I really want to go into funeral directing but my friends have raised concerns about me being "pigeon-holed" and restricted in the industry. How true is this? If I decide maybe 8 years in I want to change paths, would a certificate in something funeral-related be relavent anywhere else? Are there other funeral-related paths other than cremation/director/embalmer?

Please let me know your thoughts or experiences.

Hello! Does anyone have a recommendation for a permanent marker that will write on body bags and stay. I currently use the Milwaukee Inkzall, which writes fine but has a hard time staying. I need something that can write on oily surfaces and withstand cleaning chemicals and embalming fluid. Thanks!

Hi everyone,

My dog was cremated about three weeks ago in a private cremation. I just opened the urn, and her ashes look very different from my four other dogs' ashes, which were all fine, uniform powder.

Hers are chunky, with many fragments a quarter inch or larger, lots of black and dark gray pieces, and a few green and reddish specks. Photos attached, with a tape measure for scale.

She had been frozen for about 17 days before her cremation, if that matters.

Is this normal? Could it mean the cremation or processing wasn't finished properly? I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who works in cremation. Thank you!

She died in Manteca, CA.

My mom, her brother, and her sister do not talk or get along. Her brother stole $96k from my grandma while she was still alive, and neither my mom's brother or sister ever bothered to reach out to my grandma while she was dying. For years.

She recently passed away. The funeral home is collecting all of the sibling signatures (just 3) to approve the cremation.

My worry is, I worry that my uncle is going to try and take the ashes. So does my mom. My mom desperately wants them. I am willing to pay all of the fees and take care of all financial responsibility.

My worry is, can her kids request her ashes to go to them? What happens if all 3 kids want her ashes? Does that mean we have to go to court?

I've been asking the funeral home, but they've been extremely unhelpful and they're saying this is a matter that probably might need to be solved in court. All I know is that they're signing to give permission to cremate her. I don't know what to do from here.

Can anyone please explain grave diving? I read a comment on here and was shocked. Do people actually jump into graves on top of caskets? Or before the casket is there? Do they just hop in and expect you to put the casket on top of them and let them die? I'm interested and afraid at the same time It's also called casket diving I think

Hi all. My family is buying a private mausoleum, and I'd like to understand what a fair price looks like before we negotiate.

The cemetery is offering two Matthews Legacy Estates models, the Tradition and the Legacy. Both quotes are over $800k, which seems high for the size of the buildings, but we have no way to tell what the cemetery pays for them.

The location is South Florida, Miami Dade Area.

What we've done so far:

• Found the Matthews Legacy Estates catalog and matched the models and sizes
• Found that some cemetery groups sell the same Matthews designs under their own names. For example, Everstory's Evermark Family Estates calls the Matthews Jefferson "the Hayes"
• Found the 2023 edition of Matthews' Cemetery Products price list, but Legacy Estates is "call for pricing" and we can't find a newer edition
• Emailed Matthews and a few cemeteries and monument dealers that seem to carry the line, asking for quotes on the same two models. No replies yet.

If anyone works with Legacy Estates, I'd really appreciate the current price list, or the base price a cemetery or dealer pays for the Tradition and the Legacy.

Thanks in advance. Not trying to beat anyone up on price, just want to pay a fair one.

TL;DR: A cemetery quoted us over $800k for each of two Matthews Legacy Estates models, the Tradition and the Legacy. Looking for the current Matthews price list or the base price on those two, so we know how much of the quote is markup.

Asking because I recently attended a service where the deceased’s family played a voicemail he left them 10 years ago instead of a eulogy. Half the room was sobbing, half was uncomfortable, and the funeral director just stood there like he’d seen everything. Made me wonder what else goes down in that profession.

hi my last post got removed for some reason- i plan to start mercers mortuary program next semester however in order to enroll i need an internship to coincide with my education. i plan to part ways from my current job at the end of December because january/february is when the next semester begins. Im sending out my resume to a bunch of funeral homes across the state (around 15 different ones so far) and ive been rejected by 6 homes so far and im starting to get worried i wont find an internship meaning i wont be able to enroll into the program so i was just wondering if anyone had any advice! thank you!

For context, I mean I don’t want my mom to handle me. She mocks me because whenever i talk about how i dislike her she’s all like “you can hate me all you want inside a vase in my room” i don’t want her to cremate me and keep me out of spite. That feels so disgusting.

Idk if anyone else would be able to handle me. I don’t have friends and not much family and i doubt my aunt would be willing to do that. I know it wouldn’t matter when i’m gone but it’s just creepy to think about. I live in US, Michigan and I'm 20 with no money if that matters.

Was referred to this sub.

Hi everyone! I (M 22) am from the Philippines, I'm currently looking for advice on pursuing a career in funeral service and mortuary science.

Unfortunately, we don't really have mortuary science colleges or degree programs here in the Philippines like there are in the US, however, I'm planning to enroll in an local embalming school here this December to work toward becoming a licensed embalmer, but I'd eventually love to pursue further education in funeral service, mortuary science, restorative art, and facial reconstruction.

I'm currently studying for a BSIT degree, but I'm considering a career change because this is a field I'm genuinely interested in pursuing long-term.

I've been researching mortuary science and funeral service programs in the US, but most seem to require students to attend classes in person. I have a US tourist visa, but relocating to the US and paying international tuition would be difficult for me.

I'm hoping someone here might know of fully online or distance-learning programs that accept international students living in the Philippines, especially programs that offer scholarships, financial aid, or tuition assistance to international applicants.

A few questions I have:

• Are there any accredited mortuary science or funeral service degree programs that can be completed entirely online from another country?
• Do any US colleges offer scholarships, grants, or financial aid to international students pursuing funeral service or mortuary science?
• Are there scholarships offered by funeral homes, professional associations, foundations, or other organizations that could help someone from the Philippines?
• Are there affordable international programs or certificates in embalming, restorative art, mortuary makeup, or facial reconstruction that offer financial assistance?
• Would it be possible to complete an online program while training and working as an embalmer in the Philippines?
• If a full degree isn't realistic financially, what would be the best alternative pathway to gain qualifications and experience in this field?

I'm open to opportunities in the US, UK, or other countries, provided the program is legitimate and accessible to someone living in the Philippines. Ideally, I'd like to study remotely without having to relocate abroad, and any scholarship or funding opportunity that accepts applicants from my country would be a huge help.

I understand that international financial aid can be limited, but I thought I'd ask in case anyone knows of opportunities I might have overlooked.

If you're a funeral service professional, an international student who has taken a similar path, or someone familiar with scholarships in this field, I'd be incredibly grateful for any advice or recommendations.

Thank you so much!

So I've attached a picture of the bracelet, along with a picture from the listing about how it opens.

I wore it for a couple of days with nothing in there but I put my cat's ashes in today and even though it never came open or loosened I'm just now really really scared I'm going to lose him.

I don't want to put any sort of sealant on the inside because I don't want any getting on him and I'm just wondering if people have advice on how to keep this securely closed, but potentially in a way that can be undone if I need to.

I am planning on getting something much more secure (I'm looking at Sugarberry memorials where the ashes are underneath the stones or integrated into glass) but honestly I need a way to keep him with me until then. I only lost him last Sunday and he was my anchor and my reason for being and saved my life. I had him for 19 years and he was my everything and I'm already really struggling with losing him so I just want him with me.

I have DAP silicone sealant and I was thinking of applying that on the outside. Please, advice on how to keep this closed until I can get something better would be really appreciated. I can't sleep without him next to me and this is the only way I can get even close to that now.

I am writing the obituary for my husband’s aunt. She and her husband raised my husband and we were/are their sole caregivers. They had no children.

How do I list my husband given his relationship with his aunt? And how do I do that in respect to their other nieces and nephews who did not have the same relationship with her? None of them live in the same state and won’t be attending the funeral—they will likely read the obituary though.

I am so worried about slighting someone but at the same time, I want to recognize the parental relationship she had with my husband.

Thanks in advance. My brain is running on no sleep and we are both quite overwhelmed handling all the arrangements on our own (her husband is incapacitated).

Is this possible? I’m working on my drivers license now but it will take me a while before I will get it. I can’t continue to work in my current profession and I’ve decided that the funeral business is the profession for me. Through much research and a desire to help people. I want to get my foot in the door now due to needing a change desperately. I plan to also go to school for mortuary science once I’ve gotten my foot in the door and obtain my drivers license. I guess my question is if there is any type of work I can do in a funeral home without a drivers license? I can clean, do clerical work, whatever. I’m a hard worker and nothing is below me. I am wondering if I will be laughed at for calling local places and asking this question.

I’m not sure why I’m actually writing this post
Lately, these topics have been on my mind a lot, and I think I just needed to get them out. I feel alone in my thoughts on this, and I struggle to explain them well to the only few people around me that I have.
I figured that here, in a subreddit where people work in this field, I might feel less alone (or perhaps I’m the only one who feels this way, I really don’t know).

So, here is a "little" brainstorm I’ve put together, straight from my own head, about how I’ve been feeling since the start of the program (I am now in my last year), and what I’ve liked or disliked. : (I really apologize if this isn’t relevant to many of you).

1. I see people who have died in many different ways, and some of them don’t look like they passed peacefully, especially compared to others. It makes me sad, and honestly, it scares me.

2. A lot of people who work in the funeral industry aren’t gloomy or depressed all the time like some people think. Quite the opposite, actually. Because they’re constantly exposed to death and understand just how fragile life is, many of them seem to be genuinely fun-loving people who know how to enjoy life. That’s something I wish I could experience and share with them, but I still struggle to do so.

3. I used to want no funeral or memorial service of any kind when I die because I didn’t see the point of one for either myself or the people I’d leave behind.
   My decision hasn’t really changed since I am in the field now, but I’ve come to realize that part of the reason is that I assume there probably wouldn’t be anyone at my funeral anyway.
   I have very little family and almost no friends at all and I am 20 years old, so whenever I think about my own funeral, it just makes me sad because I’m confronted with the possibility that I’m truly alone anyway, so no one will be here.

4. I often feel like an impostor in this field. I’ve had very few family members or friends throughout my life, and I’ve never personally experienced the death of someone close to me because of that. So, as someone who will soon be working professionally in this industry, I sometimes worry that I’ll never truly understand what grieving families are going through because my own experience of grief is different. I’m constantly grieving my loneliness and the abandonment I’ve experienced from living people, whether family members or friends from my past, many of whom I lost at a very young age, rather than grieving the death of loved ones. Because of that, I sometimes feel like I don’t fully belong here.

5. Death itself doesn’t scare me, but suffering terrifies me. When I think back to the deceased I’ve seen who appeared to have suffered before they died, it makes that fear even worse.

6. As I mentioned above, death itself doesn’t frighten me as much as the thought of people around me dying does. One of the reasons I struggle so much to make friends or else is that I find it difficult to picture a future with people when I know that anything could happen to them at any moment. I don’t want to have to go through that kind of loss, because I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle it, since the mere loss of someone who is still alive has already destroyed me, I cannot even imagine what it would be like if they had passed away instead.

7. I enjoy working in the lab and embalming just as much as I enjoy working as a funeral director. However, I find being a funeral director so much more emotionally difficult than being an embalmer. In the lab, my brain sort of locks into work mode. Even when what I’m seeing or doing is emotionally difficult, I can focus on the task and compartmentalize my feelings without bringing those negative emotions home with me at the end of the day, unlike when I first started my studies. Funerals are different. I’m constantly surrounded by people crying or expressing their grief. Sometimes I feel tears welling up in my eyes, but I feel I can’t cry because I’m supposed to be a source of support for these people, so I hold it all in. In the lab, there are no grieving families present, so I don’t absorb their emotions in the same way, which makes the work easier for me emotionally.

8. One of the things I love most about working in the lab is seeing the results once the embalming and restorative work are finished. Knowing that I’ve helped restore a sense of dignity to the deceased and that they look more peaceful afterward means a lot to me. I treat them the way I would want to be treated myself, so with respect.

9. The aspects of the funeral industry I struggle with most are the sales side of working with families and the way some embalmers treat the deceased. I’m still not entirely comfortable selling expensive products and services to people who are already emotionally exhausted, even though I understand the costs involved and why the prices are justified. I also struggle with the way some embalmers (not all of them, of course) handle the deceased during embalming. Some work so quickly and handle everything so routinely after years of experience that they seem to lose some of their gentleness and attention to detail. That conflicts with my personal values.

10. Studying mortuary science has honestly been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done for now. I didn’t expect it to be this difficult, although not necessarily academically. In my case, even if the chemistry, anatomy and physiology, physical sciences, pathology, and even microbiology courses were certainly demanding but what I didn’t expect was how challenging this field would be morally and psychologically. I never realized I was someone who could absorb so much of the emotions around me. That has been one of the most difficult parts of this journey.

11. Even though I’m still a student, I find it incredibly rewarding to know that, after an embalming and preparation for viewing, the family is happy with how their loved one looks and expresses their gratitude for our work. It reminds me that what I do matters and that I’m actually helping people.

12. I’ve noticed that SOME people enter this program out of morbid curiosity or a strange fascination with death itself. I struggle with that because I feel it gives our profession a bad reputation. Often, these people don’t stay for very long or don’t finish the program because they eventually realize that the work is nothing like what they imagined it would be.

13. Despite the difficult aspects of this field, I don’t regret choosing it. I genuinely believe that empathy is one of the most important qualities a funeral professional can have, and I hope I can live up to that. It’s one of the human qualities I value most. I sincerely hope that one day, funeral professionals will be recognized and valued for what we truly bring to the people we serve.

Hi, current college student who is struggling in their current stem courses and wanted to pursue mortuary school previously and didn’t, due to a few concerns. I hate college and feel I am wasting time and money, I want to look back at mortuary school again but am concerned about math requirements. I am miserable doing math, if I went to mortuary school it would be at AAMI in manhattan. If anyone has any insight on the specific math requirements that would be super helpful as the official website is a bit vague… And if any previous or current students could speak with me on AAMI’s curriculum or atmosphere I would love to talk. I interned at a funeral home for about a half a year so I know what I’m getting into on an actual day by day basis, I just fear a formal education is a completely different beast that I have yet to deal with.

I'm writing a paper in my psychology portion of my education towards a funeral service diploma. my topic is something heavy that I'm biased about and i chose suicide. specifically transgender youth.

my nightmare scenario is basically a transgendered teen commits suicide and their parents do not wish to honor their identity. i understand the family is in mourning, but so is this persons community and the thought that this may be a large reason on why a child would choose to end their life has me wanting their very last moments to be honored in the identity they chose and friends who know them.

for cases where a person is older i would be looking into laws that protect the rights of trans people, wills or spouses...but teens don't have those protections. i live in Canada, specifically Alberta where legislation for protections is ...not doing well.

for my paper I'm supposed to talk about how to go about this scenario, but i honestly don't know how. if i put them in their birth gender, I'm dishonoring the deceased and their community. if i put them in the gender they chose, I'm upsetting the family and probably taking damage to my career.

I'm wondering what can i do in this scenario, or is my only option to honestly just walk away and ask someone else to care for them? Does any one have any experiences like this? As a Canadian am i simply just bound by law to do as the parents wish? is there anything i can do for the deceased if that's the case?

I asked this question a year ago, and got some funny responses, so I’m curious if you have any stories!
I was recently at a burial, and was walking near the grave site. I never get too close to it, because I have this weird fear that I’ll fall in lol. Well, as I was telling the family to be careful when they put their flowers on the casket, and to watch their step- literally mid sentence- my foot got stuck in a small hole and I tripped! I tried to laugh it off, and said “don’t do what I just did” it was so embarrassing!! The family was super understanding and giggled when I apologized. They invited me to lunch afterwards, but I was too embarrassed and told them I had to get back to the mortuary… do you guys have any funny/embarrassing stories? Hope I’m not alone!

Hiya, my name is M 22f, and I have been thinking about becoming an embalmer for a long while now. I live in Wales UK, and I wanted to know what would be the best start or approach to get my foot in the door with an independent funeral home. I am currently working full time with a company that support vulnerable people with low capacities or individuals that are high on the autism spectrum. I am sure that some of the things that I do at my job would be beneficial as I deal with strict COOSH regulation, health an safety and I am around medication a lot. I have also completed my NVQ level 3. I am also a key worker and I have to support and provide showers and pad changes for some individuals, as they need that support. I have also delivered end of life care and it would not be my first time seeing a dead body, just one that's been gone for a while longer. The question is, would any of my current work experience be relevant to applying for a low entry job at a funeral place, and should i approach the person hiring directly with my intention to potentially be funded for taking an embalmers qualification. Thank you :3

I’ve always been curious to what kind of software is used in a funeral home. The websites always say call and no online appointments avail. How do you know when the person is coming ?

At nearly every FD convention I’ve been to, I’ve gotten hearse-shaped stress reliever balls. I usually give them away because it’s not my thing. But my 2.5 year old son loves sitting in our hearses and pressing buttons. He spotted a foam stress reliever hearse on our intern’s desk and he talks about it constantly. Does anyone have one they would be willing to part with? I wrote a company that produces marketing items like this and the minimum order is 200 so that’s not in the cards.

Thanks!

Hi there,

Located on Vancouver Island, Canada.

So I have a question regarding decay.

My mum recently passed away. She had extremely aggressive cancer and they only gave her a life expectancy of a few weeks, but she lasted 5 years. Unfortunately/fortunately she passed sudden and quick. Her body was quite cold and the blood was pooling even before she took her last breaths.

My dad and I were debating if we should do a viewing or not. But the funeral director suggested that we don’t. I am a nurse and I tend to just want to know the truth. I just don’t know that much about the decaying process after the first few hours.

When I asked why, she said she contacted the morgue to see what condition her body was in. Apparently they had put her on ice and in the freezer… she was so badly decomposed already that even with embalming they suggested we don’t.

I’m just wondering if anyone could elaborate on this for me. Was it the cancer? Is everyone different?

Thanks so much in advance.