Mom asked me, yesterday, how all my daughters are doing... I am an eternal bachelor, so that was a new one.

While driving (me, not her, haha), she said not to let anyone crucify her... she wants to be planted like her god intended.

It is amazing that her cat can teleport through glass and hang out with the other cats outside. Luckily, only one cat has ever been invited in, so far... but that cat was kicked out when mom's cat got pissed that it was eating her food. I guess that cat can also teleport through glass... but only chose to those two times. (In reality, yes, my mom does have a cat in her ALF.)

It is quite convenient for us that her vet moved from the State she lived in, and to the State I moved her to... right across the street from the ALF.

FYI, mom is 44, I'm 50, and she retired when she was 62.

Try to maintain a sense of humor, brothers & sisters!

I’m 22 F and I live with my parents. My grandma 73F now lives with us as well and has for almost a year now. My grandmother has dementia I’m not sure which type or if she ever got a proper diagnosis seems like drs know as little as
We do about dementia and it’s been this way for a year! My mom takes my grandma to all the appointments and it seems like either the doctors suck or my mom 46 F gives us zero information. Either one could be accurate though I’m betting my mother just keeps it to herself for whatever reasoning.
My mom has been a sahm since she was 30, maybe 31. My father makes pretty good money. Not rich by any means but upper middle for sure.
Anyways whoever reading this is about to probably hate me but I give up.
I hate that my grandmother with dementia lives with us. She is only able to be close to normal when she takes all of her pills. And then she just sits on the couch and stares at the tv. And I emphasize stare because it’s this blank
Soulless look, almost scary like she’s disappearing into her own mind. She needs 24/7 surveillance. She can’t remember to take her pills and once she goes without her pills for 2 days she starts going crazy. Seeing things hearing things. Not to mention I’m an administrative assistant all day and to come home to someone else who has to be managed.
I’m Losing it. My parents have TWO 2 week long vacations planned this year. 1 in November 1 in December. Guess who is going to take care of her? Nobody because I have to go to work. I’ll see her in the evening but I’m dreading it. I’m mad at my mother and I wish we could drop off my grandma at the fire station. My mom doesn’t think, she has no brain. She’s too busy worried about the things she wants she can’t think about the things that absolutely need to be done. I have ADHD so I get procrastinating completely but this is stuff that cannot be thought about last second. I know the option is to move out and I have been saving for a house bc i do not want to waste money renting at this point. I don’t have friends and feel numb. I don’t have any kind feelings anymore.

Also on top of that stress. My mom can’t find a home for my grandma. She keeps looking at ones that are high end and then goes tours it and then gets shocked that it’s $8000 dollars a month. And then she gets depressed and stops trying to even look when she clearly cannot handle my grandmother but also wants to keep her??? I don’t get it. I don’t see my grandmother as a person anymore, I just want her gone. Anyways sorry this is a mess.

My MIL is progressing. We had to fully take over her financials because she’s giving out her bank info to scammers. At first she was fine with it, but she’s now obsessing about it. Calling every day to see how much is in her account, suggesting she’s going to talk to her apartment complex to move to a more affordable place, calling companies and creating more work for us to undo the damage she is doing. Yes, we’ve done the “you are safe and secure” route, but that’s not helping. I don’t know how to tolerate the nonstop badgering and explaining. Please don’t do the “you’ll miss her when it’s over.” I know I will. I won’t miss this part though.

A few years ago, my Grandpa died. He was a bit older than her so I guess we weren't extremely shocked, but I didn't anticipate the butterfly effect this would have in the long term. For context, my Grandma lives in Ireland, which is difficult because the rest of us live in Australia (we tried to convince her to move with the family years ago, but she refused and now it's disastrous).

In December last year, she had a fall, broke her hip & femur, ended up in hospital and then eventually had to be discharged to a care home because she couldn't possibly live alone, despite what she tried to tell us all. Since then, she has developed vascular dementia. It's like a snowball: issues pile up on top of each other and collect more as they go along, but basically now she has falls and infections every other week despite the 24/7 care.

It costs my family an absolute fortune constantly flying across the entire planet and back all the time because she wouldn't move with us when she had the chance. Now, there's no way she could catch a flight and is stuck alone. But I suppose she wouldn't know that because she doesn't even remember me, her only grandchild, anymore.

I'm not angry or blaming anyone for anything, but it's so frustrating because I can't help feeling like this all started in the 6 months after my Grandpa died. If things had gone differently then, I wonder what position health-wise (and financially too maybe) we would all be in.

Just venting & looking for people with similar stories. I feel like this subreddit gets lots of input from children & caregivers of the patient, and less from those who are powerless in the nearby vicinity; it's difficult watching everyone argue and stress over something that you yourself can't do anything about.

My mom has been getting worse lately and I feel like it's (unintentionally) my fault. She's 71 and just got her diagnosis earlier this year. For a while, she seemed to be pretty stable. She would be forgetful, but it wasn't horrible. Starting on September 3rd, I had some very shitty things occur - husband of 21 years asked for a divorce our of the blue and I had a seizure that led to a horrible car crash, which is leaving me in traction for months. Since that time, Mom has been getting 10x worse. I'm the eldest child and our family is very close. I help as much as I can, but it's never enough. I have a full-time job and a 9 year old that take up a lot of my time. My Dad isn't handling it well. She took care of the household for their entire 50 years together and now he doesn't know what to do. I know it's not actually my fault that this is happening, but I can't help but feel responsible. My siblings and I are starting to look into resources to support my parents. But they're VERY resistant to having a stranger in their home.

I'm glad this sub exists. We're in a smaller town and support groups aren't always available. 😓

My husband's mentor's personality has hardly changed at all. He's not the intellectual powerhouse he once was, and he's occasionally crotchety, but he's basically the same person, just forgetful and slow. As they say, he's mellowed with age. I keep waiting for him to behave badly, but so far, so good. Fingers crossed.

Another acquaintance has become randy. He propositions women (maybe touches them, not sure, but not violently or aggressively), but so far as I know, his demeanor hasn't changed. He's still a sweet man.

It seems with people with mental illness are still mentally ill, just with dementia in the mix. Does anyone have experience with someone doing a complete 180, not just having some character traits intensifying?

Not sure I'm asking the question properly. I'm just trying to understand.

I’ve never visited this sub before today so forgive me if this is common knowledge but my heart hurts reading some of these posts and I just wanted to offer some thoughts that helped our family greatly.

My grandmother passed away from dementia a few days ago.

She was diagnosed about 2 years ago and from her diagnosis to 2 weeks before her passing she lived relatively stably (she could feed, dress and care for herself) with my grandfather as her caregiver. Unfortunately my grandfather ended up in the hospital needing a pacemaker and the ensuing shuffle just sent her over the edge. From what I understand, a late-stage dementia brain cannot handle even the tiniest of minor inconveniences. Being separated from my grandfather sent her into delirium and once she went into the hospital, she passed a few days later.

The whole thing was extremely fast. It was extremely fast because that’s how she wanted it.

My grandmother had watched her family keep her stepmother alive for years and years. Feeding tube and the whole 9. It absolutely horrified my grandmother and she was adamant that it would never be her in that situation.

She put together her will and advance directives early. The doctors were floored by how detailed her advanced directives were, they’d never seen anything like it. “Do not even lift a spoon to help me eat.” She literally went down the list of usual medical interventions and ensured that there was specific direction to basically not intervene at all other than to medicate her for comfort.

She did not want to be kept alive like that so she ensured her legal documentation reflected that and made sure her children knew her wishes.

I’m so grateful that she got what she wanted, both for herself and for our family.

I know that for many in this sub, it may be too late to help someone you’re caring for if they aren’t capable of signing documents like that anymore. But if you’re here at the beginning of your journey, please consider that you have a choice and can define how you’d like the end to look. Make sure you, your parents, etc have wills and advance directives with as detailed of wishes as you can possibly muster.

Dementia absolutely sucks. My heart is with you all.

Hi everyone. First day here so I apologize if this request is repetitive and long. I’ll give a basic explanation.

Me—only child, live in a southern state. Currently working remotely in a state out west for probably the next couple years with limited visits back home. Like, maybe one week every month on average.

Mother—recently diagnosed with dementia. She lives alone in a northern state. She’s still able to dress, eat, etc. but doesn’t drive anymore because she’s gotten lost a couple of times. She can’t remember the birth order of her only grandchildren anymore, or remember my birthday or where I live, my kids live, etc. Not much of a support system anymore because everyone she knows is getting older, less mobile, moving away to be near kids, etc. My parents were divorced but dad is dead.

I know I’m going to have to move her to an assisted living or memory care place closer to my permanent home pretty soon. Even though I’m only probably going to be home for one week a month that’s still way more often than I would be able to get to where she lives. As of right now I’m paying her re-occurring utility bills, have been added as a co-owner/co-account holder to her bank accounts. I believe I signed a POA a couple years ago with her financial person although I don’t know anything about that account (getting a call set up with them). I’m in touch with an attorney about a health and financial POA to get the ball rolling on that. I have a call with an assisted living locator that was referred to me to help tour homes the next time I’m back.

What I’m asking is — is there anything I may be forgetting that some of you had to deal with? I feel like I’m trying to get everything lined out as best as I can but the logistics of all of it—physically moving her, going through a house with years of stuff, eventually selling the house all while working and having regular life responsibilities is really overwhelming. So I’d really appreciate any feedback anyone here could give me on kind of a do/don’t do type of thing.

Thanks for reading all of this and any input you may have.

My aunt with vascular dementia is in her mid 70s and I’m struggling with what to cook for her lunch and dinner.

She eats a proper meal (cereal etc.) at breakfast (the same thing every day) and drinks enough water but struggles with meals for the rest of the day. She will eat either little and leave most of it (example: simple meals like sea bass, pasta and broccoli). She also takes a long time to chew and finish her food, so I’m not sure if she gets tired with eating.

But she will be fine eating sweet treats, although we limit these as much as possible (she is also diabetic).

My aunt is bedbound (unable to walk or stand up) and watches tv all day, struggles with her perception of time and long term memory loss. Her speech is mostly fine but she can take a long time to process things. Sometimes she suffers with episodes of throwing up and is prescribed cyclizine as when needed.

My sister (20s) and I (30s) are looking after her at home with drop-in carer visits for personal care. We are doing our best but we are worried.

Has anyone had experience with this with their loved ones and has any suggestions?

What are some meals that would be easy to eat?

Thanks.

My mom and her attorney insist she only has MCI. She has been diagnosed with althizmers and had a 0.436 on the Mayo Clinic P-tau test which is about 34% over the positive range. Not to mention she has a TBI from a stroke four years ago🤦🏼‍♀️. Look at these pictures and these notes from my daughter and tell me what y’all are seeing….I am about to pull my hair out…

I never post ever but I feel like I needed to get this out. Im 19 and im helping take care of my grandmother with Lewy body dimentia. How does one do it? The yelling the screaming the cursing constantly. The diapers the name calling I’m trying my best but I don’t know if it’s enough. I’m so tired. I take care of her with my mother and we have been doing this for about 2 years now and there’s been ups and downs but all of a sudden it just feels like theres not many days where she’s even remotely in there and I feel like I’m spiraling watching my grandmother who was once always in control now be in control of nothing. The family does nothing besides us nor do they care much. How do I keep doing this without going remotely insane? I’m so tired.

my grandmother is in rough but not terrible shape. we’re currently in the works of transitioning her to either in home care or a home, but shes very paranoid and defensive.

last sunday there was an “intervention” of sorts essentially saying she either needs to decide, or authorities, APS, etc will be involved. it was rough. since then things have been up and down, with the most positive being a doctors appointment where she seemed to accept. we’ll see how long that lasts.

her son has been in the hospital for the past week. the short is that he had a seizure and they’ve had him intubated since. his condition is not assumed to be fatal, but it’s all been hard. should she be told?? i cant imagine not knowing my child is in the hospital but i fear itll cause an episode of spam calling and confusion and general high distress. has anyone been in a similar situation and how did it go??

Trying to cope with my loved one's decline--she had been losing function for awhile, but when my dad died she flipped a switch. She started dating a guy who was clearly using her, it's more complicated than that, but I was just wondering what the end game looks like. She has her cognitive exam with the neurologist tomorrow. If she is diagnosed, at what point does she break it off with the boyfriend?

My mom got diagnosed with dementia at 54, and for 6 years she’s been battling this awful disease. I live a 3hr flight away and along with my grandmother (in her 80’s) have been handling her care, with me flying over monthly for the past 6 years. I have a sister who lives on another continent who due to the distance could only visit a couple of times throughout the years. I am exhausted, and dealing with this I feel like has taken so much from me mentally over the years. I’ve watched her deteriorate bit by bit and have had to grieve every step of the way. When she could no longer drive or financially care for herself. When I had to take full medical control, bouncing between offices for diagnosis. When I had to go through the court system to prove the severity of her illness and get power of attorney. When she started becoming aggressive and swearing at us, hitting my grandmother. When she had to be placed into a care home. When she had to start using diapers because of her incontinence. When she could no longer walk. When she could no longer remember who I was when I came to visit. When she lost her ability to speak.

I was recently sent by work on a 2.5 month placement to the other side of the world, a gamble I know, but an opportunity I was genuinely excited about. She always supported my professional ambitions and encouraged me, so in a way I knew it was something I know she would have been proud of me for. I spent so long prioritizing her needs and the practicality of her care, I was excited to finally do something for myself.

1 month into the placement, I get a call from her care home that her vitals are plummeting and they suggested that if I am able, I should make my way here to say goodbye. I scrambled to book a last-minute flight that night, leaving the rest of my things in the rented apartment there and traveled 18+ hours to get to her. I spent the entire journey preparing myself to lose her, and in a way I found peace with the fact she will no longer be suffering from this disease that’s taken everything from her. I felt ready for the goodbye I’ve been dreading for years.

The first 3 days were rough and I did my best to comfort her through the sporadic breathing and agony I could see on her face. I was there petting her hair, telling her I loved her and that everything would be ok. That she was an amazing mother, I would always cherish her and that I’d keep taking care of my grandmother. I’d wake up 3-4 times per night checking my phone, expecting the worst. The day before my sister arrived too, her vitals started to pick up. Over the last few days she’s improved, and continued to eat 3 (albeit light) meals per day. She’s been taken off supplementary oxygen and though she does still sleep a lot she’s still eating, smiling, etc.

After a week I now I feel stuck in limbo. I’m struggling with the idea of staying here indefinitely but equally worried about leaving and potentially having to turn back around. I feel guilty for missing who I was just a week ago. The girl that felt free and had something exciting that was mine. The girl that got a glimmer of
life without these responsibilities that have weighed me down for years. Every day I spend here in her care home I think about what I am missing there. Though my employer has been supportive of whatever I decide, I also worry about the ramifications of me having had to leave when they’ve spent so much to get me there.

There is a month left in the placement and all I can fantasize about is jumping on the first flight back. The thought of siting here for weeks/months waiting makes me want to pull my hair out. Having to spoon feed my sweet, smart mother who is reduced to this is just agony. I love her so much and I feel awful that I’m thinking this way but I just want to get back to my life.

My mother has been on hospice for dementia and Parkinson's for over a year now. Friday she had a visit with the doctor and she's lost so much weight, she needs to be spoon fed, toilet, dressed every day. The doctor finally agreed it was time to take her off of her blood pressure meds and a few of her dementia meds. They feel like it's not really helping her anymore.

I'm relieved to be totally honest. It made me sad. My watch might be ending soon, however, she has lingered. I hope she doesn't linger much more for her own sake.

I just want her to be at peace, the stiffness of the Parkinson's has robbed her of any dignity, the loss of her mind has as well.

Praying for all of us whether we are directly or indirectly caring for our family.

I have been trying to help my mom for the past year now (yes it’s only been 14 months and I already feel like I can’t go on), and I am extremely depressed and distressed.
I’m not even a full time caregiver, I live in another state but am the only surviving relative and only person out there since she has no friends. Between selling her house and then the nonstop moves between different apartments as she refuses necessary care, the struggles to keep her safe and arrange home healthcare or assisted living, and most of it going nowhere, I feel hopeless.

I had to take a lot of time off work. I put my career and my dreams on hold to help her, finally got her into assisted living. She moved out in 24 hours with some guy and is back in independent living.

After consults with lawyers and social workers and geriatric care managers, every option on the table was just more and more work for me and causing me extreme anxiety, and I finally said no - I can’t and won’t keep fighting this anymore. My mental health is so poor I just think how much I want it to all be over, like life feels too hard and I just think in my head make it stop make it stop please make it stop, and I am struggling to get my footing at work after all the distractions, emergencies and time off.

I have durable power of attorney, although I am thinking of stepping down because from a different state and without her talking to me, it’s becoming too hard to manage things like cancelling a recurring subscription for her, and she did not give me the powers that would have allowed for Medicaid planning - so screw it. I can’t take hours out of my workday to cancel subscriptions and things like that - it’s crazy and will get me in trouble.

I gave 14 months of my life to try to keep her safe and get her somewhere that was nice and where she could afford to live for at least the next 6 years with step up to memory care. I didn’t expect a penny in an inheritance, which I won’t get, I just wanted her to be safe and to protect her money so she wouldn’t have to go into a Medicaid facility until it was the last option.

She doesn’t care. Even in her more lucid moments she couldn’t care about destroying my finances she even suggested I use my kids college savings money to pay for her to live somewhere fancy…

At this point, I feel like she can do whatever she wants with her money and mess her finances up “having fun” with her boyfriend - the end will be the same she will just end up in a Medicaid facility sooner rather than later. She is refusing medical care - but APS has been called multiple times and conclude their last investigation and told me they won’t do anything and I can’t either - so oh well.

At what point do you just say you tried and wait for them to be hospitalized and forced into a facility? Because I have tried and at this point I am depressed and it gets worse every day. She doesn’t even live on this planet anymore or understand money and time - she may be momentarily unhappy but she isn’t really capable of feeling the stress of losing your career or failing your kids or just having to muddle through work while thoughts of extreme depression fill your brain. I’m a mom to two young girls, I need to step away and restore my health not just for me but for them.

Resigning as power of attorney feels like a good step for my mental health, but I’m concerned it could create problems years down the road.

Thoughts?

I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice, or just want to tell someone.

We went to see the neurologist today for a check in on my husband's MCI. He got a 28 out of 30 the last screening a year ago. Today it was 21. The doctor is concerned. We're doing a NeuroTrax test in a couple of weeks to see if he is actually getting worse, but he is having trouble remembering clearly things I have told him, like the movie theater near us being converted to a space for live music. We had a whole conversation about it a couple of months ago. He didn't remember. He's napping more, and is occasionally more irritable than he used to be.

OTOH, he functions well day-to-day, does fine with his routine, so far does fine away from home (as long as I or our daughter are there too), walks the dog twice a day, and can safely drive alone short distances. The farthest he drives is about a mile and a half away to a hardware store he knows well. He doesn't get lost so far, if we're out, I can ask him how to get home when I'm driving, and he knows the way.

There's the option of doing Kisunla or Leqembi infusions if the NeuroTrax test shows positive for decline. We're seriously considering it.

It feels like this is now moving from MCI to dementia. I read that MCI can get moderately worse, then stablize and never actually progress into dementia. It's the fear that he'll get much worse, or suddenly decline. Or both.

One day at a time, trying to hold on and cope.

Hi folks, just wanted to drop some of my thoughts off here for no particular reason. Cheaper than therapy I guess.

My 65 year old father has been on a slow decline for a while now. He was an attorney, and naturally, a severe alcoholic as well. Around seven years ago, it was hard to chalk up how much of his memory loss and erratic behavior was from alcoholism or from dementia. Or alternatively, both. I speculate that his dementia is caused by multiple concussions from falling, along with his brain getting pickled by alcohol. He never received a diagnosis of dementia from a doctor, largely because the rest of my family insisted the strange behavior and memory struggles were from him being a drunk. He’s been sober for maybe four years now (not his choice, but you can’t drink when you can’t drive to the bar), and we definitely know that is not the case; his memory has declined to the point where he no longer recognizes me as his son, but what’s the purpose in getting a diagnosis now aside from a medical bill in the mail?

My mother, a housewife, is now his full-time caregiver. Their day-to-day life makes me incredibly sad, and it pains me just to be around them. My mother sits all day on her iPad reading. My dad stares at the tv, “watching” game shows, and alternates between walking to the fridge and the pantry. Once a day, they will walk down and back their street with their absolutely insane beagle. It is such an incredibly small world in which they live, and is a prison of their own making. I loathe visiting them, because it makes me feel guilty. Why am I not helping more as a son? Why don’t I take them out sometime, or invite them over? There’s always that bit of shame lingering at the back of my head. They raised you, they paid for your college, and now you can’t be bothered to help them. I could be doing more to make their lives better, though at the cost of my own sanity. I visit them three times a week or more, dropping off my dog in the morning when I go to work and hanging out for 30-40 minutes after work. I always feel like this is never enough; just chatting in their sad home, and I can’t wait to leave. My dad always says, “Come around more, we never see you!” even if I was just there. He’s been saying that less and less as the recognition fades.

In a sad way, this is probably the best their home life has ever been. Before, my family was constantly wracked with anxiety about my father. What kind of mood will he be in when he gets home? How drunk will he be? Will he kill someone on the road driving home from the bar? Will he fall down and crack his head open somewhere in the city? Will he scream and yell at us when he gets here? Now, he is completely pleasant to be around; he’s quiet, of course, but never mean, never raises his voice. It’s like a totally different person; I’m not sure how much of that is being sober and how much is the dementia altering his personality.

But how do you care for someone who, for most of your life, was a huge menace? There is no real connection there. My mother cares for him mostly out of habit. She’s been caring for and catering to him mostly of his life, so I guess that is a hard habit to break. But for me, most of my memories of him are bad, and I really feel no obligation to him. He wasn’t physically abusive, but was largely absent, and only showed up to yell at and berate my mother. Of course, I love my mom dearly, so anything I do for him, I do for her.

I think often about how things could have turned out differently, had we made other decisions. What if my mother divorced my dad? He would have gone totally off the rails and likely drank himself to death, which probably would have been for the best. What if we’d somehow forced him into sobriety, avoiding this dementia catastrophe altogether? An impossibility, but the thought crosses my mind. It would be a weight off my mind for my parents to be financially stable in their old age, rather than the incredibly tenuous situation they’re in right now.

And of course, I think about the future. What will happen when my mother will no longer be able to care for my father? She’s not particularly well, mentally or physically, and when my dad can no longer bathe himself or use the bathroom, I question her ability to help him. She has weekly breakdowns where she calls me and vents; tells me of my dad’s latest eccentricity, things he’s forgotten, how she can’t handle it anymore. Not super thrilled to learn about how my dad is shitting his pants now, or how he can’t button his shirts, or is wearing underwear over his trousers. But my mom doesn’t have anyone else to vent to. No friends, and my sister blows up on her anytime she mentions it.

I think about how long he might live, and how he might die. Somehow, despite years of neglecting his body, he’s relatively healthy; healthier than my mom. Will he die suddenly? That would of course be a blessing, and the sooner the better. I don’t even feel bad about thinking this way. My father was always a proud man, and would hate to be seen how he is now, a shadow of himself. But I think we will be so lucky. I think about the day when their savings run out, and when they will be forced to sell their home. Where will they go? I certainly don’t want them moving in with me and my wife, and neither does my sister. My parents can’t afford any sort of senior living facility. I can’t afford to pay for it either. I think if my own health too. What if this dementia is hereditary, and I’m next? Most people in my family have died too young for dementia to manifest. A legacy of smoking, drinking, and working in coal mines. I think I’d kill myself before it came to that. I try to do all the right things to prevent dementia, but it just feels impossible.

The worst aspect of this entire catastrophe is how everyone ignored it. My older sister refused to believe he had dementia. She said he “was just a drunk,” or just had a little trouble remembering things. She forced him to work well past the point where he was able to, in some desperate attempt to maintain the facade that everything was fine. Even now, she won’t say the word “dementia,” despite him not knowing his wife’s name. We could have prepared for this. We STILL could be preparing for the next step; selling my parent’s home, signing up for disability, etc. But my mom doesn’t seem interested; for all my father’s faults, he always took care of the family financially (even though he drove himself into ruin at the end). She’s so accustomed to this that she can’t imagine a world where she has to do anything aside from housework. I’ve tried and tried, but I have a life of my own. I can’t force her to do anything. I guess I could keep pushing for her to change, to get things straightened out, and I feel guilty that I don’t want to carry that burden.

So I guess we’ll just wait. Run out the clock and see what gives first, and I’ll just keep playing all these scenarios out in my head. Will my dad die soon, and we’ll all be free? Will they run out of money and scramble for a place to live? Will my mom die first, dropping my dad’s care in my lap? Many fun possibilities! I feel like my life is on hold; I’d love to move out of this town, but I feel shackled. I need to be near my parents for when things get worse. I think sometimes about having kids, but I dread imagining how I’ll juggle daycare payments and whatever expenses pop up with my parents. At the same time, I sometimes wonder if I use that as an excuse; to stay where I’m going comfortable, sink into the familiar routine. I guess I’m like my mother in that way; easier to bear a known pain than risk a new one.

Not sure what I’m hoping to accomplish by posting this. I feel a little better just writing this out, I guess. I appreciate this sub a lot. Reading your stories makes me feel less alone in this struggle, and I hope that those who read this feel the same way. One day, the pain will be over, and just a memory. Hopefully, the bad ones will fade, and the good ones shine brighter. For all the terrible quirks of the human mind, it has a strange ability to do that. In the meantime, I’ll just keep plugging along. To quote Samuel Beckett, “That’s how it is on this bitch of an earth.”

anyone else’s loved ones with dementia frequently have visibly heavy eyelids or look half closed in middle stages? Still talking walking eating etc but have that half closed look?

Hi there. My mom (86, almost 87) has started to display memory loss: repeating herself, asking the same questions even sometimes in one conversation or phone call. However, she is able to take care of herself — she always looks nice and her house seems OK. She doesn’t cook much, but eats fine. She still plays mahjong and golf. She has been alone since my dad died, nearly 8 years ago. We recently moved a lot of bill-paying and financial maintenance to a financial advisor. She can drive, just short distances and mainly during the day. She will soon be moving out of her house and into an apartment with some support and more community.

I went with her to see her PCP last week and described her memory loss and her doctor diagnosed her with MCI and recommended bloodwork to test for “markers.” He called me today to say that both showed positive and recommended memantine and B12 (she has a deficiency). From Googling, it seems like this Rx is for moderate to severe dementia/Alzheimer’s. So is he saying she does not have MCI but dementia? (I realize these are not strict categories and also that I could ask him.) I know no one can tell me what to expect but I am honestly terrified.