7 weeks post D&E

[u/Peace_Love_7049]

Anyone else cycle between;
- absolute disassociation and feeling like you’re drifting through a life you no longer recognise
- moments of joy and feeling like you’re “back to your normal self”
- triggered by seeing pregnant women some days, then not on others
- overwhelmed with sadness randomly
- cry easily at things like movies or songs

Is this what healing looks like? I just feel quite bizarre and can’t keep up with the unpredictable nature of it all. I’m used to being quite stable/level headed.

I truly feel like I’ll never fully be the same person ever again, as if a piece of my heart was torn out of my chest and I’ll carry this hole in my heart forever.

EDIT: thank you all for making me feel less alone, I send hugs to you all.

[u/Pure_Blueberry_4775]

Personally, that’s exactly what I’m feeling at 5 weeks post D&E. I’m also feeling dread about the next steps because I’m considering IVF to reduce the risk of a chromosomal issue going forward. Generally I’m feeling very down and yet also living my life. Feels like a holding zone in my life until I get what feels like it was stolen from me - a healthy baby.

[u/Peace_Love_7049 → u/Pure_Blueberry_4775]

Exactly, it definitely feels like some sort of holding zone (purgatory…????). I’m sorry you’re here too, this is truly shithouse.

[u/umbrelladance → u/Pure_Blueberry_4775]

This is exactly how I feel 3 and a half weeks out. We have opted for IVF for the same reason, and we will be starting it as soon as my period returns (this was actually my fertility doctor's recommendation). I recently received all of the instructions, and it is incredibly daunting in the wake of everything my body has already been through. In the weeks since my TFMR, I have been preparing my body for IVF, and this has been my central focus. I feel exactly as you described: in a holding zone until I get what was stolen from me. I am also dealing with a lot of fear of IVF not working. But I feel like I can't move forward until I have what was taken.

[u/C54g1]

I feel like the walking dead, just going through the motions on autopilot. I laugh when it’s socially expected, but I don’t feel it inside. I completely fall apart whenever I hear news of a newborn (three this month alone!!!)… It’s like I’m underwater, and a part of me has already drowned. 💔

[u/Pure_Blueberry_4775]

It’s really bad, probably the worst thing I have experienced which I guess makes me lucky? I got a TFMR-specific therapist who I speak with weekly and she helps, and I found a friend of a friend who specifically went through what I went through and came out on the other side. She said the only thing that really helps is time and a baby on the other side of it. I try and remember the only way is through and I’m feeling this now to eventually make my peace with it down a long road. I don’t really have any answers other than talking about it helps.

[u/Exotic_Set9683 → u/Pure_Blueberry_4775]

And if there is no baby on the other side? That is my worry, I went through two tfmrs for chromosomal abnormalities. TW:older LC. I have a son who I got very easily, I can now tell. and now two losses in a row, and no sibling for him. I have to start doing the exit strategy of healing without a baby. That seems like the heaviest battle 

[u/Tellycs]

7.5 months about - that is exactly where I felt in those weeks. I think it’s the shock wearing off. Hormones coming down and we’re more aware.

It can be hard - I even said to my counsellor at times I’d prefer just to stay down than this up and down. I would say it was something that eased with time. I did need some medication and therapy to boot.

I don’t think we ever can be the same people again. But I will say I didn’t lose as much of me as I first thought. ❤️

[u/Exotic_Set9683]

Yes. I feel just broken and “glued together” inside. A whole that will never be filled again 😔 nobody goes through this unaffected, at least I didn’t… twice

[u/Wonderful_Cow7385]

100% and unfortunately I have no tips.

[u/Sahsuke]

Yes, all of the above I’m also about 7 weeks post op. My family besides my husband doesn’t really understand or approach the topic, my brother just got married so I feel like life & people are just moving on too fast for me. Most days I feel stabilized, but I’ve felt emotionally t-boned by grief sometimes. I still procrastinate sleep, procrastinate sorting through my toddlers outgrown clothes & figuring out whether to save them or not bc it’s too heavy, while also getting overstimulated by the clutter.