Regret after BE

[u/porkchopchoppork]

TW BE AND ABUSE

I’ve never posted on here before but I’m in need of some insight. I said goodbye to my 3 year old American Staffordshire yesterday and have been absolutely beside myself. I feel like I made the wrong choice for him. I’m so scared he could’ve gotten better and I just didn’t try enough.

I got Pork Chop as a puppy, and immediately he was food aggressive towards my senior dog. I began working on that but nothing seemed to help. He got slightly better but never safe. I grew up with a reactive dog so I did so much research before getting Pork and spent the majority of my time working on making sure the world wouldn’t be a scary place for him. It didn’t matter. By the time he turned 1 he had already sent another dog to the ER and attacked my other dog multiple times. As he got a bit older he seemed to chill out a bit and was able to be around my other dog as long as there were no food/high value triggers. He could walk past another dog with no issues. Months later and we moved in with my ex and two other men. This ruined my dog. All the progress was gone. They were doing things behind my back and he became aggressive towards one of the guys in the house. He lunged up at his throat once and I never let them near each other again. This relationship became incredibly abusive and my dogs felt that too. When I finally got us out, Pork just wasn’t the same. He’d always had a bit of aggression in him but it had progressed to trying to murder my other dog with no trigger. He would just randomly attack and not stop. I got bit once in the process of breaking it up. He was reactive to dogs on the street and killed any squirrel/bunny he could get. He also became strange around all new people. He wouldn’t let anyone get close and would bark and lunge. He would go at them with the intent to bite. I’ve been keeping the two dogs separate for about a year now but the times I’ve slipped up he’s immediately attacked her. I’ve consulted with trainers and my vet on so many occasions and nothing worked. He did not respond to training. It turned into trying to avoid the triggers I knew existed. I tried medication but half the time I couldn’t even get him to take it and I didn’t want to push him by shoving it down his throat and make him hate me. He just did not get better with anything we did.

He was the sweetest boy with me and never once made me feel unsafe. He was my cuddle bug. But he was a threat to my other dog (plus any other animal) and was aggressive towards anyone but me. I just did not want to wait until he bit someone or killed something. I didn’t want him to be villainized. I feel so wrong though because technically I avoided him biting anyone so it feels like I just gave up on him. I really did try everything I could. He was the reason I felt safe enough to sleep some nights. I just am so afraid I failed him.

I apologize if this is all over the place. I have a lot of emotions right now. And I know I didn’t go into detail about everything but there’s far too much to cover.

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Behavioral Euthanasia (BE) for our dogs is an extremely difficult decision to consider. No one comes to this point easily. We believe that there are, unfortunately, cases where behavioral euthanasia is the most humane and ethical option, and we support those who have had to come to that decision. In certain situations, a reasonable quality of life and the Five Freedoms cannot be provided for an animal, making behavioral euthanasia a compassionate and loving choice.

If you are considering BE and are looking for feedback:

All decisions about behavioral euthanasia should be made in consultation with a professional trainer, veterinarian, and/or veterinary behaviorist. They are best equipped to evaluate your specific dog, their potential, and quality of life.

These resources should not be used to replace evaluation by qualified professionals but they can be used to supplement the decision-making process.

• Lap of Love Quality of Life Assessment - How to identify when to contact a trainer

• Lap of Love Support Groups - A BE specific group. Not everyone has gone through the process yet, some are trying to figure out how to cope with the decision still.

• BE decision and support Facebook group - Individuals who have not yet lost a pet through BE cannot join the Losing Lulu group. This sister group is a resource as you consider if BE is the right next step for your dog.

• AKC guide on when to consider BE

• BE Before the Bite

• How to find a qualified trainer or behaviorist - If you have not had your dog evaluated by a qualified trainer, this should be your first step in the process of considering BE.

• The Losing Lulu community has also compiled additional resources for those considering behavioral euthanasia.

If you have experienced a behavioral euthanasia and need support:

The best resource available for people navigating grief after a behavior euthanasia is the Losing Lulu website and Facebook Group. The group is lead by a professional trainer and is well moderated so you will find a compassionate and supportive community of people navigating similar losses.

Lap of Love Support Groups - Laps of Love also offers resources for families navigating BE, before and after the loss.

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[u/Ill-ini-22]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You were a very loving and compassionate dog parent to sweet Pork Chop. He doesn’t know how long he could have lived- only that you loved him while he was here. And a life full of being so scared that you’re trying to hurt your dog sibling and every stranger you see is very stressful. You did the right thing, hang in there. He was lucky to have you ❤️

[u/midnight-rain-31]

It doesn’t sound like you gave up on him, it sounds like you did everything you could to keep him and everyone else around you safe. I’m really sorry that you’re experiencing this. But keeping him separated from your other dog and avoiding any other triggers for the rest of his life sounds like it would have been impossible and something terrible could have happened at any moment. He is no longer feeling scared, anxious, threatened, or whatever it may have been that he was dealing with, and he left this world knowing you loved him. I hope you can find peace knowing you made the best decision you could 🤍.

[u/CanadianPanda76]

You did the right thing.

Better a month too early then a day too late.

Guilt is normal.

But reality is your dog was likely a badly bred BYB dog. Genetic mess.

And likely a "gamebred" dog. That's not something majority of people out there can manage. And management always fails.

Losing lulu on Facebook is a support group for BE.

[u/Audrey244]

A puppy that is food aggressive towards another dog at such an early age was genetically unsound. You could have spent much more time and thousands of dollars and nothing would have really changed. You did the best and safest thing.

[u/Existing-Will-1466]

The best time for BE is before the big life-changing bite. Before the fatal attack on another pet. Before everyone has stories about yet another vicious dog causing irreparable damage.

Thank you for making the responsible choice to let your dog rest before his memory was tarnished by one last horrible event. I'm sure he didn't want to hurt others. He wanted so badly to be a good dog. Now he gets to be a good dog in your memories forever.

Thank you for not requiring someone else to get badly hurt before you made that choice. Thank you for protecting other dogs like him by preventing a tragedy.

[u/Glove_Upset]

From an outside perspective, it absolutely sounds like BE was the right choice here. It seems like your dog would’ve killed or severely injured another person or animal eventually. Understandably, there seems to be a lot of wishful thinking in this sub about how a dog could get better on some farm without any kids or other animals or some other intervention when everything reasonable had been tried. We love our dogs. We want to hope the best for them. You tried everything you could. It didn’t work. He was dangerous, and you did the right thing. Check out Losing Lulu for support. There’s a FB group. Hang in there.