What’s the reality of this? Ever since I discovered "findom" (financial domination) on Twitter, I’ve noticed that dominas from the USA often come across as downright sadistic in their posts. They talk about isolating their submissives, forbidding them from doing anything—whether it’s pursuing hobbies or seeing friends. To me, that’s pathological. But what is it actually like? Is this really that common among you all?

Back when I first joined this community it was totally normal for Dommes to flirt with other Dommes in the comments, for little friendships to blossom and so much energetic conversations in general.

Why is everyone so mean to each other all of a sudden?
We literally don’t need to be enemies. There are so many different types of subs, so many different types of Dommes, and there’s room for all of us?

Like babes, we’re all just a bunch of weirdos with very specific interests. Can we please stop acting like we’re in a kindergarten playground fighting over the last toy?

we can literally be the most ruthless, intimidating, evil little bitches in someone else’s DMs and STILL be sweet to each other.
We’re all out here being baddies, but somehow we’ve forgotten how to be nice to our own kind, that’s not so classy

( yeah now you can start to flirt with me )

Would you break off a dynamic that’s been going great for six months, where the sub has stayed on top of the budget and every other part of your agreement, just because he fell short by $75 one month while dealing with serious life issues?

Would you rather just pause things until he sorts his life out and then come back to you?

After sharing a deep, intimate bond, is it really too much to expect in these spaces that you would still be present without expecting to engage in kink and allow a little flexibility, knowing that budgets naturally have ups and downs as life happens?

So ive been following here for a while, about 2yrs,

to really understand this niche.

I'll be honest I wasn't too keen on some of the things ive observed,

I realised its usually from 'doms' who are buying into a trend.

But came to realise the doms who really are into the kink, really do care about their piggys 😁

Which encourages me to finally have a playmate

Id be a 'soft dom'

Cos as much as id want to dominate my counterpart

I also want to help him discover how he can improve

Anyhow I won't ramble on,

How did you meet your first dom or paypig?

Chat what are we planning on dressing up as this year?

I landed on being Medusa this year!!!!

Because accepting money from a minor in the name of kink is immoral at best and illegal at worst.

I also don’t appreciate silent sends.

AV should be sent (requiring a DM) prior to accepting money.

Beyond that tho I personally like to feel someone out briefly (emphasis on briefly) prior to money exchanges. I don’t want someone sliding into my DMs with preconceived notions that I already owe them something cuz they already tributed.

I also find it super hot when they ASK permission to send and I very much enjoy that part.

I’m not telling any other captains how to run their ships, there’s plenty of validity in reasons for requiring tribute before DM. All I can do is voice my personal preference and the why behind it.

You can still absolutely have brief exchanges that don’t leech a ton of your time or put you at any more risk of being scammed. I am in no way suggesting entertaining anyone for free. I’m suggesting verifying their age first. And perhaps even building an initial connection in the process.

If a sub doesn’t AV within the first few messages, you can pretty much guarantee that he’s never going to send tribute either. AV will weed out more shit subs that a $30 paywall to DM ever will.

💅🏻Well, actually someone did ask for my thoughts on a post earlier…and my answer was ridiculously long, so I made it a post.

In my experience as a domme, I think good TPE requires a few things:

1. Both people be a fit in terms of WHAT you both want to control / be controlled

2. Not forcing control in the areas that don’t feel fun to control

3. Not taking yourselves too seriously, forgetting it’s just a game (but committing to consistency is still a must)

4. Setting a time limit for the duration of the TPE, to then reevaluate or reconfigure.

Bc come on. Most of us have adhd in here lol Don’t set yourself up for failure trying to take control of anything you don’t enjoy, even if it seems easy to pretend and get paid (not dominant, imo)

As a domme, your fun is fucking mandatory if you don’t wanna be dommed by money. If you’re not naturally a very organized or regimented person (like many of us), going against that is a quick way to overhype, under-direct, and fizzle after a week of performative control. It’s a quick way to lose your dominance. Obligation isn’t sexy. Nobody happily cums to an obligation.

There are other ways to dominate that don’t involve keeping track of things you don’t enjoy. I like to control wardrobes, food, orgasms, home design, bathroom breaks, travel, sleep, day trip experiences… because that’s fun for me.

I incorporate findom into all this, but I don’t seek TPE in findom-forward capacity.

Also Subs need to WANT to submit to you in this capacity. They have to commit to it… you can’t facilitate shit if your sub isn’t happy to hold their end of the bargain. A lot easier when you align on what the terms are. (Unless you’re in a bratting dynamic and punishing their insubordination. Different post.)

And lastly as a bonus tip, adding a time limit keeps it fresh and creates an opportunity to change things up, avoid staleness, and improve communication. “Your is mine for days.” Then when the time is up, you have yourselves a little pervy performance review. Tweak accordingly.

Share your thoughts with me, I love talkin shop 🩶

First off, let me clarify that I am a male dom who has had female subs(including but not limited to finsubs). I also frequently work with content creators, some of whom create NSFW content, so I have seen both sides to some degree and have a fairly unique perspective that I hope can be appreciated here.

My subs came from me spending a lot of time looking into and understanding what subs who like orgasm denial are into, and using that to create written content that was relevant and effective. I tend to be someehat good with words, and that helped too. I don't think I've ever messaged a sub myself (obviously). They all just DM after I make a post. I do have people randomly find me through comments or old posts fairly often though. The biggest issue I run into is that the majority of them just want to get off and then disengage after a few days. Of the handful that stick around, maybe half eventually get to a point where they've shown an interest in findom in some way. I've only had a handful who actually pay, but the ones who do stick around for a long time.

What I'd suggest looking at if you're having trouble finding a sub:

The subs who pay are the ones who stick around. Rather than wasting time on a sub the first time they message, wait a couple hours before responding, and don't do anything domme-y until the next day. My best experiences as a dom have been slow-burns where there's a lot of not being free at the same time to talk (at first), and nothing happens until days later.

Getting a sub to go from 0 to 1 is the hard part, so rather than requiring a $20+ tribute the first time, just ask for whatever the minimum the app will let them send you is ($1.00 for example). If they won't send a single dollar at the start, they will probably never be willing to send larger amounts. Also, a people who are good with money tend to struggle to justify paying even if it's a kink they have, but getting them from $0 to $1 literally can get them over that mental block.

The subs I've had who have paid the most are emotionally invested in me. I've found that having personal conversations (where I can be myself, not just a dom) and asking semi-personal questions that require them to open up just a little creates a lot of connection in a fairly short period of time. I also find that talking about things I want without overtly asking for them to pay for it, is a good way of keeping them motivated and thinking of what they're wanting to pay for in the future.

The subs who pay are the ones who feel safe. Setting spending limits is usually the best idea for this. It's also good to set expectations regarding what you are going to do, and also have a real genuine conversation with them now and again.

While some subs are willing to pay you for nothing in return, the majority of the money seems to be in the moderately impure side of findom (as opposed to pure findom where they pay and you do nothing in return) where you're giving something back in return for the payments. For example, if he buys you clothes, send him a picture of you wearing the clothes. If he pays for your pedicure, send him pictures of your toenails. If he pays for you to cum, at least describe how good it was. I've had a number of subs who were into that last one specifically and find it to be a fairly healthy dynamic.

The subs that pay the most tend to be into the most niche kinks, so specifying what kinks you're into can help. I would suggest either putting something in your bio, or having an about me post pinned to your profile. The about me page is strongly advised if you're actively looking for subs.

Quality subs do tend to prefer accounts that are older, have pictures, an about me post, other posts, etc. Also, PLEASE comment on things seriously rather than just "you slay queen" "Looking good ❤️" etc. If a sub can see you engaging with people in comments once in a while, it shows that you're online and will see the message. It also allows them to see how you communicate with people and get a sense of if they want to be your sub.

Finally, while I'm sure some subs do genuinely just want to be drained and looked down on, in my experience there are a lot who want to actually know you to some degree.

And just as a reminder, this is based on my experience with female subs and more indirect experience male subs through nsfw content creators.

I'm sure many of you have your own experiences, and I'd love to hear how your experience has differed from mine.

A pay pig marketplace. No bait posts. Making them verify to post with their AV link and three photos: one full body and one face/chest of them holding a handwritten sign with their username and a toothbrush, and one screenshot of their bank account balance.

Actually, every post would require at least one photo of them. Nose down/faceless is okay. Absolutely NO nudes though, not even an outline of a boner. Let’s see how creative they can be. Make them have to ask a friend to take pictures of them holding a bouquet of flowers or a stack of cash for offering. Or would it just be endless photos of them putting the loser sign on their forehead. 🤣

hi today i’m going to talk about my recent horror story’s with subs

Our first sub came to me for GFE and as normal we talked about all the basics and he sent his weekly budget all at once which i do not mind cause we can just get right to talking but we are now in the second week and when I’ve ask for this weeks payment it goes straight to no reply and then he says “im so busy” right right so why did you start a dynamic you yourself can’t keep up with

Second sub again came to me asking to serve and ofc talked about the basic he asked for verification i said no problem it’s in my LF but on no not enough for him he said that i must not be real like okay what do you want me to say to that

Third sub btw happened today he asked for a quick vc which i usually don’t do but he said no face im like okay whatever yk so i sent him a little teaser yk of the goods not enough said to call him rq and show him and i don’t do that bc i’ve been scammed myself 5 sec is never 5 secs but i hung up once he saw and once again oh “that’s not you” “call again
longer this time” quote “gotta get a better look” no you just want it for free

JUST BECAUSE I AM FACELESS DOES NOT MEAN I DO NOT EXIST RESPECT IT OR DONT ASK AT ALL

Is anyone else absolutely exhausted by the number of so-called subs who will put their entire heart and soul into avoiding the ONE thing they know this dynamic is about?

They’ll spend lots of time messaging, flirting, making promises, telling you how submissive they are, and coming up with every excuse imaginable to avoid actually contributing.
The creativity is honestly impressive. If they put half that effort into being genuine, we’d all be better off.

I’m not running a free entertainment service, and my time and attention aren’t unlimited.

If you’re not interested in financial submission, that’s perfectly fine. But stop approaching findommes expecting all the attention, energy, and experience without respecting what we’re here for.

Edit: Hey everyone! 😊 I'm fairly new to this, like my sub mentioned cum tax and cum tribute, and I'm curious about how others usually approach them. Like what do you guys typically charge for that or like what kinds of tasks, rules, or requests do you usually set for your subs? I'd love to hear about your experiences and get some ideas. Thanks in advance! 💕 please dont judge me y'all 😭

hello lovelies, i have a question for dommes, specifically for South Asian dommes ! so i was trying to do an AV so that i can add it to my discord account and my reddit account for findom, but for some reason, none of my national IDs are working. what did you use to verify yourself/what site did you use to verify yourself?

p.s - i don't have a passport or a driver's licence yet

​

Today I had raw marinated crab for lunch and it got me thinking: what's the most unhinged sub-funded meal your ever received?

(I also realized my throne is becoming a cheesecake factory's menu atp but maybe that's for another discussion)

Its been a while but here i am, finding my way back into this world again. ❤️ I just want to share a little piece of my journey. Along the way, i met someone truly special a loving and meaningful sub who taught me so much about our dynamic and more importantly, the human connection beyond it. We shared little conversations, personal struggles, laughter and moments when we simply needed someone to listen. Somewhere along the way, we became more than just a Domme and my sub. We became friends too. And thats something i'll always appreciate.

Sadly, every story has its own ending. He left without a reason and honestly, i still wonder how hes doing. But i respect his decision if he needs space or time for himself. Sometimes, we have to let people go without fully understanding why. To you, if youre reading this, i genuinely hope life is treating you kindly. I hope youre growing, finding happiness and winning in your own little battles. You deserve good things and i'll always wish you the best.

Maybe our paths will cross again someday. Maybe you'll find your way back to me. You were never just a sub to me. You were a person i genuinely cared about and a friend i'll remember with kindness. ❤️

Some connections may end but that doesnt mean they werent beautiful while they lasted.

PS. EmpressRika

I have such mixed feelings on this.

On one hand yes, I'm the dominant, so yes I generally control most things, give the orders, direct the scene, etc. But when something has truly bothered me, telling them "do xyz and I'll forgive you" doesn't always work. It doesn't show thought or initiative on their part and I think I need that.

So when someone has hurt you, how do you have them approach fixing it? I don't mean kink things like cumming without permission or sending an hour late or whatever. Those are simple and easy and generally fun to deal with.

I mean if they've said something that landed really poorly, was worded poorly, hurt feelings, etc.

If you were the one that did something, how do you approach that? What do you do when you're trying to make things better?

I have someone in this situation. It wasn't intentional, but they said and did something that genuinely hurt me. They want to mend it. I want to mend it.

I don't know what will assuage me.

What do y'all do?

I’ve been called many names, but none have ever truly called for me.

I wear the skin of a submissive and coat my fangs with honeyed lies.

I see you long before you ever notice me.
I begin to feed.

From your words, your energy, your beauty.
I watch… I take… I consume… I study all of you.
I have no intention of giving or submitting, only feeding the darkness inside me.

My hunger cares nothing for your consent, your well-being, or your boundaries.
I’ll do whatever it takes to scratch at your windows while avoiding your front door.

With questions, compliments, and other bids for attention.

I’ll charm your neighbors and infiltrate your community to sway public opinion.
As I feed from them, too.

I’ll knock, and I’ll press, and I’ll push until you give me the smallest opening…

That’s all I need.

To sink my fangs into you and infuse your bloodstream with lies as I consume you.

I’ll feed while you lose yourself in the fog of my influence.

A daydream of self-abandonment and forgotten standards.

I’ll let you believe whatever you want to believe while I take your energy, your creativity, your kindness, your Dominance, your power, your emotional regulation, your nurturing, your protection…

Your eyes will become heavy as you draw nearer and nearer to total exhaustion.

Until there’s nothing left.

That’s when I’ll find a new source.

Some discover what I am before it’s too late.

But I’ve already drunk so much.

You’ll need time to rest and recover from me.

Others still refuse to let me in.

But I keep trying.

Waiting for the smallest opening.

I’m not sorry.

I’m not ignorant of my actions.

This is what I am.

And what I will always be.

Epilogue: To the Slayers

I dedicate this to the Dom/mes and Switches who have been victimized, gaslit, manipulated, and hurt by predators masquerading as suitors and submissives.

To those who have had to fight to have their consent, autonomy, dignity, and boundaries respected.

And to those who haven’t experienced it firsthand but must still expend precious energy protecting themselves against it.

May you never mistake someone’s hunger for devotion.

May you never feel obligated to feed what seeks to consume you.

May you recognize that your kindness is not an invitation to be exploited, your Dominance is not a resource to be depleted, and your consent is never something to be negotiated through coercion.

To those who have been drained, may you find the space to rest, recover, and reclaim everything that was always yours.

And to those who stand guard at their doors, remember that you are never obligated to open them.

The only way to slay a vampire is to starve them.

To the slayers: keep on keeping on. 🖤

Surely, this new week must have some delights in store for you. What are you looking forward to over the next few days? Any exciting plans, little treats, or indulgences you're anticipating?

Step 1: Make sure to post a selfie in PPSG. That’s where all the pigs are at. Also make sure to always be the first comment under every post there.

Step 2: Keep posting “where are all the pay pigs” or “approach” so they know exactly where to find you.

Step 3: Make sure to degrade them. Every sub loves being humiliated. Always start the convo with something like “Send me a tribute loser”

Step 4: If a subs bio says he’s owned, DM him!! That means he pays. Just make sure you mention how you’re so much better than his current Goddess.

Step 5: Make sure you post how much you need money a few times. They need to know where to put their wallet to good use at.

Step 6: Keep repeating these steps and I guarantee you’ll find your first sub :)

​

Hi everyone 💗

I've been wanting to ask this for a while, and I thought this might be a good place to hear from both subs and Dommes who have experience with these dynamics.

Sometimes I feel really ridiculous for being a finsub. I find myself wondering what a Domme could possibly see in someone like me, why she would want to talk to me, get to know me, or spend time with me. Sometimes I even worry that she might secretly find me embarrassing or disgusting.

I know that financial domination involves money, and I understand that it's a transaction in many cases. I'm not expecting every Domme to have personal feelings for her subs, and I know everyone approaches this differently. But I still find myself wondering about the human side of it.

To the Dommes here: do you genuinely enjoy what you do?

Do you enjoy interacting with your subs, learning about them, teasing them, building a dynamic, and seeing them respond to you? Is the enjoyment mainly financial, or do you also find the interaction itself rewarding? Do you ever become genuinely fond of a sub, even while keeping things professional?

And to the subs: have you ever struggled with feeling stupid, undesirable, or even ashamed of yourself for wanting this? Have you ever wondered whether a Domme actually enjoys your company or is simply being nice because you're paying her?

I think part of my struggle is that I have difficulty understanding why someone would willingly choose to spend time with me in this context. I can start overthinking everything and wondering whether I'm just another wallet, whether my messages are annoying, or whether the person on the other side is secretly judging me.

I realise that professional boundaries are important, and I don't think paying for someone's time means they're obligated to feel anything beyond what you've agreed on. I'm not asking anyone to pretend to have feelings they don't have, either.

I suppose I'm trying to understand where genuine enjoyment, connection, and professional service meet in this world. Can a Domme genuinely enjoy a sub's personality and company while still seeing it as work? What does that look like in your experience?

I'd really appreciate honest answers from both sides, especially from people who have been involved in these dynamics for a while.

Please be kind. I'm asking because I'd like to understand this better, not because I want to judge anyone's reasons for participating. 💗

ive been low key enjoying draining my sub for my gym membership and gym clothes (any gymshark fans here?) hes been acting great soo im gonna update my membership to more expensive one lol
sometimes i spoil him by sending some gym fit checks too 😛

I’m newer to findom and have only been posting on Reddit for a like a week or two so I know this will take time. However I feel like all the subs reaching out or I connect with on here say they want to move forward and then they stopped responding or their account deletes. It’s always at the tribute part of course, because being newer, I’m trying to be open on that and not as insistent on a tribute before talking. Ugh, hoping I can find a true sub soon, I’m craving that domination and control.
Sorry for the long rant, just hoping it turns around soon.
TLDR: probably being way too nice and not a true domme and subs on here aren’t real subs.