I because trans about 3 years ago, and back then i went by a different name, and I didnt really care what anyone thought about me. Come this year, my friends all call me by my preferred name, besides one. He still calls me by my deadname, and I joke around about me being a gay trans man, and every time, EVERY TIME he says "I'm sorry but you'll always be a woman. that's how god made it." Not only that, but I'm an athiest. I recently stopped hanging out with him, but I'm not sure what to do.

When I was younger, all my life I hated the mere thought of being a mother, Having kids. I got sick and angry whenever someone said "When you have kids one day" or being maternal ect. Even when people showed a pic of a baby and someone else called it cute id look away disgusted. Not even sure why anymore. I hated it so much, but now that I've realized im trans and a man (Only realized like 2 weeks ago) I dont mind the thought of being a father, I see a baby and I think its cute. Im not sure why the change of heart. Does anyone relate or have any insight?

I've been on T for 5 years and am stealth in my everyday life and I'm thinking about studying to become a midwife. But I'm not sure if it's weird to do so as a man.

Subjects: Dysphoria, appreciation for queer and trans people, slightly sad/negative headspace but optimistic

I've been surrounding myself in a trans and queer bubble ever since I came out and started my social and medical transition 5 years ago. Recently i've been socializing outside my usual circles and the dysphoric episode was so unexpected. I have a new-found appreciation for my community, i never felt weird or uncomfortable with other trans/queer people, I didn't think about how I looked, how I sounded, how I acted, I just was. I was also frequently validated that I had cis-passing. Recently, I've realized that cis passing standards to other trans people are very different to cis passing with cis people. I'm lucky enough to be respected by all the cis people in my life, but the treatment is so different. I'm not treated like a man, i'm treated like a trans man. They do "masculine" hand shakes differently with me, they look at me from the side of their eye, they talk to me differently. I thought i was stealth at Uni, and there's no way to sound this without sounding ungrateful: but it was crushing to slowly realize everyone/most people know and just don't say anything. I'm taking care of myself to not let this affect me because i don´t want to go into a negative spiral and i shouldn't be ashamed of being trans. but i'm seeking out online community to talk about similar experiences or some nice words. Thanks everyone who read this

I just took my first dose less than an hour ago!! I want to know how your first month went and what were the first things you noticed or other peopled noticed.

Looking at pictures of my chest is kind of sickening. It’s like body horror. I got DI when I probably should have gotten modified peri, because my nipples and scars are now way too high on my chest. My surgeon, who usually has beautiful and consistent results, did an awful job with the nipple size and placement and it’s so unnatural looking my brain can’t seem to process it. I can feel the nerves where my nipples are supposed to be and the grafts aren’t there.

I’m 10 months post op and I just have worse and different dysphoria now that’s affecting my focus and daily functioning. My body still feels wrong and a bad transgender surgery is almost more gender incongruous to me than being able to say I’m pre-op. I’ve seen a few surgeons to ask about revision and they all recommend against it because of risks and additional scarring. I clearly need to see a specialist or something to help me deal with the panic my chest causes in my mind but I don’t know where to start. I just want my chest fixed.

I'm 20 years old and finishing my BA this spring. Throughout the time spent here my academic performance has been abysmal. I have pretty much consistently failed every subject except for English and German. I severely regretted my picked major and decided that I'll just do the bare minimum until I graduate, leading to awful GPA. I know that I'm irresponsible and it's my fault. But the plan was to do another BA upon moving to Germany, with which my academic performance here would be very much irrelevant. Now I realize that I won't be able to afford it and my best bet would be to do a MA with fees entirely covered by my scholarship, and, well… I don't think I have that in the bag considering my academic performance. I even agreed to do a MA directly related to the field I'm currently in just so I can leave this country ASAP and be away from my immediate family as I start my medical transition in Germany… but I don't think that the cards I've been dealt with are going to make that possible.

Genuinely what can be done here? Am I just completely fucked because of how irresponsible I was? Is there any hope? I try not to catastrophize but this situation *is* pretty catastrophic, and the thought of remaining in this country for even a year longer to sort everything out before leaving is devastating to me, because I don't want to wait up on transitioning, I know I'm young but I want to start ASAP but it's looking like I can kiss moving out of the country goodbye. My mom is helping me relocate to Germany but she doesn't know that I'm trans so I don't know if seeking asylum is an option, after all she's going to wonder why I need one in the first place, and I would rather *not* come out to her while I live with her.

To start, I like my name in theory. It’s a nice sounding name with a good meaning, and my form of the name (it has popped up independently on multiple continents) originates in the culture my family has held for thousands of years. It’s a good name, and I don’t have much of an issue with it. It just doesn’t really feel like mine.

Here’s where it starts to get a little more complicated. There’s another name, with all the same things I like about my current one and more. It’s a masculine name, traditional in my culture and with a similar meaning to my name. Thinking about myself with this name feels better than my current one does, it sounds nice, it’s pretty much perfect. I can’t find a single thing I dislike about it (am I repeating myself too much?).

I cannot choose this name. When I was too young to remember, my little brother died. He had this name. Despite how much I adore this name, how much it feels like mine, it would feel so awful to be a constant reminder to my parents that they lost their son.

This is marked as a discussion because I’m not really looking for solutions, just to talk about something in my life and see if anyone else had anything similar they might want to share.

There’s a specific group of people that like to target trans people, but in a way that’s subtle enough for others not to see it. But as a trans person, it’s noticeable and hard to explain to cis people because they don’t understand.

Whenever I try standing up for myself, I get compared to Tyler Catastrophe and called a narcissist for calling people out on their shit and setting boundaries.

I left a friend group a couple years ago because I was constantly being targeted and accused of things I didn’t do, and eventually really bad rumors were spread about me to make me look like a really terrible person. Eventually, most of the school hated me.

(TW: upcoming SA mention)

This one girl who I was friends with for almost a decade (we’ll call her Hannah) has bipolar and narcissism. Despite having proof (screenshots of her admitting what she did to me + admitting she spread rumors about me) that the rumors weren’t true, everyone STILL took her side because she’s 3 years younger, she’s a girl, and that she’s alternative which many high school boys are attracted to so of course they’ll side with her despite proof she’s a bad person. Mind you I had proof she SAed me multiple times even after I said stop because she admitted to it over text when I was confronting her about it.

She used the fact that I’m male, and that im older to make me look like a predator, along with spreading rumors about me that were proven to be false. Not to mention, some of the things she did to me were illegal and nobody seemed to care or admit they were wrong when I called her out for it.

There was also double standards because another girl in our friend group went on a bender and did drugs, treated us all poorly and deleted the friend group chat, and just a couple months later after her drug addiction was over everyone was welcoming her like nothing ever happened even though we never got an apology. But when I call people out on their shit I get called a predator🤦

There was another trans guy in the group who was also targeted, but I find it really weird because Hannah had an older transgender brother who she never targeted but she instead would find the “right” people to be transphobic towards. Not to mention she also would call me the T slur

I’d give more details but there’s so much that happened. I definitely feel like this would NOT have happened if I wasn’t trans

I want it to be seen as something that was traumatic for certain people.

At the time I thought puberty would save me and I would accept myself and stop being a boy, but the changes only made me feel worse and avoid looking in the mirror.

It's funny to see pictures from just a few years before puberty. It seemed like my body was already reacting negatively to the wrong hormones. In some photos I look like I don't want to look at the camera, in others like I'm disgusted with myself and want to disappear. I probably was 8-10 years in those pics.

I was incredibly stupid. I thought I'd have a growth spurt or my voice would deepen. Nothing happened and I only felt worse. The change in my appearance from pre-pubescent to post-pubescent is crazy. All the sparkle disappeared.

I get panic attacks and feel like crying when I remember what happened. I start to feel really bad. Especially since most of them are permanent. I'm also terrified of my hips or breasts getting bigger. Sometimes I just look at them and feel like I want to rip it from me and scream.

If I could get the chance to go back when I was 5, 7 yo I would deny it a thousand of times. I couldn't go through that again. I probably would have killed myself. The thought of going through it again already makes me feel awful. I panic when I think about how much it has changed me.I feel like crying when I see my photos before and after puberty because all the sparkle is gone. I wish I'd been lucky enough to have used blockers and HRT when I was younger. I just feel awful most of the time.

Does anyone else here feel this way?

Hi!! Im nonbinary myself but, my boyfriend started testosterone two days ago!! and im doing more research for him and was wondering what are some things that have happened to anyone else on testosterone? and i dont mean like “oh the body hair!” “the increased appetite!” I mean not as talked about symptoms! (and potential “side effects” for those of you who have had any complications with it!) I also wanted to know what sort of advice anyone has!! any kind of answer is appreciated :)

Do u put that you’re trans in ur profile? Why/why not?

I do but I tend to get dudes that’re expecting me to be some sort of femboy so I’m considering removing it idk

this is an update on the post i made yesterday about coming out to my partner again and starting hormones. i laid it all out, and he said he already knew about the medication because he’d seen paperwork from my medical appointments on our shared pc. he said he doesn’t know how to feel about it and doesn’t think talking to someone will ever make him fully understand, but he’ll be with me through the next steps and take things one step at a time.

i know everyone is telling me to leave this person, but it’s not that easy. our lives are very much intertwined financially.

I just started using my new name yesterday. I told one of my teachers and she said she’ll tell the other staff, and then ease it onto my classmates. I am AuDHD and go to a special school so I understand why they want to take it slow.

The one problem I have is my dad. I told him about my new name and how i’m going to talk about it in therapy but all he’s interested in is me trying to fina a job even though i’m working on that as well (I just started a new volunteer job). My mom told me to not push it with him or it’ll make him even more stubborn but I want him to use my new name.

I also see my personal trainer tomorrow and since my dad has his number, I asked my dad if he could text him so he knows about it. My dad said there’s “no rush”, but I’d really like my trainer to know. I’m still going to tell him at therapy beginning of our session, but idk how to go about that since i’ve only known him for 2-3 weeks. I want to keep it casual and not make it some big announcement.

I’m struggling a lot with bottom dysphoria right now and nothing seems to help. The long-term goal is phallo, but that will be years down the line at best, so somehow I need to figure out how to live with what I’ve got until then.

Packing is the obvious choice, but that brings its own kind of dysphoria. Visually I prefer how it looks, as well as the weight and just feeling like there’s something there. The problem is my mind can’t get over the fact that there’s a lump of silicone in my pants. The fact that I have to put it on and take it off causes as much dysphoria as not packing at all.

I’ve tried a few methods of packing to help with this (harnesses, pouches, etc) and have found those dual pouch boxers made for cis guys are the best because wearing anything extra makes it 10x worse. Still can’t get over taking my dick out of a drawer and putting it in my underwear.

When I don’t pack I’m constantly thinking about what’s missing. It helps to wear boxer shorts instead of boxer briefs, but only so much, and there are certain activities and/or pants where those aren’t ideal.

Also with most of the pants I wear you really can’t tell if I’m packing or not and it doesn’t impact my passing at all, so this is all just for my own peace of mind.

Basically I’m wondering if anyone here has dealt with similar feelings and how/if you managed to work through them?

I know therapy would probably be a good choice, but I’m about to lose my insurance and can’t afford to pay out of pocket right now. I’ve tried the free/affordable therapy services in my city and even though they claim to be LGBT friendly, they’re so uneducated on trans shit that I ended up having to educate them on the basics instead of being helped with my issues.

I apologize if this is common knowledge but i just figured this out and have to share for any bros out there who are concerned about losing doses due to hub loss (the lil bit that stays in the hub of the syringe. Can be 10% of a dose!!). This applies to syringes that dont have necked plungers (mine have flat plungers) as necked plungers address hub loss by including a necked portion at the end of the plunger to do the same thing we're doing with air.

Bolded the math terms for make easier to read

Note: I am Transfemme and originally posted a version of this in MTF but the bros could use this info too surely :D as hub loss sucks for everyone involved

Thanks to the Magic of Fluid Dynamics, you can actually use a lil bit of air in the syringe to push on the oil. I just discovered what i believe is a foolproof way to measure that air bubble so you can just push the plunger down without having to watch to see when youre about to inject air! (injecting air is nbd tbh they inject air into you for laproscopic surgery, your body dissolves it over time, but like, ya know..)

Syringes with screw-on tips may need this measurement each time unless you can fully crank the tips on all the way consistently each time. Otherwise if the syringe is unibody or youre really good at screwing it in every time you can skip measurment and go right to the Adjusted Dose + Pusher Air steps

EDIT/NOTE: I havent figured out how to articulate a foolproof way to do this if you need to change your needle tip out between draws. Drawing on 25g was fucky but i was able to do it with Valerate in sesame oil. Less fucky than having to guess/watch air for hub loss though.

• Draw your dose as normal, to your usual dose line.
• Withdraw the needle from the oil and turn it vertically so the needle points up
• Draw in air until the top of the oil in the syringe is at end of the plunger space, where the plunger would normally stop. The Hub above that spot should now contain air
• Look at dose reading, note the difference between your intended dose (ex:0.4ml) and the current reading (Ex: 0.435mL because my hubs lose 0.035ml per shot if i dont do this method. almost 10% of my prescription. waow.) This difference is your Hub Loss Measurement. This is how much fluid would be held captive in the hub if you dont do this.
• Subtract the Hub Loss Measurement (Ex. 0.035) from your Dose (0.4), to get your Adjusted Dose. For me this is 0.365mL
• Insert the syringe into the vial, with needle up, and push both the air and the oil back out into the vial until you reach that Adjusted Dose (0.365, youre pushing the same amount of oil out as the air you drew in. The reason for pushing air out in this stage is for consistency since its possible to over-draw while measuring).
• Remove the syringe from the vial and draw back on the plunger (needle up) until you reach your dose again (0.4mL). Youll notice a bubble forms in the top of the syringe. Then turn the syringe around again, needle down, and tap the syringe until the air bubble floats to the top.
• The volume of the air bubble inside is now the same amount of air needed to push in all of your dose without having to watch the air bubble/guess when to stop. My 25g needles will automatically "prime" the syringe by capillary action when pointed down, since the air bubble can "expand" a bit due to the effect of gravity and fluid dynamics. Basically you dont need to prime the needle, it will prime itself.
• Inject as normal. The air will push out all the Bestosterone with minimal amounts remaining in the needle/hub, without putting air under your skin, without having to watch :3

Getting a little air in is totally fine, they inject air into patients doing laproscopic surgery and the body just dissolves it out over time. But the last thing I wanna do is watch for the air bubble when im stabbing myself when i already hate needles.

I couldn't find a post on this, maybe because it's a dumb question since usually steroids = not natural. But trans men are using steroids to get to average male levels, not to supercede them, so does it even count?

Just wondering since I'm getting to the point where people ask about my muscles and if the question about being natural ever comes up I'm wondering what the truth would actually be since I'm on hrt but my T levels are the same as a guy who is natural.

I love being trans, but sometimes I feel sad for the person I could’ve been. I don’t think I could possibly live life any other way, but sometimes when I see a video of a woman living her life I feel kind of sad because I know that could’ve been me in a different life. I’m just putting this here because if I bring it up people say, ‘you chose to go on hormones’ and I’m glad I did, I love being a man, I love everything that comes with testosterone and I’ve never felt more myself, it’s just something I mourn sometimes idk.
( I had no idea what this would go under but I wanted to get it out so I put discussion)

Hey I am a closetcase from Bosnia. I am just reaching out of curiocity if theres anyone out there in my country that feels the same way (being ftm).

Hows your experience? Have you ever managed to get T? Are you out to anyone? How do you cope with it?

Im working on a halloween costume and getting to crossdress as a man really made me spiral into trans thoughts i usually keep tucked away... So yk just screaming at the void rn.

Kind of a weird question, but for DI top surgery can you ask them to make the tip of the nipple smaller or even close to flat?

I've always hated how my nipples look, they contort and wrinkle in weird ways and I hate that the tip sticks out so much. I'd still want nipple grafts when I get top surgery though cause I want a masculine looking chest, but I don't want the tips to stick out and be visible through a shirt, you know what I mean?

Has anyone else experienced joint aches and feeling really uncomfortable since starting testosterone?
If so, has anything helped relieve the aches and pains?

I’ve only been on testosterone for 2 months, but the joint pain and aches are honestly unreal. 😩 It’s making me feel so uncomfortable, and I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this and found anything that helps.
Any advice or personal experiences would be really appreciated! ❤️

I recently changed my name again (for the 3rd time), and started telling people today. My mom is supportive but wants to know if this is my “forever” name. She says it’s stressful and confusing for her and other people if I keep changing it. The name I chose has been a longtime favorite and I know I’ll love it, but the question still made me a little worried?

So how did you guys know that the name you chose is your “forever” name?

yeah babeeyy