Hate nursing because of this

[u/AmphibianOk6015]

We have a new patient 40's/M in ICU who was admitted with a nec fascitis on lower ext, sepsis, CFH with an EF of 11% on multiple pressors. Patient and family decided to not do any surgery and focus on comfort care. Patient last wish is to stand up and hug his family. He has 3 kids and 1 is a toddler who have no idea that is the last time he can hug his dad. With muliple pressors running, we have to assist him (he is about 300 lbs) stand up and he lasted about a minute hugging his whole family and saying their goodbyes. Patient immediately died right after turning off the pressors and received ativan push. They just arrived in the US couple months ago and most likely they don't have much resources. I have been a nurse for 12 years and i feel shattered every time i experience this.

[u/Fijoemin1962]

You are a good soul and how you helped wont be forgotten by the elder kids. People have little idea the weight Nurses carry. HUGs x

[u/AmphibianOk6015 → u/Fijoemin1962]

Thanks for the kind words!

[u/AspiringHeadset_0 → u/Fijoemin1962]

god that's heavy. the image of him standing there for that one minute with his family is gonna stick with me. you gave them something irreplaceable even if it cost you a piece of yourself

[u/slowwwwwdown → u/Fijoemin1962]

Yes exactly. Reading in another thread nurses pissed off they have to wait for a grandma that takes too long to pee makes me sick to my stomach with how much some people suck.
This right here is the kind of love and compassion that defines exceptional nurses.

[u/nursingintheshadows]

Sometimes, the greatest gift we can give a patient isn’t another treatment or intervention, but the comfort, compassion, and dignity to leave this world on their own terms. You gave that patient and family something truly priceless—the opportunity to have their final wishes honored. Helping your patient stand and hug his family one last time— facilitating this for his kids and wife is life altering. They will always remember that hug for the rest of their lives. In my opinion, this is nursing at its finest.

It can be easy to see a moment like this as unbearably hard and heartbreaking, but try to shift your perspective: instead of focusing only on what was lost, remember that you were the one who helped when no one else could. Ultimately, you would not have been able to change the outcome with this patient’s condition, but you made an extraordinary difference in how his story ended. And that my friend is what nursing is about.

Sending hugs. You did great. 🖤🖤🖤🖤

[u/AmphibianOk6015 → u/nursingintheshadows]

Very well said. Thanks for this wonderful message.

[u/eee-m-gee → u/nursingintheshadows]

absolutely 💯

[u/BartlettMagic]

what country did they come from?

[u/AmphibianOk6015 → u/BartlettMagic]

S.africa

[u/BartlettMagic → u/AmphibianOk6015]

Thanks for the response. Hard to imagine someone getting that big in a third world country, but then also hard to imagine someone being that seriously comorbid in a developed country at such a young age.

[u/2TearsInABucket → u/BartlettMagic]

FWIW South Africa isn't third world.

[u/suchabadamygdala → u/BartlettMagic]

The white Afrikaaners in South Africa have a big problem with obesity and cholesterol, metabolic syndrome stuff. Mostly male and at a surprisingly young age.

[u/Actual-King-3236]

I’m someone who was blessed to be with my mom as she passed at home on hospice. The peace that I have from that has eased the pain of missing her. I will ALWAYS be grateful she passed calmly surrounded by all of her kids and her husband.

What you and your colleagues did is a gift that keeps giving comfort. It’s been since 2009 for me and I still am thankful. Thank you for doing what you did.

[u/Queen_Of_The_Dames]

You are a good and kind person (as are your team members) and you all brought peace and comfort to a man and his family on his last day. Please be gentle with yourself and reach out to your friends, family, nature, and a professional if you need to ❤️

[u/NorthernGoose57]

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾. Hearing this is why I am still a nurse.. What you and your staff did to honor this man’s last wishes is beyond amazing. I know it meant a lot to him and his family. Thank you!! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[u/andthisisso]

I'm a Pediatric Hospice RN. This happens almost every shift I work. It is a drain in one way and a flood of love and energy in another way. What. wonderful memories for those family members to have for the rest of their lives. We've no idea how we model for others to recall over their lifetimes how to behave, how to support, how to problem solve. They may do something similar for others again and again because they saw you do it. Feel the blessing.

[u/lovemydogwillow → u/andthisisso]

Pediatric hospice? God bless you.

I cannot image doing what you do, but I am sure you have played an important role in may people's lives ❤️

[u/Aerinandlizzy]

Its never easy in this type of situation but you got to be part of and witness his last moments and his wishes. Big hug for you, give yourself somevgrace, you did the right thing and he realized what he wanted in his last moment.♥️

[u/shaezan]

Jeez that's rough. For everyone involved. Such is life though. The family has a new start to forge a great future in the US. Dad did his part in the relay race. 

[u/shibasnakitas1126]

You honored and respected his last wishes, and I commend you and the team for following through with that. He passed peacefully with family by his side. It’s super sad, but you all did good. This is what we do.

I have seen the other side in which the family pushes for full code/trach/GT and does everything against the patient’s wishes of DNR and comfort care per the pt’s advance directives even though the patient has a grim prognosis and zero quality of life. Sadly the patient suffers for weeks to months in ICU until they stabilize enough to transfer to LTAC. Occasionally the family might agree to goals of care discussion and eventually comfort care. But it’s super rare. They suffer. Your patient did not.

Yes, nursing is hard, some days more than others. But you were amazing for your patient and his family, and I’m sure they are appreciative of your empathy and hard work.

[u/McflyFiveOhhh]

Not a nurse, in LE. Have several friends that are RNs. Reading this got me emotional. What you gave that family cannot be adequately put into words or at least none that I have. You’re a very very kind soul. Sending hugs and all the well wishes.

[u/Pajama_Samuel]

Brutal. I’m sorry this is one of many that will damage you so you can fix others.

[u/SLB752RN2011]

Oh my gosh, this is absolutely heartbreaking. I am so sorry for that Family, and for you for having to experience that. I’m so glad that you were there to help them and make his last wish come true. 🩷🥺 hugs

[u/IzaLove]

😓🙏💪

[u/justpinchme]

OMG 😢😢😢😢

[u/SouthernVices]

Honestly, I thought it was going to be about making the poor guy go through every intervention and rotting away in an LTACH.

Everyone deserves a good death. You helped him have a good death. It's tragic, the circumstances, but at least he got his last wish fulfilled.

[u/fo1ieadeux → u/SouthernVices]

Same. It's good he got his wishes granted instead of rotting away in LTACH.

[u/Mejinopolis → u/SouthernVices]

This needs an infinite amount of upvotes. To go out on his last wishes is God honestly a beautiful thing considering how many truly tragic things happen in ICUs.

[u/dontdoxxmebrosef]

You gave everyone a gift.

No one will forget what you and your colleagues did for them.

The best we can do is help someone die with dignity and peace.