometimes even asphyxiating to long for or even yearn for a romantic life with someone.

The worst part of that “dream” life is the someone I want being a specific aesthetic…There’s this weird and maybe disappointing preference of mine that has a penchant for someone who has a soft aura and visually palatable features because the vanity or narcissism of extremely attractive people remind me of a previous partner who cheated on me…I can’t even properly defend what that palate is because what’s aesthetically pleasing is subjective…

I don’t really know how else to explain this without making a foolish spectacle out of myself, but is it wrong to yearn for a specific someone you have not even met yet or someone who might not even exist in this world as a big factor in a potential relationship? Is there no perceivable depth to desiring a specific subjective beauty? Am I just deluded? I have so much misplaced romantic affection in me that obviously can’t be poured on to family and friends. I love them to life; believe me, but I also have this river of seemingly hopeless affections that longs to flow into that one specific ocean instead of being held behind a dam…

That’s all there is for now and I’d really be grateful if I can have find a respectful grounding or anchorage here because I think Im this close to resigning from romance in this lifetime…it’s just been difficult 😞. Thanks for reading tho! I hope things ease up or become bearable for us all.

Mfs be like “You'll find someone someday!!" - and it's a mentally ill, BPD having, not attractive, socially awkward, sex repulsed trans man who is never seen as a real man by ANYONE- not even other LGBTQ people, AND who only gets a crush once every 7 years on men who are always straight 😂😂😂😂😂
I love being a sex repulsed ace who gets crushes once every 7 years but still craves to love and be loved by someone 😂😂😂😂 I’ve been cursed since birth 😂😂😂😂 I can’t wait to die all alone 😂😂😂😂😂 I love my life 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I don’t yumeship and I never will but if ANYONE has the right to yumeship, it’s me .

(original post for body test)

I got introduced to Sleep Token by a friend, and really liked their songs. I'm someone who finds the music of a song more appealing than the lyrics.

I always have the explicit content filter turned on on Spotify and I didn't realise some of the lyrics described physical intimacy until I googled the lyrics.

Strangely enough, I didn't feel repulsed even by those nuances, as much as I felt repulsed by other songs that don't necessarily have explicit content but have those implications, for example, 'Take Me to Church'. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against homosexual or homoromantic or other queer people, and I absolutely love Hozier and most of his other songs, but I felt uncomfortable while listening to this one.

Has anyone else felt this way to similar music?

I recently made this community because I kept feeling like there wasn’t really a space where sex repulsed/sex averse aces could talk about our experiences without positive sexual discussions being such a prominent part of the community.

This subreddit is for asexuals who want a space centered around that very experience! This isn’t a “real asexuals” community. Other kinds of aces are allowed to be part of this community as long as they follow the rules!

Sex favorable and sex indifferent aces are valid, and nobody here is going to police whether someone is “ace enough.” The point is simply to have a space where sex repulsion/aversion can be discussed without constantly having to accommodate sexual positive discussion. This includes no promotion or glamorization of masturbation, porn, kinks, etc

If you’ve ever thought “I wish there was an ace space where I didn’t have to see people talking positively about sex all the time, and yet there was no discussion about what counts as asexuality”, then you’re probably exactly who I made this for.

I think I might be apothisexual so I wanna some of you guys’ signs of how you realized you’re apothi?

I feel like all I am is a minority. Almost like Im an alien from a different planet trying to fit in and pretend I belong here. Repulsed asexual, demiromantic among other smaller labels, agender, autistic and a handful of mental health issues. I feel like my life is on hardcore mode. Im legit the person who gets told to pick a struggle.

I know theres no real meaning or explanation as to why we are all on this planet but damn do I feel like I actually have no real reason to have been born in this place. So many ppl can relate to each other or have an easier time finding ppl that can relate unlike someone like me. I have a handful of very sweet friends and I’m so grateful for them however it does make me sad that they will never truly understand how I feel no matter how badly they want to. Loneliness is not only the lack of ppl for me but more so the lack of anyone that is in the same boat as me. I mean I had never even met an asexual naturally before I actually went out of my way to do so and even then we never seemed to click, and even when we did they disappeared after a while.

I wanna date so bad and while also being biromantic my chances should technically be higher since I genuinely don’t care about anyones gender or honestly looks but I still have no one I can call my partner. Ppl will get crushes on me and I will feel guilty and almost angry at the thought that, I could technically easily get a partner but that if i do, it wont last long like I want it to. Ive been meaning to actively start looking for ppl but I’m afraid that it wont work out and that ill waste my time and get heartbroken. But by far I’m most afraid that ill look for ppl and then find nobody and my last bit of hope will be gone. I hate that I want a partner so badly when it feels like I genuinely don’t deserve one with all the stuff I got going on.

I seem to be unloveable no matter how hard I try to compensate for being asexual. And yea I get that just bc ppl love each other it doesn’t mean it will work out and that, thats not a reflection of me as a person or my value but damn. The amount of times I’ve been told “ud make a perfect partner if u would be fine with doing the deed” is honestly insane. How can one not internalize this when it is seemingly the truth?

I have a friend who's 17, and he's apothisexual and experiences severe dysphoria which affects how he's able to interact with the world. The last server we were both in ended up having people not listen to the fact he is technically a minor with triggers involving any mentions or details of sex, not only explicit stuff. He hasn't been able to find any other servers that don't have people constantly talking about it, and I'm one of his only friends. This is affecting him socially and Idk how I can help. Does anyone know of any servers that would allow him in that don't mention anything sexual or romantic or with relationships (other than friendships)? He's chill with violence and other technically nsfw topics that don't involve relationship stuff. Is this even the right place to post?

Tl;dr, I have a 17 yr old friend who needs a disc server where ppl won't talk about sex even tho it's sfw. Does anyone have or know of a server he could join?

So I’m apothisexual but I have an average libido? Is there anyone else like this and can apothisexuals have a libido?

I met some friends in uni last year, who I thought, at the beginning, were decent, and I felt comfortable enough telling them that I am apothisexual.

They then proceeded to talk about s**ual stuff at least once every day when the group chat was active, despite knowing that I felt uncomfortable about the whole thing.

To make things worse, they'd tell me stuff I didn't know (obviously s**ual stuff) and tell me not to google it! I'm so glad I'm not friends with them anymore, but I realise how much of a joke I must have seemed to them! The absolute worst part was the euphemisms.

My apothisexuality coupled with my possible autism made it really difficult to feel comfortable in the group chat. Another friend who claimed they were ace had no issues participating in the gross conversations.

I was wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences with 'friends' who pretended to be understanding and accommodating.

Thanks for reading.

i will attach screenshots of his exact words but my bf (he is allo) and me (apothisexual) have been in a relationship for going on 5 months. at first i said that yeah, i was ok if when we are adults he has sex with other people to... satisfy his own needs... but now that we are into our relationship, i do care, a lot. i really just want to have him and sometimes i... feel like when we are adults to keep him from having one night stands i will end up having sex with him maybe once a year or something. just... treat it like a chore or just relationship maintenance? i suppose? he said that he was sad that i started to care and didnt want him to because he will have access to sex toys and he has his own hand but... he said he didnt think that'd be enough. what do i do? how do i approach this with him? its scaring me and he says im acting weird which is probably because of it. yes we are teenagers. i just need help. please.

What caused it? A "The Amazing World of Gumball" fanfic. I wish I was joking.

Warning: brief mentions of s€x.

I've been a very enthusiastic fan of this cartoon for many years now. Coming back to it yet again, I'd decided to read some fanfics of it. I've read quite a few episode rewrites, shippy/friendshippy/family fics, horror fics, all of which I enjoyed and cherish so so much. Then, I came across an another shippy fic (not gonna specify details about the characters right here or this will turn into me blabbering about the show). It's G rated (General Audiences - for everyone), everything in the tags can be summarised to "friends to lovers", "tags for romantic stuff", "bad fic".

So then I begin to read it. It starts off very cute, so I immediately hit the "kudos" button (there's no undoing it btw). I didn't like one cliché aspect of it, but nothing too serious. Afterwards, without finishing the fic yet, I decide to scroll all the way down to see what the comments have to say. Big mistake, as the very end of the last finished chapter featured the characters thinking they want to do it with one another. In a fully straight-forward manner ("I want to make love to Character 1" and "I want to have s€x with Character 2" ), to be "funny", I assume.

Along with disgust, I immediately felt my skin crawl and a huge pain in the chest; it was hard to breathe for a short bit. My entire evening and the following morning was ruined, it was hard to fall asleep.

There was a "cw" in the notes which just said "cw: Character 1 says s€x 😳😳😯" or some shit like that, obviously treating it like a silly goofy thing. I wouldn't say anything and wouldn't even touch the fic in the first place if it had been tagged properly beforehand (the user is new to AO3 but that is not the best excuse).

(The following is only about short non-explicit depictions/jokes/mentions. I don't even want to think about what would happen if I were to see a long, explicit scene of the thing)

I've realised something about my repulsion and the media and I wanna ask if anyone feels similarly.

When I hold no expectations, for example, scroll the TV channels and see some 13+ (yes, I KNOW) or unrated film depict people banging, I just feel disgust and dissapointment. Mostly dissapointment.

When I watch/read stuff where I could expect it (sitcoms and novels meant for an adult audience (not as in 18+, just as in your average sitcom with a weird/captivating premise or a novel not specifically meant for kids/teens with themes I enjoy reading about and exploring)), often I just ignore it or absent-mindedly skip mentioned depictions if they aren't prolonged (or laugh, in ultra rare occassions). Sometimes I can even read plot points of explicit exploitation gore movies with that stuff, just to see how awful it can get (I don't see everything I read as very clear imagery in my mind, it's fragmented).

But when I think I find something safe just to realise it's not fully safe later on, is what truly gets me. I know this sounds and is dramatic, but any slightest mention there will feel like betrayal + puking inside. Another time which made me realise this was when I discovered a queer Estonian band. I listened to their songs and they sounded so calming and cute, I liked their overall aesthetic, they seemed nice and welcoming. And when I checked their bio, it had a nice goofy paragraph. All good. But it ended with the emoji combo of some smiley face, an eggplant and water drops. That was enough to ruin my mood for a few hours and for me to never listen to anything by them ever again. And the similar thing had happened with that fanfic, I just felt it way more violently.

I am not proud of this, I didn't choose to feel like this. I can't just ignore it and move on easily in cases of trust being broken like this. But is it really so hard to just...not depict that innuendo? To warn about it beforehand?