I (Brown, autistic, 23 yr old female) met this guy on tinder a few weeks ago (White 31 yr old male) and we hung out and Hu and have been talking daily every sense. That was until today he decided to call me the n word to try and be funny I guess, but I don’t think stuff like that is funny so I blocked him. What do y’all think?

Just returned my a work trip on Friday. My husband always gets weird and makes jokes that Im cheating while on these trips. I have never once cheated on him but he was cheated on a lot in his precious relationship.

I woke up this morning feeling like I have a cold and realized tonight that my coworker (who is male) had a cold and we were in a conference room the whole week together. I told my husband that I probably got sick from my male coworker, which was a mistake I should have not said anything. When I told him he gave me a dirty look, said "sure" and started to walk away. I asked him what he meant by that and he ignored me and walked away to make dinner so I sent this text.

I, f27, and my fiancé, m37, are expecting a child. He is in a motorcycle club and has a very active social life, that lately I have felt has put me on the back burner. I feel like I don’t ask much and handle most of our day to day chores and try not to ask for much help as his job is more stressful and physical than mine is. I work full time and handle the errands, cooking and house chores. He does dishes and trash. Lately, he’s been going out more. I don’t mind it, we’re close to becoming parents and he wants to enjoy his freedom while he can. However, lately he’s been spending more time out than with me and tends to stay out later than agreed and drinks more than I’m comfortable with. Last night, he went to go help a friend work on their motorcycle. I expected him to be home at around 11pm or so and stayed up waiting for him since we had plans to go out for a drive later that night. However, he didn’t show. I texted and he said he’d be leaving shortly and that he loved me. I texted again after midnight and he said he was about to leave. Finally I called at 1am. He was drunk at this point and yelled at me, saying I was controlling him and that he didn’t wanna talk to me when he got home. Also. When I called him he put me on speaker and even his friend told him he was being an asshole and kicked him out of her house to make him go home after I told her what had happened. When he got home 20mins later, I yelled at him for an hour. I told him I was tired of feeling unloved and unappreciated and not like a priority especially since he does this kind of thing frequently now, and told him if he didn’t change I was going to leave him and terminate the pregnancy. (I have previous kids with an ex who behaved similarly and I don’t want to be in that situation again).

Edit to add: he was driving MY CAR while drunk. And he’d planned a date that same night to go to the mountains to look at the stars. Him coming home at around 11pm was his idea.
He goes out two or three times a week every week.
I am 11 weeks pregnant.
He’s pulled this behavior five times this month alone so far.
I posted a comment of a photo I took on his phone of him bragging to a friend on Snapchat that I would be mad at him being out late and still staying out for almost an hour after sending that message. He knew what he was doing.

His perspective is that I am controlling him and trying to limit his freedom, that I’m trying to take him from his friends and change who he is as a person. He wants to enjoy himself as much as he can before baby comes and swears he will pull a complete 180 once the baby is here. I’ve told him I’m not, I just want him to be more responsible and that proving he can be a reliable partner starts before the baby is here. AIO to the situation and just being overly controlling?

My mom offered to pay for me and my fiancé’s wedding (which shocked us both) with a budget of $30,000. We recently moved to Wisconsin, and I am from Michigan and he’s from California. My mom offered to pay for our wedding and we were under the impression that a wedding in either Wisconsin OR Michigan was fine, as we lightly discussed it.

Fast forward to us being newly engaged, I told my mom that our venues so far are way under her budget. She told me that she hoped it was in Michigan, and if not, “we have a problem”. I was very shocked and confused, and she used the excuse that my grandmother, being 85, cannot travel anymore and won’t get on a plane out of claustrophobia fear. So my fiancé and I found some great venues in Michigan to please my mom.

I tell my mom the next day that we found venues in Michigan, about two hours from where I grew up, and she said “At least it’s in Michigan”. I did tell her that if she was not OK with this, we had a backup plan where my fiancés family pays, but it’ll be in California. She ultimately told me that a 2 hour drive in Michigan was considered a “destination wedding”, and called me a snob when I told her I did not want to get married in my hometown, insisting I was ashamed of where I grew up. I told her for her budget she gave, there were better places to be married in our beautiful home state. She started bringing up the wealth difference between our family and my fiances, and saying he could afford the wedding but we could not.

She told me that she felt threatened by me, so I told her she can call the police if she feels so threatened. After the last message I sent her (last pic), my grandmother texted me “Shame on you.”

This is my entire adult life and childhood that I have been either been hit, emotionally manipulated, or had to walk on eggshells around her. I am absolutely so done. I feel crazy.

EDIT; I cannot keep up with all the comments but I am trying my best to add context and post full screenshots for anyone saying I am leaving things out. She has always held my phone, laptop, tablet, privacy, and dignity over my head. Last time I argued with her this bad, I was terrified she’d make me drop out of college and hold the money over my head. I grew up with her hitting me in the face, calling me a bitch, telling me I am evil, and telling me I am a “bad seed”, which, to an 11 year old at the time, made me feel like I was not supposed to be born.

It was my nephew’s birthday so I had my two children FaceTime him by calling my brother’s phone. They didn’t answer and ended up calling us back later when it was convenient for them. Normal behavior….
The kids chatted, everything was fine.. then I get this text from my brother. (We did the exact same phone call/FaceTime situation a month ago for my other nephew)

This has been a thing with my sister in law… she complains if she isn’t greeted first. She doesn’t like my mom texting my brother, she always requests that it’s done in a group chat. And she will bring these things up like 6 months later too… seemingly just to stir up some drama…

I’m honestly fuming over this text and I don’t know if I’m just being too sensitive.. he wasn’t being mean or disrespectful, I just don’t understand why I have to text her and make a plan to FaceTime my nephews on their birthdays… I want to call my brother… it’s who I’m comfortable and familiar with… his wife isn’t the most friendly, so it just would feel so awkward to be on FT with her.

How would you respond to this?

I 30F got married 6 months ago. The best man and one of my bridesmaids slept together in the house the night before the wedding. Idc about that, what I do care about is the fact that my wedding venue sent my husband and I a $7,000 bill because the swing on the property (large 2 person swing used for photos) was broken and they have video footage of them having sex on the swing, it breaking and them tying the broken part of the swing together with rope they found inside the wedding venue. *also to note we had 15 people stay with us on the property for 3 nights everyone was aware of the MULTIPLE cameras on the property.

My husband and I put them in a group chat and sent them the bill. They are saying that it’s not their fault the wedding venue is charging us and that they will not be paying it. It also started a larger argument about how big of an asshole my husband’s best friend is because he never called her after.

I need someone to tell me if I am overreacting because if I am I will just eat the charge and move on but if I’m not wtf do I do ?????

Edit ::: I see the comments asking about the $7,000 repair. The venue stated that it was a “vintage” swing and the damage was significant. I will also look into this as well because I agree, 7k is extensive for a swing repair.

Some context:

The reason why I mentioned October 19th was because I was trying to correct myself on my mistake of saying 2 weeks.

I usually do my laundry in one day, and I do it quickly, in other words I'm always on top of it. It doesn't take me days, and I usually only need 1 day of the week to do it. 3 loads max but I can keep it at 2 most of the time. I'm always considerate of anyone I am sharing a space with, and I never give anyone a hard time.

On the other hand, my roommate is just really bad at being considerate I feel like, and they leave stuff everywhere and occupied. The washer and drier are a great example. He lets it sit in the washer and drier for days. I've never gotten on to him about it, only ever mention that I need to wash my clothes. It's kind of a hassle to keep asking him every time but I try to keep the peace by not escalating it.

Somewhat out of context: I feel like my room mate is passive aggressive because of other reasons like starting to leave wads of hair everywhere in the shower when the ONE time I forgot to grab my little ball of hair.

Am I overreacting and am I in the wrong? Or is my roommate?

Also, I really can't wait for them to move out next year. It's been very stressful with them as you can see.

Edit:

I forgot to mention that I texted them back 2 hours later after him saying "Holy shit"

Update:

I have now moved over his laundry from the drier into my own basket so it's not on the ground. 30 minutes passed and he didn't move it, and I can't wait all night. I am also not texting him back like he said not too, and like how everyone suggested.

If he has a problem with it then he just needs to act like an adult and accept it.

Context, we’re almost a year in and our sex life is fun, and used to be constant. I understand that thrill of being new to each other does eventually fade but he seems to have issue staying or even being erect? He (20m) and I (23f) have always had a very strong connection and communication has never been an issue but I have noticed over the last few months we have had less and less sex and even then the amount of times he just doesn’t get hard becomes more and more common. Im not sure how to approach this as a conversation. I’d say I have a pretty high sex drive and him being younger and physically active i thought maybe his would match mine but it’s the opposite. I can’t help but feel unattractive and needy in that sense and bringing it up seems almost like a jab at him once I start constructing the conversation in my head. im not sure what to do or how to feel as he always says im the prettiest and makes me feel sexy in other situations. The one thing i will say is i have found myself giving him oral more than we have penetrative sex or even when we do it’s longer than when he is in me. am I thinking on this too hard?

My friend and i have known each other since college, and i’ve always tried to be supportive when she needed help. A few months ago, she moved into a smaller apartment and asked if she could keep a few boxes at my place until she found somewhere else to put them. I agreed because she said it would only be temporary. At first, she brought over three boxes. Then it became six. Then a suitcase, two plastic bins, a small desk, and several bags of clothes. Every time i asked when she planned to pick things up, she said she was still figuring out her living situation and would get everything soon. I didn’t want to pressure her, so i let it go. The problem is that my apartment is small, and her things have taken over part of my bedroom and hallway. I have to move her boxes whenever i need to clean, and i can’t even open one of my closets properly anymore. Last weekend, i told her that i needed her to come get everything by the end of the month. I explained that i wasn’t angry, but i couldn’t keep storing her belongings indefinitely. She got quiet and asked why i was suddenly being so difficult. I reminded her that she originally said it would only be for a short time. She said i was acting like she had abandoned her things there on purpose and that friends were supposed to help each other without making everything feel like a business arrangement. I told her i had already helped by giving her free storage for months, and that i needed my space back. She said she couldn’t believe i was choosing my apartment over her during a stressful time. Since then, she has barely spoken to me. She also told one of our mutual friends that i had become selfish and was making her feel unwelcome. I feel guilty because i know she is dealing with a lot, and i don’t want her to think i don’t care about her. But i also feel like she took advantage of my willingness to help and assumed i would never set a deadline. I never agreed to store her belongings permanently. I just want my home back without being treated like a bad friend. AIO by giving her a deadline to remove her things, or am i justified in refusing to keep storing everything for free?

Not sure where to start lol, if anything sounds weird my first language is not English!

Me(F20) and my partner(M23) met when I was 17 and him 20. We have been together for 2 years and are long distance.

When I was younger I was SA’D by a family member. I did tell my boyfriend about it because he used to be my safe space early into the relationship, because he deserves to know.

The last year he’s been using my SA against me every single time he’s upset about something. I have never used my childhood trauma towards him or to excuse me acting like a gremlin towards other individuals, and not my boyfriend either.

My boyfriend hates that family member (understandably) and keeps attacking me for still being in contact with them. He keeps telling me that I’m trying to ignore my own SA, when actually I have never been able to process it a day in my life (Yes, currently trying to find a psychologist lol).

He keeps telling me that I try to act oblivious to it, and that I’m always defending a nonce over him. Which is not the case. He literally has had a bigger saying in my SA then I ever have had lol. It’s extremely exhausting. I’ve been telling him how I wish for him to QUIT bringing it up, because I don’t want to hear any of it. Yet he keeps telling me how it’s the truth and that I’m defending a pedophile yet again.

Yesterday we were supposed to talk out an issue we had, but his microphone was muffled.

I told him that he should fix it or else we can’t talk. He kept insulting me, and I kept telling him I couldn’t hear him and if he wouldn’t fix it I’d leave. This went on for 4 calls where I decided to leave because instead of fixing the muffly sound he just sat there insulting me still lol

I decided to go to bed, because it was late and obviously I’m tired! He decided to call me a pussy as if I was ignoring wanting to talk it out with him which is where the «weaponizing silence» comes from. I am only ignoring him BECAUSE he keeps texting me hurtful things, of course I don’t wish to talk it out??

The spreading misinformation bit is from the past (or i guess now :-/ because I used to ask my friends for advice on what to do etc, I told him about it and he got upset which is understandable)

I have NEVER complained about my trauma or used it to excuse my behavior in arguments. Yes I have been upset and talked about it with him as my partner. We BOTH have talked about family issues out of wanting comfort!

Genuinely am I overreacting because he’s upset? Or what can I do to make him realize that I don’t victimize myself or constantly think I’m a victim

(Mods no names used are real and I’m not seeking help for my SA)

My job can randomly change your shift at any point of time without letting you know. I work for a company who’s contracted for a very large company that the world would be familiar with. Every 3-6 month our schedule changes and if u outperform others u get the best shift because its first come first serve to the highest to lowest performers. My first shift came 1 month after I started, I wasn’t ranked yet so I was given a 10am-2pm, 6:15-10:15 ET shift, tues-sat, Iv told them this doesn’t work for me because I go to school on the weekends and I have a child and i want to have time to go to the gym. But regardless I made it work and worked this shift for the past month and a half. So today I clock in and I randomly checked my schedule to see if my time off had been approved for the last weekend of my school and noticed it said I was late to work this morning. They have randomly changed my schedule so I come in an hour earlier. They never gave me any notice and did not speak to me about it and says they can’t make a valid excuse on why I shouldn’t be fired because it took my hours I had saved in case of emergency. Even tho Iv put in time off requests for school but they’re denying them because it’s not more important than the demand of the company to them. I also get no holidays off.

For context, I (20f turning 21) was invited to a party last night. The whole party was running late from the beginning. My mom wasn’t really comfortable with me driving at night alone which I understand cause of safety but at least the road that I was driving wasn’t really known for a lot of hijackings or spikings. My mom has me on Life360 and I told her that the party might end at 10 but they only started wrapping up after 10. We were playing a game and I didn’t want to use my phone cause I didn’t want to seem like I’m cheating and I let the people know that my mom would like me to be home soon before 10. However they were running a bit overtime and she texted me saying must I now call you and then I responded to we are wrapping things up. The whole day yesterday before the party she was not responding to my messages, she just left me on read when she asked how do I feel about driving at night and I told her I think I’ll be fine but she just let me on read. She came home pretty late and I needed to be at the mall to do some shopping before the party. I told her that they wanted to meet at 5:45 as soon as she got home giving enough time for her to drop me off even if she wanted to. She has sinuses and I put on perfume because I wasn’t sure if she was going to drive me or must I drive myself and then she literally got mad and just told me to go. So I don’t know if I’m overreacting…

For context, she gets so mad at me whenever I don’t answer my phone or reply to her messages when there are plans involved and my phone is on silent cause it is really annoying and distracting to have all the notifications going off. But whenever I call her or text her about plans or anything important to me, she does the same and not answer sometimes but I can’t get mad at her. Like yesterday was frustrating cause I felt like I was left in the dark because she wasn’t answering me

I (27F) got in a big fight with my boyfriend (38M) because late last night we stopped at a gas station and went inside together. A woman was getting out of her car and also going inside. My bf is a very social person and loves cars. Her car is a older version of mine and he complimented it to her and that’s all fine and dandy. He gets excited about things and was a little over the top with the compliment in my mind because I have social anxiety but she kind of laughed and said thank you. Totally fine I didn’t say anything, he was just being friendly. When we were inside she paid in front of us and left and got back into her car. Her lights were on, it was 11 pm or so it was late and the parking lot was pretty empty. He veered off from me and went up really close to her car and circled it really close. I told him to back up and that he probably freaked her out doing that. He was like why I’m just looking at her car? And I told him that as a woman in a dark parking lot alone that would be really freaky to have a man excitedly circling my car looking at it like that. It’s not the fact that he did it, but the fact that he couldn’t just say oh shit I didn’t really think about that. He started arguing saying he didn’t know she was inside, he didn’t do anything wrong, I was judging him for no reason. I told him I am the woman here and I’m telling you how you would have made me feel and I don’t like that you are doubling down instead of listening. AIO? Is my social anxiety just making me criticize my partner too much or was that a valid thing to ask him to consider? I know he had no ill intentions and I told him that but he wouldn’t just say “oh shit that would be uncomfortable, you are right” and that made me react by getting more angry and telling him he never listens to what I say and he has no sense of boundaries or social cues which he took offense to

This isn’t a huge deal, but I feel a little… like I should’ve known and done better.

I was going to the gas station after I had made dinner and my 2 year old was eating, and asked my sister if she needed anything. She wanted chips and a soda— that’s no problem at all.

There’s a Dollar General less than a mile from where we live in the opposite direction of the gas station so I stopped there for the snacks, but saw they had the 50% Halloween table out and about.

Sidenote- My little is OBSESSED with Halloween this season, as she’s become more of her own little personality at this age. Constantly talking about “happy Halloween” and whenever I put up decorations or bring more home, she gets very excited and more in the spirit. My mom’s (mama’s) house is also just… a haunted house walking through lol. And my little one LOVES it.

I see they have this disco shiny looking ghost and I buy it for her, get the snacks, and head to the gas station.

I come home and she immediately comes to the door, crashing into my legs with hugs, saying “mommy!!!” I give her the snacks for her aunt and she takes them to her and comes back asking if I got her anything. I played a prank on her and said “yeah, I did!” And showed her a banana (which I did get) and she looked… surprised lol. After that I pulled out another banana, and she told me “mommy, a present?” And I said “okay, I did get you something, close and cover your eyes”.

I gave her the little shiny ghost and she seemed… unimpressed but still excited?

And I asked her “where are we going to put him?! It’s your ghost!” And she put him exactly where he was supposed to without me showing her. But still played with it for a while lol. Even if it’s not the intended use.

She insisted to going to sleep with it, and I said okay, but maybe we can put him on the dresser? She wasn’t going for it, so I allowed her to go to sleep with it in the crib.

I checked the monitor to her and she’s cuddling a styrofoam ghost…

AIO, even though I feel I am? Because I feel bad that my child is snuggling something hard and uncomfortable when I should’ve just gotten her a new stuffy or something 😭

TLTR: I bought my 2 year old a cool Halloween decor to enjoy but she wants to sleep with it and is cuddling with it (it’s styrofoam) and I feel silly that I didn’t just buy her a stuffy.

First time post, genuinely looking other peoples thoughts. Before I start I want to preface that my previous relationship had DV and infidelity so I know that I can be sensitive to this, hence why I’m here.

My (21f) bf (23m) has this female friend, I’m not against that in itself. He had told me in the past that they had an online fwb years ago but later turned out to be much more recent and in the short time my bf and I have known each other (although before we dating) he told her he still masturbates to her videos.

I seen a notification from her on his phone recently which he ignored and deflected when I questioned it but curiosity got the better of me and I went through his phone against my better judgement.

I feel annoyed with him because when we discussed it at the time we agreed he didn’t need to block her or anything dramatic but just let it kind of fade out and it did for a while but they’ve been texting almost every day again and he often says he will text her on his break but he will ignore me when he’s in work.

She knows about me because she has asked him about our relationship and was outwardly excited for him when he first told her we were dating, but I still feel like something is off..

Am I overreacting?

Edit to add: sorry, I’ve had a rough day and my brain is working overtime to process/analyse this.

After I had confronted him when we started dating he cleared the chat with her and double checked all his photos/videos to make sure there was nothing of her so he doesn’t have anything anymore.

Also when he cleared the chat (this is on instagram) I thought it also cleared the hearts background? Maybe it doesn’t but I would be more upset if it did…

Idk if this counts for Aio I feel like it can—-

My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years, and honestly, I’m starting to get tired of how things have been going in our relationship.
I turn 23 on Friday, and I’m also starting school on Sunday for my bachelor’s degree in Cybersecurity and Information Assurance. I’m entering a new chapter of my life, but my relationship has been weighing on me heavily.
For the past two years, it feels like our relationship has been going downhill. She keeps doing the same things despite the conversations we’ve had and the promises she’s made to change.
For example, she’ll go out with her friends and sometimes not come home until the next morning. I’ve spent two years asking her to respect our relationship, communicate with me, and at least give me a heads-up when she plans to be out that late. I worry about her because the world can be a dangerous place, but I also feel disrespected when she disappears for hours without communicating with me.
Another issue is that she seems to prioritize her friendships over our relationship. I’ve tried explaining how that makes me feel, but nothing seems to change. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to feel like a priority in your partner’s life. I’m not asking her to abandon her friends, but I don’t want to feel like I’m always the last option.
We’ve had countless conversations about these issues. We’ll talk, agree to work on things, and promise to do better, but then the same problems happen all over again. It’s become a cycle of arguing, making up, and repeating the same behavior. At this point, I’m struggling to believe anything will actually change because her actions don’t match her words.
Lately, she’s also been lying to me, which has made things even harder. I feel betrayed, and I’m honestly not sure how much more I can take.
The difficult part is that I genuinely love this girl. We’ve talked about getting married, having kids, and building a life together. We’ve even discussed names for our future children. I pictured a future with her, and letting go of that is painful because I’ve invested two years of my life into this relationship.
Part of me feels like I should leave, especially because I’ve been asking for the same changes for two years without seeing any real improvement. But another part of me keeps holding on, hoping she’ll eventually change and become the partner I need her to be.
I don’t know if I’m being foolish for staying or if I’m giving up on someone I genuinely love. I’m about to start school and enter a new chapter of my life, and I don’t want to keep carrying this stress with me.
For those of you who have been in similar situations, what would you do? Should I finally let go, or is this something worth giving another chance? I think I just need some outside perspective because I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

Hi Guys! Apologies for the long ass essay in advance :(

All of what I’m gonna write may be petty and I perhaps might be overthinking it, or it may not, so I need you guys to be honest with me. Or whether honeymoon phase is truly a thing. As a result of me overthinking, I’ve also been constantly communicating everything, only for them to turn into arguments.

Also, for context we have been in a long distance relationship for the last 5.5 months but this will be done in another 3 months.

I (22F) in a relationship with (21M) have been in a relationship for 3 years 3 months now. At the start it was lovely, so lovely, he replied fast to me, typed in caps lock (cringe ik but it was our thing), used to baby talk (once again cringe I realise but it was cute for us), have silly banter, he always told me plans as soon as he made them, i was the first person he would go to if he found something exciting, used to always compliment me, never exactly planned the dates but would always initiate dates, would tell me he would miss me and randomly say he loves me, always wanted to call me. Even sexually, we used to be at it every time we saw each other but now it’s once a week at best, he would always initiate things sexually whether it be via text or in real life.

In between all of this, we had a whole conversation about maturity right before our long distance relationship started in April this year and we were going through a rough patch, he suggested we be more mature. After this, that’s what the following paragraph entails.

Fast forward to now, texts have become lowercase (i guess that’s just us maturing?), barely baby talk (once again probs maturing), barely have the banter we had before, he would tell me plans he has right before he’s going to leave, forgets to tell me the exciting things no that’s going on in his life, barely every compliments me like he compliments my work but none of my appearance (last time he complimented me properly and called me pretty was 3 months ago when he was wishing me for our anniversary), i do send him picture of my face and what I’m doing, only to receive a random gif in return, however, if i send a nude he does react positively, but why only my body? With regards to dates, it seems like he just wants to spend time at home with me, which is fine i guess, but i also wanna do things with him outside.

And also in the 5.5 months of long distance, he has never said he missed me unless i said it first and never randomly said he loves me, although we do say we love each other on text before we go to sleep, which genuinely is like what the hell coz he used to say it so many times before. And calls wise, he barely initiates and it took us 4 months for us to have our first video call which i feel is crazy, especially after we’ve in a relationship for literally 3 years and didn’t compliment me on the call, which is okay i guess but I felt myself holding back complimenting him just because he’d only compliment me if i complimented him first, which is such a toxic mindset to have I realise, but is it wrong for a girl to want her bf to call her pretty? With regard to sexual intimacy within these last 5.5 months, I’m the one who has to randomly send him a nude, or initiate a freaky text to which he will respond, but it’s never him first which once again is fine because he will also respond with a nude if asked. But now, i asked him for a nude almost 2 months ago and followed up, he said he would send it and i said ‘tell me if u feel pressured, there’s no need to send it if u don’t want to’, but he said, ‘no ofc i want to, i just need to find a time to shave when my mums not home’. 2 months later and nothing, even despite following up for 3 times (I wouldn’t have followed up if he said he was uncomfortable/he didn’t want to) and I gave up, ever since we haven’t really had any freaky texts which is fine, but i just miss the old us. He also used to call me cute pet names but now it’s just baby.

I have communicated ALL of this with him. When I sent him a picture of what i was doing where I thought I looked cute and I just wanted his reaction too, I didn’t like how he responded to the picture and I said ‘hey I would appreciate it if you could compliment me more, I love hearing those words from you, it makes me feel loved and reassured and special’ and I sent a whole essay of how it made me feel. In response to which, he asked if he could call coz he didn’t want to send essays to each other. Once he picked up, I voiced my concern once again and he said ‘I didn’t know compliments were so important, I don’t care about it that much, why do you? I feel like I have improved though after you’ve communicated it before, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around you because I never know what to say.’ For context, I have previously been a bit disappointed about him not complimenting me when I’m all dressed up just for him, and also sending him gym pump photos to which he just said ‘nice pose’ and sent him a whole nude to which he was super dry with the reaction. But this was before, when I would resort to silent treatment as opposed to actually communicating my feelings and I’ve been actively trying to work on that because it was him who even suggested to do so, coz he can’t read my mind, which honestly I think is fair.

Another argument we had was the fact that I was reading through our previous chats and I expressed how much I loved hiking and suggested that we go so many times to which he would keep deferring the plans but always would go on hikes with his friends. So I brought that up recently about dates in general and I said, ‘I would appreciate if you could initiate more dates, I love going out with you and it will be so fun and our spark won’t die if we do exciting things together’ and he once again said ‘I feel like I’ve improved, when u said this a year back, I was planning dates’, keep in mind he only planned for a few weeks and then it went back to how he was originally. I responded with ‘but u only did it for a couple of weeks which I appreciate but it feels like I have to keep reminding u’ and he replied with ‘yea because I have to keep picking u up and dropping u off and it’s such a trek for me’ and I said ‘why didn’t u just tell me that, we could have met halfway’ and he said ‘I thought u would understand’. I assumed he was okay with it because I lived close to university in a dorm so he could just go uni once we are done hanging out, and I do get a bit anxious about going to his house because his mum is always there and the fact that I have to be on my best behaviour at all times and can’t chill as much, so I guess him knowing this played a role in not telling me.

There’s more but I feel like I’ve already rambled on so much. If you guys wanna know more I can tell you. But for now, I just wanna know if I’m just overthinking it, or whether it’s the fact that the honeymoon phase is over. Coz overall he is a good guy, he is very loyal, took care of me when I was very sick and dropped plans with his friends as soon as I told him I’d like him with me, helped me move houses, dropped me off at the airport, tells me where he is at all times, nice to other people, didn’t want me to take birth control pills coz it will have side effects on me, etc etc. so yes, he is a good guy but it’s the little stuff like this. I need guidance to whether I’m just overreacting please 😭 I love him so so so much though, and I just want it to work

I (20F) have been talking to this guy (25M) since July. We live in different countries, and he recently came to visit me. Throughout our conversations, he told me he wanted a relationship, saw a future with me, and even discussed future plans and business ventures. He repeatedly said I was the only person he wanted to focus on.
I made it clear that I wasn't expecting exclusivity because we weren't officially together, but I wanted honesty if he was talking to other women so I could decide where I stood. He insisted he wasn't entertaining anyone else.
When he visited, he stayed at my place for almost the entire trip. However, there were already some red flags. He made subtle racial microaggressions, including saying that because he was white, everyone in my home country would treat him like a king. He also searched for girls from my country and zoomed in on their butts. I'm Black, and these comments, combined with his general sense of entitlement, made me uncomfortable, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I also caught him on Bumble during his stay. When I confronted him, he denied it, suggested I'd confused it with Snapchat, then claimed he'd simply forgotten to delete the app. He even said he didn't understand how iPhones worked because he used Samsung. I decided to move past it.
On his last full day, I told him he needed to arrange somewhere else to stay, and he booked an Airbnb. We went to dinner that evening, had a good time, and talked about our future again. Afterwards, we went back to my place, and he was still planning to spend the night with me.
That night, I noticed he was extremely protective of his phone. I eventually saw him in a Bumble chat. When I confronted him, he told me I was insane, asked what was wrong with me, and acted as though I was the problem.
I told him he could call me whatever he wanted, but I knew what I'd seen. I kicked him out and blocked him everywhere. He hasn't tried to contact me since.
We also ended up having sex during his visit. I know sex doesn't entitle anyone to a relationship, and I wasn't expecting one simply because we slept together. But I have personal values around intimacy, and I allowed myself to become vulnerable because I genuinely believed he was serious about me.
Now I feel used. He had somewhere to stay for almost his entire trip, received my time and affection, and was telling me he saw a future with me while apparently still using dating apps. What hurts most is that I explicitly gave him the opportunity to be honest, and he chose to reassure me instead.
I'm also disappointed in myself for overlooking the first Bumble incident and some of the other red flags because I wanted things to work out.
I understand that we weren't officially together, and he was free to explore other connections. My issue isn't that he was necessarily talking to other women; it's that his behaviour contradicted what he repeatedly told me, and he insulted me when I questioned him.

So, am I overreacting? Was I wrong to feel betrayed when we weren't officially dating, or does this sound like someone who was taking advantage of my generosity and telling me what I wanted to hear? And how do I stop blaming myself for giving him so many chances?

I don’t feel so much hurt as i do feel annoyed and that maybe this was what he had planned the whole time - because something that has been on my mind is that i asked him to bring me 2 things from his place (gummy bears and lip liner) would be under $15 and he did not come with either however he did come with a fresh box of condoms??

Okay this is gonna be LONG so bear with me 😭 I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore and I need some outside opinions because I feel like I’m losing myself.
I met my now fiancé when I was 15. He lived in NJ and I lived in GA, so we were long distance. We were on and off for a while because he barely called or texted me, but eventually we met up and got serious.
When I was 17 (he was 18), I moved from my family’s house in GA to NJ to live with him and his family. It was only supposed to be for the summer originally. Something important to know is that I was sexually assaulted when I was 15 while under the influence of weed and alcohol, so before I moved I told him I didn’t want weed in my life. He was a heavy smoker but stopped for me at the time.
His family was actually really nice and welcoming, and I had a job I LOVED. Things were going pretty well until he got into a car accident and started smoking again to deal with the pain and boredom. Eventually I started smoking with him too, even though weed has ALWAYS made me panic.
I would get so high and paranoid that I was scared to even walk back inside his house because I thought his family would see me and hate me for some reason. Sometimes I’d sit outside for HOURS trying to work up the courage to go inside. I literally slept outside once. When we were in his room, I was scared to leave to get water, food, or even use the bathroom.
Eventually this started happening even when I was sober. I basically became trapped in his bedroom and could barely leave except to go to work.
On top of that, he barely spent any time with me. He was either outside smoking or playing video games. His mom would give him money to take me out and he’d spend it on himself. When my car broke down, he had to take me to work, but he’d constantly be late or not pick me up because he’d get high and fall asleep. One time I was outside for THREE HOURS trying to get him to let me in because he was playing a game. I called him for 20 minutes straight and he eventually got mad at ME.
I fell into a horrible depression and gained 50 pounds.
Eventually I broke up with him and moved to my brother’s house in Maryland. Then I found out I was pregnant. I transferred my job, but the new coworkers were horrible to me and made me feel like I had no idea what I was doing. I had my first panic attack at work and ended up quitting because I couldn’t handle it anymore.
I went back to NJ and got back together with my fiancé, but I decided to have an abortion because I wasn’t ready to have a child at 17/18, especially with the state our relationship and living situation were in.
I started another job, but my panic attacks got worse and worse. I could still push through them, but it was becoming really difficult.
Then my best friend got accepted into college in Michigan and offered to get an apartment with me. I decided to leave my fiancé AGAIN and move with her.
And honestly? For a while, my life was AMAZING. I was working, losing weight, dating other people, trying new things, and actually feeling like myself again. I wasn’t having panic attacks. I was happy and excited about life. I felt like I finally had a chance to figure out who I was.
Then I met G.
G was literally everything I’d ever wanted in a guy. He was so considerate, attractive, sweet, and the chemistry was INSANE. I fell HARD. He was 26, and I was 18/19. After about two months of hanging out, I told him I really liked him and asked if he wanted to pursue something more serious. He said he “might” 😭 which obviously left me confused.
Around this same time, my fiancé started reaching out, telling me he’d changed and that losing me made him realize what he needed to do differently.
He took me to a romantic cabin for my birthday, and at some point went through my phone and found me talking to other guys. He got really upset, but eventually admitted that his past behavior played a part in why we broke up in the first place.
We agreed to work on our relationship, but we NEVER actually agreed that we were officially back together. I stopped talking to other guys when I was spending time with him, but eventually started talking to G again because I still had feelings for him and wasn’t ready to commit to my fiancé. I still wanted to explore life.
Then my panic attacks came back BAD. I had one in front of a customer and things just kept getting worse.
My fiancé was expecting a settlement of around $60k from his car accident, and I had been telling him everything that was happening with my mental health. He took me on another trip and proposed to me. He offered to support me while I took time off work and got therapy.
I really thought he’d changed, and I was struggling so badly at the time that I said yes.
He moved to Michigan with me because my friend was leaving, and honestly, he WAS showing me a better version of himself. He got a good-paying job and was trying to build a life with me. I also know I wasn’t in a good place mentally and contributed to a lot of our arguments.
But I still wasn’t happy. My anxiety got so bad that I could barely leave the apartment or get through job interviews. I kept bringing up affordable therapy options, but I never actually got the help I needed.
We also started spending money before we had it because his credit was bad from previous debt. We used my credit card with the agreement that he’d pay it off once his settlement came in. We ended up spending around $10k on weed, adult stores, video games, furniture, food, trips, and just a bunch of unnecessary stuff. He never paid it off
Then things got REALLY bad.
I started smoking weed and taking edibles almost constantly. I’m a HUGE lightweight, and weed has always made me anxious, but somehow I started tolerating it more. For about five straight months, I was isolated and high ALL THE TIME.
The problem was that it made me overthink EVERYTHING. I’d get high and start questioning my relationship, my past, my future, literally my entire existence. And because I was isolated and had nobody to really talk to, I turned to ChatGPT for answers.
Yes, I know 😭😭 I basically started using ChatGPT to analyze every single thing happening in my life, and I took way too much of what it said as fact. I’d ask questions, get more worried, ask more questions, and spiral even further. I genuinely think it made my overthinking so much worse.
I couldn’t even go back to my family because my brother had sexually abused me when I was a child, and my family was dealing with an eviction. I didn’t feel like I had anywhere safe to go.
I felt trapped, alone, and completely disconnected from myself.
Eventually I found us an apartment in Texas because I wanted a fresh start. When we got here, I finally found the strength to seek help. I had one therapy session, and shortly after, I ended up in a psychiatric hospital and was told I was bipolar.
That whole experience brought back a LOT of trauma because the last time I’d been hospitalized was after what happened to me at 15. I was taken there without clothes and put in see-through scrubs, and as a child I was placed in a unit with men and women. It was genuinely traumatizing, so being hospitalized again really shook me.
I eventually went back to thearpy got a psychiatrist and had my bipolar diagnosis confirmed, along with PTSD, depression, and anxiety.
Now I’m trying to figure out how much of my behavior has been my mental health, trauma, weed, or just me making choices I regret.
And THEN there’s G again.
I reached out to him and told him everything that had happened. I was honestly shocked by his reaction because he told me he was going to ask me to move in with him, that he loved me, and that he wanted me to come back.
But when we were actually seeing each other, he was always unclear about his feelings. I never knew where I stood with him. He says it’s because I’d randomly stop talking to him, but part of me feels like he just wants to keep me around as a hookup. I’d be fine with something casual if he were honest about it, but I don’t want someone saying they love me and offering me a place to live if they don’t actually mean it, especially when I’m struggling this badly.
Now I’m here, engaged to my fiancé, and questioning EVERYTHING.
I know he’s made changes. He’s moved across the country with me, supported me financially, gotten a good job, proposed, and tried to build a future with me. I don’t want to act like none of that matters.
But I also feel like we’re going right back to where we were before. I’m unhappy, struggling mentally, and wondering if I even WANT to get married.
Sometimes I feel like I’m staying because he’s familiar, because he’s helped me, because I feel guilty leaving after everything we’ve been through, or because I’m scared of being alone and having to start over AGAIN.
But another part of me wonders if I’m throwing away a relationship with someone who genuinely loves me because I’m mentally unwell and don’t know what I want.
I keep thinking about how happy I was in Michigan when I was single. I was exploring, meeting people, trying new things, and actually enjoying my life. I’m turning 20 in December, and I feel like I’ve barely had a chance to figure out who I am outside of relationships and everything I’ve been through.
I don’t know if I’m romanticizing G because he represents the kind of relationship I’ve always wanted, or if I genuinely want a different life. I don’t know if I should stay with my fiancé and give our relationship another chance, or if I need to be single and learn how to be happy on my own.
And with my new diagnoses, I don’t even know how much I can trust my own judgment right now.
I’m genuinely at the lowest point I’ve ever been. Every day feels like a fight, and I just want to feel like myself again.

Am I making a huge mistake by considering leaving my fiancé when he’s genuinely trying to change?
Am I staying because I love him, or because I’m scared of being alone and starting over?
Am I idealizing G and the life I could’ve had, or is that feeling telling me something about what I actually want?
Has anyone else experienced something similar with bipolar disorder, PTSD, or trauma? How did you figure out what you actually wanted versus what your mental health was telling you?
I’m not looking for people to tell me one guy is evil and the other is perfect. I just genuinely need outside perspectives because I feel like I’ve lost myself, and I don’t know how to get back to being happy.
I turn 20 in December, and I really don’t want to spend another year feeling like this.
Am I the asshole?

for context a gaye holud is pre-wedding turmeric ceremony where the bride and groom get turmeric applied to the face arms, & legs.

The nikkah is an islamic wedding.

I (25F) got engaged in August and recently had my nikkah with my husband (28M). I'm Bengali Muslim, and I'm the youngest of three and the first to get married. My brother is 26M and my sister is 31F, unmarried.

My husband and I only ever wanted the nikkah and an engagement party with our friends, and we paid for both ourselves. My mom and sister pushed for a Gaye Holud, saying it has to happen before the nikkah. I agreed to keep it small, but it grew because I'm the first and youngest. I was fine with that. I handled the venue, decor inspiration, and performances, and let my family plan the rest.
My sister insisted on paying for a bunch of things. I told my mom many times to bill me and not take money from her, and my husband and I offered too. She kept declining. My dad also covered a lot. She also helped a ton with my bridal shower, packing gifts, setup, and cleanup, and I thanked her over and over in person and by text.

What happened:

At the Gaye Holud, she was MC, stressed, and resentful of my mom micromanaging. She yelled at my mom in front of guests and snapped at me saying
“I'm on thin ice right now don't fuck with me."

In Bengali tradition, the bride's siblings "steal" the groom's shoes and he pays to get them back. That only happens during the event. We joked about it beforehand.

The day after the Gaye Holud, she came over unprompted to help pack gift boxes and said my fiancé was "pissing her off because he's not paying me." When I asked her price, she said $10,000. I said that was crazy. She said she'd take my outfit too because I "wasn't going to cooperate," and left with my outfit, my fiancé's, and my mom's.

By 7 PM the night before the event, she still hadn't returned them and was asking for $5,000. She dropped them off around 8 without saying a word to anyone.

On the nikkah day she showed up on time, hugged me, cried with me, and said she loved me. I assumed we were fine.

That night, my husband and I brought her dinner because she never showed up to my in-laws dinner for a post nikkah meal and a dozen roses with $1,000 in $50 bills tucked in as a thank-you for all her work.

She thanked us and hugged us.

The next day, we were texting normally about a concert we were all attending, then she sent this:
Sister: Thank you again for the cheap roses! And for the money. I can use it to pay for 5% of your wedding. I honestly would have rather gotten a proper thank you. This is such an insulting gift.
Me: i'm so confused, how did a genuine gift turn insulting. Please tell me how much you spent overall I'll send you the money
Sister: Thanks for all the hard work, here's some roses? It's not even about the money. That's my issue with mom and dad. They shouldn't have offered to pay for a big wedding they couldn't afford.
Me: I genuinely every single night you helped felt grateful you were there and expressed that to you too. What did I do wrong?
Sister: forget it. Thanks for the tip.

Also i did rough calculations and the cost comes upto ~ 13k more than half my dad paid

I'm genuinely hurt and exhausted. I appreciate her labour, but I feel like I'm being punished for a wedding I never demanded, and my husband and I were never allowed to just pay. I'm considering cutting her off.

I went into work today and found out some of my coworkers had been fired for violating the cell phone policy. We work in child care so cell phones are a big no (which completely makes sense). Apparently there was a complaint made a while ago that’s been under investigation and they were found to be egregiously violating the cell phone policy. After my shift today I stopped by my direct supervisors office to drop off the paperwork for the shift and she asked me to stay. She said she wanted to go over the cell phone policy with me to make sure I understood it. I told her I did but that my Type 1 Diabetes is managed from my cell phone (which everyone there knows, I’m not the only Diabetic on staff, just in childcare) so I do glance at it occasionally to make sure my blood sugars okay. She sort of stopped, looked at me, and said, “well that makes sense” and pulled out a write up for me. Apparently when they were reviewing the camera footage they saw me glance or check my phone from time to time which is why I was getting a write up instead of fired. The term “glance” was used several times, she even said she knew I wasn’t scrolling. She changed it from a write up to a “First Offense/Written Notification” and added a blurb about my Diabetes and how I need to check my blood sugar. For some reason it just isn’t sitting right with me. It’s still a disciplinary form that will be in my employee file. Am I overreacting?

Breaking the ice: my dad unfortunately passed recently. I'll admit I (25F) am sensitive about it right now, but the people involved don't see an issue with what's happened so I'm asking for genuine, honest perspectives despite how difficult it may be.

Today, my mum and grandma entered my dad's flat to clean it out. I didn't go because he passed away in there and I wasn't comfortable seeing it all (I will be going on Thursday now that a biohazard team has deep cleaned though). When going through his paperwork, they found my letters that I've sent him over the years. We live in different cities so our only communication was via text, email, and letters and it turns out that he'd kept all of it in a box. They sat there and read them all together.

After they got home and gave me the recap of how it all went, they were excitedly telling me about the letters but honestly I just felt a pit in my stomach. From my perspective, they've violated my privacy and those conversations were meant to be between me and my dad. From theirs, it's them just 'reading memories' and it isn't a big deal at all. Also, I have NO idea what I said in those letters. I've had a rough time with my family in the past so it could've had negative things too (but they didn't seem mad?)

For further context that may be relevant, the other night I was going through my emails and reading out some of my old messages to him from when I was a child. I feel like these are slightly different scenarios because 1) I was there and 2) my mum wasn't reading the entire thing, just the bits I read aloud because she was on the other side of the room listening. But my mum said that the letters are similar and that it's all just sharing memories with him.

So am I just being overly sensitive or has a line actually been crossed?

We've been together for 8 months.

It often happens to me with my girlfriend that I always give more in the relationship; for example, I've included her in all my projects and many other things.

Her car broke down, so I found a mechanic who specializes in that brand and is about 80% cheaper than the dealership.

All these days or weeks that she's been without a car, I've been picking her up and dropping her off, driving 2 to 3 hours in total every day, and I've never charged her a dime.

Today I left my car at the repair shop, and she had hers. I had a shitty day and told her that I felt lonely, dropping hints that I was going to go out for a coffee by myself. She said, 'Come over if you want.' I told her I was too tired to take public transit, and I practically had to be the one to ask her to come pick me up or say that I'd love to go out with her. In the end, we didn't go out because it got too late, but it hurt me how clueless/unresponsive she was when I told her I was feeling like absolute crap today."