I'm going to have to put my dad in a nursing home. I live in his house. My mom died last year. I've lived there all of my life. I'm disabled with bipolar disorder, on social security, and no one else is helping me take care of him. My brother is unable to help. There are no agencies that can help, and I've had it. I cannot do it anymore. I don't even qualify for the caregiver exception with Nedicaid. I've only been taking care of him solely for 16 months. Unpaid. There's no documentation.

I'll have 6 months to figure out how to avoid homelessness, because I pretty much won't be able to afford anything. I'm so angry. Beyond angry. I'm going to be hitting rock bottom. Losing everything. I'll never forgive myself for not moving out on my own years ago instead of living comfortably rent free all of these years. I'm a moron. And I hate my parents too. I really hate myself. Has anyone ever been in anything like this? Is there

Mother in law has been incontinent for a year plus. It's been manageable with undergarments and pads, on her chair, etc. Plus understanding we were going to have to do several loads of laundry every day.

Where she used to get up when she had to go before, and just struggled to hold it, her dementia has progressed to the point that she no longer gets up. I suspect she feels the urge, thinks she'll go next commercial or whatever, can't hold it, and urgency gone, forgets she went.

The wrinkle is she gets mean and angry at any suggestion she move. Stuff like "mom, do you want to switch chairs for a bit?" and not "you're wet, go change." I know her mobility isn't great and it's work for her to transfer to the rollator and go to the bath.

We know it's not intentional, but it's a constant choice to get told off every couple hours or she sits in it for hours and hours at a time. I really think she's only conscious of the bathroom when she has to move her bowels.

Thinking maybe an alarm or something, but she still argues that she's been up. I feel like we're getting close to the limit of what we can do. Maybe it's time for outside help with some professional distance or maybe her staying at home might not be practical?

Even if there's no good solution, it helps just to type it out loud.

My grandmother is 97 and is still living at home. My parents live next door and have been helping her a lot, however I'm several states away and do not get to visit often. She recently had to visit the ER/hospital and found that her heart is starting to fail, so they put her on medication and she has returned home. My parents say that she is quite cheerful, eating well, and enjoys conversing (even though she tends to have the same conversations over and over). But of course given the circumstances, I've booked a trip immediately to visit her.

The issue is that while she was at the hospital she started having hallucinations, which the doctor said can happen when elderly folks are taken out of their familiar environment. Since being home the hallucinations have stopped and she doesn't really remember anything including being in the hospital. Except one of the hallucinations was that I came to visit, and that is the one thing she does remember and is convinced that happened. She is still asking my parents if my husband came too, if I made it home ok, if I drove or flew... She's amazed that I traveled so far for a one-day visit and is disappointed that she didn't get to say goodbye.

So of course now that I am coming to visit, I'm anticipating lots of questions about why I left and came back so soon, how I'm doing so much traveling back and forth, etc. Does anyone have recommendations on how to approach those questions? I don't want to cause her confusion and/or distress and my thought was just to say that I wanted to be able to spend a longer amount of time with her. But I don't know, I've never been through anything quite like this.

Is it possible to have an elderly person I don't know move in with me and I get paid to take care of them? State of Virginia. I'm also a nurse.

I’m new to this part of care giving.

My LO has what I would call very loose stools. He does not have an impaction.

Even after 1 Imodium yesterday, it continues.

This morning, there was a huge pool of watery stool covering everywhere the diaper covered. I felt so bad because it took me so long to clean him up and I had to keep turning him back and forth, which causes him a lot of pain.

My question is, that’s not normal to have really loose, watery stools covering everything. Is it?

I have a call into the hospice nurse, but I know she’s going to tell me to give him an Imodium.

I just don’t know if he’s going to get dehydrated. Are loose stools common at this stage of life? He is in his 90s.

I’m sure it must feel so awful to have loose stool all over your parts. Poor guy, I’m not sure what to do to help him or me. It kills my back cleaning these types of messes.

Hoping someone could share their experiences with this. My mom had an extended hospitalization about 2 years ago, spent about 6 months in skilled nursing, and is now finally home with a full-time caregiver.

She has been very diligent about her financial matters and keeping her trust up-to-date. She’s financially comfortable, and has a long-term care policy that covers most of her at-home care.

However, she’s been very avoidant about talking about her final wishes (i.e. remains/burial.) I almost feel she has a superstition that if she discusses it or names it, it will hasten it. My late father was not like this at all. In his final years, he was very matter-of-fact about his final wishes, and had everything pre-arranged.

I have gone so far as to offer to take care of my own final arrangements/planning with her, if that would ease her mind. It doesn’t seem to have made a difference. Any experiences or approaches that were successful in breaking through, and having a productive conversation/resolution on this, I’d be interested in hearing.

walk in shower, grab bars and widening the door. we have about $8k saved for it. thinking about a personal loan for the rest vs a home equity loan since we have plenty of equity. credit is 760. for anyone whos done a remodel like this for a parent how did you pay for it?

I had a few reasons for refusing. I didn't like the idea of strangers going through my things and having to tidy up before the cleaner arrived seemed a bit silly. But the bigger concern was what might come next. First, a cleaner, then someone to do the shopping, then a conversation about whether I should still be living alone in a house this size.

What finally changed my mind wasn't anything dramatic. I just realized I couldn't get down to clean the bathtub properly anymore. I'd been letting it go for a while and I knew it. It's been eight months now and I have to admit, it's nice having a clean house again. Mostly, I'm relieved and I'm grateful my daughter kept encouraging me to do this. It's just hard getting used to accepting help when you're so used to doing everything yourself.

I suppose I'm sharing this because I know I'm not the only one who struggles with accepting help. Sometimes, even when we know our loved ones are only trying to make things easier for us, it's hard to accept that we can't do everything on our own anymore. I'm still getting used to it but I'm glad I listened to my daughter. She's been looking out for me all along.

I don't know how to properly describe the situation, but i'll try to do my best altrough this will be super long post. I need advice on what to do or at least somebody to tell me i'm not overreacting i guess.

Me and my husband, both under 30, live on a farm for the past 4-5 years with his grandfather,87 (his farm) who was pretty self-sufficient for the first 2-3 years, but it got much worse now and he has dementia. Somehow the care just fell onto us because we live there, but i can't do this anymore.

We live in the same house, him on the bottom, us on the top. I also have a child under 2yo that can't sleep since birth and is a nightmare to put to bed and i'm also 4 months pregnant on top of that and we are both taking care of the farm with a bunch of animals, 8 cows, chickens, rabbits, geese.., sawmill and we are also both going to university and finishing our thesis (didn't even start writing it yet)

Grandpa has two daugthers (MIL and aunt), living 2h drive away, but they are still both working. They only come up for weekend, and then it's my MIL, the other one not so much. We talked about grandpa (and his care) a lot already and they always talk about helping maximum that they can, they said they will find a solution, promised to take him to their place when it's going to get bad enough... but it seems it just never will be "bad enough" for them.

He has dementia and goes into psychosis (delusions where he is just talking absolute nonsense), can't sleep through the night so he comes up the stairs, turns on all the lights and walks into our bedroom at 3 am (not everyday), doesn't want to take his meds, he is insufferable overall now, always unhappy always angry if we don't work and i'm starting to hate everything about him and slowly also resent both daughters.

I'm stressed all the time, didn't sleep through the night for the past 2 years, i sometimes wake up at 2am and am just awake till morning at this point. And if i fall back asleep im awake first for two hours watching the clock turn 3...4.. Because it's an old house you can hear every door downstairs and every movement and i'm constantly listening if grandpa is comming up, i'm on edge at all times, even during the day. He also comes up at 6-7 am and because i hear him because im either awake already or i instantly wake up when i hear his slow walk up the stairs i quickly get dressed so i "catch him" before he can come into bedroom and wake the child and then I sit with him in the kitchen while my husband and child still sleep.

Even after lunch after i put child to nap, usually around 1-2pm and me and mine also lie down, he sometimes will call for us searching for us outside and i already know he is going to come up and he usually does so I have to get up again. If we try to ignore him he comes into the bedroom anyways.

He also doesn't know how to use the phone more and more (he will call people and then 1 hour later cant even get into the contacts) so me or my husband have to explain to him for 1 hour how to do it and he insists we do it but its pointless. He will displace stuff a lot and come up searching for it asking if we took it (his shaver, his phone charger, his blender??) and acuse us or my child of taking it, and doesnt give up until he or we go and find it.

There are many more instances and situations and i'm just so so so tired. I feel like i'm living in a war zone always expecting and listening for sounds and even if overall i actually interact with grandpa for 10 hours in the whole week im stressed running on max rpms 24/7 without a pause.

He cannot be left alone so if it's not a weekend and MIL is visiting, me and my husband can't leave the farm together, he needs to have somebody with him at all times.

MIL and aunt have apparently no actual idea or visualization how hard it is for us. Sure, MIL really puts in the work, comes every weekend and takes care of him but she also goes home for 5 days after sunday and has 5 nights of peacefull sleep after that. I don't think she realizes. The aunt is straight up in the clouds and even when she comes we are still taking care of grandpa pretty much ourselves even when it was promised we have weekends "free".

Nobody wants to hear about elder home, even when i gently suggested it multiple times. I had hope because husband said MIL called the facility or something, but today i got from her that was a bit far back and thats actually not happening and it completelly broke me inside. Thats probablly why im writting this now. I don't know what to do. They just say grandpa will NOT go into care and he wont survive it because he is on the farm his whole life and he will go mad if we take him to elderly facility. But i really can't do this anymore.

Whenever there is talk about grandpa care it is always minimized how much it takes and i feel like i'm complaining for nothing and maybe i am weak. "You just have to know its dementia and he doesnt mean that, you just have to change his focus, you just have to...etc". I feel whenever i try to bring it up its really smoothly deflected and i'm not enough good with arguments to actually fight it, because it sounds reasonable how they put it. They also just say it's going to get better because it's waves and it gets worse and then better again.

They said they (MIL and aunt) will use their holiday days till the end of the year so somebody will be with him now at all times, but I got the taste of how it is when aunt is up with us and all i can feel is despair.

My dad is in a nursing home on Medicaid and has basically no assets left. My brother and I have been quietly wondering who pays for his funeral when the time comes. Are we legally responsible for the costs? Neither of us has much money either.

My mother is only in her late 60s, but in the past few years her health and life have fallen apart. She doesn’t have any other family than me, no other kids. We weren’t even living in the same state, we didn’t talk all that much. But then her life sort of imploded and she moved to a rural town in the middle of nowhere, a long drive from where I live.

Her health went from not great to fully disabled within 2 years. These days she’s having medical emergencies every few months and needs a walker to get around in her home. She has a caregiver who comes to her home every weekday, but obviously the caregiver isn’t a nurse. My mother is flat broke, on Medicaid, living in section 8 housing. I’m (40s) just BARELY holding my own life, marriage, health, and finances afloat. I don’t own a house or have savings to help her. But she needs so much care! I can’t just take off work spontaneously or drive 9+ hours in a weekend. I manage my own list of chronic health problems just well enough to stay employed and pay my rent. I wasn’t prepared to take on all this.

Whenever she ends up in the ER it falls on me to make decisions and figure out how to get her follow-ups and transportation. Recently she has developed cognitive problems too. I love her and want to do right by her, but she’s stubborn and not financially savvy (shes already been a victim of two big scams in the last few years). She hasn’t planned for her future at all.

I don’t even know where to start. I’m not interested in being controlling, but I’d like her to take her needs seriously.

I’ve heard about applying for an assisted living waiver, and that there’s a multi year waiting list.

I wish there was some kind of guide book for being broke and elder care 😫 Does anyone have advice about where to start??

. Apparently, Medicare doesn't generally cover dentures. Yet, most folks in elder facilities have dentures. So, obviously there is either an exception to that because low income nursing patients don't pay out of pocket for dentures.

I am wondering how to support my family and friend. Please excuse the nature of the question as this is my first time helping.

My Mother in law stays at a facility in Canada that is run quite well and has a good reputation. Depending on the nurses, they are very caring and supportive while others are very defensive and stressed.

A neighbour there is also a friend. She was previously with a stroke and uses a wheelchair. On the day we happened to visit, my husband came to see her room, she welcomed him, hugged him and explained she had a pain in her leg. He was about to reach for it, as he is a retired scientist and he cares very much. He wanted to see for himself what the issue was. I personally would never touch a leg there because they have signs saying there are cameras on certain doors. I believe he used limited judgement. A nurse ran inside, we only seen her one time and she is very bossy typically. She asked him who he was, if he is family. He literally was ssuprised at the nature of questions as he has visited her for over 3 months and sits with her and my mom in law during dinner to be kind and a good friend. When the Nurse was asking questions, another nurse came around and said something about he should not be visiting her. We told them we always sign in to show who we are visiting but they looked mad.

I am wondering if this indicates there are issues going on in this home that have nothing to do with us. Almost each time we ate and spent hours visiting their rooms, sitting and having a nice time, all the nurses were telling us we can assist in feeding and helping wheel my Mom in law in, just that our friend should use her chair another way, and not be pushed so we listened. Most nurse typically know us there but that day was different. The nurses escorted us out of the elevator downstairs. They even said when I asked if another patient was OK, because his visitor was verbally abusive, they already knew about them. I feel like something is going on there. We were given an email to communicate with the director. I really do not htink we have anything to say other than they made our friend feel bad and she was whining "no, no, no" she wanted us to stay for some time. Sad. What would you do?

Saw this https://caretouch.shop/ and was wondering if anyone knows anything about it? Trust worthy?

As my parents age there are a lot of things that they no longer can do, and it requires a lot of my time and personal labor to manage. It doesn't help that their English isn't great and they have limited tech skills, so even *finding* outside help for various things isn't something they can personally do for themselves.

Has anyone here structured part of their care responsibilities as earned income, where your parents pay you for your time and labor, and then you go on to report that income to the IRS, contribute that to your retirement accounts, etc?

What kinds of tasks do you do? Do you bill them as an independent contractor or something else?

I guess I'm hoping someone has been down the road I'm walking right now; looking for some help and guidance. My 73 year old mother has always been independent. She took care of my father who had Alzheimer's until his passing 3 years ago. She also was my 30 year old brother's primary "caregiver" as well. Mind you, my brother is what you call a "man child" he is a recurring drug addict and extreme alcoholic. She made and drove him to his constant medical appointments, picked up his prescriptions, took him grocery shopping, cooked for him, cleaned for him, The only thing he really did on his own was eat and sleep.

My brother is a whole other post, but anyway, my mother was found in her house, collapsed, on the floor supposedly by my brother's case manager (my mother has been trying to work on getting my brother on disability). She was admitted and in the hospital for a little over a week then released to a short term rehab facility. The hospital never was able to get a complete story from her; and neither have I. All I know is that she was found on the floor; they tested her for signs of a stroke, which thankfully came back negative. The hospital surmised that she had a seizure but she has never had seizures in the past. When I went to visit my mom in the hospital she was pretty out of it, couldn't talk but seemed to understand when people asked her questions and tried to have a conversation with her. The hospital indicated she knew who the president was, what city she was in, that she had two children (me and my brother) but didn't know she was in the hospital. Since she's been at the rehab facility it seems her mental cognition is deteriorating at a very quick speed (I'm thinking Dementia?!) In the past week she's asked if I have visited my deceased grandparents, she also wanted to know if her deceased friend was in the same rehab facility as her. She knows who my husband is and remembers his name, knows my brother's name and mine. She also has said she has seen my deceased father and again her deceased friend. She also makes no sense when she talks; talking about past events (it seems) and stringing random words together. She also is not participating in her PT and isn't eating (seems like she is drinking Ensures and water from what the facility nurses have told me). She had this same issue at the hospital (not eating).

I am now being told by the social worker at the rehab facility that my mother's base line is not improving and that more than likely, we'll need to think about long term facilities that can care for her.

I feel awful having to think about putting her in a nursing home but both my husband and I work full time jobs and we rent a one bedroom, one bathroom house so we wouldn't even have the room to have my mother stay with us. My brother doesn't have a job, driver's license, state ID, nothing (except food stamps and Medicaid) so he wouldn't be fit to take care of her either.

I'm really struggling; my mom has no Will, and since she was a fully functioning adult prior to two weeks ago she didn't need a POA for herself or need a conservatorship or guardianship; so I can't access anything of hers.

I'm trying to figure out not only how to become her medical POA, but also gain conservatorship and guardianship over her. She is on Medicare and we're also trying to figure out how to get her into a long term care facility. The social worker said I should apply her for Medicaid but she has property, bank accounts, and land so I doubt she'll quality and I have no idea how I'll be able to pay for her to be placed in a long term care facility.

I know I'm 37 years old and probably should know more about this but I'm really struggling with what to do. I'm trying to take it one day at a time but I feel like I'm on borrowed time as I try to figure out a permanent safe living situation for her.

I am up the creek with no paddle and about to fall off a waterfall : (

My 20sF grandma 83F has been having problems using her cell phone. Of course, she believes that it’s broken, when really she’s just forgetting how to use it. Which is a part of aging, so that’s fine.
What’s not fine is that when friends or family members try to call/text/somehow reach out to her on her phone, she doesn’t respond about 80% of the time because she doesn’t know how to. She just moved into an assisted living facility a few months ago (She’s LOVING it and our family does, too) and loved ones are struggling to coordinate times to visit her. People have occasionally just stopped in to see her and she’d be gone at an activity or doctor’s appointment.
I did ask her if she’d be interested in getting a home phone there (the facility allows that) because she’s more familiar with that technology, but she wasn’t interested. I asked her what were some alternative ways people could contact her and she said “I don’t know.”

Outside of the facility, I’m her main caregiver- taking her to appointments, going shopping, etc. And not being able to contact her has made that more difficult as well. Because I wasn’t able to get a hold of her to remind her and she forgot them, we have missed doctor appointments and needed to reschedule.

Does anyone have recommendations for a different way to contact her? She no longer remembers how to do social media, email, texts, anything that can be done on the phone. She has a HomePod thing but that’s been too big of a learning curve for her to figure out how to use. I have been letting people know that she appreciates snail mail, but that’s not useful when you need to get a hold of her quickly. TIA for your advice!

I’ve been taking care of scheduling and taking my parents to medical appointments for the last 5 years.
My parents are making their own decisions, I’m just keeping on top of it all and talking to their doctors.

My older siblings (4 of them) have not been involved outside of emergency room visits.

I had learned early on that it’s chaotic to have more than one of us speaking to doctors and the information that gets shared is always incomplete. So even if they take them to the ER, I’m still the point of contact.

Currently, both parents (in their 90’s) have been hit with new health issues, so they require more help at home.

My long distance sibling has come out of left field offering to create a spreadsheet of their medical care because he believes it’s somehow “safer” for them.

This spreadsheet would mean I have to set aside time in between multiple calls, insanely long hold times, doctors visits and traveling to their home multiple times every week in addition my own very demanding job to inform him on things he’s never been interested in before.

And it’s not so he can actually help. He isn’t going to come here and do anything for them.

He wants to add this extra task when I am already stretched thin. I am so distracted by the calls and texts that I can’t do my actual job.

Is anyone else navigating a sibling minefield? Because I believe I have found the exact point of my wit’s end.

This is a bad situation. My dad has dementia. I have bipolar disorder. My mom died June 2025. She always said that if she died first, he'd have to go right into a nursing home. It didn't play out that way. After she died, I was hospitalized in 5 different psychiatric facilities in 7 months (Summer 2025 through December 2025). My dad wasn't as bad during that time as he was later on, so my brother was able to swing by the house and make sure he was okay.

He was prescribed a med 4 days ago. I know I am not allowed to say what it is here. My brother and I decided to stop it today. He had his last dose this morning. He's a wreck. Super confused, unsteady, shaking.

I came out of my hospitalizations last winter traumatized. I had another psychotic break this past spring and summer, but no hospitals. I'm the only one taking care of him. I didn't realize I was sick again. I've only recently come out of it, with some depression. Bad depression. I wish I could end it all. I wish this situation would end.

I found my dad on the floor today. My brother, who generally isn't here, happened to arrive 5 minutes later and was able to pick him up. He said he wasn't in any pain.

If my dad goes into a nursing home, we'll lose our house. I will have no place to live. I don't have any money. I'll lose my car. I'll lose my things. I'll be homeless. I'm very very upset.

We cannot afford in home care.

I'm praying it will all end. I'm not going to call 988 either. I tried it twice already and it didn't help.

When has a company acquiring its competitor ever resulted in lower prices for the customer, genuinely asking because it has never happened in any industry ever.

Medical guardian now owns mobilehelp as of 2024 so one company controls two of the most recommended brands in the medical alert space, and the question everyone on a fixed income should be asking is what that means for monthly pricing going forward.

Less competitor at the top of the market means less pressure to keep medical alert cost affordable, and for seniors who are already stretching every dollar this is not an abstract concern it is a real budget issue that could show up within the next year or two.

I heard a radio interview on the BBC about Goodbye Guide. The guy who built it was interviewed. It looks good but I was wondering if anyone else has used it? It is free wedhich is a big win but I wondered if anyone had any thoughts?

My grandmother recently got a Fall Detection Pendant from Medical Alert, and she has managed to hit the button four times in the last week. She’s been able to tell them false alarm most of the time, but once she was in the dining area (away from the speaker?) and the EMS showed up looking for her.

I’m many states away trying to help find an easy solution. I’m thinking maybe there’s a bumper or cover, but I really haven’t been able to find anything. The pendant is a weird oblong shape, of course.

Does anyone here happen to have any ideas or solutions beyond ‘get an Apple Watch’? I, unfortunately, wasn’t consulted before purchase. I’m just the IT/Google-fu support.