(OC) Being interesting - version 2

[u/Deep-Breadfruit-3980]

Hope the punchline works?

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[u/AdFar3818]

I think the bubbles in the third panel should more clearly separate the two speakers. It’s kinda weird that you’ve put a line cutting off the green rat’s two bubbles, but not one separating green and yellow’s bubbles.

I also think the wording of the first and third panels feels a bit awkward. I didn’t really pick up on the fact that the brown eat was looking at a data broker or something at first, so I read the first bubble as positive. And the second bubble, I think would work better in past tense or without the “ever” (unless that’s a deliberate character choice).

For the third panel, I get the idea, that the first bubble is meant to sound like it could be about either green’s information or someone else’s, but I don’t think the word choice of “get hold of” really accomplished that, which I think contributed to the joke not really landing for me. The joke might have also landed better if there was a prior explicit reference to the green rat being “boring”, or not having any “interesting” information.

Also, I looked back and saw the previous version, and I do think the change in background color in version 1 did help the flow a bit. And I think the slightly indignant expression on green’s face when he said “being interesting” helped sell the joke a lot more for me in the original.

[u/Deep-Breadfruit-3980 → u/AdFar3818]

Thank you for feedback! I will work on the suggested changes.
I really appreciate your help :-)

[u/NicholasIvins]

I think this version works better than the first!

[u/Deep-Breadfruit-3980 → u/NicholasIvins]

I agree! Thank you for suggesting it :-) Really appreciate the feedback.

[u/KabulaTheBoardgame]

The art is cool, text bubble positioning makes it very hard to follow the discussion though.

in terms of wording, why does it say "I do too"? it should be just "I do", correct?

[u/AdFar3818 → u/KabulaTheBoardgame]

“I do too!” (Or just “do too!”) is correct, it’s just informal. Too can be used like this for emphasis in contradiction.

[u/tuna_cowbell]

It made me snicker. I dig it.

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