Two years ago I drew my department director for the office Secret Santa. The limit was $25. I was broke and completely forgot until 7 AM the morning of the party. Panicking, I found an unopened luxury candle shoved behind my toilet paper stash. It was an expensive peace-offering my toxic ex left after cheating on me. I slapped some tissue paper on it and brought it in. At the party my boss unwrapped it and immediately went dead silent. Her eyes welled with tears. She choked up and told everyone that this discontinued scent was the exact candle her late mother burned every Christmas before she passed. She hugged me and thanked me for being "so remarkably thoughtful!" I stood there nodding with a sick smile while my soul left my body. Three months later she hand-picked me for a promotion to senior coordinator. She still keeps the empty glass jar on her office desk as a pencil holder. Every single time I walk past her desk and see that jar, I remember my sleazy ex apologizing for sleeping with his coworker.

I judge the parents of overweight children. I look at these kids and think about how the parents are setting them up for health problems, trouble dating, and how they are ingraining bad habits that may last a lifetime.

It is very hard to try and help an overweight child become physically healthier. They obviously need to eat enough to continue developing, and you don’t want to cause mental health issues by making them feel bad about their bodies.

I don’t see out to be a judgmental person, but lately I’ve come to realize that I subconsciously judge people for all sorts of things.

Three years ago I had a job interview during work hours and panicked when my manager asked why I needed to leave early.

For some reason, instead of saying I had an appointment, I told her my cat was sick and needed to go to the vet.

I didn't have a cat.

I didn't even get the job I was interviewing for.

The following Monday, a coworker asked if my cat was okay. I said she was fine. Then she asked what her name was.

Miso. I said Miso. I'd had miso soup for lunch.

That should've been the end of it, but people at my office REALLY like animals. Every few weeks someone would ask about Miso. Apparently I had established myself as a cat person without realizing it.

When someone eventually asked for a picture, I showed them my sister's orange cat, Beans. My sister sends me photos of him constantly, so I had plenty.

At one point our office made a little slideshow of everyone's pets for a holiday meeting. Beans appeared on a slide labeled "Miso" between two actual employees' dogs.

I have since invented a vet, a favorite toy and an elaborate explanation for why Miso hates being picked up. The picking-up thing was especially stupid because nobody asked.

Last week, one of my coworkers lost her elderly cat. She was devastated. We talked about him for a while and before she went home she said, "Give Miso an extra hug for me tonight."

I said I would.

And then I felt so guilty about the whole ridiculous situation that I drove an hour and a half to my sister's place on Saturday and spent the afternoon with Beans.

I gave him the hug. He bit my sleeve and immediately went back to sleep.

My sister thinks I just really missed her cat.

I honestly don't know which part of this is the most embarrassing anymore.

I went to high school with a pageant queen. She was nice enough to me and we were good friends for awhile, but I knew she had her flaws as a human being. For example, she asked me if I would take her to prom my junior year so that she could be a person who went to prom all four years of high school (she was a year older than me). We didn’t end up going to prom and she went with someone else instead. I know this isn’t criminal behavior, but hopefully this helps you catch a general vibe. I was willing to brush this off at the time though because, to be honest, I was a bit of a pushover at that point in my life.

My senior year rolled around and her and I reasonably kept in touch while she started her first year at college. One day, she sent me a Snapchat message that just says, “wanna see a funny video?” “Sure,” I respond back. I open up Snapchat a couple minutes later to the video she sent me, which was a butt shitting out a gigantic log of poo into a toilet. Somehow, the camera was in the toilet giving a side-shot. Obviously, I lost my mind. I responded back in all caps with “WHAT THE FUCK?!” and “WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SEND ME THAT” She innocently responded that she thought it would be funny.

To this day, nearly 8 years later, I have not spoken to her. She is now grown and has made quite a name for herself in the area, which is great for her. Even though I have never forgotten about this video (the toilet was light blue), I haven’t had much of a reason to tell too many people this story until recently. I know, maybe not the best move in the world, but it’s pretty fun at parties. I told this story at a party once and one of the attendees was mutual friends with her for a period of time. When I told them this story, they couldn’t believe it. Apparently, this girl sent this to them on ACCIDENT, and followed it shortly after with “sorry, wrong person.“ The plot thickens. This leads me now to believe that she fully intended to send this video to me, and that made everything weirder. Later on, after thinking about all of this a bit more, I remembered that the video wasn’t sent in a purple box, but as a chat message (anyone who knows Snapchat understands this distinction). This may not have even been her butt. All this time, for all these years, I genuinely thought this shit came from her ass. I could have been wrong this whole time, but that opens up even MORE questions. Did someone send her the video and her reaction was, “man, I need to send this specifically to ‘OP’!” or, did she take the video in her actual camera app and then send it over? Whose butt did I watch shit into a toilet? I don’t know, but I don’t think I need or want to either.

Please do not replicate this with your own friends. Spoiler alert: they won’t find it funny.

Hey Reddit, Texan here, honestly I just want someone to maybe be proud of me. My family is Trump/Conservative’s and only listen to Fox News so yeah. I think they at least consider the idea that I am more moderate but they never talk about and promptly assume I only vote republican. I am a Christian and in the middle of most politics. Long story short my confession is I bold faced Lied to my dad when we drove to vote and said I’d voted for Paxton. I didn’t, Talerico win or lose has my vote. Can’t wait to see Texas hopefully turn blue.

Edit: Since this has more views than I thought it would get. I am 27 F yes sadly I live with them, moved in recently while I look for a new/better job so I can quit the two jobs I already have. I don’t hate my parents or blame them, just wish I could speak to them easier. It’s a confession sub my friends, just confessing because I hate lying to them.

I know people are gonna say honesty is always the best policy, but if you saw my dad’s face that afternoon, you would have done the exact same thing.

My dad was a blue-collar mechanic his entire life. The man could diagnose an engine knock just by leaning against the hood. Fixing things was his entire identity. But he’s 74 now, his arthritis is severe, and his memory has been slipping in terrifying little ways that he aggressively denies. When my car wouldn't start last month, he insisted on repairing it to save me cash. For three straight days, he was out in the freezing driveway, dropping wrenches, trembling, and getting visibly confused by basic wiring diagrams. On day three, he dropped a socket, sat down on the asphalt, and started crying. I had never seen my father cry in my life.

That night while he slept, I paid an emergency mobile mechanic $600 in cash to fix the starter motor at 1 AM. I begged the guy to leave the tools scattered on teh ground and keep the hood propped open so it looked untouched.

The next morning, dad went outside, jiggled one wire, turned the key, and the engine roared. The look of pure, beaming pride on his face broke my heart in two. He stood two inches taller all week, telling everyone he "still got it." I lied to his face and I feel like a fraud, but watching your parents lose themselves is just unbearable.

I am here to brag. It was so amazing so now I understand why men are so obsessed with sex. I am too now. I have problems in marriage but my husband can satisfy me in bed like nobody ever had. And it inspires me to work on our marriage and not give up. I am so jealous men can cum so easily with any pussy given!!

This was around ten years ago. We lived in a house share with six of us, including myself and my ex. When we split up, we agreed that we wouldn’t bring people home without discussing it first.
One night she went clubbing with her friends and I stayed home. I was playing on my PlayStation with headphones on. It must have been around midnight when I took them off to go to the bathroom. As I neared my door, I heard her moaning in the room across the hallway. Her bed was creaking, and I could also hear the sound of skin clapping. My cock became rock hard immediately and I came in seconds.

This went on for weeks (she didn’t know that I knew), and I loved it. I had become a cuck to her sex life.
The peak of it came on one occasion when I had to grab something from her room that I’d left there before we split up (we’d discussed it earlier that day). She had been fucking someone again that afternoon and I’d heard it. Once they finished, they left the house, so I decided to go into her room. Next to her bed was some delicate lingerie that I had bought her in the past for a special occasion. Not only had she worn it for him, but he had literally come all over the stockings. There they were, lying in front of me on the floor. To this day, it remains one of the hottest moments I have ever experienced.

A year ago I walked into a small barbershop near my apartment. Super nice older guy, empty shop, terrible haircut. My fade was crooked and I walked out looking like a thumb. I swore I’d never go back. Right as I was paying, he sighed and told me business had been dead since his divorce, thanking me for keeping his lights on. My dumb guilt kicked in and I went, "See you next month, man!" I have gone back twelve times. Every four weeks I sit there, watch him ruin my hairline, nod at the mirror, say "looks clean bro," and hand him forty bucks. Then I get in my car, put on a hat, and hide my head for two weeks until it grows out. Yesterday I walked past another barbershop down the street and literally crossed the road so he wouldnt see me through his window like a cheating spouse lol.

Unfortunately I don’t have a microphone around my ass so I can’t.

I actually worked out for a while around march for my cutting journey and now im lean bulking.

Ever since i started eating so much food I feel so energized even in jiu-jitsu practice I can go on forever. It really feels amazing once you start eating more.

But the more this came along I pretty much masturbated every night to mostly gay porn or gay furry porn (even tho im a lesbian) and somtimes strap on lesbian porn. I really like imagining myself dominating someone and being aggressive even tho i have the softest fucking heart in history. I love seeing submissive small men or women in that position and it has been going on for weeks. Like watching these videos in the morning and at night to help me sleep or mid day watching these at work just because im bored. I have a strong imagination so I think about it too.

I even follow 2 pateron arts of the same fantasies or kinky things that I enjoy. And to a point I even masturbated before my jiu-jitsu tournament to focus (and yeah I won double gold lol)

So now all of this while having a girlfriend. She lives far from me and we are in the closet so we can't bring each other to our houses so we do it in the back seat.

Honestly the sex is nice but it isnt as fulfilling as the porn I watch. I don't actually finish with her since I prefer taking the lead since I do enjoy watching her submit to me. But I just want more.

They are some kinks we talked about together that i told her i enjoyed like being aggresive and very dominant but we can't do these in a back seat of a car. Plus I do enjoy wearing a strap but she doesnt enjoy penetration as much.. and I understood. I never felt upset with her preference.

Plus overtime we are just hanging out and eating which is fine by me. I love her and I don't expect anything from her. Its just more often I watch so much of this content because it fulfills my desires and I feel disgusted because I do this almost everyday and Its so good but also maybe all of this because I just miss touching my gf. When im close to climax by myself I do stop watching and think of her in this position which does finish me.

Idk this feeling but either way I am trying to not go on there often.

i am a piece of shit that nobody would miss. i wake up and the first thing i feel is disgust at myself, my body, the smell of my own mouth, the sour taste of last night. i am 27 and i have nothing, no friends, no love, just a dirty room and a phone i stare at until my eyes hurt. the dishes in my sink have mold on them and i just move them to the other side. my clothes smell like old sweat and i wear them anyway because washing them feels like too much work for a person like me.

i fucked up every good thing that came near me because i am a coward and a liar. i had a girl who actually loved me and i cheated on her with someone i did not even like, just because i wanted to feel like i was worth something for one night. she cried and i stood there like a stone and said nothing. i still hear her voice sometimes, asking me why, and i have no answer, because there is no answer, i am just a selfish bastard who ruins everything he touches.

my mother looks at me like i am already dead and she is right. she calls me and i let it ring. i know she is tired of me. i know she tells her friends i am doing okay because she is ashamed. i cannot even hold a job for more than three months. i quit or i get fired, it does not matter, the result is the same. i am a stain. i am the thing people step over and forget.

i think about dying in stupid small ways. like the bus hitting me and nobody noticing for a week. like falling asleep in the bath and not waking up. and honestly that feels like the correct ending for a worthless piece of garbage like me. i do not think i would even cry at my own funeral. i would probably be relieved. i hate myself so much it is boring. it is the most consistent thing in my life, this hatred, this flat gray feeling that i am not a real person, just a mistake that keeps breathing.

i am so tired. i am so fucking tired of being me.

I'm a little high and melancholy tonight and I wanted to get some stuff off me. And im a 45 year old bearded white male. Im putdoorsy and love in the midwesr. I'm married with children and I absolutely love my life. For the first time in my entire life I don't prefer death.

I've always been drawn to women. Some of my earliest memories are of trying on my mom's stockings or sitting in the hair dryer that the old ladies like to use in the salon she worked at. I've always preferred the smell of perfume over cologne. Blah blah. Fast forward 30 years to my therapist telling me I put women on a pedestal. I treat them like some divine untouchable being worthy of worship and respect. I was always more shy with girls and desperately wanted to be liked by... any of them.

I eventually get a girl and get married. I get to see her up close and learn they are just humans. But what does that mean they're not worth all that respect?? Wrong. I learned maybe all humans are entitled to that respect. I opened my eyes. And through years of introspection and meditating I have come to a realization.

I want to be a woman. I think I always have. Whether in my lusts, fascination with artistic form, or just desire to live their experience. I think I've secretly always envied them. They get to be protected and gentle and beautiful. They get all the colors and comfortable pajamas. They are desired an pursued and make for good art. They get a million different hairstyles amd cultivate life itself. I want that. I want to feel pretty and feminine and desired. I want to have a girls night! Where we say fuck guys and just revel in our feminine power. The power of fragility and softness. Like a flower in a field and I one among them.

But, I dont want to be trans.

I hope that doesn't make me mean or bigoted. I dont want to be. And I dont want to be changed into a woman. I want to have been born a woman and have a pretty childhood with nurturing. I want to magically become one, or have been one all along. I dont want to change it through other means. Im a guy. I was born a guy. And I've had to make peace with that. I don't get to be a woman. That's okay. Even if i feel like i was born in the wrong body.

But I think deep down she still lives there. She'll come out to play every so often. And I'll see her in the soft, beautiful moments. The me that might have been.

Throwaway for obvious reasons because if my husband ever finds this, our marriage is over. Two years ago, he went on a camping trip and left me strict instructions on how to feed his sourdough starter. This thing was supposedly passed down from his great-grandmother—he treated it like a living family heirloom.

On day two, I was doing a deep fridge clean. I saw this crusty, grey, foul-smelling mason jar tucked behind teh milk, assumed it was spoiled dip, and dumped it right down the garbage disposal. The second the blades ground to a halt, pure horror hit me. I literally dropped to my knees on the kitchen floor in cold sweat.

In total panic, I raced to an artisanal bakery downtown, begged the baker for a scoop of their starter, transferred it into his vintage jar, and dusted flour on the lid so it looked untouched. he has spent the last two years baking with it, constantly telling our dinner guests that you can "taste the hundred-year-old heritage." I just smile and nod while dying inside. am I an absolute monster for taking this secret to my grave?

i (18)M texas and i wanna lose my virginity to a woman who is in texas as well im js so fucking horny all the time

Hey F17 here and for a while I have been curious about sleeping naked and I have been hanging out in my room naked I wanted some advice when was the first time you slept naked? And do you recommend it?

My friend and her boyfriend have a really good relationship overall. He’s ambitious and she genuinely likes that about him. The issue is that he keeps telling her she “has to do more for her future.”
She’s already working (night shifts) and going to college full-time. She’s improved her life a lot and is doing several of the things he’s suggested, just not at the same speed he moves. He wants her to study for certifications, join student associations, become a leader in those associations, and pile on a bunch of extracurriculars. He also regularly reminds her of things she “hasn’t done yet,” like posting enough social media content for her small business, or that she sleeps after work (she works nights), and he’ll bring up that some of his friends are already managing their dads’ businesses.
Here’s the part that makes it feel unfair: she comes from a very poor background. Where she grew up there weren’t many opportunities. She has to work to cover her apartment, groceries, car, and basically everything while also doing full-time college. Her boyfriend comes from an upper-middle-class family. His parents pay for everything. He only works part-time for fun, so he has a lot of free time to study, do extracurriculars, network, etc.
Lately he’s been saying he’s drained because she’s not keeping up with the same level of activity as him. He talks about wanting to travel and buy a house, and basically implies that if she doesn’t do all of these extra things she’ll end up behind and it will hold both of them back.
She loves him and is trying. She’s just not starting from the same place or operating with the same amount of free time and financial cushion. Is she missing something, or is he being unreasonable by measuring her against his circumstances and constantly highlighting what she hasn’t done yet?

i need to confess something ive never said out loud. my boyfriend makes fun of how skinny i am constantly and i get off on it. hell call me a skeleton, say i look sick, joke that he could snap me in half, etc. instead of feeling hurt i get this sick little rush. i smile and act like its just teasing but inside im feeding on it. ive had a secret eating disorder for years. (i blame my physique on genetics to everyone) and his comments make me feel like the restriction is "working."

strangers on the street do it too. they stare, they comment, they say i look like im dying or that i need to eat a burger. some are cruel, some pretend to care. either way it hits the exact same spot and i walk away feeling validated in the most fucked up way possible

at work its even worse. im a waitress and customers (especially older men) love to point it out. "jesus youre thin" "do they not feed the staff here" "careful with that tray stick" they laugh, their tables laugh... i just keep smiling while part of me is soaking it up. i really hate that about myself

and then theres also the online stuff. ive been seeking validation from strangers. i post in certain places, sending pics of my collarbones and wrists, fishing for comments about how tiny i am, how theyd fix me. it feels filthy and empty but i keep going back. i think im a terrible person.

i know how sick this all is. i know i should want the comments to stop. but the thought of people looking at me and not seeing "too skinny" scares the shit out of me. like if the mockery and the stares and the online messages disappeared, what would be left of me?

thankyou for reading till all the way here

22M.

I’m sure everyone relates to parents badgering you about dating and asking “when are we getting grandkids” and so forth. I’m sure the grandkids bit is playful but it still fucks with me heavy because I don’t ever see myself getting the luxury of having a romantic relationship and a family, all because I hate my genitals.

I’m way outside the norm. Don’t think I need to say more than that. As a result I’ve got no confidence with dating women, and no sexual or romantic experience. Every now and then women show interest, but I ofc reject them. I don’t want to waste their time, and I don’t want to risk me getting attached and hurt.

I’m sure you’re wondering “why tf do your parents know?” Well last year when I rejected this girl I really liked (she was like an Amazonian goddess who had all the same interests as me and just clicked really well with) I was completely overwhelmed with suicidal intentions and even planned it and wrote out my suicide note. Instead I burst out in tears and told them everything, hence why I’m still here.

They brought up again the other day, or my dad did anyway, and offered therapy and doctor stuff but it’s so fucking embarrassing. I did get a diagnosis for body dysmorphia but when you’re actually outside the normal range, but not a micropenis, what can a doctor or therapy even do? I see no point.

Yeah bit of a stupid rant but women asking me out and parents asking about dating and kids is just a brutal reminder of what I haven’t got and won’t ever get.

I do need to stop being a fat fuck though but it just seems so pointless. Anyways that was just a little rant thanks for listening.

Yesterday, I was traveling on the Delhi Metro. It was very crowded, and there was a couple present. In the crush of the crowd, the husband and wife got separated, and I ended up standing next to the wife. Suddenly, we found ourselves very close to each other, and our hands were touching. All of a sudden, she smiled, placed her hand on my trousers, and pressed—I was completely shocked. We remained in that position for about 15 minutes, and she kept moving even closer to me. I have no idea why she did that; I’m neither handsome nor particularly smart, and I’m actually quite introverted—I’m even afraid to talk to girls in real life.

Does anyone have this problem? I am so addicted to cleaning my ears that it’s like I have a problem. I love to go deep in my ears with a Q tip because it literally feels euphoric. I know I have problems. But wtf. It feels so good. Once my husband even said, I wish you made those faces when I was inside you like the Q-tips make you feel. LOL. Does anyone else have this feeling???