I wish I never had been in those two months.

I’m going to say it, there is this guy named axe, I nickname him as axe, one day axe got banned in a server, and I was in his server in voice chat, he mentioned to me that he argued with the owner of the server, and before the drama happened, they were really good pals, but after the ban happened, he told me everything, he got banned for allowing the owner of the server to vent to him but when the owner vented about their mental illness and how it affects their relationship, he got mad and decided to interrogate the owner, quickly the owner insulted him and threatened to ban him over a good reason and still Axe was a bitch about it, and when I heard about this drama I was scared, so I immediately sided with him in secret, and not after a day I got banned for snitching and telling him everything the owner said to him in vc, and I was crying because there was someone I liked which we’ll call saw, saw is a boy that I had a crush on, and not even after a day, he blocked me. I was devastated, I was upset, I was mad, but keyword again: I was hurt. 

and Axe was there for me, was there for me. me. me. me. he was there for me. 

axe began to talk about his nihilistic views, on how he doesn’t believe in gender, how he doesn’t believe in any religion and is quite anti theist. 

he then begins venting to me about his family life, how his dad was abusive, how his mom was neglectful, how he got so many mental illnesses from his father, and how he’s going to die in 2 years. 

but I felt pity for him, he’s never going to see life again, he’s never going to see how beautiful the world is. 

he began telling me reasons to hate others, like members joking about scat , etc , etc. 

and as much I really hate to say this I believed in his foolish reasons, I mean I thought we were pretty great friends, until he keeps mentioning some flaws about himself, like knowing how to manipulate others, but chooses not to, and which makes me afraid, which makes me think if I’m actually being groomed and their words were true, I shrugged it off, I didn’t know better, I didn’t want to know what was better. I mean he’s been groomed too, so it’s gotta be something different. 

he was so accepting to me and hated my friend that well call Ham, because ham sided with axe but then returned back after the server owner was inviting him back. 

I never got to talk to ham after that, it’s okay, I got to talk to him on TikTok and if I dare mention Axe. he’s going to make me be apolgizijg to him. 

axe would give me some compliments sometimes like how I am an intellectual being and how he is an intellectual being and how we’re both having an intellectual conversation, or telling me to ignore what they’re saying about me. 

not after months I came back to the owners server because of ham (thank you ham I really am so fucking happy again) axe was mad and argued with me, axe was draining me out, he kept mentioning saw which I didn’t want him to mention and kept excusing it as discrepancy even though it fucking hurted me so bad, one thing I can remember is that he screenshares his phone on discord calls with him and show me old screenshots of past dramas he was in, I didn’t know what the hell made me agree to this, but I was indulging in it. ham told me that axe was talking shit behind my back, saying I was dependent on saw, saying that I’ll harm myself but never end up doing it. thankfully we both realized we’ve gotten groomed! :), but I keep forgetting to mention details, like how he literally was against pedophiles but literally groomed me?? How he never cared for my actual suffering, how he was mad when I wasn’t bothering trying to talk to him anymore

Long story short: It was my first year of high school. I’ve never really had a lot of friends but especially not at that time of my life. He was my English teacher and he singled me out because he knew how vulnerable and lonely I was.

Started very innocently. I joined extracurriculars for creative writing to help my grades even though I was great at English and writing. Nothing was wrong at first. We talked about books we enjoyed and he praised me for my writing. Nothing wrong with a little favoring I thought.

But then he started recommending me books to read outside of class and introduced me to Nabokov, (if you know, you know).
I didn’t think much of it but I enjoyed the attention.

Then at some point once we’d grown closer and more comfortable he’d like innocently poke me or touch me or just find any exuse to be close to me. At some point it was his hand on my knee for minutes as he sat and read my work.

It happened once and then nothing happens for weeks which made me go insane because why would he touch me and not do it again?

Rumors started escalating and the principal caught air of it. Kids started saying I had a crush on him and he was so scared of losing his job so he reported me for ruining his reputation or wtvr.

I ended being recommended to switch schools and I was so embarrassed because now everyone thought of me as that girl and I struggled making friends and still do to this day three years later.

I never told anyone the truth. I had no friend to tell and my parents would probably cause too much of a scene and plus I didn’t have any evidence because he didn’t really do anything.

Hope this spreads awareness and if you’re in a similar situation remember than you’re valuable and loved!

This is my first time posting on Reddit, but I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in my life about this right now. I would love to know if this is actually considered grooming or if it's something else? I don't want to invalidate anyone else's experience, and this feels very uncomfortable to talk about, so let me know.

To preface, I'm a trans guy. When I was about 12, soon to be 13, I met this guy on Discord; he claimed to be 13, and we started chatting. If I'm being completely honest, I do not remember the majority of our relationship. Both when it was platonic or romantic, so a lot of the details here feel random. It started friendly; I think we just talked about our lives and such. He told me he was from Texas and suffered from really, really bad body dysphoria and did not want to share photos of his face, which, as a kid, I was very understanding of. The odd stuff started at some point and just included talking a lot about sexual things I did not understand, such as BDSM, sex ed stuff, etc. Stuff a 12-year-old did not understand. But I really wanted to be liked by him, so I listened and got exposed to a lot. I don't know when we started online dating, but I do know we did a lot of sexual role-play. I feel weird saying I liked it because, as someone who has actually had sex and felt sexual attraction, that feels so wrong. It makes me feel like maybe there was a part of me that liked it. A lot of the time, these sexual interactions would end abruptly with him saying he had "finished" and pretty much just getting distant/ending the conversation. He talked a lot about his own SI and SH tendencies, and it got to a point where I got nervous when I was away from my phone long enough because I would worry he had killed himself. Near the end of the relationship, he started talking about how he would enjoy our sexual interactions more if he had visuals. At first I was a hard no, and he seemed bummed but would drop it at the moment. Over time, though, he kept asking. I know I sent at least one explicit photo of myself when he made it sound like a rush; the conversation ended as usual, and we never talked further about it. I don't really remember what caused the end of the relationship nor a lot of the other details. I have spent a few hours trying to dig up receipts on Discord, but no luck.

I mostly just wanted to share; it's been a long time at this point, and it feels silly to talk bout, but I'm just coming to the conclusion that maybe I was groomed? I don't know if he was lying about his age or if he actually was 13, and I have no way to know. Does this count as some sort of sexual abuse if it was not in person? What words are appropriate when talking about this? I feel like I'm sending this out into the void; please help. I really just want to know I'm not going crazy.

What makes me feel weird is that I made friends with my groomers, so it felt consensual. So its really difficult to think of any of it in a bad way or the way people want me to. I also enjoy the company of older people. Not sure if that's daddy issues. So sometimes I question if its really even grooming. Most therapists would tell me WHAT to think, but I feel that nobody can decide that FOR you.

TW : this may be very triggering

My therapist told me I was a victim multiple times.Since I realised I was touched in a weird way by a woman I started to get flashbacks.It still doesn't feel valid but I don't know what to do anymore to accept it was messed up.You can never touch a kid like that..A woman caressed my chest and stomach when I was a kid.It hurts very much and I feel a pit in my stomach.I feel broken.Like I would never be normal.I never was

Idk really how to explain it so sorry if it's confusing, also English isn't my native language so it's not helping

Basically I've always thought I was straight but I've also been curious (also I can't get a gf so...), and this lead me to talking with bi or gay guys, sometimes older than me. I'm not sure if it's related to my look or not but a lot of them gave me "girly compliment", one even misgendered me (called me a girl, he stopped when I asked him to but did it again after some times). For some times I pretty much was switching from not into it to being a bit curious, but I think what I really enjoyed was just compliments, since I didn't really have any right now

Also what's really confusing is that most of the time I just want to feel like a guy, maybe even a bit manly?

This continued for some times until a guy went way too far so I took a break and now I'm not sure how to feel about it, idk if it was even grooming or just compliments.

So yeah I think most of the time I want to stop that, but I just can't help but thinking about it a lot

I'm trying to come to terms with everything I've been through and the damage it's caused, but I just can't get over the shame. I know logically I was a victim but I can't help but feel I had more agency over my actions. I kept putting myself in situations that would hurt me and I knew that. I did awful, horrid things for the worst people just because they would be kind for a little. I feel nauseous and vile remembering it all

SORRY THIS ISNT THE BEST GRAMMAR AND THE STORY IS A BIT OVER THE PLACE

Okay so im a female 15, and my half brother is 30 something male obv, He had an addiction and was in a mental institution for a while but when he came back I had this unbearable feeling of weirdness, dislikeness and just disgust to him as if my body is rejecting him, I try to be nice but it ends up being just mean, im one of the kindest people i think and Im never mean to really anyone without a well reason. A couple months ago i watched The perks of being a wallflower(movie) for the first time ever and it affected me, really touched me but i guessed the plot when i saw how close the main characters aunt is to him and immediately realized what was going on, it made me think HOW did i genuinely immediately realized what it was? ive never been surrounded by mol*esting grooming of any sort tho i have been sexual assaulted. It made me think about how comfortable the mc aunt is to him and how it reminded me of my relationship with my half brother when i was a growing up, from 1 to 13 we’ve been close, he’d open up about his drug use, his relationships and struggles, he had authority over me and thought he could raise me in a way, he’d always invite me to sit on his lap even when i was 9 and above, always kiss my cheeks and always and till now call me nicknames and pet names (but he does that fairly to all of his female siblings) he’d be gone sometimes at the time i didnt know why (he was using drugs and was being arrested all the time) and he would immediately come back to me and that hot and cold made me obsessed for a certain time that i would stalk him and found his old twitter accounts(i didnt even have twitter), me and my younger sister have one year difference and i looked wayy different than her and in arabs culture, since im paler i was pretty and he made sure i knew that he would favorite me over everyone and its wrong to favorite between kids and would gift me whenever, he believed we had a special connection, Its been years after and in my hardest time he wasnt there for me because he was too busy being high and after that my obsession calmed and i forgot all about him, he tried to come back but my mom told me to avoid him and he would text me on snapchat telling me to “believe my older brother over my whole family and that they were lying to me” they havent told me anything at the time because it definitely hard for a 13 year old to comprehend that my older brother is an addict. And now hes back and welcomed to our house, this week i was out with my older sister and we were speaking about grooming and stuff but my half brother was brought up and my sister mood shifted and asked me if he actually ever cross lines with me (i was a child i dont think i even set any boundaries) told her i dont know and i need to think deeply about it because i blocked out everything but one thing i told her is how he purposely bought my cousin a rose at a family trip i was not apart of and he knows me and this cousin have beef so when she came back she came and bragged abt it to me saying that he loves her more and we argued abt it until we both went to him and asked him he said that he loves his sister more and i won, its weird in the first place to do a thing? And let two little girls fight over a grown ass man she was 10 i think and i was 8/7 not sure (who was blood related to both of us) and he enjoyed it i remember he was giggling and stuff. My older sister confessed that my mom felt uncomfortable with our relationship and for a certain time when i was still a kid she forbid me from hanging out with me alone. Now i cant help but wonder if he actually groomed me.? I unadded him most of my social media as im uncomfortable and think he was weird for sure with me and still is. What do you think am i overexaggerating it?

i just turned 17 but aint got nth to smile about, i only feel even more unlovable and expired with every year passing

i feel gross thinking about him, and what wouldve happened if i had never found a partner. what if he was just replacing me for his ex. what if he really did feel romantic feelings for me. what wouldve happened if we stayed friends. and we met irl. what would he do. would he be normal. would i be normal? would he watch me change? would he get touchy with me? why would he? its not like he would, im just being a bad person for putting him in such a predatory light. im scared its like emotional cheating on my partner but i just. dont feel any romantic nor sexual feelings for that guy. why do i have these thoughts about him? why does this happen every time? why do i still stay up on school nights crying about him even if i've run away. ghmmhmggmmggh. fmsbl.

My groomer, also my music instructor, never answers me anymore. We started talking outside of lessons about 3 months ago and things started off well but after a while he just didnt seem as interested. I still crave his attention and it hurts that he seems to have gotten a bit bored of me

i miss the adrenaline, how i feared it but also felt loved, the mix of emotions. i miss trying to please an angry man. of satisfying needs. of being loved for being nice...

this is js a vent.

he’s groomed me for nearly 5 years now.. but he’s getting meaner w me.. it’s like he hates me now.. when i’m sad he blames me.. he acts like what hes doing is okay..

hes triggering me so much he makes me want to cut in the past hes encouraged me to cut..

i dont know why hes leaving.. ive always done pretty much what hes wanted why why why is be throwing me away like trash i hate it i hate it why is he crushing my heart like this why is he breaking me more.. havent i given enough?!?

i have given all i have..!!!!

Ok, ok let me start. I got groomed from 13-14 (I'm now 15) and ever since i've been trying to get in contact with older ppl..

But tbh i don't even know if i've really been groomed?

And ik it's weird and everything but idk what to do. My irl life sucks like it really really sucks and online i feel like i can just be me?

And i don't even know if what i'm feeling is really me or not? Ik it's weird

But i also know that what i'm doing is completely wrong and disgusting and i'm fucking 15, so why can't i act responsible online? Idk all of it is just messing with my head...

Cuz idk....ig the only thing i want is to be loved? But i feel like i can't achieve that through getting groomed...

I don't even know why i'm making this post...

last weekend I was out with some friends and when I got back from the restroom a guy had ordered me a drink and I genuinely know it was stupid but he’s a guy I go to college with and a good friend of my friends and I didn’t want to make it awkward so I drank it. my memory is completely blank from about ten minutes after that until I woke up the next morning anyway nothing bad happened apparently I started throwing up and acting really drunk so two of my friends took me home and that guy came with but they all left together and they said he stayed out of my room while they got me changed. I know nothing happened but waking up in different clothes without remembering has really messed me up and I think it kind of triggered me or something but I don’t know do you think something bad happened to me that I don't remember? when I was a kid after | learned what virginity was I remember wishing | still had mine and hating myself because I somehow felt sure that | wasn't a virgin even though I don't have any memory of ever having sex. I don't know where that feeling came from I just know it was there and on my mind a lot. I started making myself throw up when I was 9 and was diagnosed with anorexia at 10 then at 14 | was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety and was self harming. I've also always had really exaggerated reactions to people touching me I had a complete meltdown when I got home from a party in college after a guy only started to feel me up over my clothes while we were dancing but | felt like | was totally breaking down. I hate the idea of having sex and I can't stop myself from starting to cry even if I get near to trying to talk about my fears about this. does anyone have any advice for how I should deal with this? I’m scared that I’m making myself upset over nothing because nothing actually happened last weekend and I don’t remember something bad happening before that but this has really upset me and I’m not sure what to do.

Never had i tought, that after months of no contact id be here thinking about him everyday still. In the start of cutting contact off i felt fine, i expected it any time soon but now, i cannot go a day without reminicing about him and missing him. He gave me comfort, advice and so, so much care- more than anyone else had given me. It wasnt a one sided thing, we had a real connection and i know that he stopped grooming me and loved me for me instead. I just miss you so much.

Tl;dr: I'm not sure if this is emotional incest, or if it's grooming when it was never the plan.

I've been best friends with a neighbor since we were 4, and I quickly became close to the whole family. I eventually started being treated like another child of the family, even being included in private family matters and coming and going like I lived in their house. My older brother has little to no connection to them, and I eventually found out my friends mom hit on him and he eventually said yes, then told me and our mom about it. Turns out she did that with several young, but still legal aged guys in the neighborhood behind her abusive husband's back. One of them was one of mine and her son's friends who lived a few houses down from us, so I had two confirmations she likes guys around my age (21 at the time). I've always been more of an introverted, isolated person, so I had little sexual experience. I ended up telling the mom I knew everything, and I wanted to have that connection with her, too.

I was still in that young guy space of thinking sex meant I have social value, and is a form of deeper connection no matter who it is, so I wanted to be included whether or not she's my mom in everything but DNA. 2nd mom said no because we're family, but then changed her mind a minute or two later. She wrapped her arms around me and started making out with me when I thought it was still a no, so I followed her lead while not thinking twice about how she just said it's not okay because she basically raised me alongside her other children, yet needed no time at all to suddenly be very into the idea.

We ended up spending years fucking almost every day behind the family's back, and she eventually admitted she developed actual romantic feelings for me after she said she was worried about me being the one who might get too attached. 2nd mom stopped talking to all the other guys, who it turns out she never went all the way with, and started asking me to come see her every day and go on dates together. She ended up being my fist valentine, having an "our spot" as a special place where we had our first date, calling me her boy toy and showing me off to her friends, and a bunch of other close couple stuff while still treating me like her baby boy. I can recognize that's seen as unhealthy, but I don't necessarily have a problem with that dynamic in terms of me being the young one involved.

I'm confused on if this counts as some sort of psychological incest, and if it's grooming if she was never planning on being with me until I asked for it. Even if she started grabbing and kissing me after she had said we're not going to do it I don't think it would count as assault or anything? I've noticed that my male friends say there's absolutely nothing wrong that happened here since I'm the one who asked, and my female friends say something horrible and disgusting has happened to me and she's terrible for not sticking to her initial answer of no to me. I'm a legal adult and were not biologically related so it shouldn't matter, but they've repeatedly told me it's not okay because she kept me as part of her family since I was 4, and had always wanted me to marry her daughter/my non-bio little sister so we could be an actual family.

I can acknowledge there were plenty of times she would give me alcohol and drugs while we were together because it always made me more enthusiastic about getting to sleep with her, and that there were a few times I was hesitant and she'd start groping me anyway, but that's not particularly grooming since that could happen to anyone. I also have mommy, age play, CNC, and incest kinks I'm pretty sure were there before I was fucking her, and have always been liked by older women more than women my age, so I wasn't upset about any of that. I just don't know how I can fully classify it, and a weird part of me wants to believe it was indeed grooming for one reason or another.

I know there are morally dubious parts to this, but did any actual grooming happen? It feels more like I had my consent tested by an older woman more than being raised to be a sexual partner by a close adult. She recently referred to me as "a twisted part of her family", and I've been sad she thinks back on it all as being messed up. I still miss those days of our connection a lot, often find myself wishing I could hug her when I'm getting overwhelmed at work, and feel like I wasn't grateful enough for what I had at the time.

I had a physically and mentally abusive gf for a few years and I'd talk to mom about it, and I ended up cheating on my gf with mom after we hadn't been sexual with each other since before I started dating that abusive gf. I broke up with that gf a bit later, but I'm more sad I didn't get to continue with mom after that time of getting back together. Mom hated my ex for treating her baby badly, and I misinterpreted that as her now reclaiming me since she'll always treat me better than any random girl. To this day I wonder if mom regrets that, and if she misses me the same way I miss her. She got a new bf who's the same age as me, and a part of me was jealous that I wasn't her main boy anymore. She ended up cheating on him with me, but it still didn't feel great to not be her one and only anymore.

It's messed up, but I'm glad we still at least have familial love for each other. I moved into my own place, and usually call her more than my actual parents. She's finally divorcing her abusive husband, and I wish it had been years ago so we didn't have to sneak around the house for years lol

Being groomed from a young age is being excited to turn 18 so you can flirt with guys in their 50s but then being horrified when they flirt back and feeling disgusting about it. It’s also crushing on like any older guy who shows you attention like wtf is wrong with me.

TW: grooming, child sexual exploitation, depression
I honestly don’t really know where else to put this, but I desperately need to hear from people who have experienced something similar because I feel completely alone.
When I was 15, I met a man who was 50. We continued talking for almost 7–8 years, well into my adulthood. I am now in my early 20s.
For almost that entire time, I never thought of myself as being groomed or abused. He was one of the safest people in my life. I trusted him completely. He knew everything about me. He checked on me, worried about me, gave me advice, helped me financially sometimes, remembered things about my life, and made me feel cared about and special.
As I got older, especially around 19/20 and onward, my feelings for him became much deeper. I genuinely believe I loved him. And a huge part of what I am struggling with now is that I still do not know how to reconcile that love with what I am being told happened to me.
There was sexual contact between us online while I was underage. I sent photos/videos of myself. At the time, I did not experience it in my head as someone forcing me to do something. I cared about him. I wanted his attention. I wanted him to think I was special. That is part of why hearing words like “grooming,” “coercion,” “exploitation,” and “sexual abuse” applied to my life has completely fucked with my head.
Law enforcement became involved this year for reasons I won’t go deeply into for privacy/legal reasons.
The first round of criminal charges against him became public in May. Those charges already involved very serious offenses involving child sexual material and related conduct.
Then this month, another 26 charges were filed pertaining specifically to what happened with me.
Seeing my own life essentially turned into criminal charges has been one of the most surreal and devastating experiences of my life.
The case is also very public where he lives. There have been news articles about him, his charges, and the investigation. I can Google someone I loved for almost eight years and see news stories about criminal allegations instead of the person I knew.
And every time I think I am finally starting to put this behind me, something else happens.
New court date.
New affidavit.
New article.
New charges.
Someone asks me about it.
I learn another detail.
And suddenly I feel like I am right back at the beginning of the healing process again.
What makes this even harder is that I miss him horribly.
I miss talking to him.
I miss having someone check on me.
I miss feeling like someone cared about every stupid little thing happening in my life.
I miss the way he made me feel special.
I miss having what felt like a safe place.
And then I feel disgusting and guilty for missing somebody who is facing these kinds of charges.
I also feel guilty because I cooperated with investigators. Rationally, I understand that I was put in a situation where I really did not feel like I had another option. But emotionally, part of me feels like I betrayed someone I loved.
There is also this awful fear that I am going to learn that I was never actually special to him. That there were other girls like me. That I was just one person in some kind of pattern and the relationship that shaped such a massive part of my adolescence and early adulthood meant something completely different to him than it did to me.
I think that possibility would absolutely destroy me.
I also struggle enormously with the question of what happened after I turned 18.
If I was groomed when I was 15, what does that make the relationship when I was 18? 19? 20? 21? 22?
I was an adult by then. I chose to keep talking to him. I became even more emotionally attached to him. I believe I fell in love with him during those years.
Does the grooming somehow stop being relevant the second you turn 18? Or are you still living inside a relationship and attachment that was created when you were a kid?
I genuinely do not understand how to make sense of any of it.
I have been doing horribly mentally for months.
I have a therapist. I have tried medication. I have tried talking to people close to me.
But only a very limited number of people in my personal life actually know what is going on, and even with the people who do know, I feel like I am constantly holding back because I don’t want to burden them with it. I can tell that this topic makes people uncomfortable, or that they don’t know what to say, and then I start feeling guilty for bringing it up at all.
So I end up keeping a lot of it to myself.
I don’t want the people I care about to feel like they have to constantly absorb this with me, and I don’t want every conversation I have with them to become about him or the case. But at the same time, I feel like I am drowning in it internally, and not talking about it makes me feel even more alone.
I don’t think anyone in my actual life understands the depth of what this is doing to me.
I am fucking depressed.
I sleep because being asleep means I don’t have to think about him or the case.
Sometimes I barely eat and sometimes I overeat.
I have almost no motivation.
I isolate myself.
I have started feeling disgusting in my own body. Earlier in this process I showered constantly because I felt dirty, and now sometimes my brain goes in the opposite direction and tells me that I deserve to feel gross because I am gross.
I know that thought isn’t healthy. But that is genuinely where my brain goes.
I am safe and I am not planning to hurt myself. I just feel emotionally exhausted in a way I don’t know how to explain.
And I think the loneliest part is that I don’t hate him.
Sometimes I wish I did.
It would probably be so much easier if I could look at everything and think, “He was horrible, I hate him, good riddance.”
But I remember being cared about.
I remember feeling safe.
I remember laughing with him and talking about normal life.
I remember loving him.
And now I am also starting to feel afraid of him for the first time because I am learning things and seeing things from an outside perspective that I never saw while I was inside the relationship.
I feel like my brain is trying to hold two completely incompatible versions of the same person.
The person I loved and trusted.
And the person everyone is telling me exploited me.
I don’t know how both can be true.
So I guess I’m asking anyone who has experienced grooming, especially grooming that turned into a long-term emotional relationship:
How did you cope afterward?
Did you still love or miss the person?
Did you struggle with feeling like you participated in what happened?
How did you stop blaming yourself?
How did you deal with realizing that something you thought was love may also have involved exploitation?
And if your relationship continued after you became an adult, how did you make sense of those later years?
I am not really looking for legal advice or for strangers to diagnose exactly what happened to me. I think I just desperately need to hear from somebody who understands why this is not as simple as “he was bad, move on.”
Because right now I feel like I am grieving someone who is still alive, grieving the relationship I thought I had, grieving the person I was when I met him, and trying to rebuild my understanding of almost eight years of my life all at the same time.
And I genuinely don’t know how to do it.

I've told people. I've told friends. I've told trusted adults. every time they brush it off or look at me weird.

I can't tell my parents, I am planning to cut them off at 18. I know they will blame me if I tell them. it wouldn't be of any use.

I can't trust the legal system.

again, people in my life look the other way or offer solutions that are unsafe. but I'm more focused on the people who know and look the other way.

like I guess I can't blame you. but really...really? I know I probably sound entitled as shit, but nothing. absolutely nothing?

Hi I’m 18f, and I’m kinda having a sad day but basically back story a few days before my 17th birthday last year this 26 year old man started grooming me and it eventually led to him stealing my virginity and my first kiss and exploiting me online (CSAM) and it’s just hard realizing it was all fake and somebody that actually loves me wouldn’t have made me insecure destroyed my self esteem made me be hypersexual, raped me so hard multiple times I ended up in the hospital peeing chunks of blood, one of the times it was so bad when I was in his closet for about three days with him because he didn’t want anyone to see he was with me and I ended up having extreme pain in my private areas and I needed to go to the hospital and at 3 in the morning he made me walk by myself about thirty minutes out to the emergency room because he was “too tired” and said I was being dramatic.

It’s hard because I have already been a victim of csa much before this from my mom and my uncle and I had a real hard home life still do tbh. But he took advantage of that I had no parents I didn’t get to go to school and be a normal kid so I had no adults around me other then him really. And it made me extremely attached to him and obsessed with him I had Stockholm syndrome genuinely and I just remember he would hold me after he raped me or he would say molested me , and he said he loved me he would make me call him my dad and sometimes he acted as if he really was my dad like he believed it or something and would talk about if I wanted him to be my boyfriend or my husband he tried to get me pregnant when I said no … and I fell for all his tricks I just feel so upset because he is a whore and a predator and he hurt me and everytime I would try to explain how he did hurt me he couldn’t even fucking listen and today I felt finally just tired and sick of feeling ugly and worthless I mean I tried to end my life over all this. He made me jealous with older women girls my age everything … I had to go to the mental hospital because of it and I’m sad today because I feel so
Guilty and I feel like I’ll end up regretting telling them he broke the no contact order

Sorry forgot to mention but he was arrested for the crimes he committed against me mostly CSAM charges and that’s why there was a no contact order

I’m so sad because I know I will eventually miss him because he was all I had and I felt like that was my home and my way out of my abusive family and he ended up being just like them if not worse because atleast they don’t pretend to love me but he fooled me and I’m heart broken and angry and I feel ugly and like I am pathetic and worth nothing and weak for still knowing I feel love. For him when I probably atleast I hope I did the right thing for myself by telling them But he just would switch back and forth from saying he loved me to ignoring me to loving me and affectionate and then back to choosing someone else over me for the millionth time. He would never do this to any of the prettier girls he actually loved and I feel rejected and just terrible. Sorry long vent

Minors or Victims, please immediately block and report if you get a weird message from someone in this server or anyone in general. Do not engage in their behavior because that’s just going to fuel them to harm you more. Cut off contact with your groomer with them and tell a trusted adult or friend if you believe you are being groomed by an individual. Even if you aren’t completely sure, even a toxic relationship is enough to cut contact because staying with your groomer will get you hurt more. If you fear seeing your groomer in public (Ex. Teacher, Friend of Freind, Ect.) then make sure peopl around you know or a trusted high authority figure while also knowing how to defend yourself if they try anything. Your safety matters and your groomer should be punished for what they did to you. Yes, you can also file a anonymous police report even if they haven’t particularly SA’d you or had physical contact with you that wasn’t consented, because what they are doing can be considered harassment— and if they’re a adult or have a significant age gap with you when you are a minor, they can be considered a predator.

I wrote this to make sure my fellow users were safe. If you are a pedophile reading this, please get mental health evaluation immediately. Hold yourself accountable if you have done anything to anyone and please stop grooming others if you are or even turn yourself into the police if you have committed a crime on act with these feelings . There are forms of help to get rid of this harmful paraphillia and it would be advised to turn to a therapist or professional. Even if you can’t control the attraction, you can control your actions— and by the end of the day if you act on them it’s your responsibility and fault.

Thank you for listenin. Sincerely: —Viima.