Looking at last year's photo now I can see how much pain and sadness I was hiding behind that smile. The transformation from simply coming to terms with my identity and presenting how I want is wild to me!!

what the title says. i'm in a job rehabilitation program and the psychotherapist/trainer brought this up in our first talk:

\- for how long i am on hrt

\- what my goal is

\- when i talked about bad experiences with people who have insecurities and project things into my autistic behaviour (like not smiling at them etc.) a personal/relationship problem and start bullying me, she assumed that the people are mostly confused about my gender and insecure how they can interact with me

\-she then concluded i could find out in my (trauma) therapy, that i'll hopefully start soon, how to give people (gendered?) signals that they can understand, so they feel more comfortable/secure around me....

soo.. did she actually tell me to present more binary and not to confuse the cissys so much? excuse me?

still processing this here and what to make out of it.

picture for illustration/humour/cute halloweeny goblin greetings

I was on T for like 4.5 years. I started on gel then switched to SQ shots. The main thing I wanted from T was a deeper voice. My voice barely changed in all that time but it was really high to begin with. Now I have a full beard that I’ll have to spend thousands on electrolysis to remove. I regret staying on T for so long. I should have stopped like 2 years previously when I just had a bit of facial hair. My voice didn’t change at all in the last 2 years.

So I've been settled and comfortable with the nonbinary label for over a year at this point. "They/them" has felt right. I like the androgynous look and it feels good. However, I took the camera selfie at work a couple weeks ago and keep thinking "he/him" when I look at it.

When I heard coworkers I don't interact with often call me "she/her" yesterday, my brain went "he/him." And I know people don't question when they are secure in themselves so it sent me for a tail spin while I was supposed to be busy in studio. Had to text a friend to help calm down and quiet thoughts.

Friend suggested maybe I was gender fluid because "they/them" still fits and I absolutely LOVE when my wife (both sapphic, her mtf, me afab nb) calls me her wife, but I also see "he/him" in some of my photos.

Looking for outside perspectives before I bring this as a sure thing to my wife.

I like making my own clothes, and I hate how gender neutral anything always leans masculine. Looking for solutions ?

Just curious. Do you think it's common in this community or nah?

too on the nose?

There's a lot of people who frequently ask if they're non-binary, or if they're "allowed" to be non-binary for whatever reason.  This is for you:

Your gender identity is whatever you feel it is and whatever resonates with you.  This is regardless of how you choose to express it, what you look like, or what your hobbies and interests are.

You owe nobody androgyny.  Androgyny is a valid expression of gender preferred by some non-binary people, but *every* gender expression is valid.  Non-binary people needing to be androgynous is a stereotype perpetuated by a largely binary society not knowing how to neatly fit an androgynous person into male or female.

Yes, you can still be non-binary even if (insert whatever reason or excuse you're thinking of here). 

You can still identify as non-binary if you were AMAB (assigned male at birth, i.e what's listed on your birth certificate) and a big hairy masculine person who wants to keep wearing jeans and old band t-shirts.

You can still identify as non-binary if you were AFAB (assigned female at birth) and enjoy frilly traditionally femme clothing, painting your nails and doing makeup.

You can still be non-binary and prefer he/him, even if your gender expression more closely aligns with one traditionally associated with women.  It is also perfectly valid to still identify as a cisgender male if that's how you feel -- gender expression being different from gender identity is just as valid for binary genders as it is the non-binary ones.

The above is also true if you prefer she/her, even if your gender expression is more closely aligned with one traditionally associated with men.

As a counterpoint to the above, pronouns do not necessarily equal gender.  You can be cisgender and still prefer he/they, she/they, they/them, or any other pronouns.  Some people approach gender from a perspective of "I don't care about gender, but society sees me as a man/woman and I'm fine with that", a perspective I like to call gender apathetic.  Like all other gender identities, this is valid.

It is valid to still prefer or be comfortable with gendered terms belonging to your assigned gender at birth as a non-binary person.  "They are my husband/boyfriend" is my preferred way for my romantic partners to refer to me.

Likewise, it is valid to still be comfortable or simply not care if people perceive you as a binary man or woman.  You can be non-binary even if gender is no big deal to you.

It is not uncommon to feel like you are just faking your gender identity and question whether it's really you.  I myself have done this a few times and still sometimes wonder if the warm fuzzy feelings I get from being they/themmed are because "they paid attention to what I said my pronouns are" rather than "those pronouns fit me".  This is called imposter syndrome.  This is exacerbated by being largely invisible to society unless you're particularly androgynous or visibly and loudly queer coded – neither of these things are required to be non-binary.  If you are doubting yourself, you're encouraged to reread the first three paragraphs or so of this essay.

You do not need to change your name, pronouns, or appearance to identify as non-binary.  You are also allowed to change these things as many times as you feel like you need to.  If some days you feel like he/him and some days you feel like she/her, you may be bigender or genderfluid -- both identities under the non-binary umbrella.  

There are ways to "try on" a name and pronouns to see if they fit you before committing – try asking some trusted friends to refer to you by that name and those pronouns, or some people from this community.  When I said I was "trying the free  demo version of he/they pronouns" in one of my social circles, I immediately got gender euphoria when someone replied "Hey y'all, didya hear about (my name)?  They're a really cool person."

You do not need to pursue HRT (hormone replacement therapy) or gender-affirming surgery to be non-binary, though you are welcome to do so if those things help you better feel like you are in the right body.  This statement is also true if you're binary transgender.  Both halves are also true even for cisgender people -- it is valid (albeit uncommon) to feel like your body is supposed to have a vagina as a cis male or a penis as a cis female.  Intersex people are born with sexual characteristics associated with both binary genders.  Sexual characteristics are not gender identity.

You do not need to experience gender dysphoria to be non-binary, though many people do.  This is especially true if your gender identity isn't too far off of your assigned gender at birth.  For me (assigned male at birth, he/they currently), my first time experiencing dysphoria was when medical issues led to me losing over five years of hair growth.

You can still be non-binary even if you thought you were cis for the past 40 years.  Or the past 70 years.  We should strive to be life-long learners, and that includes learning about ourselves.

While non-binary *technically* fits under the transgender umbrella as it's no longer (fully, at least, depending on your specific flavor of non-binary) identifying as your birth gender, it is perfectly valid to identify as non-binary without identifying as transgender.  I personally am in this category.

Change is normal as you discover and learn more about yourself and what gender means to you.  It's perfectly valid to end up thinking you're non-binary and later identifying as a binary trans man or woman.  It's also perfectly valid to have identified as a binary trans person and later transition to being non-binary.  Last but not least, it's okay if at the end of the day you decide you are cisgender after all.

Enjoy your gender journey and self-discovery.  You are valid, no matter where that journey takes you, whether you end up identifying as cis, binary trans, non-binary, or something else.

I'm having trouble deciding which short hairstyle would suit me, I'm not even presenting myself as non binary- but I wanted to remain at least somewhat feminine and socially acceptable enough so I don't get harassed in the future.

Ever since I met my girlfriend, she’s encouraged me to wear more feminine clothes and adopt a more ‘androgynous’ style (even though my physical features are predominantly masculine), though with a bit of teasing and affection I’ve got used to it

Do you ever get triggered by things like getting a haircut or shopping for clothes?

I'm 38 and I've only been out as nb/transmasc for about a year and a half. Mostly I love my presentation, but sometimes I feel like an imposter. Maybe it comes from years of trying to adhere to expectations - being resigned since childhood to the fact that none of the clothes or haircuts I was allowed to get would make me look or feel the way I wanted to. Part of me feels like a silly/naughty kid waiting for the inevitable correction. I also worry about disappointing my spouse, even though he is supportive.

Wondering if any other elder millennial types can relate to how I'm feeling. I have some lovely trans and nb friends, but the only ones my age or older don't really experience dysphoria.

Planning to ask out one of my friends, wish me luck.

Basically I want to start T ( testosterone) in the future. However I’m really scared of needles, America is FUCKED, and I have an unsupportive family. I have seen comments saying that there’s huge risks when you take T and it’s also illegal in certain conditions. Now I’m afraid to start HRT because of those comments. I don’t know what to do, I’m stuck in a limbo.

Dunno if I'm nonbinary or not, posting this here to see kinda? I feel euphoria at the idea of ambiguity and androgyny. I want to be fully naked and leave folks still bewildered but vaguely aroused but kept behind a fence so they can't touch me. I want to be only sexually physically compatible with my husband and I want sex to be impossible and daunting to any other person. I want my husband to find me attractive but besides that I just want everything to be kinda sterile and unexpressive? Like I want very minimal nether regions and just cutesy without leaning towards one gender or the other, and specifically no boobs or hips. Do I just want to be a thin androgynous leaning woman or am I nonbinary? Like I specifically want no geniticals until it comes to sexy time when I'm okay with it because it's necessary. Do I have genuine brain damage from too frequent temporal lobe seizures that's causing intense body dysmorphia or is it full on dysphoria? I don't know and I don't feel that I belong anywhere very well. Delete if annoying or unwelcome and I apologize if so. If allowed y'all please tell me straight up if this sounds NB or not. I'm used to such persistent unhappiness with my body from such a young age I don't know how to categorize it, and it's shifted over time, it makes me think I'm just a deeply unhappy person who won't be happy no matter what the universe gives me.