Relapsed.

I feel so helpless.

Here we go again,

Day 1

Hey everybody, so far 167 participants have signed up. Have you been clean for the month of October? Great! Join us here, and let's keep our streak going. Did you slip in October? Then November is your month to shine, and we will gladly fight the good fight along with you. Did you miss out on the October challenge? Well then here is your opportunity to join us.

If you would like to be included in this challenge, please post a brief comment to this thread (if you haven't already done so on an earlier signup thread), and I will include you. After midnight, November 1, the sign up window will close, and the challenge will begin.

Here are the 167 participants who have already signed up:

/u/3raab

/u/54GLN

/u/_de_novo

/u/_Zord___

/u/Academic_Aioli_4303

/u/adiiisan

/u/Alexo_4

/u/Alone-Ad2687

/u/Alternate_McKenzie

/u/Altruistic-Push-9704

/u/Annual-Artichoke-328

/u/Any_College8068

/u/ApprehensiveWish8826

/u/AutoFrost

/u/Avalanchess21

/u/Aziriex

/u/B2zemo

/u/BoatEnough1538

/u/Boston_Ma617

/u/Breezeeosco

/u/brokensalmon

/u/bunnaboi

/u/camorich29

/u/Careful_Government49

/u/catEnjoyer9990

/u/ChillinWhale

/u/chiveon69

/u/Commercial-Western83

/u/ComplexSympathy50

/u/Confident-Ad873

/u/craistiano

/u/Creedy-e

/u/Cronus83

/u/ctp83702

/u/DesiringFreedom

/u/Discipline2023

/u/drachyo689

/u/Dragonrj-1998

/u/Dramatic_King_1132

/u/dreamingfusedshadow

/u/Efficient_Narwhal565

/u/El_barrabaja

/u/Environmental_Food_9

/u/Equal_Ad_6532

/u/Eshkoschka

/u/fanta06080

/u/far-out-pat

/u/FearlessOrange8717

/u/FigmentOfNemo

/u/fildicka

/u/fontainedl

/u/foobarbazblarg

/u/FormalClaim273

/u/FreedomIsMyWord

/u/Future_Interaction

/u/Fuzzyardbaby

/u/GAProman72

/u/Ghdude1

/u/Gloomy_Computer_7912

/u/googlethor

/u/griffomgrego

/u/H0meb0dy1980

/u/h20addict

/u/helpme123456jesus

/u/HolidayLynx6080

/u/Human_Noodle

/u/Hunter0125

/u/iamkenshiro

/u/Informal_Quantity849

/u/isuckatlifee-

/u/itsthebossofficial

/u/JacaGlaca

/u/jazzy_ozzy

/u/jellyfishjon

/u/JoblessWeAre

/u/JonBaba21

/u/karableu

/u/khaledasia

/u/klayured

/u/KrisPuth

/u/Lamb089

/u/LayerPrize

/u/Leeeenny

/u/LightBurden18

/u/Living_Land_8131

/u/Local_Ad3928

/u/Lord-Valium

/u/Low-Dragonfruit-6968

/u/lumbeering

/u/MajorLeons

/u/man_of_inaction_

/u/mariokarthero

/u/mars_sec

/u/Mediocre_Couple4607

/u/mercuryisrising

/u/mikehulio111

/u/mmpi0

/u/MonkeWithAGun08

/u/mp3junk3y

/u/muheheheRadek

/u/netradon

/u/New_Procedure_4198

/u/Nickzombie_13

/u/No-Smoke1000

/u/No_Ingenuity3078

/u/Odd_Ostrich_1741

/u/Ok-Adhesiveness6084

/u/OneStatistician1954

/u/Outrageous-Showpiece

/u/Paddictalt

/u/Past-Garlic-84

/u/PF4dayz

/u/phil_46-9

/u/PlaneExcellent1644

/u/Powerful-Magician797

/u/Prestigious_String89

/u/Previous_Anywhere938

/u/Pride_Advanced

/u/Pristine-Lettuce3442

/u/PurpleHaze1704

/u/Questigy

/u/Quiet_Guidance9862

/u/rafaelsal_jr

/u/rchae94

/u/Reclining9694

/u/ReflectionBest2019

/u/ReliefSea2257

/u/Remarkable-Echo-1896

/u/Remarkable_Hurry3666

/u/Resident-Angle-4549

/u/rey_shimmer

/u/SaintEx

/u/Sam36192

/u/Sea_Hair_5249

/u/Seal____

/u/SebsAGZ

/u/ShelterTop9288

/u/sincepuzzled

/u/Sir-Parasaurolophus

/u/skibidi-rizzler47

/u/sliponabananaclip12

/u/Spare-Side-7212

/u/Spiritual-Life8701

/u/Spiritual_cat1

/u/Stellar-Koala-3506

/u/Strict-Apricot317

/u/Struggler_19

/u/Sun-Football

/u/Suspicious_Schnitzel

/u/Temporary-Host-6907

/u/TheOakSpace

/u/TheSaltyLime

/u/ThrowAway6354684

/u/tortleshy

/u/totally-nromal-guy

/u/Transitron0

/u/Vast_Marzipan_4718

/u/vijhhh2

/u/wardowardowardo

/u/WELLSOHN

/u/whimsical_ambition

/u/Wise_Sheepherder_773

/u/wishingiwashome03

/u/wokecel3344

/u/Wonderful-Thought-44

/u/Wrong_Astronaut_1886

/u/Zealousideal_Gene204

This post is intended to serve all people who think "if I only watch porn once or twice a week then it is not so tragic and does not have the same effect as with porn addicts who really watch porn excessively every day."

I (m29) stopped watching porn two years ago for over a year. Before that, I came from a time where I watched porn more often. Let's say 3-4 times a week and above all I watched a lot of virtual reality porn, which ultimately made the effect worse I think. I had my key experience when I couldn't get and hold an erection during sex with a partner. As a result, I stopped using porn for over a year. It also took me a while to get back to my normal libido and there were really positive effects.

After just over a year, I relapsed again because I told myself "if I only watch porn once or twice a week, it's certainly not so bad and doesn't have the same effects". It has been over a year in which I have occasionally consumed porn (about 2 times a week, no VR porn) and during this time I have not had any dates or even the motivation to get to know women.

I have now taken a critical look at myself and realised that it is because I am watching porn again, even if it is not as frequent as it used to be. Now I am back at day 23 without porn and feel all the effects again such as increased libido, increased social competence and attraction to women, more lively eyes, better skin, more emotions etc.

This is really the sign for me that I should not occasionally watch porn, but should completely do without it and cannot convince me that occasional consumption has no effect.

It's might have been a month or two since I had a day off p

.

Still going well

ive been like really good about being off porn lately, havent watched anything hardcore in an entire month, relapsed on social media like a week ago and blocked a bunch of tags to stop it from happening again.

since ive been off porn, ive been going on dating apps when i get really bored and i feel like its becoming another obsessive behavior. i just like scroll and scroll and a lot of times itll culminate in me flirting with a girl or guy and then we end up sexting and sharing nudes and it just feels like watching porn with extra steps. ive been going on grindr too which is even worse than apps like tinder because its just constant nudes and sexual attention.

whenever i make an account on any of these apps i just spend the entire day constantly checking it and feeling this like dopamine rush whenever someone adds me or matches with me.

i feel like obviously this behavior isnt far off from just watching porn and is actively harming my recovery, but i dont know i just want to hear other recovering porn addicts' opinion on this because i feel like to make a meaningful change i need more than just me telling myself its probably bad

Hello everyone,

I am a student on holidays and I benefit this time to get rid of my porn addiction that is ruining my life and my studies.
Indeed, my studies are hard, I have to be commited to it but when I am tired, I had bad grades, I am quite weak : then I watch porn. It makes me feel better on the moment, but I know it destroys my future.

Indeed, I do loose time watching porn or NSFW content on app like this one... During school, I sometimes watch porn or NSFW when I am outside of school. The week-end, instead of be prepared for the week incoming, I wacth some porn telling me : "I will have time to study later", but the later never arrives, and I end up beeing stressed on sunday afternoon...

Nowadays, I am on holidays : I do lack discipline as I watch NSFW content almost all day, between watching inspiring movies, or videos... For example, this morning I did a bit of engineer science but when the exercise I was doing was a bit too hard, my brain wanted to watch a "Jerk off instruction" video (something about virtually giving up control...) (and I did watch it...) It stole about an hour and a half of lurking on my phone or my computer...

I do want to change because this lifestyle isn't aligne with who I am and who I want to become : I want to find peace but I do struggle to remain alone with my thoughts, sat alone, (and without nything except me)

May you help me ? With this question I mean : may you ask me question if you have anything you would like me to develop.

Thank you for helping me if you have any advice on how to become a better me. Feel free to discuss, exchange with me too. (Is it possible to find a mentor here ?)

.

Porn took so much from me, and continues to take every day. I lost on life, time, friends, mental sanity, relationships... and i still return to porn again and again, everyday, or else i just can't stand myself. I return for comfort, for being numb, for feeling something "good"..

It might not be direct but everything it takes it affects me in some way. I am weaker, extremely fragile to anything, any stress or emotional pain, just being numb instantly and closing myself in and hating myself. I've tried to give up for years, i had streaks, i had relapses, i had better and worse days but now i just gave up for years and i only have relapse after relapse every day, every couple of hours even. i don't even feel remorse or emotional pain from it, because i'm numb, i just don't feel anything anymore and can't deal with emotions or stress or anything.

This numbness, lack of joy, lack of motivation, of feeling that things can get better or will ever be... i am useless. i lost my job, my girlfriend... that i should've loved but i just couldn't.. i just didn't feel and couldn't feel anything, even tho i knew i loved her.. and now it hurts so badly. I hurt her so badly by being unreliable, neglectful, angry, bitter, depressed... unemotional... she couldn't take it anymore and left me. And now i tried to get better but i can't, i relapse after at most a day, most times not even that. I lost something that could've been my life, our life. i hurt her again and again and i believe a lot of things in life went badly because of my addiction. I've been addicted for almost 20 years at this point, but the last 4-5 were just worse and worse. i really want to give this up but don't know how, or if it's even possible. What it took away with emotions permanently it gives a glimpse back when i do it, so i do it.

Post it before go to bed and it will be more powerful.

Gonna keep this up until the end of November. wish me luck

No throwaway. I think there are a few family members who know this account of mine, but fuck it. Maybe being discovered is a boil that needs lancing.

I've always struggled a bit with porn, but over the last 6 months or so, largely for reasons related to my mental health, it has roared up like a forest fire. I'm sick of it. I hate it. I hate myself.

There's no excuse for it. There are *causes and aggravating circumstances* to it including being an ex-opiate addict with a brain hardwired for easy dopamine hits, but I CAN'T use that as an excuse to not reach out for help. Being addicted to porn may not be my "fault", but addressing it is 100% my responsibility.

Resetting my badge today. Please pray, send good energy, or offer an encouraging word now and then, if you think of me. Thanks.

88 days clean but I feel closer to relapse over the last couple of weeks. I think I'm faced with other reasons I had been turning to porn that I haven't solved yet or dealt with and idk what it is. I expected a shift but didn't realize it was going to be a shift in wanting to watch porn for another reason. Maybe the addiction is just trying a new avenue to pull me back in. Idk, maybe this is when therapy is necessary.

Like everyone on here I've suffered from porn addiction since I was in my teens. I am now in my late 30's. I'm in an unhappy marriage which I know porn plays a role in. The recent part of this that has me most concerned is how I am acting out.

I know this sounds crazy but I am researching how to start a porn production company so that I can have sex with some of these porn stars I watch. I am reaching out to local girls on twitter and reddit to see what a meet up looks like to live out a fantasy. In my mind I know this is all driven by the porn addiction.

My big question is, does this go away? If I manage to beat this porn addiction will my lusting after women to the point of reaching out go away. I feel like I'm so deep in it right now that this is the only logical way to deal with my awful marriage. Thoughts?