Then get mad when I was upset.

Context: I started off strong, due to me being very upset. We had a phone call the night before confirming about plans today, he didn’t talk to me at all the whole day. If I said “I’m upset” he gives me every reason not to be then gets angry when I say I need him to show up for me. every time we get into an argument he comes at my neck. This is the full conversation, it started with me sending a thumbs up emoji after hours of not calling or texting. He always has some kind of excuse to why he fails to show up for me then gets angry at me for being upset. I feel backed into a corner. I just need to know if I’m crazy because I feel crazy sometimes.

Sometimes I genuinely start to believe what he says, like in the texts he says that I wanted to make him mad, when I know that wasn’t my intentions. Im sick of the constant berating and accusations. I just need someone to show up for me so badly. I just need outside opinions for this example argument.

(Sticker in messages and name cropped out to keep anonymity)

Edit cause people are being mean😔: yes, I was petty. Yes I was angry because my mother is dying and it’s my last birthday with her. Yes, I am young Lol. No, he didn’t speak to me all day. Yes he knew how important this was to me and how badly I needed him to show up for me.

so I have chronic pain and was referred to a clinic for help. Ketamine infusions came up, but because this clinic uses comparatively high doses, so I had to undergo a psychological evaluation. They ultimately denied me.

Then I got this lovely message from a “friend.” The kicker? There is NO next time. I was denied. Period. Both clinics have now discharged me as a patient, and I’m left with nowhere to turn.

the kicker?? there is NO “next time”. i was denied. period.

I’m in so much pain, and I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so hopeless.

i blocked them after that message and they got upset at me. then in person they said:

them: well i had good intentions sending that message!!

me: ??? i intentions don’t matter when the result is someone getting hurt. impact > intentions

them: how do intentions not matter? that’s so insane

so then i blocked this person out of hurt. but i feel bad for that…like this person was super close to me…so AIO? or is it understandable that i’m hurt? or am i just sensitive

Hello, I’m 20 years old and 6 months pregnant. My fiancé is a bit older than me. Around 2–3 months into my pregnancy, I moved in with my fiancé, his mom, and his brother. The house is under my fiancé’s name, and he promised that my name would eventually be added as well because this is supposed to be our family home.
At first, I genuinely liked living with his family. His mom treated me well, and I thought we had a good relationship. However, over time, I’ve started seeing a different side of her, and I’m honestly exhausted.

My future mother-in-law LOVES drama. She constantly talks about other people’s problems, family issues, and things that happened years ago. At first, I brushed it off, but eventually, I got tired of constantly hearing gossip and negativity.

The first incident that really bothered me happened when his mom started talking about changing things around the house. She wanted to redo the upstairs rooms, change the curtains, and make changes to the kitchen. I was confused because I wasn’t being included in any of these conversations, even though I’m supposed to be building a family here with my fiancé.
I asked, “Oh, what am I going to do?”

My fiancé responded, “Oh, you can change the bathroom.”
THE BATHROOM.

His mom gets to decide what happens to practically the entire house, while I’m apparently allowed to make changes to the bathroom. That was when I started feeling like I wasn’t actually considered part of this household. It felt like his mom had more say in our future home than I did.

Another incident happened at a baby shower for one of my fiancé’s cousins. His mom started bringing up his ex-girlfriends and said, and I quote, **“I was getting mentally ready for him to marry a bad woman because he would date bad women.”**

Excuse me???

I gave an awkward laugh and stayed quiet because I wasn’t going to cause a scene at somebody else’s baby shower. My fiancé noticed that I had gone quiet and asked if I was okay. I said I was fine, but I was genuinely hurt and wanted to cry.

Why would you say something like that in front of your son’s pregnant fiancée? What exactly was I supposed to take from that comment?

Later that day, I texted my fiancé and told him how much it hurt me. He spoke to his mom, and instead of taking accountability or simply apologizing, she got defensive and said she never intended to hurt me.

Then she completely ignored me for 2–3 DAYS.

No apology. No attempt to talk things out. Just the silent treatment because I expressed that something she said hurt my feelings. And to this day she doesn’t talk to me and I’m 6 months pregnant.

Apparently, I’m supposed to accept disrespect quietly so she doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable about the things she says.

And that isn’t even the only issue.
Ever since she found out I was pregnant, she’s made comments about my body, including:
“You’re too skinny.”
“You’re getting fat in the face.”
“You don’t eat properly for the baby.”

I’ve struggled to gain weight even before pregnancy, so these comments genuinely hurt. I’m already going through so many physical and emotional changes, and the last thing I need is someone constantly making remarks about my body and whether I’m eating enough for my baby.

What makes it worse is that my fiancé also makes comments about my weight, but he says he’s joking.
Now, let’s talk about the living situation, because THIS is where I’m really losing my patience.

His mom has the MASTER BEDROOM. It has the biggest space, her own walk-in closet, and a private bathroom. Meanwhile, I’m six months pregnant and sharing a hallway bathroom with my fiancé and his brother.

I have pregnancy-related items, feminine hygiene products, and personal belongings that I don’t feel comfortable keeping in a bathroom shared with his brother. My shoes, shower products, and other personal belongings are STILL in boxes from when I first moved in MONTHS AGO.

I don’t feel settled. I don’t feel comfortable. Honestly, I don’t even feel at home. I told my fiancé that it was time for us to move into the master bedroom so we could have space for ourselves and the baby. He agreed and said we could move in the following week.

The following week came. Nothing happened.
Then he promised we’d move in two weeks later.
Again, nothing happened.

This has become a constant cycle of promises that never happen, while his mom continues to make excuses about why she can’t move out of the master bedroom. Apparently, it will be too hot for her, she’s suddenly feeling sick, or her leg hurts.

I understand that people have physical discomforts, but at what point does my situation matter, too? I’m carrying a baby, preparing for childbirth, and trying to make space for a newborn, yet months have passed and I’m still living out of boxes. It feels like her comfort will always come before mine, even when I’m the one preparing to give birth to my fiancé’s child.

And my fiancé keeps allowing this situation to continue.
The most recent incident was about FOOD.
I’m currently unemployed due to health issues, so I’ve started receiving assistance to help pay for food and necessities. I bought groceries and tried to find space in the pantry because, you know, a pregnant girl has to eat! LOL.

The problem? His mom has practically taken over the ENTIRE pantry with her baking supplies, cake-making equipment, and knives she doesn’t even use.
I asked my fiancé if I could have one row in the pantry for my groceries or buy a $30 shelf from Amazon with my own money so I could organize my food.
His response? **“NO, IT’S EXPENSIVE!”**

He actually YELLED at me over a $30 shelf because he didn’t want to move his mom’s belongings.
I almost cried. I wasn’t asking for anything extravagant. I was trying to find a simple solution so I could have a designated place for my groceries. Instead, I got yelled at because moving his mom’s stuff was apparently out of the question.

So his mom gets the master bedroom, the closet, the private bathroom, and practically the entire pantry, while I’m struggling to find a place for my groceries and still have my belongings in boxes.At this point, it feels like there is room for everyone in this house EXCEPT ME.
And let’s not forget his brother. He barely speaks to me, and whenever I’m in the kitchen and he walks in, he leaves and waits until I’m gone before coming back. Sometimes, when I’m downstairs, no one comes into the kitchen until I leave.

I feel uncomfortable in a house where I’m supposed to be building a future with my fiancé.
What hurts most is that I initially had no problem living with his family. I tried to get along with everyone. I didn’t demand changes or make a big deal out of things. I wanted to be respectful and have a good relationship with them. But now I feel like my future mother-in-law has made it clear that this is HER house, HER space, and HER decisions, and I’m just expected to fit in wherever she allows me to.

She can make comments about my body, bring up her son’s exes in front of me, get defensive when I tell her she’s hurt me, and then ignore me for days. Meanwhile, I’m expected to keep the peace and pretend everything is fine.

And my fiancé keeps promising me things will change without actually following through.

I’m six months pregnant. In approximately three months, we’ll be welcoming a baby into this world. I shouldn’t have to beg for basic space, privacy, and consideration while preparing for my child.

I understand that moving in with family requires compromise, but shouldn’t I be treated like family, too?

I, f27, and my fiancé, m37, are expecting a child. He is in a motorcycle club and has a very active social life, that lately I have felt has put me on the back burner. I feel like I don’t ask much and handle most of our day to day chores and try not to ask for much help as his job is more stressful and physical than mine is. I work full time and handle the errands, cooking and house chores. He does dishes and trash. Lately, he’s been going out more. I don’t mind it, we’re close to becoming parents and he wants to enjoy his freedom while he can. However, lately he’s been spending more time out than with me and tends to stay out later than agreed and drinks more than I’m comfortable with. Last night, he went to go help a friend work on their motorcycle. I expected him to be home at around 11pm or so and stayed up waiting for him since we had plans to go out for a drive later that night. However, he didn’t show. I texted and he said he’d be leaving shortly and that he loved me. I texted again after midnight and he said he was about to leave. Finally I called at 1am. He was drunk at this point and yelled at me, saying I was controlling him and that he didn’t wanna talk to me when he got home. Also. When I called him he put me on speaker and even his friend told him he was being an asshole and kicked him out of her house to make him go home after I told her what had happened. When he got home 20mins later, I yelled at him for an hour. I told him I was tired of feeling unloved and unappreciated and not like a priority especially since he does this kind of thing frequently now, and told him if he didn’t change I was going to leave him and terminate the pregnancy. (I have previous kids with an ex who behaved similarly and I don’t want to be in that situation again).

Edit to add: he was driving MY CAR while drunk. And he’d planned a date that same night to go to the mountains to look at the stars. Him coming home at around 11pm was his idea.
He goes out two or three times a week every week.
I am 11 weeks pregnant.
He’s pulled this behavior five times this month alone so far.
I posted a comment of a photo I took on his phone of him bragging to a friend on Snapchat that I would be mad at him being out late and still staying out for almost an hour after sending that message. He knew what he was doing.

His perspective is that I am controlling him and trying to limit his freedom, that I’m trying to take him from his friends and change who he is as a person. He wants to enjoy himself as much as he can before baby comes and swears he will pull a complete 180 once the baby is here. I’ve told him I’m not, I just want him to be more responsible and that proving he can be a reliable partner starts before the baby is here. AIO to the situation and just being overly controlling?

I (27F) got in a big fight with my boyfriend (38M) because late last night we stopped at a gas station and went inside together. A woman was getting out of her car and also going inside. My bf is a very social person and loves cars. Her car is a older version of mine and he complimented it to her and that’s all fine and dandy. He gets excited about things and was a little over the top with the compliment in my mind because I have social anxiety but she kind of laughed and said thank you. Totally fine I didn’t say anything, he was just being friendly. When we were inside she paid in front of us and left and got back into her car. Her lights were on, it was 11 pm or so it was late and the parking lot was pretty empty. He veered off from me and went up really close to her car and circled it really close. I told him to back up and that he probably freaked her out doing that. He was like why I’m just looking at her car? And I told him that as a woman in a dark parking lot alone that would be really freaky to have a man excitedly circling my car looking at it like that. It’s not the fact that he did it, but the fact that he couldn’t just say oh shit I didn’t really think about that. He started arguing saying he didn’t know she was inside, he didn’t do anything wrong, I was judging him for no reason. I told him I am the woman here and I’m telling you how you would have made me feel and I don’t like that you are doubling down instead of listening. AIO? Is my social anxiety just making me criticize my partner too much or was that a valid thing to ask him to consider? I know he had no ill intentions and I told him that but he wouldn’t just say “oh shit that would be uncomfortable, you are right” and that made me react by getting more angry and telling him he never listens to what I say and he has no sense of boundaries or social cues which he took offense to

This isn’t a huge deal, but I feel a little… like I should’ve known and done better.

I was going to the gas station after I had made dinner and my 2 year old was eating, and asked my sister if she needed anything. She wanted chips and a soda— that’s no problem at all.

There’s a Dollar General less than a mile from where we live in the opposite direction of the gas station so I stopped there for the snacks, but saw they had the 50% Halloween table out and about.

Sidenote- My little is OBSESSED with Halloween this season, as she’s become more of her own little personality at this age. Constantly talking about “happy Halloween” and whenever I put up decorations or bring more home, she gets very excited and more in the spirit. My mom’s (mama’s) house is also just… a haunted house walking through lol. And my little one LOVES it.

I see they have this disco shiny looking ghost and I buy it for her, get the snacks, and head to the gas station.

I come home and she immediately comes to the door, crashing into my legs with hugs, saying “mommy!!!” I give her the snacks for her aunt and she takes them to her and comes back asking if I got her anything. I played a prank on her and said “yeah, I did!” And showed her a banana (which I did get) and she looked… surprised lol. After that I pulled out another banana, and she told me “mommy, a present?” And I said “okay, I did get you something, close and cover your eyes”.

I gave her the little shiny ghost and she seemed… unimpressed but still excited?

And I asked her “where are we going to put him?! It’s your ghost!” And she put him exactly where he was supposed to without me showing her. But still played with it for a while lol. Even if it’s not the intended use.

She insisted to going to sleep with it, and I said okay, but maybe we can put him on the dresser? She wasn’t going for it, so I allowed her to go to sleep with it in the crib.

I checked the monitor to her and she’s cuddling a styrofoam ghost…

AIO, even though I feel I am? Because I feel bad that my child is snuggling something hard and uncomfortable when I should’ve just gotten her a new stuffy or something 😭

TLTR: I bought my 2 year old a cool Halloween decor to enjoy but she wants to sleep with it and is cuddling with it (it’s styrofoam) and I feel silly that I didn’t just buy her a stuffy.

I had to make a whole Reddit acc for this. But I (21f) recently saw a post of a woman critiquing this whole culture where men refuse to talk to their friend’s girlfriends out of respect. And it reminded me of this conversation me and my boyfriend had.

My boyfriend (21M) and I had been dating for 7 months to this point. His family owns a lake house that’s a couple hours from where we live and he usually is down there every weekend. (He’s repairing some stuff down there)

He brings friends frequently, and last week he had brought two of his guy friends. One of them ended up bringing their girlfriend and my boyfriend was basically bragging to me how not only did him and his other friend ignore her throughout the night but they also sabotage any fun she could possibly have to ensure she “wouldn’t come back.” They basically excluded her and barely acknowledged her.

He didn’t really go into detail but he said at the end of the night he had overheard her scolding her boyfriend. She was apparently pissed and threw a “fit,” on never coming back and how her boyfriend never stood up for her.

I honestly was pretty disgusted. And all I said was how I never want to meet any of his guy friends. He quickly did damage control and tried to defend their actions by going on and on about how toxic this girl is and tried to reassure me that his friends would love me. I had to explain to him that I don’t care how toxic she was, at the end of the day his friends chose to stay with her and invite her over.

Not to mention but at some point of the night, his uncle had came to the lake house to smoke. He mentioned how wasted his uncle was and how the man just kept rambling about some nonsense. But this only further disgusted me because they could have possibly put her in danger considering they avoided her and went out of their way to leave her alone in a lake house with a strange older man.

I (Brown, autistic, (putting that in there because I have a hard time reading tone and joking behavior) 23 yr old female) met this guy on tinder a few weeks ago (White 31 yr old male) and we hung out and Hu and have been talking daily every sense. That was until today he decided to call me the n word to try and be funny I guess, but I don’t think stuff like that is funny so I blocked him. What do y’all think?

For everyone saying I’m a bot I’m not. I’m also not looking for attention. I’m asking this question because as you can read in the comments, a lot of people believe that this is “just a word” and I did over react. I came from a PWI and anytime this word was said to me and I responded or reacted, I ended up getting reprimanded. No I am not stupid, no I’m not rage baiting. Literally just curious as to how other people perceive this. Thanks.

My 10 year old nephew started experiencing some abnormal behaviors while sleeping, he’d experience convulsions and slurred/incoherent speech. My sister, his mom, has migraines so with thought that it may be something like that, but nope. Why would it ever be so basic, life likes to fuck you in the ass sideways. He has epileptic focal seizures.

My mom got cancer in 2023 and she’s thankfully fine now, but my entire concern throughout the whole process wasn’t how I’d respond or how any of the adults would respond if she passed, but just how devastated my sister’s boys would be without their Mimi. On top of that, in 2025 my sister’s dad (we have different dads) passed very suddenly, so if that wasn’t enough, now she has this on her plate.

I just feel beside myself. He’s 10 years old, he doesn’t deserve this and it scares the shit out of him every time he has one. It’s horrifying to watch. There’s the aspect of what has caused it and if it’s something bad and I just don’t know how to process that this is all happening. One second he was a fine and healthy kid and now he has epilepsy and seizures. Those boys were supposed to have good and healthy lives and not be affected my scary shit like this and now his whole life is going to be changed by this. He’s so young. I’m so scared.

Am I overreacting or is everything going to be okay? I’m just so scared for him but I have very little knowledge on epilepsy and these types of seizures.

Okay this is gonna be LONG so bear with me 😭 I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore and I need some outside opinions because I feel like I’m losing myself.

I met my now fiancé when I was 15. He lived in NJ and I lived in GA, so we were long distance. We were on and off for a while because he barely called or texted me, but eventually we met up and got serious.
When I was 17 (he was 18), I moved from my family’s house in GA to NJ to live with him and his family. It was only supposed to be for the summer originally. Something important to know is that I was sexually assaulted when I was 15 while under the influence of weed and alcohol, so before I moved I told him I didn’t want weed in my life. He was a heavy smoker but stopped for me at the time.
His family was actually really nice and welcoming, and I had a job I LOVED. Things were going pretty well until he got into a car accident and started smoking again to deal with the pain and boredom. Eventually I started smoking with him too, even though weed has ALWAYS made me panic.

I would get so high and paranoid that I was scared to even walk back inside his house because I thought his family would see me and hate me for some reason. Sometimes I’d sit outside for HOURS trying to work up the courage to go inside. I literally slept outside once. When we were in his room, I was scared to leave to get water, food, or even use the bathroom.

Eventually this started happening even when I was sober. I basically became trapped in his bedroom and could barely leave except to go to work.
On top of that, he barely spent any time with me. He was either outside smoking or playing video games. His mom would give him money to take me out and he’d spend it on himself. When my car broke down, he had to take me to work, but he’d constantly be late or not pick me up because he’d get high and fall asleep. One time I was outside for THREE HOURS trying to get him to let me in because he was playing a game. I called him for 20 minutes straight and he eventually got mad at ME.
I fell into a horrible depression and gained 50 pounds.
Eventually I broke up with him and moved to my brother’s house in Maryland. Then I found out I was pregnant. I transferred my job, but the new coworkers were horrible to me and made me feel like I had no idea what I was doing. I had my first panic attack at work and ended up quitting because I couldn’t handle it anymore.
I went back to NJ and got back together with my fiancé, but I decided to have an abortion because I wasn’t ready to have a child at 17/18, especially with the state our relationship and living situation were in.
I started another job, but my panic attacks got worse and worse. I could still push through them, but it was becoming really difficult.

Then my best friend got accepted into college in Michigan and offered to get an apartment with me. I decided to leave my fiancé AGAIN and move with her.
And honestly? For a while, my life was AMAZING. I was working, losing weight, dating other people, trying new things, and actually feeling like myself again. I wasn’t having panic attacks. I was happy and excited about life. I felt like I finally had a chance to figure out who I was.
Then I met G.

G was literally everything I’d ever wanted in a guy. He was so considerate, attractive, sweet, and the chemistry was INSANE. I fell HARD. He was 26, and I was 18/19. After about two months of hanging out, I told him I really liked him and asked if he wanted to pursue something more serious. He said he “might” 😭 which obviously left me confused.

Around this same time, my fiancé started reaching out, telling me he’d changed and that losing me made him realize what he needed to do differently.
He took me to a romantic cabin for my birthday, and at some point went through my phone and found me talking to other guys. He got really upset, but eventually admitted that his past behavior played a part in why we broke up in the first place.

We agreed to work on our relationship, but we NEVER actually agreed that we were officially back together. I stopped talking to other guys when I was spending time with him, but eventually started talking to G again because I still had feelings for him and wasn’t ready to commit to my fiancé. I still wanted to explore life.
Then my panic attacks came back BAD. I had one in front of a customer and things just kept getting worse.
My fiancé was expecting a settlement of around $60k from his car accident, and I had been telling him everything that was happening with my mental health. He took me on another trip and proposed to me. He offered to support me while I took time off work and got therapy.
I really thought he’d changed, and I was struggling so badly at the time that I said yes.

He moved to Michigan with me because my friend was leaving, and honestly, he WAS showing me a better version of himself. He got a good-paying job and was trying to build a life with me. I also know I wasn’t in a good place mentally and contributed to a lot of our arguments.
But I still wasn’t happy. My anxiety got so bad that I could barely leave the apartment or get through job interviews. I kept bringing up affordable therapy options, but I never actually got the help I needed.

We also started spending money before we had it because his credit was bad from previous debt. We used my credit card with the agreement that he’d pay it off once his settlement came in. We ended up spending around $10k on weed, adult stores, video games, furniture, food, trips, and just a bunch of unnecessary stuff. He never paid it off

Then things got REALLY bad.
I started smoking weed and taking edibles almost constantly. I’m a HUGE lightweight, and weed has always made me anxious, but somehow I started tolerating it more. For about five straight months, I was isolated and high ALL THE TIME.

The problem was that it made me overthink EVERYTHING. I’d get high and start questioning my relationship, my past, my future, literally my entire existence. And because I was isolated and had nobody to really talk to, I turned to ChatGPT for answers.

Yes, I know 😭😭 I basically started using ChatGPT to analyze every single thing happening in my life, and I took way too much of what it said as fact. I’d ask questions, get more worried, ask more questions, and spiral even further. I genuinely think it made my overthinking so much worse.

I couldn’t even go back to my family was dealing with an eviction. I didn’t feel like I had anywhere safe to go.
I felt trapped, alone, and completely disconnected from myself.

Eventually I found us an apartment in Texas because I wanted a fresh start. When we got here, I finally found the strength to seek help. I had one therapy session, and shortly after, I ended up in a psychiatric hospital and was told I was bipolar.

That whole experience brought back a LOT of trauma because the last time I’d been hospitalized was after what happened to me at 15. I was taken there without clothes and put in see-through scrubs, and as a child I was placed in a unit with men and women. It was genuinely traumatizing, so being hospitalized again really shook me.
I eventually went back to thearpy got a psychiatrist and had my bipolar diagnosis confirmed, along with PTSD, depression, and anxiety.

Now I’m trying to figure out how much of my behavior has been my mental health, trauma, weed, or just me making choices I regret.
And THEN there’s G again.
I reached out to him and told him everything that had happened. I was honestly shocked by his reaction because he told me he was going to ask me to move in with him, that he loved me, and that he wanted me to come back.

But when we were actually seeing each other, he was always unclear about his feelings. I never knew where I stood with him. He says it’s because I’d randomly stop talking to him, but part of me feels like he just wants to keep me around as a hookup. I’d be fine with something casual if he were honest about it, but I don’t want someone saying they love me and offering me a place to live if they don’t actually mean it, especially when I’m struggling this badly.

Now I’m here, engaged to my fiancé, and questioning EVERYTHING.
I know he’s made changes. He’s moved across the country with me, supported me financially, gotten a good job, proposed, and tried to build a future with me. I don’t want to act like none of that matters.
But I also feel like we’re going right back to where we were before. I’m unhappy, struggling mentally, and wondering if I even WANT to get married.
Sometimes I feel like I’m staying because he’s familiar, because he’s helped me, because I feel guilty leaving after everything we’ve been through, or because I’m scared of being alone and having to start over AGAIN.
But another part of me wonders if I’m throwing away a relationship with someone who genuinely loves me because I’m mentally unwell and don’t know what I want.
I keep thinking about how happy I was in Michigan when I was single. I was exploring, meeting people, trying new things, and actually enjoying my life. I’m turning 20 in December, and I feel like I’ve barely had a chance to figure out who I am outside of relationships and everything I’ve been through.

I don’t know if I’m romanticizing G because he represents the kind of relationship I’ve always wanted, or if I genuinely want a different life. I don’t know if I should stay with my fiancé and give our relationship another chance, or if I need to be single and learn how to be happy on my own.
And with my new diagnoses, I don’t even know how much I can trust my own judgment right now.
I’m genuinely at the lowest point I’ve ever been. Every day feels like a fight, and I just want to feel like myself again.

Am I making a huge mistake by considering leaving my fiancé when he’s genuinely trying to change?
Am I staying because I love him, or because I’m scared of being alone and starting over?
Am I idealizing G and the life I could’ve had, or is that feeling telling me something about what I actually want?
Has anyone else experienced something similar with bipolar disorder, PTSD, or trauma? How did you figure out what you actually wanted versus what your mental health was telling you?
I’m not looking for people to tell me one guy is evil and the other is perfect. I just genuinely need outside perspectives because I feel like I’ve lost myself, and I don’t know how to get back to being happy.
I turn 20 in December, and I really don’t want to spend another year feeling like this.
Am I the asshole?

My friend’s husband has this. She say it doesn’t bother her but I think it does. They seem to have a great relationship and in pics look like the perfect couple but he has his channel with maybe 10K subscribers where he does some suggestive content and is ambiguous. Pretty much tells his followers he is bi without actually telling them (she says he isn’t but I don’t think that matters either way). He has many male followers. Much more than female and he also makes some personal videos for money (not sexual). People send him money because they like his content. He is funny as well. He doesn’t wear his wedding ring in videos and recently talked about himself as if he lived alone with their dogs. His vibe online is like a different person. He is sweet and funny and almost nerdy but the videos she showed me he is different.

I (19F) have been in and out of physical therapy due to having issues with my knee. I have attended this location twice now and loved my experience up until today. The space is very open, with patients and instructors having casual conversations during sessions. I am a middle eastern immigrant in the US, and have lived here for 10 years.

Firstly, insulting comments were made towards me about clothing I like to wear by another patient of which I will call Y, and were ignored by X (manager of the place, and was instructing both me and Y). I could’ve gotten over this if the next situation didn’t take place.

Soon after, Y began making remarks about how “They keep coming in and ruining things here.” When I asked what Y what she meant, X turned to Y and spoke about me, saying “She’s an immigrant, she moved here from somewhere else.” which proceeded to Y asking me personal information about where I’m from.

This is a private fact about my life, and I feel that X had no right to share this on my behalf.

After sharing private and sensitive information about my life, X stated “Immigrants are ruining this country.” I was appalled by this comment, especially since X is always so adamant on ‘not talking politics’ during sessions. I asked “What makes you think that?” to X. She repeated, “These immigrants keep coming in, they’re ruining our country.” So now, not only had X shared personal information about me to an unauthorized person, but both her and Y made it very clear that they believe my existence here for the last 10 years have been me ruining America. I tried to calmly confront X during my session, which she replied with “Not you though.” This was very confusing. What makes me different from any other immigrant? Maybe it’s that she knows my name, or that she knows my family. Maybe that makes it so I am “One of the good ones.” She then began repeating “I don’t want to talk politics.” yet she had no issues talking about politics very openly with Y that agreed with her.

If you claim to dislike politics and do not want to talk about it in a professional setting, I understand, but that is not what happened. This issue was randomly brought up by Y, where then X decided to reveal my personal information to Y, then they both insulted my community. I found this incredibly unprofessional and frankly disgusting.

I called my mother while crying after walking out of my PT session halfway due to this situation. My mother insisted on confronting X. Me and my mother walked in back into the PT office, where X came up to us and said “Cmon, let’s go in here.” while gesturing to walk into a private room. My mother refused and stated “My daughter was harassed in public, so we will talk about this in public.” During the confrontation X kept trying to redirect my mother’s anger to ME. Here’s a few things she said to try to turn my mom against me: “she started it”, “she’s taking it out of context”, and the most hilarious one, “she was on her phone during the session!!” like wtf???? yes I was uncomfortable during the session so I texted my friends. what makes X think my mom would even care about that?? X walked out of the establishment a few times during this confrontation, and finally came back with her phone by her ear. X told me and my mom that if we don’t leave right now, that she will call the police.

Am I overreacting?? I feel like I got harassed and then threatened. I will be writing a negative review, and I will be filing a HIPAA complaint about X because she gave up sensitive information to Y so casually, but I don’t know if it’s an actual violation since it’s not medical. I can’t tell if i’m blowing this out of proportion, but i’m feeling sick to my stomach and I can’t sleep.

My bf and I went to a show together a few days ago and some things he said about his experience bothered me.

keepin it brief: we went to go see an artist I love. I ended up loving the show a lot. I asked him what he thought about the show afterwards, and he said there were a lot of frills for an artist that basically sings and strums a guitar. I start namin off some of the things I love about the show (the stage presence, dancers, production), and he proceeds to say in direct response to each of those things that they weren’t as impressive to him. He kept saying he thought the whole thing was overrated and that he wouldn’t spend as much money as I did to bring us both to the show (he stressed that he really only went to hang out with me).

We’ve had disagreements about experiences before (he likes stuff that I don’t like as much) and they’ve been fine. I try and go out of my way to communicate in a way that doesn’t make him feel bad about liking the stuff he likes when I say I dislike it. I even try to find ways to appreciate the things he likes because he likes them. But this felt like he was trying to make me feel bad about enjoying it as much as I did, especially because of the way he had something to say about every aspect I liked about it.

To top it off, I started going into why I felt such a personal connection to some of the things the artist said during their performance and he makes a “joke” by saying “yeah, I was there when they said that.” I shut down after that. I talk about how it wasn’t funny and he proceeds to say “well it was funny to me, I laughed”

I tried to explain why his comments made me feel like he was invalidating my experience and making me feel weird about liking it (men have exhibited the same exact behavior in the past to achieve this exact feeling in me), and he told me that I’ve got some shit to work on within myself and that I’m “insecure/projecting shit onto him” because that’s “not what he said or meant at all”.

I feel like he was totally dismissing my feelings and actually belittling me, but I’m wondering if I’m just overreacting.

AIO?

Just returned my a work trip on Friday. My husband always gets weird and makes jokes that Im cheating while on these trips. I have never once cheated on him but he was cheated on a lot in his precious relationship.

I woke up this morning feeling like I have a cold and realized tonight that my coworker (who is male) had a cold and we were in a conference room the whole week together. I told my husband that I probably got sick from my male coworker, which was a mistake I should have not said anything. When I told him he gave me a dirty look, said "sure" and started to walk away. I asked him what he meant by that and he ignored me and walked away to make dinner so I sent this text.

Edit: I tried to talk to him last night before we went to bed and it basically went nuclear. He kept getting super upset and saying I was taking things too seriously and Im so negative all the time that he cant even talk to me without me freaking out. I told him our marriage is in trouble and wr need counseling. He then cried and when I didnt tell him that everything was okay he got mean and kept me up until 5am huffing and puffing and making comments under his breath that I was a monster for picking a fight and holding divorce over his head before going to bed.

But now, this morning hes acting like nothing is wrong and is getting the kids up and told me too lay down and rest cause I'm sick.

Context, we’re almost a year in and our sex life is fun, and used to be constant. I understand that thrill of being new to each other does eventually fade but he seems to have issue staying or even being erect? He (20m) and I (23f) have always had a very strong connection and communication has never been an issue but I have noticed over the last few months we have had less and less sex and even then the amount of times he just doesn’t get hard becomes more and more common. Im not sure how to approach this as a conversation. I’d say I have a pretty high sex drive and him being younger and physically active i thought maybe his would match mine but it’s the opposite. I can’t help but feel unattractive and needy in that sense and bringing it up seems almost like a jab at him once I start constructing the conversation in my head. im not sure what to do or how to feel as he always says im the prettiest and makes me feel sexy in other situations. The one thing i will say is i have found myself giving him oral more than we have penetrative sex or even when we do it’s longer than when he is in me. am I thinking on this too hard?
EDIT: I forgot to mention he takes aspirin almost daily, he was told he has thick blood and used to give blood often. But hasn’t in a while due to not having health care and not being able to send the vials for tests and such. I guess I should ask more in depth is this is an issue he has had before?

Breaking the ice: my dad unfortunately passed recently. I'll admit I (25F) am sensitive about it right now, but the people involved don't see an issue with what's happened so I'm asking for genuine, honest perspectives despite how difficult it may be.

Today, my mum and grandma entered my dad's flat to clean it out. I didn't go because he passed away in there and I wasn't comfortable seeing it all (I will be going on Thursday now that a biohazard team has deep cleaned though). When going through his paperwork, they found my letters that I've sent him over the years. We live in different cities so our only communication was via text, email, and letters and it turns out that he'd kept all of it in a box. They sat there and read them all together.

After they got home and gave me the recap of how it all went, they were excitedly telling me about the letters but honestly I just felt a pit in my stomach. From my perspective, they've violated my privacy and those conversations were meant to be between me and my dad. From theirs, it's them just 'reading memories' and it isn't a big deal at all. Also, I have NO idea what I said in those letters. I've had a rough time with my family in the past so it could've had negative things too (but they didn't seem mad?)

For further context that may be relevant, the other night I was going through my emails and reading out some of my old messages to him from when I was a child. I feel like these are slightly different scenarios because 1) I was there and 2) my mum wasn't reading the entire thing, just the bits I read aloud because she was on the other side of the room listening. But my mum said that the letters are similar and that it's all just sharing memories with him.

So am I just being overly sensitive or has a line actually been crossed?

I’ve been with my partner for a while, and we’ve been dealing with this situation for over a year now. Her family comes over to our house for two full weekends every month, and it’s not just her parents. It’s her entire family.
At first, I tried to be understanding because I know family is important to her, and I didn’t want to come across as someone who doesn’t want her to spend time with her loved ones. But honestly, it’s starting to take a toll on me. When they come over, I feel like I can’t fully relax in my own home. I can’t just enjoy my weekends, walk around freely, or have that feeling of privacy and peace that I think everyone should be able to have in their own space.

The hardest part is that this has been going on for over a year, and I still haven’t gotten used to it. Instead, I feel increasingly anxious whenever I know they’re coming over. I start thinking about how I’m going to spend the entire weekend with a house full of people and how I won’t really have any time or space to myself. I feel guilty for feeling this way because they haven’t necessarily done anything wrong, but having so many people in my home for entire weekends is genuinely overwhelming for me.
Am I overreacting?

I’m a non native English speaker, had to delete my previous post due to pronouns issues, but I’m real 100% and this is my life.

I (20F) have been talking to this guy (25M) since July. We live in different countries, and he recently came to visit me. Throughout our conversations, he told me he wanted a relationship, saw a future with me, and even discussed future plans and business ventures. He repeatedly said I was the only person he wanted to focus on.
I made it clear that I wasn't expecting exclusivity because we weren't officially together, but I wanted honesty if he was talking to other women so I could decide where I stood. He insisted he wasn't entertaining anyone else.
When he visited, he stayed at my place for almost the entire trip. However, there were already some red flags. He made subtle racial microaggressions, including saying that because he was white, everyone in my home country would treat him like a king. He also searched for girls from my country and zoomed in on their butts. I'm Black, and these comments, combined with his general sense of entitlement, made me uncomfortable, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I also caught him on Bumble during his stay. When I confronted him, he denied it, suggested I'd confused it with Snapchat, then claimed he'd simply forgotten to delete the app. He even said he didn't understand how iPhones worked because he used Samsung. I decided to move past it.
On his last full day, I told him he needed to arrange somewhere else to stay, and he booked an Airbnb. We went to dinner that evening, had a good time, and talked about our future again. Afterwards, we went back to my place, and he was still planning to spend the night with me.
That night, I noticed he was extremely protective of his phone. I eventually saw him in a Bumble chat. When I confronted him, he told me I was insane, asked what was wrong with me, and acted as though I was the problem.
I told him he could call me whatever he wanted, but I knew what I'd seen. I kicked him out and blocked him everywhere. He hasn't tried to contact me since.
We also ended up having sex during his visit. I know sex doesn't entitle anyone to a relationship, and I wasn't expecting one simply because we slept together. But I have personal values around intimacy, and I allowed myself to become vulnerable because I genuinely believed he was serious about me.
Now I feel used. He had somewhere to stay for almost his entire trip, received my time and affection, and was telling me he saw a future with me while apparently still using dating apps. What hurts most is that I explicitly gave him the opportunity to be honest, and he chose to reassure me instead.
I'm also disappointed in myself for overlooking the first Bumble incident and some of the other red flags because I wanted things to work out.
I understand that we weren't officially together, and he was free to explore other connections. My issue isn't that he was necessarily talking to other women; it's that his behaviour contradicted what he repeatedly told me, and he insulted me when I questioned him.

So, am I overreacting? Was I wrong to feel betrayed when we weren't officially dating, or does this sound like someone who was taking advantage of my generosity and telling me what I wanted to hear? And how do I stop blaming myself for giving him so many chances?

I don’t feel so much hurt as i do feel annoyed and that maybe this was what he had planned the whole time - because something that has been on my mind is that i asked him to bring me 2 things from his place (gummy bears and lip liner) would be under $15 and he did not come with either however he did come with a fresh box of condoms??

My friend lost her father recently, its been 5 months or so, and she vents to me a lot. I let her vent without interrupting.

She told me about her favorite memory about him.

Today, after letting her finish, I said “He seemed like a very kind man, and I’m sure that’s how he’d like to be remembered, I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to be sad over the memory, which sounds silly, but at the same you’re allowed to be sad at the memory, because in the moment it hurts, but then later you can always tell that memory and laugh and smile about it.”

And then followed it up with “I’m sorry if that sounded weird, or offensive, again, everybody grieves in their own way😔”

I lost somebody close to me, and when I share memories, sure I cry, but I try to smile and laugh. Try to remember the good times, and how that person wouldn’t want me to be sad, and remember the sad stuff. But then again, everybody grieves differently.

I am worried that I possibly offended her. She went offline, didn’t even read my message. It is midnight right now for me.

AIO? The last time she vented to me and I talked to her, she said she appreciated it. She’s a confrontational person, so if she found offense, I’m sure she would’ve told me

This guy, CJ who I started dating this summer back (wound up just a hook up, not relationship material, has drinking problem) who is also a mutual friend in a very close knit circle of friends, is driving me up a wall mad.

After he most recently arrived over for a night in (no dates since, no public stuff) I reached out to try to clear the air and set a boundary once again that if we were going to hook up, I didn’t want him drinking before he came over. He sent a nice text back admitting his flaws, and then things quickly devolved from there. He’s stuck on how on our first date back in May or June I interrupted him too much and how rude I am and how I chalked this up to my adhd. And possibly undiagnosed autism.

I’ve explained to him— It’s not a lack of respect it’s how my brain fundamentally processes conversation differently. If I jump in while someone talking, it’s not because I don’t want hear to hear what they have to say, it’s because I’m so focused on it, it triggers a rush of enthusiasm in me, and because I don’t have a brake pedal for my thoughts and I feel like if I hold it in, I’ll just forget it later I forget things almost instantaneously. I interrupt to show empathy and share a similar story or anecdote or agree, in an effort to bond with that person

Also, I have trouble concentrating if a conversation moves too slowly, or I have to listen intently for a very long time, sometimes my brain wanders, so if I interrupt it strangely enough shows I’m paying full attention. I get that it’s not for everyone, but most of my friends and family already know this. It’s never been an issue before and dating, I’ve never had any trouble with any past romantic partner, being annoyed by this.

I’m an external processor also so I process my ideas by speaking them out loud. When I interrupt, it's usually my brain's clumsy way of saying, 'I relate to this so much!' rather than trying to cut you off. Or ask a question usually. And I expect to go right back to the conversation and for the other person to pick up afterwards, like a little game of ping-pong.

I have been aware of And Actively tried to work on this habit for my whole entire life and instead of solving it I prefer to surround myself with people that do not interpret this behavior as disrespectful and don’t lose patience with me and also have the same conversational style. Especially while drinking when I have dramatically less control over it.

He’s been up to all sorts of shithead behavior but meanwhile will not let me forget about this. I know I can go from 0 to 100 really quick, I’ve also said some mean things to him when he’s left abruptly without saying goodbye to be a dick which really upset me.

for context a gaye holud is pre-wedding turmeric ceremony where the bride and groom get turmeric applied to the face arms, & legs.

The nikkah is an islamic wedding.

I (25F) got engaged in August and recently had my nikkah with my husband (28M). I'm Bengali Muslim, and I'm the youngest of three and the first to get married. My brother is 26M and my sister is 31F, unmarried.

My husband and I only ever wanted the nikkah and an engagement party with our friends, and we paid for both ourselves. My mom and sister pushed for a Gaye Holud, saying it has to happen before the nikkah. I agreed to keep it small, but it grew because I'm the first and youngest. I was fine with that. I handled the venue, decor inspiration, and performances, and let my family plan the rest.
My sister insisted on paying for a bunch of things. I told my mom many times to bill me and not take money from her, and my husband and I offered too. She kept declining. My dad also covered a lot. She also helped a ton with my bridal shower, packing gifts, setup, and cleanup, and I thanked her over and over in person and by text.

What happened:

At the Gaye Holud, she was MC, stressed, and resentful of my mom micromanaging. She yelled at my mom in front of guests and snapped at me saying
“I'm on thin ice right now don't fuck with me."

In Bengali tradition, the bride's siblings "steal" the groom's shoes and he pays to get them back. That only happens during the event. We joked about it beforehand.

The day after the Gaye Holud, she came over unprompted to help pack gift boxes and said my fiancé was "pissing her off because he's not paying me." When I asked her price, she said $10,000. I said that was crazy. She said she'd take my outfit too because I "wasn't going to cooperate," and left with my outfit, my fiancé's, and my mom's.

By 7 PM the night before the event, she still hadn't returned them and was asking for $5,000. She dropped them off around 8 without saying a word to anyone.

On the nikkah day she showed up on time, hugged me, cried with me, and said she loved me. I assumed we were fine.

That night, my husband and I brought her dinner because she never showed up to my in-laws dinner for a post nikkah meal and a dozen roses with $1,000 in $50 bills tucked in as a thank-you for all her work.

She thanked us and hugged us.

The next day, we were texting normally about a concert we were all attending, then she sent this:
Sister: Thank you again for the cheap roses! And for the money. I can use it to pay for 5% of your wedding. I honestly would have rather gotten a proper thank you. This is such an insulting gift.
Me: i'm so confused, how did a genuine gift turn insulting. Please tell me how much you spent overall I'll send you the money
Sister: Thanks for all the hard work, here's some roses? It's not even about the money. That's my issue with mom and dad. They shouldn't have offered to pay for a big wedding they couldn't afford.
Me: I genuinely every single night you helped felt grateful you were there and expressed that to you too. What did I do wrong?
Sister: forget it. Thanks for the tip.

Also i did rough calculations and the cost comes upto ~ 13k more than half my dad paid

I'm genuinely hurt and exhausted. I appreciate her labour, but I feel like I'm being punished for a wedding I never demanded, and my husband and I were never allowed to just pay. I'm considering cutting her off.

My friend and i have known each other since college, and i’ve always tried to be supportive when she needed help. A few months ago, she moved into a smaller apartment and asked if she could keep a few boxes at my place until she found somewhere else to put them. I agreed because she said it would only be temporary. At first, she brought over three boxes. Then it became six. Then a suitcase, two plastic bins, a small desk, and several bags of clothes. Every time i asked when she planned to pick things up, she said she was still figuring out her living situation and would get everything soon. I didn’t want to pressure her, so i let it go. The problem is that my apartment is small, and her things have taken over part of my bedroom and hallway. I have to move her boxes whenever i need to clean, and i can’t even open one of my closets properly anymore. Last weekend, i told her that i needed her to come get everything by the end of the month. I explained that i wasn’t angry, but i couldn’t keep storing her belongings indefinitely. She got quiet and asked why i was suddenly being so difficult. I reminded her that she originally said it would only be for a short time. She said i was acting like she had abandoned her things there on purpose and that friends were supposed to help each other without making everything feel like a business arrangement. I told her i had already helped by giving her free storage for months, and that i needed my space back. She said she couldn’t believe i was choosing my apartment over her during a stressful time. Since then, she has barely spoken to me. She also told one of our mutual friends that i had become selfish and was making her feel unwelcome. I feel guilty because i know she is dealing with a lot, and i don’t want her to think i don’t care about her. But i also feel like she took advantage of my willingness to help and assumed i would never set a deadline. I never agreed to store her belongings permanently. I just want my home back without being treated like a bad friend. AIO by giving her a deadline to remove her things, or am i justified in refusing to keep storing everything for free?

I (23f) spent time with my aunt for the last week; she came to visit from Puerto Rico. She gave me $20 and said “your grandma told me to tell you this is for you to put into your savings” as I’m trying to save for a laptop. I called her to say thank you later on that night. She also pulled out two bunched up pairs of underwear and said “this is from your uncle” I took it and said nothing. I would’ve been fine with being given a t shirt, a hair accessory, pants, or anything. Why did underwear have to be one of them, especially from a man?? My own father doesn’t even do that. If I stay with him (parents are divorced) and tell him I need underwear or bras, we will go to the mall and go separate ways; I will buy them myself with my own money and that’s that. He’ll go his way, I’ll go my own way. When I told my dad and my sister about it, they told me to basically get my mind out of the gutter. Not to mention, when him and my mom talk, he’ll ask to see my body and he’ll be like “wow you have such a nice ass, hip or boobs”. I wouldn’t even want my own kids to receive underwear from any male family members, I see them as intimate things that should only be bought by your own person. My mom and dad basically told me to stop creating problems that are not there. Later on that night, my mom called him on messenger and looked me in the eye as I went to say hi to just my grandma, and was like “Do you like your gift?” I stayed silent.

My mom, dad and sister see nothing wrong with this. Am I overreacting?