r/adhdmeme • u/ThePhoenixRemembers diagnosed š„³ • 2d ago
meme Can't get rid of this constant fear even though my performance review was really positive
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u/CeyowenCt 2d ago
Or heaven forbid, "can you give me a call?"
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u/Artistic-Salary1738 2d ago
Thereās an HR lady at work who does this to me every now and then. She always had a question she needs help with and I donāt mind her asking, but geez could she just say I have a question about x can you call me when you have a sec?
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u/SqueakyClownShoes 2d ago
Are you able to tell her that directly? Like a quick side convo
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u/Dull-Culture-1523 2d ago
Even better. "Can we have a quick meeting tomorrow?" and when you try to ask what it's about or if you should prepare in any way they just say "we'll discuss it tomorrow".
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u/Mephistocheles 2d ago
Yeah, my god, my brain instantly adds "so we can discuss how fast we're going to fire you" to that sentence
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u/thebbman 2d ago
My former boss did this all the time. Iād reply, then sheād take upwards of an hour to actually call me. A much bolder coworker of mine, also ADHD, eventually said something to her about it. Boss had no idea she was causing us all catastrophic levels of anxiety.
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u/Hyperious3 2d ago
My fucking boss just hits me with the no context "stop by" teams message when he needs to talk about something....
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u/Dry_Animator9532 2d ago
I've looped around to "I dare you to fire me." I'm not even good at my job, but I'm one of the few competent employees.
Nothing helps the RSD imposter syndrome more than being surrounded by idiots.
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u/ThePhoenixRemembers 2d ago
Haha that was me in my last job! Sadly they made my entire department redundant, so I'm in a new job surrounded by competent people and it's hell š
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u/Laukidh 2d ago
At some point in my career, I got fed up with bad bosses and started speaking my mind. They made me a manager.
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u/Happy-Lesbian 2d ago
This method got me a promotion but then also got me fired for calling out shitty/shady work practices much later on lol.
Was worth it.7
u/Stonedflame 2d ago
I did this and unironically on the short list to double my salary. Now Iām back to imposter syndrome worried Iāll get picked instead of being hopeful.
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u/RobertBevillReddit 1d ago
Iāve been fired and the company immediately went to shit. Logic doesnāt work on idiot bosses.
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u/Dry_Animator9532 1d ago
True. Being right doesn't always mean you'll succeed. But hey, watching them fail because they needed you is a good reminder against the RSD.
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u/DuffdPuttz 2d ago
Imposter syndrome common with adhd?
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u/ThePhoenixRemembers 2d ago edited 2d ago
very very common! Usually because we're constantly told we're lazy, stupid and "could do better if you just put your mind to it" so often that the ol' self esteem is in the gutter.
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u/CircuitOnTheFritZ 2d ago
Took some digging to find anyone naming the phenomenon on the comments, so thank you, DuffdPuttz, for identifying it as imposter syndrome! If you hadn't, I was about to do so myself.
And I gave ThePhoenixRemembers an award for the excellent response, further explaining the term and the connection to ADHD. š
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u/lalagromedontknow 2d ago
My boss at the end of my very positive review said "well you only nearly cried once so that's an improvement"
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u/UncleNedisDead 2d ago
Yeah, Iām kind of embarrassed about the tears but I can joke about it with them. I teared up over things that werenāt even that bad.
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u/thisbitbytes 2d ago
Itās one of my least favorite ADHD curses. I am literally either doing so well at work that Iām convinced Iām about to be promoted, or I have been doing so terribly that Iāll def be fired by the end of the week. Now this is all in my head and I know itās irrational, but the stress it causes me is very real.
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u/ThePhoenixRemembers 2d ago
Oof, that's a mood. And idk about you but when I'm doing really well at work I start to make silly mistakes from my overconfidence because I stop being as anxious and therefore less thorough in my tasks š«
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u/dark_purity 2d ago
And when you put in the work there's no promotion, but when you don't give a damn and do the bare minumum they congratulate you and give you a raise. How do these things work, I have yet to find out
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u/charliefoxtrot9 2d ago
I have found the best solution for this, chronic unemployment! Have you tried it yet?!
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u/ThePhoenixRemembers 2d ago
I have tried it once or twice, yes! It solves the problem for about 2-3 months before I have to find something else š„²
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u/MrXuiryus 2d ago
One thing I learned working in corpos with ADHD is that even on our worst days we're still performing better than 99% of other employees because we usually try our fucking hardest and excel at what we do because of the self-inflicted (usually) stress we put on ourselves to overachieve.
So even if you're having an off day, don't worry. On paper you're still probably one of the highest performers and if your performance review went well then that's all management care about. Cold hard stats so they can tell their bosses "Look at these positive numbers go in the right direction".
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u/Lady_ScarlettRose 2d ago
You see, the minute I take that to heart I might actually make a catastrophic fuck up so Iām gonna pretend like I didnāt read that
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u/MrMonday11235 2d ago
So what you're telling me is that I don't have a personality so much as I have ADHD, a collection of ADHD-induced anxieties, and some coping mechanisms for that ADHD.
Cool, cool.
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u/CanadaRocks09 2d ago
One morning I clocked in with two missed calls from the head of my department and the head of legal. Both messaged me to call them as soon as I logged in. Instant dread.
Turns out there was an incident over night involving a poorly delivered lawsuit around 3am, and they were worried something similar was about to happen to me. Not at all in trouble, but quite the morning wake up call!
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u/MrXuiryus 2d ago
Honestly I feel like that's totally reasonable. If the head of your department and the head of legal both message you and you had missed calls from them that feels like something you should be worried about even if you were neurotypical.
I on the other hand would get freaked out for the smallest things like my manager putting in a call for a "quick catch up" with zero context.
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u/CanadaRocks09 2d ago
100% but it definitely felt like the nightmare scenario of the OP post. I thought to myself, what could I possibly have done wrong for this kind of response?
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u/bleufinnigan 2d ago
One thing I learned working in corpos with ADHD is that even on our worst days we're still performing better than 99% of other employees because we usually try our fucking hardest and excel at what we do because of the self-inflicted (usually) stress we put on ourselves to overachieve.
not me. this narrative always make me wonder if Im the only one with adhd whos actually struggling with boredom and making mistakes and being too slow/missing deadlines, since everyone else seems to be a totaaaal rockstar at what they are doing.
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u/MrXuiryus 2d ago
What I didn't mention is that this eventually leads to a massive burnout where you can't perform basic tasks at all and usually either go on long term sick leave (as I currently am) or lose your job entirely. You can only push yourself so much before you eventually break.
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u/TheB3rn3r 2d ago
Thatās where I feel myself petering on occasionallyā¦ Iām still struggling with how to properly recover on the weekends. Everyone keeps saying ājust do something you enjoyā but I donāt feel anymore relaxed or recharged after doing it
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u/Feisty-Range-4484 2d ago
Same, I feel worse sometimes like I should be doing something else. So then I canāt enjoy the thing, or somehow lose all concept of time and feel like no weekend happened.
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u/littlest_lemon 2d ago
Yep. and I developed inflammatory diseases at the same time so now I'm truly screwed.
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u/sparkymeowmeow 2d ago
Been there recently myself. Kudos for taking the time you need. All the best on your recovery!
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u/ElPeroTonteria 2d ago
Dudes. I canāt hold down an office gig, or any normal job
But, damned if being an ER RN is t a match made in heavenā¦. All yall talking about bosses and deadlines n shit gives me anxietyā¦ gimmie someone trying to die and leave me alone
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u/confictura_22 2d ago
I always liked the idea of being a nurse, but I have chronic pain/physical health problems too so nope. I've found my niche as a private nanny. I tried a teaching degree and classroom management/paperwork is just UGH. Living in the moment with kids is fantastic though.
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u/ElPeroTonteria 2d ago
Yea, I canāt go to work knowing what Iām gonna do all day alreadyā¦ I need a constantly changing environment
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u/MuffaloHerder 1d ago
Right? I'm objectively clumsy at what I do and I can't figure out how not to be. Really fucking wish I could be one of those magically smart and functional ADHDers lmao
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u/Rakhered 1d ago
Tbh you need a more interesting job.
I'm kinda at the point where I've gotten so good at my job I just kinda can't bring myself to do it anymore, which has been hell on my task list lol
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u/EricB1234 2d ago
I worked in the for-profit white-collar world for a bit and fucking hated it. I also had to work together with sales everyday. Some people in sales were chill, but most were Type A workaholics that didn't give a shit about time-zones and work-life balance (like some of our customers, as well). I took a temporary paycut to move into the skilled trades and I'm so much happier. Also I never have to worry about AI or job security for my field (residential service) unless it's literally the acopalyse.
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u/SlyJackFox 2d ago
Yes and they know it too. The problem sometimes is we end up raising the bar for ourselves in the eyes of others, and they unconsciously just expect more for less from us because we donāt meet some kind of unspoken social standard. Thatās how others skate by in our eyes, they remain in good graces by positive socialization.
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u/Dingghis_Khaan 2d ago
Fr, I sometimes worry so hard that I'm gonna get that dreaded invitation to the office for performance, especially because of past incidents (a sabotaging supervisor the first time, then bullshit excuses to remove a temp the other two times), but then I look around at my current coworkers and realize I'm not the underperforming one here.
Seriously though I'm surrounded by lazy fucks who spend more time yapping than actually working.
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u/Zrex_9224 2d ago
I've been at my current job since I got laid off in March, and since then I've been recommended for a promotion and a raise. (I also make the most out of my crew, even though i'm not the highest position.) I got the raise but not the promotion. And it's all thanks to how i just work as hard as I can almost every day
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u/tackykcat 1d ago
feel this so hard. i self criticize myself to the point that i catch errors and mistakes long before others can point them out. meanwhile, coworkers flout protocols (some of which exist for good reason imo, I'm gov sector btw) without batting an eye
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u/Cats-That-Yell 20h ago
This, and holding yourself accountable. When I started owning my mistakes, or admitting I didnāt know something, 9/10 times I noticed a much more positive and substantial improvement in my working relationships with bosses and coworkers.
I still wait for the email, but the reality is that I am a good employee. Sometimes I just have to beat the Self Doubt Troll with a chair WWE style so I can relax while opening my emails
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u/That1DirtyHippy 2d ago
I took a staycation this week. Iāve completely convinced myself that when I go back, theyāll have realized they can function (better) without me and my services will no longer be needed.
Probably wonāt happen though. Probably.
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u/pmcentee99 2d ago
Iāve had the same thing before mid week I get an emergency call needing my help, that relives the anxiety for about a day and a half lol
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u/capngrandan 2d ago
I relate to this so much. I consistently get high ratings on performance reviews yet I still think I will get laid off due to self-inflicted extreme criticism of myself.
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u/scapegoad 1d ago
This is the story of my life, consistent A++ and imposter syndrome, but accepted it, talk openly about it with colleagues and management, laugh about it. People are surprised but the lack of imposter by being open is really helpful. Ironic. Took me a decade to figure this out.
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u/AnonymoosePD 2d ago
Oh my god. This is me. Holy fuck. My job doesnāt require me to use my email, but I refuse to check it because in the back of my mind, I think Iām going to get an email that says turn my badge in.
I also have a mini panic attack every time I log into my station. I think Iām going to get access revoked. I think my boss is playing nice with me when he fists bumps me for what he says is a great job.
Fuuuuuck
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u/BusHobo 2d ago
I know what you mean.. After my first season at this nursery, i got promoted as the head gardener. Second season: big improvement in overall yield & seedling health. First time this branch is making profit in a few years. Me going to work everyother day "they gonna fucking delete me soon"
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u/bleufinnigan 2d ago
in my case its usually actually true. have gotten fired so many times lol
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u/FappingVelociraptor 2d ago
Bruh that was one of the things the psychologist asked and I was like yeah fired from every job I've ever had.
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u/bleufinnigan 2d ago
thats reassuring for sure. Feels a bit alone between all the adhd overachievers sometimes.
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u/VikingBrit 2d ago
I got this email 1 month into my new job this year, and I had to move back in with my parents...again
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u/SushiRiceEater 2d ago
Yeah but sometimes you do get that email, except they don't actually send it to you instead they trickle the hatred out while gaslighting you for months until you lose your mind
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u/JumboDakotaSmoke 2d ago
Well, I sure could have used this WAYYYYY earlier in my career. Knowing there are many people who have these same feelings would've calmed the bullshit in my brain a bit.
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u/__M-E-O-W__ 2d ago
I close out the department for the weekend every week. I spend the rest of the weekend constantly worrying that I left a machine on, and I'll get a random email Sunday night or Monday morning telling me off that everything is a wreck and it's all my fault.
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u/Quest-Ian-Mark 2d ago
Hardest part is apologizing because you wish it could stop but you canāt, so you know the other person is even more annoyed with you than you are.
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u/bbyginsburg 14h ago
iāve found that when i feel like this at jobs itās because something about the culture or environment there is making me feel unsafe. itās never me or something i can prevent and i usually feel better after leaving
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u/babysgotneeds 2d ago
I've been feeling like that lately... š I hate it. Historically I've been able to produce results but every time I feel like they're gonna find out I'm useless and an imposter...
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u/SplendidPunkinButter 2d ago
Why? Thatās nothing. I worry that Iāll have an out of nowhere 15 minute meeting with HR thatās labeled āHIGH PRIORITYā
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u/itsyobbiwonuseek 2d ago
Can't even count how many times I say "I'm sorry" at work on the daily. But I just want to be perfect at my job š
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u/ThinlySlicedPotato 2d ago
I can really relate to this. Even though my performance reviews have been very positive, I still can't shake that constant fear that I'm somehow not doing enough.
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u/retyfraser 2d ago
I'm glad to read all these messages & feel heard for once.
My office has a 3 day in policy, an email June sometime) was sent about monitoring & all that. I don't do 3 I do mostly 2 and just stay quiet, but that gnawing feeling of someone's gonna fire me now, oh Lord !!!
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u/nearfrance 1d ago
The anxiety doesnāt necessarily relate to job performance. I left my main work a few months ago and still have it!
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u/myplushfrog 2d ago
I just ghosted my supervisor for a month because of this :)) and every day you wait makes it harder to fix
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u/Babushla153 2d ago
I did have that kind of moment last year
Rightfully so i didn't do 1 part of my job that i was supposed to (because i was lazy and it "saved time"), boss talked to me about said thing. For the next few days i was really stressed that "oh god, what's gonna happen? Am i gonna get fired now or something?"
But like any small problem, i talked it over with my boss and basically i made a big nothingburger about it in my mind.
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u/jackfaire 2d ago
I'm working for a company that fired me 20 years ago. I spent the first four years this time waiting for them to go "hey waaaait a minute"
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u/30porn87 1d ago
I mean... that fear is rather rational for me, considering my actual performance at everything except my core job (programming)
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u/Spookyscary333 23h ago
It happened to me. Literally an anxiety nightmare. The email said to report to HR the following morning to discuss my behavior and repercussions. There was no warning at all. They said I was on my phone too much. They put me on an 18 month probation and a week later sent another email saying to report to HR again to discuss my behavior and punishment. They said I was still on my phone too much. This was a helpdesk job where I was usually the only one manning the phones and there was downtime. I couldn't leave the phones unattended so I would watch TV and stuff on my phone.
After that second HR visit I gave my 2 week notice. Mainly because I was basically shunned in the building that last week. People who would normally chat with me would look at the floor when I walked by. After I put in my 2 week they said I could go ahead and leave immediately.
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u/KorasHiddenDICK 18h ago
I waited for the email for 8 fucking years. My performance reviews were always stellar. I got a giant raise halfway through and yearly bonuses.
Then the company got bought out. Finally got that email (well, Teams meeting) that canned me and several others from my department. I know logically that it was a layoff from the acquisition BS, but my shitty brain wont let me believe it wasn't due to my performance.
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u/Big_Comfortable5169 7h ago
I was 95% certain I was going to be fired today when I went into my 1:1 with my boss.
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u/JackNotOLantern 1h ago
In my corpo I recently had a performance review, and the biggest complaint was i demotivate the team by complaining too much. But at the same time i do the exact work i complain about and nobody else wants to do, and to the most of all. I'm sorry, this is the price for getting the work actually done.
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u/coilt 1d ago
you were conditioned to judge yourself in accordance with external appraisal, basically promised love in return for good performance and being a 'good boy'. and that old program was never uninstalled or questioned
the problem with that exchange is that love is unconditional, and so if there are ANY conditions set up for it -- it's not love. basically you were never taught to love yourself (or anyone else for that matter) that's why you're struggling, because you got used to constant feedback (which was never about love, it was about control) and now you get worried when you're not getting it
so now you have to learn to love yourself - unconditionally, as it should have been to begin with - without relying on external appraisals
i will reiterate, because this is the most important thing - what was sold to you as love (the thing you used to get in return for good performance) was never love, but you keep trying to get it, because you were never taught to tell the difference between love and control
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u/Big_River_ 2d ago
this is not adhd related
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u/ThePhoenixRemembers 2d ago
? It is though? It's literally about RSD, catastrophising and impostor syndrome, all of which are common struggles in people with adhd...
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