My son’s first stillbirth-day was on Saturday. Today was my anatomy scan with my rainbow, 20 weeks on the dot. She was alive on Saturday when I went to triage in a panic. She had no heartbeat this morning and was measuring 2 weeks behind, just like her brother who also died.

You know what is really messed up? Being on a first-name basis with the undertaker at the funeral home down the street from the children’s hospital. Having a preferred vendor for baby urns (why are they all so ugly?!) Wondering if switching hospitals would lift the curse of having babies who keep dying. Feeling what I thought was her moving but must be just round ligament pain because she’s gone. Deciding what kind of memorial jewelry I’ll have made for her. Doing the math of “should I wait a year to try again and get healthier, or will my eggs be too dusty by then?”

Okay so like the title says, my mom has told me twice now she wants to get a tattoo to honor my daughter, I lost her at 26 weeks. Her name was a flower, and my mom wants a tattoo of that flower. Like the day after we lost her, my mom was telling my best friend she wanted the tattoo. Why is that the first thing you jump to in a situation like that? She asked me probably a week later the first time, then again a few months later. I told her no absolutely not. My daughter was a twin and I'm still breastfeeding her living sister who spent 3 months in the nicu, so if I wanted to do something like a tattoo, I cannot for the time being.

I think I've felt very proprietary about my grief, it's like I think if I acknowledge she's grieving too it takes my daughter away from me? I don't know... Our family and friends were super involved in the NICU journey, checking in and very supportive of our living daughter. She's part of a wonderful loving community. Our daughter we lost has always kind of felt like she's just mine and my husband's, I just don't want to share her, if that makes any sense at all. But should I just let her do it/am I being selfish to tell her no?

I can’t even believe what happened. My body unfortunately failed my beautiful baby girl at 20 weeks and 5 days. I know I can’t control certain conditions I didn’t even know about, but it still feels like I failed her when I was meant to keep her safe. My husband and I wanted her so much. Waited years until we were ready financially and emotionally to bring a child into this world (early 30s) so she’d have the best versions of us. This is our 2nd loss back to back with no living children, with the first being an earlier MMC. It was so traumatic losing her yesterday due to cervical incompetence that wasn’t caught earlier.

I’m so thankful we got the chance to hold her little beautiful body, and tell her everything we wanted to say to her. Her body is still in the room with us right now, but as my husband sleeps I lay awake crying of the broken dreams I had for the life with my beautiful sweet baby girl. Life is so cruel sometimes.

I’m so sorry for everyone else going through this and I appreciate communities like this to bring us together in our grieving and have some place to vent. Although we shouldn’t have to be here…

One week ago, we were so happy. It was my anatomy scan. I had booked it for August 6, at 20 weeks and 4 days. Everything was going well. At the end, they brought my husband in so he could see our baby too. They said he was grabbing his feet and not letting us see him. I thought “that sounds like my silly boy”. Then the tech said she was going to run the images by the doctor. I asked if we needed to speak to the doctor and she said she doesn’t know. A few minutes later, she came back and said the doctor will come talk to you. We still weren’t too concerned at that stage. Then the radiologist came in and told us “there looks to be no abnormalities with the baby and his heartbeat is strong”. In the next breath, he said “it looks like your cervix is open 1 cm. I’ve spoken to your doctor and spoken to the hospital. They’re waiting for you.” I asked “what does this mean?” He said “sometimes the cervix can open and they might put a few stitches in.” So I thought okay maybe it’s been hanging open for a while and they’ll stitch it up and send me home.

I started having periodic cramps on the way to the hospital, which I guess were contractions. When we got to the hospital, the doctor examined me and said “the cervix is open 4 cm. There is nothing I can do here. You can deliver, but the baby is not viable at this stage. If you want, I can review this with the specialist at [a higher level hospital]. If they are willing to assess you, they can determine if they can do a cerclage. However, given how open it is, there is a 50% chance of the cerclage failing and the sac breaking, at which point, you would have to deliver to avoid an infection. If the cerclage is successful, the longest it would hold is 8 weeks, but a 28 week baby is viable.”

At that point, delivering at 28 weeks was the dream. I said “please talk to them, please ask them to do the cerclage. Please save my baby.” It took a couple of hours to wait for the transfer. The whole time, I sang to my baby, hoping I could make him comfortable and want to stay inside me. My contractions spread out a bit during that time. But when we got in the ambulance, they sped up to 3-4 minutes apart and got more intense. I also felt more pressure on my cervix. I think deep down I knew what was happening.

When we got to the new hospital, they examined me and said “your cervix is fully dilated. We can’t feel it, only the sac. There would be nothing to stitch. You have to deliver. At this stage, your baby doesn’t have lungs yet so we can’t resuscitate.” My whole world shattered. The shock and despair in that moment were unbearable. I still feel like I can’t breathe when I think back to that moment. Having to push when there is no hope is a kind of cruelty I will never understand. My husband had to watch me scream and cry for hours as I pushed him out.

They gave him to me to hold and when I saw him, my heart exploded. This tiny little baby is so beautiful, I’d never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life! I loved him when he was in my belly, but the moment I laid eyes on him, my whole world changed. He became the centre of my universe, the reason I exist, the reason anything makes sense. I thought I loved my husband more than anything, but when I saw this little baby, my capacity to love grew infinitely and all of that love is for my sweet, beautiful boy. I knew I wanted to give him everything, to be everything for him. I was anxious about being a good mom, but I knew in that moment, my love for him would make me become the mom he truly deserves. He deserves the whole world and I wanted to give it to him.

After delivering my baby, they said the placenta is still inside. My midwife said at this stage most likely they would have to cut it out. But I didn’t want anyone to take time away from me being with my baby. So I kept pushing and somehow managed to get it out.

We got to spend the night with our baby. We decided to name him Daniel, but wanted to call him Danny because it just seems more intimate and loving. They put Danny in a baby box with a cooling mat below it. He was so cold. I spent the night just standing over him and looking at him. I still can’t believe how beautiful he is. Danny has my husband’s nose and my mouth. He has the cutest little ears. And some hair and eyebrows! His hands and feet are perfect. His legs are long and he has cute little knees. His eyes weren’t open yet, but he is sleeping soundly. He will forever be our perfect little angel baby.

In the morning, we had to leave so they could take my baby to the morgue. I don’t know how to describe in words how difficult that was. I kept holding my sweet Danny and kissing him and telling him “mommy and daddy love you forever.”

Yesterday, we confirmed the cremation date for our baby. We will be cremating him on Monday. We decided we want to witness the cremation. It will be extremely difficult, but we need to be with our baby and make sure he knows we are there with him. Mommy and daddy will never abandon him.

I have been struggling so much with the guilt. I could have booked my scan for the day before, but it was my mom’s birthday and I wanted to keep that day open in case she wanted to do something. My doctor says if I went the day before, they might not have seen my cervix open yet.

I also said maybe we should have gone to the higher level hospital right away. The midwife told me that even if they put the stitches in, if I kept having contractions, they would have to take the stitches out.

Yesterday, I remembered the night before my scan, I thought Danny was kicking me in the bladder. I had only started feeling him move the week prior so each day there were new sensations. I thought he was just kicking in a new location. Now I wonder if they were contractions and I should have gone to the hospital. If I had gone, maybe they could have stitched me up then and he would still be growing inside me.

There are moments when I am so angry with myself. I hate my body. My beautiful boy was doing everything he could to grow. He was growing so well. My body failed him. There might have been signs I missed. I was so careless. It didn’t even occur to me to google if feeling like being kicked around the bladder meant something was wrong. I’m his mommy and I couldn’t protect him. It is my only job in the world. I did this to him.

I can’t stop picturing all the moments we are supposed to have. Picking him up when he falls, kissing it all better, and telling him it’s okay to fall, we can get up again. Getting peed on. Cuddling with my sweet boy. Getting terrorized by him when he becomes a toddler. Watching him become a lanky preteen. Getting yelled at by him when he becomes a teenager. Doing that thing in Love You Forever when he is a teenager and after he falls asleep, I crawl into his room to hold him. Watching him fall in love. Being the mom who thinks no one will ever be good enough for my son. We are supposed to have a lifetime together. He is supposed to be my whole life. I can’t accept that all of that was taken from us. I can’t make it make sense. I don’t know how to carry on without my beautiful boy with me. I need to be with him. I need to be with my baby. I’m his mommy. I gave birth to him. I’m supposed to get to take him home. He’s supposed to be mine.

We found out at 17 weeks that our baby will not make it and I need to be induced. Our baby will be born at 18 weeks.

The hospital has been pushing us the past week that we should see our baby after the birth. But I'm just really not sure. We have lovely memories from the pregnancy and ultrasounds. And I'm scared that the last image I have will be scary and sad...

I wish this group didn't excist, I'm so sad for all of us.

haven’t put his ashes in it yet because both me and his dad feel weird about opening up the container his ashes were given to us in. we’ll do it one day but for now it’s just nice to know that he now has a better place to rest. i miss you so much son

I am exact 4w pp. Stopped bleeding on day 11(Sep 3rd) seem to have ovulated (Sep 11th) but no period yet. I want at least one cycle to pass before trying again. I miss my baby and conceiving again would not change that but I can't help but to feel this guilt for wanting to try so soon. Am I alone?

I lost my daughter at 21 weeks due to incompetent cervix. First of all it’s a terrible name as it sounds like it’s the woman’s fault. It was my first pregnancy and it was a magical journey until week 20. She is the first grand child on both parents side.

I joined r/shortcervixsupport but I can’t help but be bitter. I’ll read posts about women getting a cerclage because their cervix measured short at their check up. In my case I was reassured at my anatomy scan that everything looked great. It turns out they never checked my cervix. I ended up having symptoms (heavy discharge which was my mucous plug coming loose) just four days after. Why didn’t the clinic check my cervix? Why couldn’t I try the emergency cerclage? Why didn’t my baby get saved?

Once I’m at the hospital I got two ultrasounds. They were a lot more detailed than the one I got at my original OB. I felt so defeated seeing my daughter happily yawning and scratching her face when I knew deep down I would not take her home with me.

I go into labor for 20 hours. During that time I hear babies crying in the room next to me and families celebrating. It was traumatic. My baby was so small and she never cried.

Once I’m holding my dead baby, the doctors reassures me about all the extra observations I would get on my next pregnancy. I couldn’t even think about another baby. Why couldn’t I have been monitored more closely from the beginning? Why did my daughter have to die in my arms before I’m taken care of? I’m a geriatric mom and we couldn’t conceive quickly. She was supposed to be my miracle baby. I’ll never enjoy a pregnancy again because now I know how fragile pregnancy is.

I titled this incompetent cervix because I feel there will be more moms like me and they will stay up until 2 in the morning like me searching Reddit posts. Healthcare in the US leaves a lot to be desired.

I want to preface this by saying I do not think anyone’s grief is worse/more valid than another persons.

I am really struggling with people not understanding the complexities of stillbirth vs miscarriage and every time I try to point out that they’re different, I come out looking like an asshole and people assume I’m trying to say a miscarriage isn’t “that bad”.

I do appreciate anyone, especially my friends and family that have early miscarriages grieving with me, but if I try to say it’s not the same it comes out all wrong and like I’m trying to win the grief Olympics.

I haven’t had a miscarriage, I can’t understand it fully and I pray I never do. I feel like those who have only had a miscarriage cannot fully understand a stillbirth. To me it feels so different. We all grieve our child but the added physical complexities of stillbirth feel so heavy. Delivering your perfect, silent baby on the delivery floor while other moms are delivering crying babies feels like a trauma in and of itself separate to the loss. Holding my perfect baby and never seeing him open his eyes. Taking picture of him/with him. I had milk come in even after the meds to stop it. I’m not saying that makes my pain worse but it makes it different. It’s something no one can understand unless they’ve been through it.

This all came about because I was venting about my in laws and someone said they had had miscarriages and I was overreacting due to my grief. I maybe shouldn’t have told her it wasn’t the same, but I did. I’ve struggled with it with my SIL and in laws too. She had an early miscarriage and acted like it was no big deal and they expect us to act the same.

Some of my friends are genuinely coming from a place of trying to empathize and I don’t feel angry or like I have to explain the difference then. Sometimes it feels like comparing it to a miscarriage is used in a dismissive way.

Idk I hope I don’t sound like an asshole. I don’t think miscarriages deserve to be dismissed either. A child lost at any gestation or age is a tragedy and deserves to be grieved. Please please please don’t think I’m trying to say anyone has it worse. I just want to know how to communicate that it’s different without implying it’s worse.

Edited to add: I didn’t think I’d get this many comments. I can’t respond to each one right now but I am reading each one and resonating with them all. I will say I personally don’t have these feelings triggered by loss community here. I think we’re all painfully aware of how different our losses are since it’s a place we can be vulnerable. It’s mostly people in person or non loss spaces that try to compare/dismiss.

It’s been 5 weeks since I lost my baby at 17 weeks pregnancy through ivf.
I had emailed my endocrinologist after the loss to let him know what happened, and he replied with his condolences.
Today we had a follow-up phone appointment. At the beginning of the call, he asked, “How’s your pregnancy going?” I had to tell him that I had lost the baby. Then he immediately remembered my email and apologized.
I know doctors see a lot of patients, and I don’t think he meant any harm, but it really hurt. Having to say those words again made me feel like I was reliving the loss.
Has anyone else experienced something similar with a healthcare provider? How did it make you feel?

Did anyone else lose their first pregnancy in the 2nd or even third trimester? I still don’t have a reason as to why I lost my son and I’m worried about future pregnancies. Per Google a 2nd trimester loss is even more rare in a first pregnancy (not sure if that’s accurate) so I feel even more like an anomaly.

My sweet baby girl died during birth on November 10th 2019. Her name was Finley. She was born at 25 weeks and 3 days. It’s her 6th birthday, and for some reason it is the hardest one yet. I guess I’ve been trying to feel my feelings instead of pushing them down. And I just feel heartbroken. I didn’t just lose my baby, I lost her first steps, her first words, and her first day of school. I lost everything. Not a day goes by where I’m not acutely aware of it. That’s not to say there aren’t days where it is better. But for me, this is the hardest birthday yet. I want to scream from the rooftops that it is her birthday, that she was here, and she matters. But I never get so much as a text from family. I think they don’t want to remind me, but it feels like they don’t care. She was perfect to me. I miss her little nose, and her dark red hair. I miss how she felt in my arms. I just want to show off my beautiful girl.

It's been a bit over a week now, and i just need to tell somebody that understands what happened, I'm so lonely.

10 years ago I fell pregnant with my ex-husband. We were young, only 20, but so so so excited. We've been together since 16 and planning on wedding. At 24 weeks all of a sudden I noticed that those constantly stronger butterfly wings strokes had stopped, and after thinking about it for couple of days and reassuring myself the baby has just turned and kicks my back, I finally went to check out what's happening.

I never forgot how my world came crushing down when the doctor turned to me and said there's no heartbeat. I was expecting everybody to start to run, panicking and rushing me to, I don't know, surgery or something. Nobody moved, nobody said anything. After a good while the doctor said she's so very terribly sorry for our loss, and I finally understood nobody is rushing, because there's nowhere to rush.

For the next 4 days I gave birth to my beautiful angel with my mum and my godmother, held her for couple of days while I was in the hospital getting antibiotics to an infection. I told her all about us and about her family, about all of the amazing things I would've shown her, gave her and teached her. She will for ever be my first, the one who teached me how to be a mum, and what it means.

We buried her and while we were picking up the stone and I was collecting myself on a maternity, I was obsessed to fall pregnant again. It felt like this biological massive need, and I did fell pregnant shortly. It ended up in miscarriage. Everyone were telling us that we're young and this was just bad luck, it will go better next time.

We tried again and 8 months after our stillborn, I gave birth trough emergency c-section to my rainbow baby on a week 28. It was a close call. She was the tiniest tiniest baby, but way bigger than her big sister. I remember everyone else crying and looking so worried in the nicu, I was over the moon and smiling because my baby was breathing, with a ventilator but was breathing. I saw her alive. Today that baby is a healty 9 year old and still the light of our light. They started investigating and told me I have something that affects how my placenta develops, but they're not able to pinpoint what.

When our daughter was 1, we realized we're amazing coparents but don't want to continue the relationship anymore. We divorced and few years after I met my now husband. We weren't planning on having more kids. He already had his 2 and the relationship with the mother is extremely complicated and he rarely gets to see them, and my pregnancies has been hard. We chanced our minds shortly after getting married, and after countless of miscarriages, talking to fertility doctors and going to tests, I got pregnant and it actually stuck past 12 weeks.

In this pregnancy I was in a very tight monitoring, and week 26 they started to see the signs in the placenta. On 27 weeks they took me in, and I had a scan and a heart monitor constantly. We made it to 30 weeks but she was only 820 grams, but she was alive too. Once again everyone else were crying in the nicu while I was over the moon, she didn't even need a ventilator!

And at this part I start crying. I feel so quilty. I have had now multiple pregnancies and basically not a single succesfull and nobody could still figure out why this keeps happening. They tried different things and nothing works. We decided to stop having kids at there, but we weren't serious enough with contraceptive and I got pregnant last spring. We fought about it. I wanted to obviously keep it, he did not want to. He asked me to consider how tough the hospital time was, what if something worse happens? I remember saying she is not going to die, all of my pregnancies have gone better than the previous one.

She was absolutely perfect. In every scan measuring just the average, kicking and being full of energy. I remember often thinking about my first daughter seeing her on the scans, I thought she looked alot like her. I was so excited and felt like this will complete our family.

On a week 22 scan everything was perfect. Week 24 two weeks ago they notices she had stopped growing, and loads of other things are wrong. They referred me to another hospital and I was suppose to go there in couple of days to make a plan.

The next day I noticed her movement was different. I could still feel something. I was thinking I'm just overreacting, as I'm on a week 24 and it's tough mentally.

The next day from that I couldn't feel anything anymore. Nothing.

I knew already at that point that she's not here anymore, but a small bit of me wanted to believe. It was a Sunday, and I needed to tell my husband to take me to the hospital. We didn't have a sitter, so we had to take our 2 year old.

It took ages for them to look at me. We were playing with our toddler, joking around, but in the back of my head I was in terror. I still somehow wanted to believe that she's just very weak and then we have a C-section and they do what they always do.

When the doctor started the scan I asked instantly can she see a heartbeat. Instead of answering yes she said let me inspect first. She was already looking at the screen. I knew already, she didn't have to say anything, and I started crying. When she finally said the same words I've heard again exactly 10 years ago, the whole world I managed to build was gone. I cried. I laid there and cried for all of my babies, I laid there and cried as I realized right there I will never have a big family. I love being a mum and I feel like I have more love to give.

I gave birth to her. It was a bittersweet moment. In all of my pregnancies I have wanted to give birth instead of the C-section, but I only get to do it if they've passed.

The nurses didn't know how to react to me, they knew my history and I was able to educate them more on a subject than they already knew. I knew everything they tried to offer me.

When she was born, I held her on my chest for hours. She was chancing in color but I wanted to feel her. I told her how much I love her, and I told her her sister is waiting for her, and my mum will be thrilled to have another grandchild. She killed herself 9 months ago.

When she started getting very cold all over and the sores came in, I had to give up and we dressed her together. I remember walking around the room with her and just bouncing her like I've done with all of my babies. They told me I could've stayed the night, but that was the first time I was away from my toddler and I wanted to really get to home for her too. So we left her at the hospital, and my heart broke in to a million pieces. We were so close. I can't believe she's never coming home.

We're planning on her funeral now, and I feel like I'm in denial. I find myself thinking often that when the baby comes in December. When this happened 10 years ago, I went to my mum's and basically didn't move for a month. Now my mum isn't here anymore and I'm a mum, we have 2 kids, a dog and two businesses to run, even tho I'm on government maternity leave, I can't really just be consumed by grief. I just feel so wrong every time I notice I'm for example enjoying work and not thinking about her. I know my husband won't want to try again and I don't blame her. I hate this body and that I can't do what everyone else does so easily, and I can't put anyone trough this again. Last time I wasn't able to heal before I had my rainbow baby. I don't know what to do now, I can't eat I can't really sleep and I don't feel the need to, as this body isn't going to have a child anymore, it doesn't matter if I treat it bad.

Also the milk came in. I been needing to pump and thinking about donating it to the nicu.

I miss them both so much. I keep thinking that I would have a 10 year old and and a baby here as well. How the would be? What they would like? Would they look like their siblings?

Thank you if you managed to read everything. I just wanted somebody to know what has happened.

Another update: The post 12 week APS result came back, looks like I maybe positive for APS. The beta 2 glycoprotein igg was elevated both times (33 the day after delivery, higher now 51 post 12 week).

The other things were normal. I guess it will still be considered APS? If anyone has any suggestion let me know. Should I also go to a hematologist and/or rheumatologist?

I have a mild allergy to aspirin (only eyes swell up and nothing else happens). Allergist said it maybe possible to desensitize for it. Want to TTC but I am so scared.

Update: Somebody suggested to send slides to Dr. Parast so I did. Thank you! She explained it looks like my placenta is likely even smaller than 3rd percentile. The cord was short and there is high chance that is why placenta became smaller (I did ask if smaller placenta can lead to shorter cord but she said she thinks the other way around is more probable).

As to why the cord was small - there is no known indication that could help her find an exact reason. I asked her about Dr Kliman’s report. She said that although Dr Kliman does focus on tropoblasts a lot and shorter cord can be due to genetic reason, it is very difficult to figure out if genetics is the actual reason even if I do carrier testing (basically we don’t have the science to figure it out). We will still do expanded carrier test this week.

She also said the placenta presents more proof of FVM (fetal vascular malperfusion) than MVM (maternal VM). My OB has tested me recently again for APS so waiting on the results (Dr Parast did say she did not see any clotting in the placenta).

I really liked how Dr. Parast explained everything to me (she did not charge anything for the zoom discussion! That was so nice). However, I feel like we still could not figure out any specific reason and it is scaring me. She did try to assure me there is high chance that this is a random cord issue/accident but I am still so scared. What do I do in the next pregnancy? How do I fix it? 😔

On top of that I figured out through an allergist that I have mild aspirin allergy (my eyes swell up but nothing else happens). There maybe a way to desensitize it. But that also scared me to death. Baby aspirin is known to be very good for placental issues, and what if I can’t even take it???

I think I am spiraling again today, don’t know what I will do if I actually get pregnant again 😔

Original Post:

Hello All,

Sorry, long post alert!

I suffered a fetal demise around a month ago. I was 24 weeks pregnant, and during a routine prenatal checkup, no fetal heartbeat could be found. Up until then, all of my lab results and ultrasound reports had been normal.

Based on my hospital's pathology report and my blood tests/genetic tests, my OB-GYN mentioned several possible contributing factors, including:

1 shorter-than-normal umbilical cord (30 cm) and likely cord compression.
2. Antiphospholipid antibody syndrome. I tested positive for beta 2 glycoprotein from blood tests done the day after the vaginal delivery. It was slightly above the normal range (33 instead of <=20) but other 2 tests were normal. However, my OB-GYN said I need to repeat the test after 12 weeks to confirm, so I will do the test again early October.
3. Smaller Placenta. My OB-GYN suspects that the baby may have passed away at around 20/21 weeks since my 20 weeks ultrasound looked normal (the baby was weighing normally). However, post-delivery both the baby and the placenta were smaller. According to the doctor, if the baby had indeed passed away at ~20/21 weeks and delivered at ~24weeks, that delay may have caused decomposition and the placenta to be smaller (although this is only a suspicion and not any confirmed diagnosis).

I had sent my placenta slides to Dr. Kilman at Yale for a 2nd opinion on placental pathology. His main diagnosis was that: "Placenta was extremely small weighing less than the 0.01% ile for gestational age which led to the fetal demise. Trophoblast inclusions (1.8+/-2.5, n=5 out of 7 slides) were detected that suggest a genetic/developmental abnormality and likely caused the smaller placenta. No evidence of maternal immunologic rejection or decreased maternal perfusion of the placenta."
 
Both my husband and I have done genetic testing (Horizon 27 panel by Natera), NIPT tests (Panaroma by Natera) during pregnancy and there was a Genome microarray test done post-delivery as well. All test results were normal except I was a silent carrier of alpha thalassemia, but my husband was not. All these results made me a bit confused about the "genetic anomaly" diagnosis.
 
I want to start TTC again. I will discuss these reports with my OB-GYN and I have an MFM pre-conception consultation scheduled in 2 weeks. However, I wanted to ask a few questions here as well in case someone has gone through a similar experience and give me some advice on what the next steps maybe (I am very nervous to TTC):

(1) Should I ask my OB/MFM for an Expanded Carrier Screening (500+ carrier screening)?

(2) Should I ask my OB/MFM for a prenatal Karyotype screening?

(3) Should I consider IVF or wait for the above mentioned test results first?

(4) Is there anyway to know if the small placenta was due ti genetic anomaly or the baby dying much earlier in womb leading to placenta shrinking?

(5) Can smaller placenta or small umbilical cord happen again? Is there any way to prevent this?

(6) APS is another suspicion that the doctors have. If the 2nd APS test comes out normal, should I still go through the baby aspirirn and heparin (lovanox) injection? I heard that if I don't have APS and take aspirin/lovanox, it may lead to excessive bleeding. Will that be harmful to the pregnancy?

(7) I reached out to Dr. Parast from UCSD as well. She said I might need to send her a request through my doctor for her to do placental slide review. I will ask my doctors about that but if they don't agree, do you think I should ask Dr. Parast for only a consultation with the existing reports without the placental slide review? (Has anyone done this before?)

(8) I am of advanced maternal age (35 now, was 34 during pregnancy), could this have contributed to the genetic anomaly?

(9) Any other advice for me?

Finally, if anyone can give me some reassurance that even with APS or smaller placenta or any chromosomal disorder (especially someone who is 35 or older since I just turned 35), you were able to successfully have a rainbow baby later, I'd really appreciate it! This was my first pregnancy and I am so scared to try again :(

My mom had a 26 week loss before she had me and my sister in the 80s. My dad told me what he knew about it, that there wasn't enough fluid and the autopsy said it was the baby's kidneys. It did not occur to me that this could be related to my 17 week loss, which right now doctor said cord accident, but I have first appointment today for follow up. Wondering if anyone else's mother also had a late loss and if you found a connection? Unfortunately my mother died when I was a girl and she is the only person I know who went through late loss, just feels like an awful joke, I wish I could talk to her.

It felt like all of those candles you guys lit was for her yesterday ❤️

I am currently in L&D waiting to deliver my 17 week old boy tomorrow. He was found with no heart beat on routine ultrasound. Does anyone have any advice, things they are happy they had done or things they wish they did differently? Also care to share how recovery was and your new ttc timeline. I have 2 living children and had 1 9 week loss where I got pregnant immediately after with a healthy baby.

Update: thank you all for your responses. They really helped with my decisions today. I would like to go through and answer when I am feeling up to it.

The induction went well and our little boy was born this afternoon. The doctors think the issue was that the cord wrapped tightly around his neck.

Leading up to this day, I had been incredibly anxious. Instead, my baby gave me the most beautiful day to enjoy.

I felt a cool breeze whenever I cried to dry my tears. I got a warm embrace of sunlight whenever I needed a hug. It’s so unfair she never got to experience nature but now she’s part of it.

Her grandfather is with her until I can hold her again in the next life. I hope she knows how much she is loved by her parents.

Hi everyone, yesterday i gave birth to my baby girl and she passed away 15 mins after that on my chest. She was strong and put up a fight but unfortunately she was way before her time. She was absolutely healthy, checking all milestones. She was supposed to be my rainbow baby after two 1st trimester losses. Everything was going well , l and husband building our world around her, bonding with her, until last Thursday when i had a little spotting. I called my midwife but since baby’s heartrate was normal they sent me home to rest and only contact them if i had fresh blood , fever or decreased fetal movements.2 days later spotting stopped. We were again happy. On the 4th day i started getting clots of blood and immediately called to the emergency and then was hospitalized only to find i was dilated 5 cm. Our world came crashing down. No contraction, no pain, no fluid leaking that i could know of. Ob said nothing could be done and i delivered my sweet little girl who was so beautiful and loved, she passed away quietly on my chest( she did try to breathe). 2days ago we were shopping for her crib and stroller and now we had to choose her funeral attire. I don’t know how we gonna ever survive this.
But i am writing my heart out to all mamas, please push for ultrasound even for little spotting you see. I can never forgive myself, i keep feeling guilty that had i had an ultrasound on Thursday maybe baby would have survived.
For now waiting for reports as never ever my midwife mentioned about CI or shortCervix.

Hello everyone. I recently gave birth to my beautiful daughter, Emery Grace, who was born sleeping at 22 weeks after a silent placental abruption. We chose to have an autopsy done and will be having her cremated once she is returned to the funeral home.
For those of you who chose to have an autopsy done on your baby, did you decide to see or hold them afterward?
The funeral home told us we have the option to see Emery and hold her one last time before she is cremated, but they warned us that she may look very different from how we remember her because of the autopsy.
I miss her more than I can put into words, and part of me desperately wants the chance to see and hold my daughter one last time. At the same time, I’m scared that seeing her look so different could be traumatic or change the way I remember her.
If you were faced with this decision, what did you choose? If you saw your baby after an autopsy, are you glad you did? Is there anything you wish you had known beforehand?

Update: thank you for all of your advice and words. We just got done cremating her and decided to see her. I didn’t mention that it had been a month since she had been born so she definitely did look a lot different. We looked at her once and then bundled her up and spent time with her and didn’t look again. We read her a goodnight story. I’m so glad we went and I would have regretting not getting those last moments with her. I’m so sorry we are all in this group and just know I’m praying for each one of us🤍

Does it get better?

I lost my baby due to pprom at 18 weeks. My emotions are like a rollercoaster - angry, sad, feeling empty, numb, blaming myself for everything that happened. Repeat that cycle unless my family tries to distract me.

I feel bad for also wanting to have another baby - which my husband wants to wait at least half a year (which is so long to me rn).

Would love to have some support on how to get through this.

I am not sure how popular this is worldwide but wanted to mention it because it is one thing that I have been looking forward to. I will be lighting a whole bunch for all our babies. Sending love.

I lost my baby girl at 23 weeks and gave birth to her last Monday. 💔

I’m now 6 days postpartum and my bleeding already seems to be becoming very minimal. I’m wondering when other people’s ovulation returned after a stillbirth if you weren’t breastfeeding.

Did anyone ovulate really early, before their first period? And roughly how many days/weeks postpartum did you ovulate?

I’d really appreciate hearing about other people’s experiences. ❤️

I get that loss is a touchy subject but I’ve found myself wishing that people would ask me about my son and my “loss story.” I lost him at 17w5d, so I went into labor, gave birth and held him, and while it was incredibly traumatic, it’s also one of the few precious memories I have of my son.

I’ve also found myself wishing people would ask to see a picture of him, which is something I never would’ve imagined wishing.

Being the 2-5% that experience a second trimester loss already feels isolating enough. I miss my son so deeply and want to share him with the world, but I truly think losses at this stage are just so nuanced, which makes it feel even more lonely.

If you can relate, feel free to share your story below. I’d genuinely love to hear it 🤍

I am so tired of playacting through life. Wake up. Go to work. This is fine. I’ve moved on. Everything is normal. Everything is as it was before. Smile.

And then it starts all over again the next day.

I’m just so tired. I want it over. Not in a be dead kind of way, but just in a I’m done kind of way? I’m so tired in a way no sleep can heal. It was getting better and now it’s just getting so much worse.