I need some advice because I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I’ll try to keep this short without leaving out important details.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. We met online while overseas and spent the first 2 years doing long distance. Eventually, we applied for a temporary partner visa so we could finally live together in his country. Everything was going great. We were excited to build a life together, and we’re expecting the permanent visa to come through in the next 1–2 years if everything goes well.

Unfortunately, some things have happened that are making me question whether our relationship is viable long term.

It all started when we decided to try an open relationship.

It was something we BOTH wanted to explore. We each made a Grindr account and agreed on some simple rules: no meeting anyone without discussing it first, keeping each other updated, and being honest about anything that might cross boundaries.

After about two months, neither of us had met anyone. Personally, I found the whole thing exhausting. It was high effort, low reward. Most guys weren’t my type, weren’t interested, or things just went nowhere. Eventually, I stopped using the app.

I asked my boyfriend how his experience was going, and he said pretty much the same.

Then, about a month later, I caught him lying.

One day, I was using his phone to find a photo when I noticed him getting nervous. Something felt off. I opened his texts and saw a guy’s name I didn’t recognise. He immediately snatched the phone away.

I asked who it was. He said it was just an old friend from business school. When I asked to see the conversation, he went into the bedroom and deleted everything.

I confronted him. First, he claimed they were discussing business. After repeatedly questioning him, his story started falling apart.

Eventually, he admitted he’d reconnected with someone on Grindr whom he’d had something with before we met. He initially claimed it was just friendly conversation, but after more questioning, he admitted they’d been exchanging nudes and talking about their days for about a month.

He insisted they’d never met or had sex and said he’d blocked the guy.

I was devastated. I remember going into the shower just to cry. We barely spoke for three days.

Then he sent me confirmation of a psychiatrist appointment. He told me he knew what he’d done was wrong, that he wanted to work on himself, and that he’d been struggling with his mental health and bottling up issues in our relationship, including our lack of intimacy.

For context, I’m not as sexually active as he is, and I knew that had been frustrating for him, although he’d communicated it before and I didn’t do much about it.

Eventually, I decided to forgive him. Not completely, though. I made it clear that rebuilding trust would take time.

And for a while, things genuinely got better.
He was seeing his psychiatrist, and I could see what felt like real progress. We communicated better. I made more effort with intimacy and sex, not because I felt obligated, but because I wanted us to work.

We agreed to close the relationship while we fixed our issues. Maybe we’d revisit being open someday, because I still sometimes feel attracted to the idea of sleeping with other guys too, but we both understood our relationship needed to come first.

Months passed, and things were genuinely good. Our jobs, finances, home life, family relationships, everything seemed to be falling into place.
I actually felt closer to him than before. Almost losing him made me realise how much I loved him and how happy he made me. I thought he felt the same.
Eventually, he stopped seeing his psychiatrist, but things still seemed fine.

Until today.
I noticed an Apple transaction on our shared bank account. Because of what happened before, my mind immediately jumped to Grindr.

I know this sounds paranoid, but I created a fake Grindr account to check whether he was being truthful.
And there he was.

A profile with a new photo. Active.

When I got home from work, I decided to give him an opportunity to tell me the truth.

I casually asked about the Apple transaction. He said he didn’t know what it was, checked, and showed me it was actually a ChatGPT subscription I’d forgotten to cancel. The irony, lol.

I then said something like, “Oh, for a moment I thought it was Grindr. Sorry. You don’t have that anymore, do you?”

He looked at me and said no.

And that’s when I lost it.

I told him to cut the bullshit because I’d already seen his profile.

What hurts most isn’t even necessarily the app itself. It’s that he lied to my face AGAIN.

After everything we went through. After seeing how much he hurt me the first time. After all those conversations about trust, honesty, and rebuilding our relationship.

He still chose to go behind my back.

And the worst part is that we weren’t even against the idea of an open relationship in the future. We just agreed that we needed to fix our relationship first.

I don’t know whether he’s actually met anyone this time, and I don’t want to assume things I can’t prove. But I do know he had an active profile and lied when I directly asked him about it.

Now I’m questioning everything.

I love this man. We’ve spent six years building a life together. We share a home, finances, plans for the future, and we’re in the middle of a partner visa process.
I genuinely thought we’d come out stronger after
the first incident.

But now I wonder whether I’m just setting myself up to be hurt again.

I don’t want to throw away six years over something that could potentially be fixed, but I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life checking whether my partner is telling me the truth.

Can trust realistically be rebuilt after someone breaks it twice, especially when the second time happens after they’ve already seen how much the first betrayal hurt you?

And there’s another layer to all of this that makes everything even harder: my immigration situation.

The thought of having to return to my home country, a developing country, and rebuild my entire life from scratch after everything I’ve sacrificed to get here is honestly unbearable. I’d rather die. I’ve spent years building a future here, and the possibility of losing not only my relationship but also the life I’ve worked so hard for is terrifying.

I feel trapped between staying with someone I love but can no longer fully trust, and potentially losing everything I’ve built over the past five years.

Anyone who’s been through something similar? Am I doomed?

Since I was 13-14 I have been identifying as asexual/aromantic to some degree. But I have always told myself that when I feel more comfortable in myself (I’m trans ftm), I would probably be open to dating someone (at least romantically, idk about the sex part), preferably a guy. Right now I’d probably say I’m gay (but also open to any gender if the person is cool bc why limit yourself) and asexual-ish.

Now, in 2023 I started high school. There was this one guy in my class who I didn’t interact that much with until the end of my second year. We hung out quite a few times that summer and are still very good friends to this day, after graduating. But, he has left me very confused about a lot of things for these past two years? I have never really had a crush on someone, or found anyone attractive in a romantic way before. He’s one of the only people in my life who really gets me, and we are very similar in how we think about stuff, but we are also veery different. Whenever I’m with him I just really feel like I want to know more about him, how his brain works, and it’s so exciting getting to know him better. He talks a lot but he is also the best listener I’ve ever met, and I feel really seen by him. He’s the kinda person I would want to take with me to all my favorite hangout-spots and have deep conversations with, or just sit in silence for a while, enjoy each other’s presence. It’s kind of as if he lights a little spark inside me whenever I’m around him, and I’m just really INTRIGUED about him, yanno? And he has appeared in a few of my dreams, in that maybe platonic-maybe romantic context… But I’ve never really fantasized about us being intimate-intimate. More like hugging, mmmaaaybe kissing..? Or just being close to each other.

Buuut, since I’ve never liked anyone romantically before, but also never really had a friendship this good, I keep second guessing myself on whether these are romantic or platonic feelings? Help please?? Also, he’s bi/pan.

I'm a 34-year-old gay male who's a virgin and been single my entire life. If you're wondering why, I spent most of my teens and twenties fixating on straight friends of mine waiting in vain for them to reciprocate and only came to fully embrace myself during the pandemic, and I'm also very much an introvert with Asperger's syndrome and exclusively straight male friends. A year ago I went on dating apps for the first time and went on two dates with a guy, but that fizzled out and went nowhere as we had similar personalities but not many common interests, and he was also still extremely close with his ex who he used to live with. I've recently started trying again as I moved house a few months ago and have been training at the gym for a year. I've never been overweight or particularly out of shape, but I've always been skinny and have gained about 30 lbs in that time without getting noticeably fatter which is a good sign I guess.

I won't hide behind the fact that I can be picky and prefer masculine, straight-acting guys, and a major reason for me hitting the gym is to hopefully attract a man who does the same. Therefore, I swipe left on the vast majority of the guys that come up, but I've had a few matches so far. I however get cold feet easily and have only initiated a conversation with three of them, one of whom never responded. With the two who did however in both cases they've quickly ended the messaging when I've told them I'm fairly new to dating. Clearly, bringing that up in very early stages is not a good tactic, but that (and being a virgin) is a conversation that would have to come up eventually.

Doing all of this stresses me out because it's such unfamiliar territory and I spent my entire life interacting with other guys in a purely platonic manner, but I'm compelled to keep trying because I don't want to end up alone forever, but I feel basically clueless on how to go about this.

My boyfriend (23M) and I (29M) have been together for almost two years, and something that happened a while ago still bothers me.

We’re monogamous because that’s what he prefers. I’ve brought up threesomes and opening our relationship before, but he’s never been interested.

However, he has a bit of a public sex kink. He likes doing things in places like public bathrooms or fitting rooms. I’m into it too, but I tend to get nervous when there’s a real chance of someone catching us, which makes it difficult for me to enjoy.

So one night I suggested trying the darkroom at a gay club in our city. I’d been to the club before and had seen the darkroom, but never actually gone inside. It didn’t seem particularly busy, and I thought it might be a good way to enjoy his kink somewhere where sexual activity was actually allowed.

Neither of us had ever tried a darkroom before, so we honestly didn’t know what to expect.

We’d had a few drinks that night, and once inside, I started giving him head. After a while, we noticed several guys had gathered around us, watching and masturbating. Some even started touching us.
I immediately took my boyfriend outside because I knew he wouldn’t be comfortable with other guys getting involved.

I asked him how he felt and whether he wanted to leave. He said he didn’t mind people watching, as long as neither of us did anything sexual with anyone else. He actually agreed to go back in.

So we tried again, but pretty much the same thing happened. Other guys started gathering around us and some tried touching us again, so we left.

Once outside the club, my boyfriend got really angry and accused me of having planned the whole thing because I secretly wanted to involve other guys.
I was honestly pretty hurt by that. I’d suggested the place specifically because of something HE enjoys, and I’d been careful about his boundaries. I was the one who took us outside the first time, asked whether he was comfortable, and gave him the option to leave. We only went back because he wanted to.

Looking back, I can see we were both naive about what happens in darkrooms. But I don’t think that means I deliberately put him in an uncomfortable situation.

He seemed completely fine the following day, and we haven’t really discussed it since. Still, I sometimes worry that he might secretly resent me for what happened or bring it up again during a future argument.

There’s another thing I feel a bit awkward about. The second time we went in, we ended up somewhere that was partly visible from the main club area. I remember being able to see outside the darkroom, so people could probably see us too. We live in a relatively small city where a lot of gay guys know each other, and I can’t help wondering whether someone we know might have recognized us.

Do you think I handled the situation badly, or was his reaction unfair? Would you bring it up again to clear the air, even though it’s been a while and things have been fine between us?

I’m also curious whether other couples have had similar misunderstandings when trying something new sexually.

So, this is hard to write, but I have to vent and kind of just get some advice.

I (18M) am part of a group of seven people, but there's this guy... let's call him Noah. Noah (18M) and I had an instant click. It was like we were meant to know each other. We have known each other for eight years or so, and I can assure you that we're what a lot of people would call soulmates. Looking at each other, is enough to understand what we think and what we want.

I have always been the stereotypical straight guy: Tall, muscular, a football player, barely passing my exams, cocky, you know. He was always... softer. He has always been short, skinny, blonde, soft, and I'm sure I could describe even the smallest freckles of his face.

He came out when he was 14, and he is quite proud of the fact that he's gay. But me? I never came out. I guess my exgirlfriends kinda thought about it, since not even once did I get hard with any of them.

So, with all the context being said, two weeks ago we were at a party. He never drinks, he is always sober no matter why, but me? I could have finished a whole vodka myself, but that night... I was just a bit tipsy.

While we were talking, he whispered a question:
"Can we go outside please?"
How could I say no to those blue oceans staring at me with that puppy-like gaze?

When we were outside, we just standed near the host's lemon tree. We talked for what felt like hours about how everyone was wasted except us, and how weird it was that I wasn't already asleep in my car.

One touch of my arm initiated a spark in my veins that made me realize that he was actually trying to get closer. I wouldn't stop him, ever. When we both started to fall into realization, we were already making out. He softly hummed and in that same moment, i realized I had to do something.

We went to my car, and all I'll say is that I treated his body with all the softness he deserves. I was slow, I didn't try to hurry up, I wasn't chasing my own pleasure... I was just making sure he was happy with what I could do.

After it, we cuddled and kissed in the backseat. The aftercare lasted around an hour, when we decided it was late enough to get home.I drove him to his place, and he kissed me goodbye.

And now, he won't even look at me. I try to talk, but he always manages to ignore me, and I try to understand if I did something wrong, but I swear i replay it all the time and still can't find any problem.

I have been looking at videos of guys similar enough to him, trying to get off with them... but I can't even get close without him.

I need advice, I really want him to talk to me, does anyone know what to do? Has this happened to any of y'all before?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over three years and I love him very much. Lately however it’s feeling a bit boring and I feel a bit out of sorts. We have a pretty good sex life but it’s always the same thing and there seems to be little flexibility with it. We jack off at home too on our own which has been fine but lately I’ve been abstaining so I can enjoy our sex more when we do have it. We have different love languages mine being touch and his acts of service. I want to explore ENM to spice things up and also just to have more experiences. I feel like I missed out on a lot of parts of my sexual upbringing so I’d like to explore my kink side. He’s a very jealous person so I’m not sure if he’d be ok with any of this even though he has mentioned it once before as a last resort possibility. Have you and your partner been in a similar situation? How did you approach the subject?

A question for those of you in long-term relationships. Do you feel your relationship is supported? It could be from friends, family, neighbours, community, etc. Or to put it another way do you feel there are people who would be saddened if you broke up?

I am lucky to definitely feel supported in my relationship. Just wondering how rare or common that is?

I live in England, for what it’s worth.

For some background, I’m a gay man in my early 30s.

For the past few months, I’ve been hanging out and texting with a guy (late 40s). We’ve held hands and kissed a lot.

However, he told me that he was still waiting for his ex (mid 30s) to respond about whether they were going to get back together. So, from my understanding, their relationship was still in limbo. I also told him that I’d love to go on a date with him if he wasn’t getting back together with his ex.

Now, here’s some background about him and his ex. They were together for eight years, but he cheated on his ex, so they broke up last year. However, he’s been trying to get back together with his ex, who still hasn’t given him an answer. They also still hanging out together. But the twist, the ex is also seeing someone else.

One night, I ran into both of them at a club. This was one month after the deadline he had given himself to get an answer from his ex. So I was like I'm gonna ask both of them for updates.

I decided to ask his ex if he was single, and his ex replied, “Yes, I’m single. He’s single. You can go out with him.”

However, the guy I’ve been seeing is now upset with me. I feel like I was actually doing him a huge favour because, finally, his ex had clarified their relationship status: they weren’t getting back together. He had been waiting for an answer but was too afraid to follow up with his ex, so I did it for him. I was very nice and respectful when I asked. I said "I really like this guy, and would love to take him out on a date. But I can't because I respect you. So are you guys getting back together or not?"

He has now blocked me on social media, and I’m confused. He wanted to know whether he and his ex were getting back together, but he was too afraid to ask for an answer himself. I feel like I helped him get the clarity he needed, so I don’t understand why he’s upset with me. It's not my fault the ex didn't want him back. Was I in the wrong here? Am I too blunt for older generation standard?

Disclaimer:

\- I don't want him anymore. His indecisiveness and cowardice for asking the question really turn me off.

\- I used AI to check granmar

Hey everyone! Long post… I’m 26, and the guy (My Dream Man) I have been talking to is 27. We’ve been talking for almost three months (1 week), and we’re long-distance.

Back story: I’ve known I was gay since I was very young, but this is the first time I’ve ever talked to a guy I genuinely like in this way. I’ve developed real feelings for him. Kind of falling hard for him. This experience is new territory for me.

We’ve gotten to know each other over the past few months, and we’ve had some meaningful conversations. I really enjoy talking to him, and I’m interested in seeing whether this could turn into a relationship.
We haven’t officially defined what we are, though, and I don’t want to rush him or make him feel pressured. I also don’t want to wait indefinitely without knowing whether we’re on the same page.

Since we’re long-distance, I know that adds another layer to things. I’m not sure whether it’s better to have the relationship conversation now or wait until we’ve had the opportunity to meet in person.

For those of you who have been in similar situations, when did you know it was time to ask someone to be your boyfriend?

Would you bring it up after almost three months of talking, wait until you meet in person, or give it more time?

I’d really appreciate honest advice. This is my first time experiencing feelings like this for a guy I’ve gotten to know. I want to handle things thoughtfully without rushing something that could potentially be meaningful.

Thank you to anyone how can help!

Me (M23) and my bf (M24) have been together for a bit over 2 years now. Things were absolutely incredible on our first year and the sex was great and frequent (at least twice a week). I think we are a great match since we have compatible personalities and share the same interests (sports, mobile games, etc). However, things fizzled out in the bedroom the following year, where weeks or even up to a month passes by without sex. I’m the top and I totally understand all the prep it takes to bottom, but whenever I initiate or try to show some signs that I want to have sex, It’s often met with rejection. I love all kinds of sex and am totally fine and enjoy doing only oral stuff but I heard from a friend that he doesn’t.

I’ve brought this problem up to him quite a few times already, where the constant rejection has brought my self-esteem down. On his defense, he said that he has been struggling mentally, which I totally understand, and did my best to support him during that period. Months pass by and I feel that his mental health has improved. We both have alt twitter accounts (to watch porn only) and I often stalk his account and notice how his following count constantly increases, which can only mean that he pleasures himself alone. I know this for a fact since his lube is also decreasing whenever I come over. I’m confident that he’s not cheating on me since we’re together basically every single day (he goes back to his place at nights), which also makes me wonder how he doesn’t get horny for me. I just want to feel wanted in the relationship.

I feel that I’ve done everything to try and improve our sex life, even proposing to explore things (me bottoming) since I thought that the constant prep needed to bottom was tiring him out, but he also turned this down since he does not enjoy topping. I’ve always had a high sex drive and he knows this but the past few months have been driving me crazy. This has also carried over to things outside the bedroom, where I feel that I am not present in the relationship anymore. He’s said in the past how he is fine with no sex in the relationship, and for me, sex plays a big part to feel connected to my partner. We may spend each day together, but to me it feels like we’re just besties since there’s not much intimacy (he also does not like making out, just a peck on the lip). I’ve stopped trying to initiate sex, and just settled in waiting for him to feel like having sex (once a month).

I love this man so much. He is my best friend but this singular problem of sexual incompatibility is making me question things about our future, and even my self worth. I know that I shouldn’t place such high importance to sex or pleasure, and I’ve tried to cut down on it but this just made me feel unhappy.
Any advice would be appreciated. Should I bring this up once again to him? What should I say?

Hey 👋🏼

I actually met a guy here on Reddit . I don’t have much hope of meeting people online but we constantly talk for now 22 days now through the chat .

I can say he is the nicest guy I have ever talked to online till this day ( I did not talk to many as well ) . I feel very happy talking with him and feel different about this guy. I just like him in general and want to move on to the next stage which is perhaps video call .

Unfortunately , he lives in the UK and I live in Thailand . I would ask him out if we were in the country but we are not in that situation . Today I tried to ask him whether he was using FaceTime or video , he said it is not something he does . I don’t know whether he is serious about our relationship or looking for someone from the same country. But he still replied when I messaged him . I plan to ask a similar question after a month about video calls . He’s kinda chubby as well which is not my type but I think that personality is harder to change than body image . So that’s why I don’t mind how he looks, but I just don’t know exactly what reason that he does not want to move to the next step of the relationship. Anyway what should I do in this case ?

Thank you in advanced

I speak English well but writing is still not natural to me so ignore mistakes. Many good teachers have tried to fix it and all failed.

I met my husband T who is 39 when we were 13 and 12 and it has always been us. 27 years together. No regrets, we have a good life. We became friends first immediately because T is like sunshine in a human body so hard not to want to be near him. He was always really nice about how bad my English was then and he let me teach him guitar and eventually we realized a little older we had crushes. T will joke sometimes we are best friends who have sex so we wear rings about it. We are good together and love each other just as madly as when we were boys. So even when life is hard, it is still good.

We were deeply lucky as boys that when we did tell our parents when I was 16 and he was 15 that they were all accepting. His brother was as well after he said he would kill me if I hurt T which I think is fair. I only have my dad and he explained he had always known I am gay and this is why he wanted to get me out of Russia. He loves T very much and his parents love me too. So we are fortunate this way.

The only person who did not seem to accept us is Ts grandpa J. I am white and immigrant. T and family is Native American so I am an oddity and J does not trust outsiders. With all that they endured in history I understand why. J said when we married he does not understand why T would marry a man who does not even understand him and his culture but he wishes T to be happy. and that is the extent of all he has ever said to me. Also J has never been outwardly cruel or anything like this. He has always been polite but keeps his distance and does not really want to talk with me. This is ok by me because he loves and cares about T and is not disrespectful so. No big deal. Plus we never saw him as much because he lives kind of far away and doesn’t like driving much so only for holidays and things.

This has changed because floods and storms damaged Js home badly. J has bad hips so he needed somewhere to stay with no stairs. Our house is one story so we invited J to stay while his roof and floors get fixed. We also had space for his his horse in our barn and pasture so it made sense to stay with us. I was happy to do this mostly because again I know he loves T and of course I want them to have time together.

He has been here one month. It has been fine. He is polite but did not really talk much with me which has been normal for so long. But today he asked me if I want to play dominoes while T was working. I said ok and we started playing in silence except calling scores. And he suddenly said “I’m sorry I said I didn’t understand why T would marry you. You are a good man.” This is the most words he has said to me probably ever so I did not know how to respond and just said thank you. He nodded like that was all and went back to the guest room where he is staying.

T finished his work at 5 and I went in his home office to tell him what J said and T looked shocked too. He has apologized so many times over so many years for his grandpa and I always say he doesn’t need to because I only need T to love me, not J. We laughed about it and went to cook dinner and J came out to help and asked me if I miss Russia. And I said not really because my life has been here so long that Arizona is home now. And he started asking me all these questions about myself as a person and whole time T was looking at us like alien had possessed J.

It was truthfully awkward to know someone so long but only now be actually talking to him but it was nice too. Weirdest thing was when J was going to bed tonight he gave T a hug like always and normally he would nod at me and say good night but he hugged me too.

He went to his room and T lost his shit laughing and asked if I drugged his grandpa. I have no idea what happened but I am happy it happened anyway. It only took 27 years and terrible flooding but J finally accepts me.

I have been house hunting recently and found a townhome I love, but the area is sort of terrible for dating, and I can't help but feel I should focus on renting somewhere more urban to find a partner first rather than end up living alone forever in a place in the suburbs.

Is it silly that my only concern about buying is that I won't find anyone to date there? Otherwise the area is sort of perfect for me.

Hey, guys! I’m 26, and there’s a guy (27) I’ve been talking to long-distance who I genuinely like. (Talking almost 3months)

We’re not officially boyfriends, and we haven’t put a label on things, but we’ve had some really meaningful conversations and gotten to know each other pretty well. I care about him, and I’d like to do something thoughtful for him.

I’ve been considering sending him a $50 digital dinner gift card (DoorDash) so he can enjoy a meal on me. There’s no special occasion. I just want to do something nice because he’s someone I think about and care for. Since we’re long-distance, it’s one small way I could treat him to dinner even though I can’t physically take him out myself.

My intentions are romantic, but I don’t want to move too fast, make him uncomfortable, or give him the impression that he owes me anything in return.

So, I need your honest opinions:

Would you find this sweet if a guy you were talking to long-distance did this for you?

Would it feel romantic and thoughtful, or would it feel like too much before becoming official?

Would the amount of the gift card make a difference?

Would you prefer to be asked beforehand, or would you enjoy the surprise?

Would you see this as a green flag, or would you be cautious about receiving gifts from someone you weren’t officially dating?

I’m not trying to buy his affection or rush the relationship. I simply like him and want to show him that in a thoughtful way.
I’d genuinely appreciate honest answers, especially from guys who’ve experienced long-distance dating, the talking stage or whatever I’m in.

Thanks, everyone! ❤️

In serious need of advice [M32] - [M26]🏳️‍🌈

So I’ve recently started a new relationship with a Bi Guy \[M26\]. I’m Gay \[m32\] and things are abit rocky at the moment.

We’ve only been together about 3 weeks now, things have already taken a turn for the worst. I’m a very loving, caring person and willing to work though problems rather then see them fail to doom. So is my partner.

So within the first 2 weeks, a random guy, a juiced up twink kept commenting on his posts saying (My baby, My Boy) this guy lives 400+ miles away from us both. This doesn’t bother me, it’s expected and he’s quite masc and physically fit. He’s very attractive and I can understand he might get lots of attention. It caused a bit of stress at the start but we moved past it and talked it out.

But recently he’s been really off in the bedroom. It feels like I’m doing all the work. I do Oral, bttm and even go as far to shave my body for him, keep myself looking beautiful and smooth. I do like it so that’s not a problem. What bothers me is he refuses to go down on me, touch my parts, he’s even funny about eating my ass ( I’m very clean and smooth down there). I tried talking to him about it and he suggested I buy a fleshlight to “sort myself out” but I genuinely feel like I’m a human sex toy. When we try to have anal.. he always gets soft before I can put it in. We’ve tried a couple of times to no avail.

I’m kinda struggling on how I feel about this, were I stand. It makes me nervous that I’m maybe not attractive or that he might be looking else where. I’m aware that he said he likes his full on femboys and I try my best to be that for him. He even asked me to wear a wig, and dress.. I said I would do a dress but not the wig.

Is there anyone who has had a similar problem or any advice?

Thank you ❤️

I honestly don’t even know where to start. I’m sitting alone in our living room writing this while my boyfriend is in our bedroom scrolling through TikTok, and I just feel like crying.

We’ve been together for almost 7 years. I’m 33, he’s 26, and we’re both gay immigrants from a small country in Central America. We moved to Europe about 5 years ago hoping to build a better life together, but somewhere along the way, our relationship started falling apart.

I loved this man more than I can explain, and I still love him. We’ve always had our arguments and difficult moments, but the past year or so has been especially painful.

We’re both neurodivergent and struggling with depression. His depression has been pretty severe, and I understand how much that can affect someone’s energy, sex drive, and ability to connect emotionally. But I’m struggling too, and sometimes I feel like I’m expected to put my own feelings aside because he’s always having a harder time.

We haven’t had sex in about a year. Not once.

And honestly, it’s not even just about sex anymore. I miss being kissed, hugged, touched, wanted. I miss having someone look at me like they’re actually attracted to me.

I’ve lost a significant amount of weight recently through diet, exercise, and medication, and I’ve been working really hard on myself. I’m finally starting to feel confident in my body again, but the person I want to feel desired by the most barely even looks at me.

Today was a really important day for him, and I spent the whole day with him because I wanted us to celebrate together. We went out for dinner, and all I wanted was to have a nice conversation, laugh, and enjoy each other’s company.

Instead, he spent so much time on his phone that I literally had to ask him to put it away so we could talk. At one point, I saw him laughing and exchanging voice messages with a former coworker. I’m not suggesting anything inappropriate was happening, but it hurt seeing how easily he could engage with someone else while I could barely get him to have a conversation with me.

We also argued over food. I’ve been trying to manage my portions after losing weight, and I felt uncomfortable with how much food he ordered. He wanted to enjoy his celebration, which I understand, but when I expressed my discomfort, he called me dramatic and accused me of ruining the mood. Maybe I didn’t handle that situation perfectly either.

By the end of the evening, I felt completely alone.

And this isn’t an isolated incident.

Whenever I try to talk about how unhappy or disconnected I feel, he avoids the conversation until I eventually give up. He’s exhausted from work, needs to rest, doesn’t want to deal with complaints, or simply doesn’t have the emotional energy.

And then nothing changes.

I feel like I’m begging my own boyfriend to notice me.

I also want to acknowledge that I’ve cheated during our relationship. I’m not proud of it, and I’m not trying to justify it because of our lack of intimacy. I know I’ve contributed to the problems between us, and I take responsibility for my choices. I don’t want to go into the details of that here because what I’m trying to understand is whether this relationship can still be repaired.

The isolation makes everything worse. We barely go out, I don’t have friends here, and most of my social interaction is with my parents and cousins back home. Apart from my boyfriend, my two cats are basically my only daily company.

I’m 33, and sometimes I feel like my life is passing me by. I want to enjoy my sexuality, feel attractive, go out, meet people, laugh, have meaningful conversations, and actually feel alive.

Instead, I spend most evenings feeling invisible next to someone I’ve shared almost seven years of my life with.

Sometimes I wonder whether I’m asking for too much. Maybe my expectations are unrealistic. Maybe I’m being unfair because he’s depressed. Maybe I’m so emotionally exhausted that every little thing feels like rejection now.

But I also can’t ignore how unhappy I’ve become.

I miss feeling loved. I miss having conversations that aren’t forced. I miss being desired. I miss having a partner who actually seems interested in what’s happening inside my head.

I’m scared of throwing away almost seven years together, especially after everything we’ve been through as immigrants building a life away from home. But I’m equally scared of waking up five years from now and realizing I’ve spent even more of my life feeling this lonely.

I don’t necessarily want people to tell me to break up with him. I know Reddit can be quick to suggest that, and I understand that you’re only hearing my side of the story.

I genuinely want advice.

Has anyone been through something similar, especially with a partner struggling with depression? How do you know when you’re being supportive versus abandoning your own emotional needs? And how do you know when a relationship has become too lonely to keep fighting for?

I’m just so tired, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’ve been talking to this guy for over 2 months, and we’ve built what I thought was a meaningful connection. I genuinely care about him, and I thought he saw me as more than just my body.

Just this day, I told him that I’m tired of feeling objectified by gay men, as he is having an idea to do sexual stuff with a friend. I explained that I have feelings too, and it hurts to feel like people only see me for my body instead of who I am.

He got defensive and said he had never objectified me. He brought up how he hadn’t received nudes from me, how he hadn’t been able to enjoy me sexually, and how he had stopped hooking up with other guys for me. He then said I wasn’t special enough to have these boundaries and that he had earned some kind of sexual connection.

He ended the conversation by saying he was done and telling me goodbye.

I tried to explain that I wasn’t accusing him of objectifying me. I was expressing my fears and insecurities. I’m not ready for everything sexually, and I’m scared that if I don’t meet his expectations, he’ll leave me. I wanted him to be patient with me because I genuinely wanted him to be my first for these experiences and to share something special with him.

I begged him to reconsider, asking if we could work through the misunderstanding and learn to understand each other. He told me I could do better and find someone with time to spare.

I’m heartbroken because I thought we had something meaningful. I wasn’t trying to reject him or make him feel unwanted. I was just trying to be honest about my feelings and ask for reassurance.

Am I wrong for expressing my feelings and wanting him to be patient with me? Was I asking for too much? I really wanted us to work things out, and I don’t know how to process the fact that he walked away when I was trying to be vulnerable with him.

Sorry guys I used chatGPT to create this post as I converted our chats into a post. Thank you for understanding me.

EDIT: I appreciate the genuine responses and words. I've posted elsewhere and the majority of people are focusing on the age difference, which I know is a large part of it. Having the shared old-school "make it work" kind of mindset is undoubtedly why I stayed as long as I did. The present age gap doesn't mean I'm struggling any less with everything

EDIT 2: People, as well as myself, were wondering about why the police call? He called to say I stole his phone after I threw it out back in the yard. When I went to leave the key shortly later that night/early that morning, he asked for it, I found it and returned it from the back yard.

Last night, I left my boyfriend of over a year. I was one of many for the longest time and I just can't do it anymore.

To preface, it was definitely strange meeting. At the time that we met, I was in a failing complicated situationship as was he.We started seeing each other more after a bit but still both were chatting with other people. Once we started officially dating, I still knew he was chatting with others. I didn't expect him to be on the same timeframe as me so I ignored it for awhile.

But after a few months of being together, it seemed like a good a time as any to chat about it and set boundaries. Around the same time, I came across some of his kink and fetish gear in his home, I intend to disturb or find it but I wanted to bring it up nonetheless because there were times I look back and could tell he was hiding things from me and I didn't want him to feel afraid around me knowing. I communicated to him that something open wasn't what I wanted and didn't want to be a part of it but I was more than open to chat about and learn about kink and fetish with him. I also joined some kink/furry/pup/gainer chats and ask questions online just to communicate with others since I really had no idea about kink/fetish/etc. since he didn't really want to talk about it.

A few months later, out of the corner of my eye, I still saw him continuing to sext others. I broke a rule, went through his phone when he wasn't looking, and saw that he indeed was still messaging others. I also noticed he was claiming to still be single months after we officially started dating. I brought it up to him that it was overall disrespectful to everyone involved. Disrespectful to me after I said that it wasn't what I wasn't comfortable with being open, as well as denying my existence, and disrespectful to others in deceiving them, claiming to be single when not.

More months pass and small bits happen again. Again, I go through his phone and the same is still happening, never stopping despite promises otherwise. I get incredibly angry this time and drink too much and scream at him, if it wasn't clear before, I'm sure it would be now. It still goes on so I throw myself into work, I start doing other things just to take my mind off it. I started learning Japanese just because. But it's wearing thin. I went through his phone again when I noticed more and, surprise, it's still happening. I'm just broken at this point, the past few days I didn't want to look or speak to him, just claiming everything was okay when asked, when it very much wasn't.

I couldn't sleep last night and went to bed late but as soon as I got into bed, something just clicked and I started sobbing. I'm surprised I didn't wake him between that and shortly after packing up to get out of there. I did wake him at the end in grabbing his phone, throwing it into the backyard, and taking off. I'm now currently at my mother's home, most likely going to move back in. He texted me this morning about arranging to get the rest of my stuff in a few days. He told me at some point that he called police, I don’t know if I was there for the call and don't know if they showed after, I was gone. They might reach out to me.

It's all still fresh and I don't think I completely understand everything but I think I need something to hope for and cling to. Any advice/words of wisdom/anything regarding the situation or what to do from here would be much appreciated, thank you in advance

I've been going over my dating history with my therapist, and I think I've found an explanation for some of the strange behavior I've experienced from past boyfriends, namely guys with avoidant attachment patterns.

For example, with one, I was with him for 6 years, and we had plans to move in together. That's when he suddenly got very nervous/irritable and then said he was no longer romantically interested in me. With another, we were together for 6 months. Things seemed to be going great. Then, one night, after dinner at my house, he said, "I have to go do something." That was it. There was no formal breakup. I managed to reach him 10 days later, and he gave me some explanations that were obviously bullshit.

Interestingly, the guy I was with for 6 years has never had another serious boyfriend, and it's been over 10 years since we broke up. (I do know that he had a very emotionally abusive father.)

Things like this have left me a bit paranoid about getting involved in relationships. I'm wondering if anyone on here has learned how to spot guys with avoidant issues early on in relationships.

I, 25m, have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, 24m, for about 5 months. I learned yesterday he is sharing his location with friends but not me. he doesn’t even really seem close to these friends. I have never wanted to track where he was, I trust him, though sometimes there are instances in which he won’t answer his phone that I would like to make sure he’s OK, usually if he’s at home sick. I only found out about this because one of his friends sent him something unexpectedly while he was over at my apartment via Uber. I’ve never met this friend and they shouldn’t have had my address. I just found it odd and a little bothersome that I don’t know where he’s at but friends that he’s not even close with do. Should I? Or is it just me? To clarify, I don’t suspect him doing anything wrong. I just don’t know what to make of the situation I don’t know if I should actually feel upset or if I’m just in my own head.

Hi all,

Recently got dumped through a voice message after an intense 5 month relationship. He cited lack of capacity, and the only thing he could focus on was work.

We reached milestones fairly early so this came as quite a shock.

Days leading to the breakup we were checking in every day and I accepted he was very busy with work that week, but he left me in the dark on the weekend of the breakup, citing he wasn’t feeling well. I raised concerns about his lack of communication about him feeling unwell, and he acknowledged my concerns, but then sent a voice message explaining he wanted to end the relationship.

We agreed to meet and exchanged our things and talked for an hour, I’d hope I would have gotten some closure but obviously with breakups you never get closure. He said he still loved me and his feelings were genuine. I don’t know how he can reconcile dumping me the way he did while saying all those things though.

I’m trying hard to believe he’s being genuine and just can’t be in a relationship anymore. But the thoughts that he found someone else, cheated, or just fell out of love are screaming louder than anything rational.

Has anyone here been through a discard before? And how do you pick up the pieces? My self-esteem is pretty low at the moment - I compromised so much for him and it sucks to accept that he just stopped loving me.

So I M24 have been in a relationship with a guy M25 I’ve known since 2020. Well during that time, he cheated maybe 3 times blatantly. First, it was sexting, then it came out that while he was in Germany, he fucked a man from the pub. His friends were there with him. They were trying to convince him to sleep with the pub man. It didn’t happen he said, but I don’t believe him.
Anyways. I moved out. I found a nice apartment, started getting back into my hobbies and I started feeling like me again.
He came back begging and crying. Making promises of how he’s so sorry and I’m somebody he wants to live forever. Basically just love bombing. I fell for it but with major boundaries. No contact with those friends that were helping you cheat, you must have a job/school, and stability/security is a must. Well he blocked his friend, then a month later, unblocked and called him over and over again. I think they have a thing honestly. Sadly said, even I can understand how foolish that sounds, but my reality being distorted by this person makes that explanation about the friend the only thing sounding right.
In the end, I became insecure. I went from leaving a relationship because of dishonesty and cheating. Came back to myself as a secure human, then got ripped right back into the relationship that made me feel insecure. Yes it takes 2 to tango.
I paused my life to feel a sense of familiarity and closeness to someone I have genuine love for. Hell, I’m sure I’ll love him forever. But just because I love him, doesn’t mean he’s a decent person. And I used to think he was decent, until I realized that everyone around me knew about the cheating before I did. Everyone knew this person. That struck me. At some point I was no longer broken about the ending of relationship or the cheating itself. I was broken about the way I have to view him. Careless, inconsistent, inconsiderate, emotionally shallow, insecure, horny. Idk. It’s sad. I really liked him and I really wanted a life with him. It almost was as if he was trying to prove to himself that he was unlovable by hurting someone that showed him love completely.
I never cheated, texted, ragged on him to my friends. I really believed one day I’d propose. But his begging to have me back, within 2 months turned into him begging me to leave.
P.S. I know cheaters aren’t necessarily indecent beings, but this guy definitely was. At least that’s what I think in order to protect myself. Mind you, he would stare at me while I asked him if he cheated and he would laugh at me, saying I’m overthinking. We would have sex and right after, he would text the guy.

Please share any general dating advise for monogamous gays!

Thank you for listening to me rant. I just needed to get it out because frankly I’m shameful and embarrassed for allowing him back into my life.

So I'm not exactly sure if this is the right place for this but here I am. I'm 16M and I had been friends with this guy, also 16M, for a while. We had been getting really close and about a year ago I asked him to be my boyfriend. We have been together and doing well, the problem is I'm not sure what really being in love with someone is like. I think I love him but you have a certain level of love for everyone that you're close to you, you know? I don't know how to be sure I'm actually attracted to him. I feel weird even having to question this, but I've never really felt anything that I was certain was love with anyone. I know this might sound weird, and I'm sorry if it does. I'm not completely sure how to describe what I'm feeling myself. However if anyone has advice on how I could be sure my feelings are actually valid, or an explanation for what this could be that would be much appreciated. Please and thank you to everyone reading this.

I’m a bisexual guy but I’m basically gay, I’m a senior in college and have been trying to date for a while mainly on the apps but also just randomly dming people who seem gay lol, but it’s starting to look like a losing battle. I’ve had some successes but I’ve been dealing with a weird problem that I never expected would happen for me. For some reason dates seem to go really well for people I think are really physically attractive but have little in common with. While when I match with someone I think is hot and we seem to have a good amount in common they always ghost l, say their not interested after the first date, or make it clear they just want to hookup. I never would have expected THIS to be what makes dating difficult for me has anyone had a similar experience and/or has any advice.