Long story short I promised myself I would never drink. It never seemed good especially since I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father and I saw other people turn incredibly violent and angry when drinking.
Last week I had my first drink. I was feeling alone and I just wanted to relax. I enjoyed the feeling of my body feeling heavy and sedated when I took stuff like benadryl, but after a while that feeling started to fade so I turned to getting my first drink. Just a buzzball one day. It felt nice and I just wanted something that was sweet, so buzzballs seemed good.
Then that turned one buzzball one random day into two buzzballs the next day. Then every other day since last week I've been drinking more and more. Last night instead of drinking two buzzballs I drank an entire bottle of 500ml/13.5% abv wine and an entire buzzball on top of that. Apparently that's 5.5-6 standard US drinks or something? That's what google said. or around 84-88 grams of pure alcohol. I don't really drink so I don't know if it's a lot but it sounds like a lot
I don't know. I thought I'd never be like this but it's like all I look forward to now is just getting absolutely wasted and passing out.