You always had this power to, through your manipulative and victimized behavior, get me so infuriated that my day just becomes a huge shit.

Thank you.

I wonder: if I lose my job, will you be happy, then?

I know you can't know how much support your simple act of being yourself offered me, but I am so deeply appreciative of that act of authentic kindness. I hope I can become more like you in my own time.

Would you go back in time to fix what caused the end of your relationship, even knowing how cold they can be ? How cute throat they were ? How easy it was for them to end things

.

My soul screams for you as if it sees you as his pairing heart, but yet you walk away from me with not one tear;

My words are meaningless, empty, and yet I spill what is left of me across the floor to you;

Can you not see my love, am I just a fool;

So I burn my eyes with lustful thoughts, my heart is gone and now you are but that picture on my wall.

I just need someone real to talk to.
Someone I can laugh with, even over the most ridiculous things. Someone I can vent to when the world feels a little too heavy. Someone I can share my stories with, whether they are worth telling or not. Someone who will listen, even when my thoughts are all over the place.
Someone who will be there for me.
Not necessarily every second of every day. Not someone who has to put their entire world aside just to make room for mine. I understand that people have their own lives, their own struggles, and their own battles to fight.
I just want to feel that I have someone, too.
Someone I can reach out to without having to wonder whether I am disturbing them. Someone I can tell about my day without feeling like I am asking for too much. Someone who will let me be myself, even on the days when I am not particularly interesting, funny, or okay.
Because sometimes, I get tired of being the person who always understands.
The one who listens.
The one who makes room for everyone else’s feelings.
The one who says, “It’s okay,” even when it isn’t.
Sometimes, I want someone to ask me how I am doing and genuinely want to hear the answer.
Sometimes, I want to be someone’s safe place, but I also want to know what it feels like to have one of my own.
Is it too much to ask?
Am I wrong to want that kind of connection?
Am I a burden when I ask for someone’s time, attention, or presence?
Why does something as simple as wanting to talk to someone sometimes make me feel like I am asking for something I do not deserve?
I don’t want to be someone else’s responsibility. I don’t want to demand love, attention, or affection. I don’t want anyone to feel obligated to stay.
I just want someone who wants to.
Someone who chooses to listen.
Someone who chooses to stay.
Someone who doesn’t make me feel like I have to earn my place in their life.
And perhaps, the saddest part is that I have started questioning whether I am wrong for wanting something so ordinary.
A little companionship.
A little understanding.
A little warmth.
Someone real.
Is that really too much to ask?
Or have I simply spent so much time being there for everyone else that I have forgotten I am allowed to need someone, too?
I need answers. Real one.

I want to hit my head against a wall

The universe was heavily mistaken.
Our connection wasn’t fated to cross paths.
It is only something destined in fairytales.
If our eyes met across a crowded room, I know I would be a goner.
Time would stop.
Planets might collide.
I think life as we know it would be doomed!

The universe was heavily mistaken.
Our connection wasn’t fated to cross paths.
It is only something destined in fairytales.
If our eyes met across a crowded room, I know I would be a goner.
Time would stop.
Planets might collide.
I think life as we know it would be doomed!

i’m starting to get tired again. not the kind of tired sleep can fix.
nothing matters anymore. i’m just tired.
i’m
just
tired.
tired of everything
tired of not being enough
tired of having no one in my corner
tired of trying
tired of reddit being the only place i can unload my thoughts and feelings
tired of life.
giving up seems easier. i wont do anything crazy,but i want to. i cant do anything crazy, but i want to. the want is just really really strong and is only seeming to grow stronger.

“shoot your shot. you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”

well when you miss 100% of the shots you DO take it’s kinda hard to want to keep trying and putting yourself out there.
i don’t want to be alone anymore but maybe that’s just the plan for me. don’t know what i did but hey that’s life, im just tired of it

I know im a kind person full of empathy and always try to do the right thing. I work hard 50+ hours a week and give my all to my job and my kids. But thats not enough. Its never been enough and its never going to be enough. Why do I have this emptiness. This void inside that feels like my hearts being ripped apart. Why do I want love so badly. Why cant I be happy on my own. Why do I have to be such an introvert I cant talk to anyone or make friends. Why cant I connect with people and feel wanted and accepted. Why do I have to stay so quiet all the time. And feel so worthless. Why do I look in the mirror and see every flaw and tell myself no one will ever love me because of it. I know im not the best looking person but im certainly not unattractive. Yet my brain tells me I am. And that my flaws are too much. And no one will ever love me. Im too quiet. Im too submissive. Im too shy. Im too broken. And I cant fix it. The esketamine took most of the self unaliving thoughts away. But they're still there. Just not as often. Now instead of planning a way out im trying to find ways to live like this. And telling myself I just need to accept it. This is my life. And im stuck in it. But I just want out. I dont want to feel this anymore. I dont want to hurt. I dont want the crippling anxiety and depression. I just want it to end. No afterlife. No reincarnation. I just want to disappear and to have never existed at all

I CANT FREAKING FALL ASLEEP NO MATTER WHAT I TRY

I'm so jealous
That you have a place.

I'm so jealous
That you have someone to love.

I'm so jealous
That you found God.

I'm so jealous
That you have your life worked out.

I'm just stuck,
And lost.

My entire life
Was just you in the center.

But I’m too worn out.

Maybe worn out isn’t the right word. Depressed. I wish i could scream into the void as a way to get these thoughts out of my head. But I can’t. No energy.

Instead I lay here silently crying thinking and wondering. And worst of all, wishing.

That everyone thinks I’m ok. I’m not. What people think they see is someone who has it together. When in reality my heart is slowly breaking and I’m just trying to make it seem like I’m happy.

I’m never going to be happy because it just never works out.

I can barely breathe through the pain and the anger and I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to just forget the last 7 years of my life and in the middle of fucking no where I have to drive past YOU, while in my roommates car. Why were you there? Did you notice? Could I have imagined it? Can someone put me out of my misery? It’s been two months and I still feel so… empty.
My half of the brain feels numb.

You knew, didnt you... that it would hurt more that way. If i cling to the never ending hope that one day you come back... because you said you would... but you won't...

Could you contact me and yes its J.....C......G. when your boyfriend allows you to contact me my bad.

I need to talk to you even though I know T dont give a fuck about what's going. Get permission from your dude first tho.

About 6 months ago I tried to kill myself was very close to but woke up anyways after my release from the hospital I didn’t follow up with doctors or anything instead I moved I got into a fight 4 hours after I was released because someone I thought was a friend was trying to rob me so I tracked him down and fought him in his own driveway the next day I moved in with my half sister and brother in law i immediately started applying for a new job and managed to land 2 of them I’ve worked 50+ days in a row saved up and Bought myself a new e-motorcycle in full and pretty soon here I will be signing the lease on this very town house they have been renting by myself you said I would never equate to anything you abused me for years when you shoulda been the one caring for me I’m not just going to come back stronger I’m going to tower above you you will feel remorse for what you’ve done to me

Into the void since I'll never be able to tell you again.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

How do you go from being perfectly happy alone to crying over someone you've never even met? IN TWO MONTHS?!

I'm 32. I've survived some genuinely horrible shit, I have approximately 47 tabs open in my brain at all times, and somehow THIS is what completely breaks me?

I CRIED AT WORK. THROUGH AN ENTIRE SHIFT. I DON'T FUCKING CRY.

And the stupid thing is, I KNEW. I could feel him pulling away. I tried to leave. TWICE. But noooo, apparently we needed to stay and see just how much emotional damage we could collect first.

And I don't even blame him! That's the annoying part! Feelings change, that's perfectly reasonable, thank you very much.

BUT WHY DOES MY BRAIN UNDERSTAND THAT WHILE THE REST OF ME IS HAVING AN ABSOLUTE MELTDOWN?

I asked him to delete me because I have the self-control of an unsupervised toddler when feelings are involved. He did. I immediately regretted it.

BRILLIANT. 10/10. NO NOTES.

And now I miss him. I miss my friend. I miss the stupid conversations and having someone to tell all the completely useless information my brain collects throughout the day.

I don't even want to chase him. I just want to stop wanting to talk to him.

I LIKE BEING ALONE. I WAS GOOD AT IT. WHY DID WE HAVE TO INTRODUCE EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT INTO THE EQUATION?

Two months. Sixty-ish days. That's not even enough time to finish half the projects I've started.

And somehow I'm sitting here with actual heartbreak.

I would like a refund on whatever emotional subscription I accidentally signed up for.

I DID NOT AGREE TO THIS.