r/parentsofmultiples • u/Separate_Video6823 • 21h ago
advice needed Stopping at twins
Did anyone change their mind on the amount of children they wanted after twins? Specifically, did you want more and then only have your twins? Our twin girls are our first children and before them my husband and I were in between have 3-4 kids. We are now reconsidering just keeping it to them. This isn’t because they’ve been hard, in fact we think it’s been far easier than expected, more that it might be nice to keep our family unit tight. I should note because it’s a common factor, finances aren’t a deciding factor for our family. Anyone experience anything similar? If so, what were your influencing factors? Did you end up having more?
There are 1000 variations of this same question (and answers) out there but I feel our position in this group is slightly different so I’m keen to hear thoughts.
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u/Day_Huge 17h ago
I always joked that I wanted twins so I could be one and done since I wanted two but knew I wouldn't like being pregnant. But now the twins have turned one and I'm definitely entertaining the idea of a third, but it feels weird to have one be the odd man out. So, two more sort of makes sense...which seems nuts! I guess time will tell though since I just turned 40.
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u/Separate_Video6823 11h ago
The odd man out at 3 is exactly what we’ve already discussed several times 🤣
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u/Day_Huge 11h ago
Yes, I've heard from some people that if they're close in age they sort of merge into a herd of triplets though. There's also a non-zero chance of having twins again which is both thrilling and chilling!
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u/MounjaroQueenie 18h ago
I never wanted 3. Now that I have the twins (9 months), I would love to experience a newborn singleton. However I wouldn’t want to do this until the twins were PreK or Kindergarten and realistically by then, I don’t think I’d want to start over. I’d be late 30s and I just don’t picture that for us.
However I did miraculously start ovulating on my own after years of IVF treatment so never say never 🤪
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u/Separate_Video6823 11h ago
I agree wholeheartedly with the longing for the single newborn experience…
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u/1sp00kylady 12h ago
I really feel this. I was 100%, didn’t want any more kids other than our twins if you asked me a month ago. Then my husband scheduled the vasectomy for this winter and I started to second guess things. All my reasons still stand, I’d want to wait until they’re in school and by then I’ll be late 30’s or early 40’s. I don’t want to risk my health again, the list goes on. But…part of me wants to experience having just one at a time…
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u/ConfidentLook5518 18h ago
It is all personal preference. For me having my two was like a two for one deal. I dont see the need or want to have more. I was also a family of four, and i find things easier as a unit of 4
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u/ConfidentLook5518 14h ago
I will also say I had a healthy pregnancy. Not considered high risk or anything. I also had a good vaginal delivery. Frankly, I do not want to put myself on the line again. Who knows what the next pregnancy will be like. For work purposes, I am also taking an 18 month mat leave (Canadian here). I need to buy back my pension for the 18 months etc. I am happy I am not going to need another mat leave. Just sharing a couple more factors.
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u/Separate_Video6823 11h ago
Thanks for sharing. I’m in Aus so also out of the US with differing maternity leave arrangements. I do have similar thoughts re the pregnancy too.
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u/hollyann712 12h ago
I've always only wanted 2 kids (I'm an only so I was VERY much set on having more than one) but my husband had always wanted 2-3 kids. Now after having our b/g twins he's fully changed his mind.
We had a long discussion about it and it came down to a few things:
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We don't want to risk having another set of multiples. Because we have fraternal twins the odds of it happening again are increased significantly. We definitely don't want to have 4 kids (or more).
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We're worried about shifting the dynamic between our twins with a new sibling.
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We spoke to a friend of ours who is a younger sibling to twins and he was very candid about always feeling a bit left out when it came to his brothers. They are all close, but growing up he always had a feeling of "other" because his brothers had a special bond. Their parents did a lot to try and mitigate the feeling but there's only so much you can do.
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u/Separate_Video6823 11h ago
Thanks for sharing. These are 3 points that was are seriously considering too. Interesting to hear a personal anecdote re the sibling dynamic.
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u/hollyann712 9h ago
Its obviously not a guarantee that the same issue would pop up but it was enough to sway us to "no" when we were very much on the fence. Also a few "funnier" points like not wanting to buy a minivan or start a basketball team 😂
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u/DBsdk13477 17h ago
I always wanted 2 kids, and the fact I got my girls at once is the biggest blessing in the world
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u/Separate_Video6823 11h ago
There is a part of me that thinks it was meant to be with just our two girls too!
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u/Illustrious_Key_1303 15h ago
We are a similar boat. Had twins as our first wanted 3 kids. Now what to do….
Both in terms of timing and number of kiddos. I read all the comments on posts like this one. 😅
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u/Separate_Video6823 11h ago
These posts always throw me haha! When I posted this last night I was about 80% sure we’d stick with just the girls… now all of these comments have me thinking I can manage a small army of kiddos!
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u/Jfrasr 18h ago
We always wanted two kids to twins at once was a good thing for that. I really wanted a boy, and we ended up with twin girls. We discussed trying for a boy, but my wife is also a twin and we were too scared of having another set of twins so I got snipped lol.
Now that our girls are six it’s really nice for sports and activities since all four of us can goto them together.
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u/No-Word7972 10h ago
I grew up as one of "the twins" in this scenario! My parents had twin girls and then were done. I will say as a child I definitely benefited from having my parents sole focus/attention. I'm still close with friends from Kindergarten and Elementary School because our parents are all still friends (I think my mom specifically is kind of the "glue" because she didn't split time between multiple grades). My parents were just generally super involved in our lives- class parents, sport coaches, chaperones on every field trip. I loved it and loved the benefit of still having a sister! Of course you can still be an involved parent with multiple kids too but just sharing my perspective!
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u/mthreads 18h ago
My husband and I had assumed we’d only have two, partially for the 1:1 kid:parent ratio and partially because we met and got married when we were in our late 30s so time was an issue. Spontaneous twin boys were our “first”, but now, right before they turn 3, we’re starting to try for a third. I really want to see the boys have another sibling, and I grew up in a family of 3 kids so it just kinda feels right. We also want to experience pregnancy, birth, and the newborn stage again when we’re not as overwhelmed by being new parents with two babies both in the NICU. It was such a blur the first time. But the biggest reason we’re TTC is we just want another kid in our squad 🩷 We recognize it’ll be a bit crazy and we’ll need a minivan.
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u/bytes95 18h ago
Im still pregnant with our twins so, inexperienced with what it will be like when they're out. But for us, we're stopping here. In my early 20s I thought I might want 3 kids, once I was married and got a house and 2 dogs at 30... we looked at the cost (and the number of available bedrooms) and said maybe max 2 is fine, 1 would be ok too. Then boom, pregnant g/b twins.
We've been joking one and done, maxed our family out with great efficiency. Im planning to have my tubes tied or removed during the c section. Reasons for ending with two, no room sharing, we fit in most vehicles, 1:1 parent kid ratio, etc. Just feels right for us. Also hard pass on being pregnant again.
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u/BubblybabySB 17h ago
Our twins are babies 1&2. They came after several losses and years of infertility.
My husband and I always wanted a big family, and I’m definitely not ready to be done having kids!
Being a mom is one of my favorite things. And I’m already getting the baby bug again (they’re almost 14 months old now). But we also live in a community where families of 6+ kids isn’t abnormal. So we’re surrounded by people who are making it work, which shows us that we can make it work….
I would definitely prefer if they came 1 at a time now, but also wouldn’t mind more twins.
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u/Separate_Video6823 11h ago
See we are in a community where there are not many families with more than 2 kids, I think that’s an impacting factor I haven’t considered. I know we’d be more than fine managing more. Thanks for raising that!
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u/IvoryWoman 15h ago
We talked about having three kids before we had any. Full disclosure: I was still up for a third after having twins. My spouse was not. The one yes was outweighed by the one no.
As a parent of teens, though, I can attest that the two-parents two-kids model is the one that society is built for in general. We fit into one hotel room. Amusement park rides work well. We're playing man to man, not zone. And a BIG bonus is that twins and done actually offers some of the advantages of having a singleton -- when you're done with a phase, you're DONE; you can just have one school to navigate; there's one kid bedtime, etc. etc. -- with the benefits of having siblings who can interact with each other.
My friends who had another baby after having twins all love their families! But, logistically, our twins-only setup gets easier in comparison each year. Our twins would have been great big sisters, but there are other outlets for getting to build relationships with younger children, and they're grateful to have each other.
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u/Odd_Lifeguard_8791 11h ago
This is my first pregnancy and I’m 22 weeks along with Mo/Di twin girls. I’ve always wanted 3 kids but after this pregnancy I’m not so sure I ever want to be pregnant again lol Tbh I haven’t enjoyed being pregnant at all so far. Thankfully there have been no complications and the twins are healthy but I had horrible HG for the first 14 weeks. Maybe my opinion will change after giving birth but so far this sucks lol
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u/Separate_Video6823 11h ago
I see you. I had HG all the way through, literally was vomiting as I was rolled into my c-section. I still can’t think too hard about the specifics of my pregnancy, the thought makes me nauseous 🤣
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u/Odd_Lifeguard_8791 11h ago
I feel AWFUL for anyone who’s had HG their entire pregnancy ! Glad you and babies made it through!
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u/smithncl01 7h ago
Yep that’s me. I gave birth to mo/di twins last week and I also never want to do that again lmao. I was thinking 3 before twins, and now I think my husband and I are done at them (we’ve been saying that my whole pregnancy). We might adopt a girl once the boys are between 3-5
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u/Odd_Lifeguard_8791 6h ago
Did you have c-section or vaginal delivery if you don’t mind me asking?
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u/BenignYam1761 9m left
I have 4 kids, my twins being my youngest. I said the whole way through my twin pregnancy that if they had been first, they would have been last. Just misery from start to finish. If I thought every pregnancy felt like THAT, no fucking way I’d have done it again. Singleton pregnancy is a cake walk compared to twin pregnancy(in my experience anyway).
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u/rowillyhoihoi 18h ago
Twin coming up and after this, I am done. Anyone who wants childeren; pls don’t call me because I am not doing this again, ever.
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 18h ago
I was hoping for 5, but my twins were numbers 3 and 4 and I think I'm done. I don't want to stretch myself too thin and not have the time and energy for the kids I already have.
Everybody's different. If stopping at two feels right, there's nothing wrong with that!
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u/aiolea 18h ago
Wanted 4, started off with g/b twins (everyone said one and done :/) found them easy and so went ahead with #3 2 years exactly later, and am now after an early loss am pregnant with #4 when the twins are 5.
Besides my husband being worried every time that subsequent pregnancies would also be multiples and push us past 4, no issues and I’ve never regretted child #3, we will see what #4 brings!
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u/Tricky-Breadfruit 18h ago
I always wanted 0 kids but after my twins, I wanted 3 or 4. They're actually so fun & cool.
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u/FormerPumpkin480 19h ago
I will say I am still pregnant with my boy/girl twins, but naturally it’s been brought up a lot between me and my husband. We’re not making any of the more permanent decisions (regarding contraception) until they are at least one year old. I wouldn’t want a huge age gap between kids but also wouldn’t want 3 under 2 lol. Thankfully I am not at increased risk of multiples for future pregnancies but that is something to consider if it applies to you!
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 18h ago
Just out of curiosity, how are you not increased risk for multiples? I thought that any multiple pregnancy increased risk of further multiples
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u/FormerPumpkin480 18h ago
I used letrozole!
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 18h ago
Interesting! I'd always thought even with fertility meds the chance of twins increased after the first set. Shows how little I know lol
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u/Allyed4492 18h ago
Also identicals are not genetic in any way, so spontaneous multiples will not increase your risk of another set. This changes if you’ve done IVF as for some reason this increases the change of the embryo splitting after implantation
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 17h ago
That one I did know, but since she said B/G I assumed that they weren't identical :)
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u/tmini_ringo 18h ago
Always wanted two kids and was open to the idea of more but my husband wasn’t as open. We agreed financially and practically that a family of four was perfect so he got snipped pretty quickly post partum. Our twins are just shy of two years old and while part of me yearns for another baby to have that magical 1:1 time with a baby… I’m honestly okay with never having to be pregnant or postpartum ever again in my life.
The world was built for the family of four and we know that from a financial perspective we can give them a comfortable life. If money/time weren’t issues I’d probably want several more kids lol.
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u/provolone12 17h ago
Yup lol
We said to ourselves "lets see how the first pregnancy goes then well decide"
Well, it was a terrible pregnancy, but we got our wonderful twins out of it
Got the snip, so all is done here
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u/Rare-Advance3088 16h ago
My husband and I were planning on one and done, but ended up with twin boys. So we’re one and done, two and through!
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u/Then-Usual-1782 12h ago
Always wanted 2, had my first and changed my mind. Was happy with 1.
First turned 5, then we decided we did actually want another.
Pregnant with twins 😅
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u/Sensitive_Tomato_581 9h ago
My girls had TTTS, they are fine now but the pregnancy was so incredibly stressful. I remember my consultant saying "your next pregnancy will be a piece of cake after this". my response "MY NEXT are you mad". I pregnancy 2 healthy children perfect outcome, no way am I risking another pregnancy.
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u/MurphysLawInc 19h ago
Twins took the pressure off - never wanted to have a only child - i am one and still working through that fallout in therapy 😬 That said i do want to try for another once these are older and more reasonable 😅
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u/Fun_Committee1478 19h ago
I normally see positive things on Reddit about people growing up as an only. Sorry your experience wasnt great :(
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u/brAt91193 19h ago
I’m pregnant with twins via ivf (and still have 7 embryos frozen). Our plan is to keep them frozen for 5 years - that’s our deadline of deciding if we might want one more or if we are good with just the two.
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u/Ljslibby 18h ago
I wanted three kids, but my first pregnancy being twins nearly killed me. I went into kidney failure, sepsis from an unknown infection, and developed preclampsia which lead to insane edema where my legs were leaking fluid and I was completely immobile. I truly nearly died, and had to stay in hospital as an inpatient for 2 weeks after the boys abrupt emergency c section.
They also have insanely bad reflux, let me tell you twins with chronic reflux is no walk in the park! So combined horrible pregnancy and postpartum, as well as really exhausting infancy/newborn era due to reflux, and the chance of twins happening again (They’re fraternal so increased chance) we’ve decided that they’ll probably be our first and last babies. 🫣
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u/Separate_Video6823 11h ago
Wow… I can understand why. Sounds as though you’re due a dreamy and easy toddlerhood 🤣
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u/Zeitleig 18h ago
We have twin girls, but before we want 3 kids.
Twins are soooooooo exhausting, even though they are so adorable but nothing can replace a sound 6 hours of sleep that we have been yearning for 3 years now
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u/I-Love-Buses 16h ago
We have 10 month old twins and are probably going to have 1 more 🥳🤗 we are very happy, but very tired lol 🤷♂️
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u/ChalkButter 16h ago
Before kids we knew we wanted three, very seriously considering four.
We had our twins, then our third, then got snipped.
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u/Sea_you_another_day 16h ago
We always wanted 2 but then spontaneous identical twin boys happened and a few years later I was craving a singleton pregnancy and all its perks compared to twins (only having ONE baby to focus on!) also we did really want to have a girl as well. But unfortunately secondary infertility got us and I wasn’t able to carry another pregnancy to term. I am 43 now so pretty sure this is the end of the road for us. It’s bittersweet but over the past couple years I’ve come to terms with it and am doing better. Was devastated at first but it is what it is. My boys are 11 now and they are still QUITE the handful, so we are busy and overstretched enough (mentally, emotionally, financially)
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u/sharkbait_oohaha 15h ago
We initially planned on 3. We got two on the first go and decided that was enough. Traumatic pregnancy, birth, and high risk of a repeat was enough to convince us.
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u/Embarrassed-Bison123 14h ago
Our twins were our first, we have a boy and girl so in the eyes of most people we were "set". Once they were potty trained we talked about having a third and we did! We had a girl. And watching them be big brother and sister to her was incredible. We are now pregnant with baby #4 🤪. I think it really depends on the family, but I felt like I always had love for more because we started with two right off the bat.
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u/Nervous-Caregiver-55 12h ago
We wanted 3 but will not be having any more after our twins but that is because my pregnancy was very very tough
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u/num1dogdad 10h ago
We’re expecting twin boys in January. We both wanted a boy and girl but are completely satisfied as long as they are healthy.
Twins are in both of our families and we both are kind of in agreement that I’ll be getting a vasectomy once they come. We’d love a girl but the thought of getting hit with twins again is financially scary!
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u/YakYakRooster 10h ago
We had twins first. They are the oldest of six! It only gets better. The whole clan is close. We had four girls then two boys. Our oldest are now 12 and the youngest is 3. The older girls are hitting an age and stage where they are all about cute little kids and the boys are 4 and 3 and there is a game called "Brother Baby Doll" when the boys are tired and they watch TV while cuddling with their sisters. Sure, there are sibling squabbles, she said - she said, etc. It's kids. But twins was the absolutely best way to start a big family.
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u/youcango-now 18h ago
We always wanted 3 kids and when we got pregnant the second time, decided we’d be happy with 2. The time it took to conceive + my age when they’d be born was a factor. Then we found out it was twins so we got “our” 3 kids. We decided to hold off on making any decisions til they turned 1. When they were about 6-7 months old, we realized we weren’t done. We decided to set a timeline & if I got pregnant, amazing, if not, we’d take it as a sign that our family is complete. Well, I did get pregnant and our 4th is due in February.
If we hadn’t had twins, I don’t know if we’d be a family of 4 singletons. I don’t even know if we would’ve tried for a third, honestly. But something about our twins made us realize just how capable we are as parents. Obviously everyone’s experiences are different but that’s just our story!