last summer i was at a lake beach with my wife and daughter. it was packed, and i was near the shore when i heard an older man yelling for help and saw him drifting farther into deeper water. he was still standing but the water was up near his mouth, so i swam out, got to him, and pulled him back by the hand. he was really grateful and his family, who were on the beach, were completely shocked.

it all happened really fast and i was the only one who reacted. i’m not even that strong of a swimmer, but i can manage. at the time i felt like i did the right thing, but my family and friends said i was reckless and took way too much of a risk. i didn’t even know a drowning person can actually pull you under until after this happened. so now i’m stuck wondering about the morality of it. how do you just stand there and not try to help even if you’re not trained? at the same time, my young daughter was there that day and i feel like i didn’t think enough about that. i’m honestly conflicted about it.

Okay so I need help because I am very bad at dealing with conflicts. So I recently went on a two day weekend trip to celebrate and surpise a friend (let’s call her May).To prepare for this trip I created an excel sheet with the budget and expenses and the other friends who were planning it with me were okay with the costs. One friend made her own alternative planning and budget and I said that she was missing the fuel costs from her excel sheet and she said that the car owner had to take responsibility of their own car and that she didn’t want to divide the costs. We did go back and forth on other matters as well but after the laster excel sheet, no criticism was mentioned about any of the costs. As we were celebrating and surprising one friend, we said that we would divide all of her costs amongst ourselves.

Now the event has passed and people start sending payment requests (as they should). However, that same friend that said the driver should take the costs suddenly send me a payment request of €30. I told her this didn’t make any sense as she was very adamant of not including it in she budget. She kept on saying it was common sense and I told her to atleast adjust the number as I checked with chatgpt and according to chatgpt the whole trip is only €60 worth of fuel so I asked how she came up with the number €120 in total for the trip and she said she just divided a full tank by four (like girl why the f would i pay for a full tank when you didnt even use a full tank for the event). Anyway, she asked me what number she should adjust it to, and I said: “Lets assume that the chatgpt number of €60 but lets add €10 just in case and then divide it by four”. Btw Chatgpt gave a very realistic answer as I asked my friend who drove another car on that trip if this could be accurate and if the fuel costs per liter is accurate. Moreover, she literally sprung these costs without telling me on me, because if it was going to be that expensive for her fuel, I would’ve driven with the other friend who only tanked €40 for the event.

Additionally, this all happened in a private chat but in the groupschat I just found out that the other girls were sending me and one other girl payment request that were covering our costs and all the costs of the food and activities of May divided by 2 and not divided by the whole group. They just used as an excuse that we discussed that beforehand but we never did that and we made it VERY clear that is rude to make May pay for a trip that we were surpising her with (I promise you there is a reason why we were celebrating her so much, but I have seen so many people being accidentally exposed on Reddit that I am afraid to give more details.). So now I don’t trust any of them with money related issues anymore. Unfortunately I already paid most of em, and now I only need to pay the fuel. But even thats pissing me off and I don’t know how to go on. I saw these people as good friends, but the way they acted during the trip and now this is breaking my heart. What do I do?

Aborted fetuses have with limited perception, or sense to feel. So I don't see it as cruel to end their life. Limit is the key word. I mean how about instead we rough them up for 100 years and call them a drain on the system when they become an orphan instead.

I am all for moralism, which should mean I would find it immoral to kill a human life without the capacity to speak for itself. I think this world has lost moralism, so I almost side with abortion = murder side on the basis it technically murder. I even partially side with the idea women should choose to have the baby because they are in some manner hurting a human life. Its the womens body at the end of the day though. That is a symbiotic relationship the mother should have full autonomy to say can a human life be carried in her own body if she doesn't fully consent? Its like research ethics. Sure you can go ahead and conduct research "for the good of humanity" but nazi's, US goverment, all did unethical testing without individual consent and killed more people in the present than would be worth it for what lives are saved in the future. Crimes against humanity in the name of progress are still crimes.

If a mother doesn't want a baby, then the baby would be at a huge life disadvantage not having a mother, resources, going from home to home even if they do get resources. Its unethical to let a kid live in squalor, although we have normalized doing so to "motivate people" and it seems were unaware of how fucked up we are until (a) a severly vulnerable person like an orphan suffers or (b) systematic opression like racism, sexism, xenophobia or (c) people will refuse to be thoughtful on the plights of the others in the world until it happens to the them.

if we try to develop it without resources or good parents it would be a woefully underdeveloped life anyway.

Orphans are a grievous evil. SO evil it brings you to tears. Abortions could be seen as evil, murder, but adults have final say over their kids, their bodies, etc. How do we agree to one but not the other?

Say I were to live with my partner (not married) and we buy groceries separately but cook and eat the same meals together, would it be bad to apply as separate households? Hypothetically, if I were a student who is having a lot of financial struggle who got approved for snap as a single person household, could I get in trouble if they were to find out that my partner and I actually cook together and should be 1 household??

i won't say specifically what happened, since i might get flamed for it. but i knew about this thing that happened, around the exact time it happened, but i didn't say anything at the time. i do not know why i did that.

but a while later, this thing started to impact me and my personal life, and that's when i said something about it.

this person who i did not tell this thing, absolutely deserved to know this thing at the time it happened. i've told them what happened now, since it has now affected me, but now im seeing them suffer with this thing when it could've been addressed way back when. absolutely nothing would have changed for this person right now if i had not brought the thing up.

At some point in your life, you have probably had to deal with toxic people. These people might have been destructive (not constructive) in their criticism, they might have been verbally abusive, they might have made passive aggressive comments and back handed compliments.

The first time that this happened to you was probably when you were a kid and was likely perpetrated either by a sibling or a school yard bully. Our parents, our teachers and other adults in our life told us to pretend to be unbothered. I think the logic behind that was as follows. Those jerks are trying to get a reaction out of you. If you display minimal or no reaction, they will get frustrated and move on. The problem with that line of reasoning is; making you angry might not be the sole reason for doing the pet peevish behavior. They might have other motives for doing it in addition to making you mad. They might want to make you mad but be fine if that is not the case. Let’s look at the evidence. The idea that bullies will leave you alone if you ignore them long enough is NOT supported by empirical data ( https://bullyingrecoveryresourcecenter.org/ignoring-bully-makes-it-worse/ ). Ignoring bullying usually makes the situation worse ( https://bullyvaccineproject.com/why-ignoring-them-doesnt-work-2/ ). Bullies usually derive emotional satisfaction from knowing that the victim will not retaliate ( https://www.pacer.org/bullying/info/questions-answered/common-views/ ).

This is just my hypothesis, I could be wrong, but I believe that those people who recommend feigning indifference have the right idea but make the wrong word choice. The solution is not to pretend to be unruffled. The solution is to be placid for real. If you are not perturbed by the situation, you do not need to seek justice, because from your perspective, there is no injustice. If you are callous, you do not need to right the wrong, because there is no wrong to right. If you feel neutral about the way the other person is acting, you do not need to learn how to manage the conflict, because there is no conflict to manage.

Sometimes deciding not to be perturbed is easier said than done. Neuroplasticity can take a lot of time and effort. Sometimes you should be bothered by the situation. If your livelihood or your safety is on the line, you need to take action to fight off that risk. If someone directly in your social circle (someone you care about) is the one whose dignity is being disrespected, that is a lot harder to move on from compared to a scenario when you are the one on the receiving end of the insult.

The most important thing to do (if you do feel troubled) is to make sure no more harm is incurred. Whatever it is that is causing harm, locate it and neutralize the threat. Once that is taken care of, recover what was lost if you can. If you or someone else is harmed physically or emotionally, do what you can to heal and/or help others heal. If the damage is irreversible (in other words if there is nothing you can do to fix the problem) be serene enough to accept what is out of your control. Your last step should be to make anyone regret being disrespectful. To be clear, we are talking about disincentivizing bad behavior, not avenging the act. Retribution means that you inflict upon a wrongdoer a degree of pain that is the same or close to the same as the hurt that they (the malefactor) caused. Determent means that you create a system whereby a person who crosses you has to deal with an undesirable consequence. You do not necessarily have to match the punishment to the crime in order to do that. While reprisal focuses on severity, deterrence focuses on a guarantee that any undesirable outcome will befall those who make a bad decision.

There are likely ways to accomplish the goals listed above. You may be able to find a self-help book. You could subscribe to the YouTube channel Charisma On Command ( https://www.youtube.com/@Charismaoncommand ). That channel makes a lot of video explaining how to deal with disrespectful behavior from others. https://youtu.be/To5pNgLSyjQ?si=QgbAUD0vXiDvNeSf https://youtu.be/nS9W-wlJHPA?si=UALTPJkHSmfe7AV1 https://youtu.be/TGHaNo_81lk?si=KfD_kEgPnTQNesne https://youtu.be/8MT06HoldTg?si=4-qhgzPDEDWAEUeJ https://youtu.be/dI7QcpHQudo?si=16vhC4i3Zdsbt598 https://youtu.be/Zdg4sU-xJjM?si=rMqATKFBq7gkr460 https://youtu.be/BSXoI9MDvU0?si=snaXJbmGA2Yrooa7 https://youtu.be/K9Na6CmJwn4?si=NJ4WYLCLs0ZVHIMi

If you adopt the right mindset, you will not need to know how to defend against an attack to your dignity, because it will not feel like an attack from your perspective.

Any criticism you do not agree with, treat the same way you would treat flat earth theories. Suppose the other person called you ugly, but you like how you look. The other person’s assessment came from the same place flat earth theories came from; the big book of ideas that have absolutely zero basis in reality whatsoever. If someone expressed a flat earth theory, I would be understandably concerned that someone that stupid votes, but I would not feel personally attacked, as I exist in reality and a flat earth does not. Any criticism that I believe to be incorrect, I would treat the same way.

If you do agree with the criticism, and the problem is solvable, solve the problem. If someone fat shames you and, according to your physician, your body fat percentage is unhealthily high, eat less and exercise more. If you already feel insecure and the body shaming only makes you feel worse, treat that distressing feeling as a challenge. Imagine the look on the other person’s face when you get skinny and the other person has to find a different flaw to pretend to be perturbed at you about. It will get you through it.

If the problem being complained about is something that cannot be solved, tell the other person that you have the tranquility to accept what is out of your control and whether or not they have the resilience to do the same is not your problem.

Imagine someone gets into a fight with a couple, and both parents die. The person didn't notice their child nearby, but the child witnessed everything.

Now consider two possible paths:

Path A: Leave the child behind. The child has lost their parents, witnessed a terrible event, and may be left without the support they need. The person leaves, knowing what happened.

Path B: Kill the child, too. The child dies alongside their parents, and the person commits another terrible act.

Both paths could lead to the person being seen as a monster, although for different reasons.

So, what could the person have done instead?

is it acceptable to say “it’s ok, I would choose the bear too”? For reference I’m 6’2”, 245-260 depending on the time of the year lol. I very easily understand why I look like I need to be avoided. I just don’t know if that would be acceptable or if the consensus among women would be to just not say anything. I almost said this when this situation actually happened but wasn’t sure if that would be ok or not so yeah. Any and all answers from she/her they/them are accepted and greatly appreciated.

i was debating this with my friend and he was talking about stereotypes of people in groups. While heinous stuff is happening to other people is it right to just stand there and watch by? I guess it depends on how much power you have to actually make a change but like. We hear horrible horrible stuff about American ice agents. And while I argued that the concept of ice is right but the execution is blatantly wrong. His argument was mostly gravitating on the economy and inflation that illegal immigrants course and like the experience of shooting a gun and getting a good pay.

so as the title suggests, a while ago i tried to commit. was a shit time and still is. anyway this person came along and found me and unknowingly stopped me just by being present yk. and i only recently realized 'oh shit, i tied to die' and I'm wondering if i should tell them? do i have to? is it fair on them?

i don't want what i want to be taken into account as i already know what I'm going to do, i just want to hear other people's takes on the situation

Hello everyone!

So this story dates a while back now at this point. In 2025, my brother (23 M) and I (26M) were gonna go to Coachella to see Lady Gaga. She is his favorite artist and I agreed to go with him as we were going to split the cost down the middle. We were on a payment plan at the time and I had paid a little over $500 towards my ticket and he had paid about $200 towards his.
The tickets were a little over $700 a piece so the amount paid only equated to one ticket purchased technically.

A little before the date of the show, he says he can’t go anymore as he was entering a new career field and was having a slow process getting hired. So since he was no longer able to go, my money was all tied up and was left with the option to just go and fit the bill for everything that we were going to split, or just be ok with losing that money.

When I mentioned to him initially regarding paying me back, he said ‘fuck no’ and that he’s not responsible for me losing money as I could be have still chosen to go. But that’s not the point. We agreed to go together and that’s the only way it would have worked financially.
After all, it was his idea in the first place.

So at dinner a few months later (July 2025), he told me that he added up how much I paid, and that he will pay me back. There was no date or eta. I was fine with giving the space and time needed to come up with the money.

So here we are October 2026 and it had crossed my mind recently and I brought it up to him again tonight, and he kinda just lost it. His energy grew completely angry and nasty at me just following up on something that he told ME.
He feels like I should have just let it go at this point and that I should have just never brought it up again. That he’ll pay me when he decides to.
(And said many more disgusting things).
Says that my demeanor is entitled , all because I said he owes me money.

Then he said he changed his mind again, and that he’s actually not going to pay me back at all.

Am I wrong for feeling like he is responsible for me losing my money and that he should pay me back?

Most people, however, do believe in taunting and hurting, or terrorizing someone they don't like. This originated from mob rule. Where majority gets political will over minoirity. Where biggotry, racism, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia originates.

OK but first-world civilizations are supposed to be living in a society where all that was abolished. We are above board on that. Yet, we still are disenfranchsing entire groups of people, called criminals, and dehumanizing and abusing anyone we don't like. So (1) how do we avoid the pitfalls of bigotry arising from majority-minded politics and decision-making (2) does anyone care, til it happens to you?

someone dropped a cute keychain when i was out and i took it. i didnt see who dropped it and i tried asking people around me if theyd dropped it (idk if they didnt hear me or were ignoring me but i tried asking several times). i ended up just taking it, tho i feel bad for whoever dropped it because ive lost keychains before in the past and been very sad. shd i have just left it there?