being detrans and having no one to talk to about it is killing me.

nobody in my life understands me being detrans nor does it seem like they even try to understand. anytime i bring up my discomfort with my body and the way im perceived im met with judgmental, apathetic, and detached responses. when i was ftm and opened up about how i felt uncomfortable in my body i was met with understanding, patience, compassion, and love. now im met with people i love (the SAME people at that) acting bitter and dismissive towards me. why? why are people only accepting of gender exploration when its the way THEY want? what do i do? how do i find people i can talk to that dont just make me feel like a piece of shit

i'm 24 years old and last year i dated my first cis bisexual guy. it was the first time i ever was with someone who wasn't only into men, as my previous partners were either gay men or straight women. the thing is he obviously saw me as a guy but we had this really nice straight dynamic going on. and i enjoyed it.

i wished i had dated straight men as a teen so i could have known what does it feel like to have the 'femenine role' (i know it sounds horrid, idk how else to word it). the thing is, i've been thinking about my future. i will be 25 in a year.

i'm not really into gay men as i've discovered what being with someone who is attracted to your body is like. i'm more comfortable with my femininity. i want to have a family.

i've been identifying as trans for the past 10 years and i fear people are gonna call me crazy, but i really don't see myself the way i am now in the future. i look like a teenage boy 80% of the time and i'm tired.

I'm MTF, and I started HRT almost 8 years ago. While I can tell there definitely have been huge psychological benefits to taking hormones, I've realized that being a trans woman isn't me or what I want. If I had actually treated my dysphoria the way I wanted to, I wouldn't have come out and maybe would have never started presenting as a woman. The kind of life I actually wanted to live... married, family, etc. has become basically impossible to achieve. This idea of possibly detransitioning has been around for a bit.

The biggest two things that are stopping me are that my social dysphoria would probably come back and two, I wouldn't know how to explain this to anyone, especially my colleagues and friends who don't know I am trans.

i like all the aspects of e EXCEPT my gyno boobs, they look super weird on my body i hate them. i think im honestly just a gay man who confused sex with orientation all his life and took e because i was confused. i didnt do it on a whim it took me months to consider taking it and years to consider i might be trans. but i should have been dysphoric in high/middle school if that was the case. i really dont like my 'boobs' look in the mirror and want top surgery. i wish i could just take e for the smooth skin, hair regrowth, less body hair. i think i just wish i was young forever and e was the closest thing lol

Hi yall! Next Monday im getting tissue expanders to start the journey of breast reconstruction. I was super excited until I actually started looking at my chest and my nipples are awful. Besides hating how they look they're also too small and too high for breasts. My surgeon said he could fix them down the line and medical tattooing is also an option but man I can't help but breakdown a little over the thought that ive ruined my body. So if anyone has experience with this pls lemme know ❤️

FTMt? Long hair photos were a few months ago, and short hair are current pics. I had to cut my hair cause people were getting weird/suspicious of me. I still want to look female but currently cannot. Do i pass in the long haired pics? Do i have a chance?

Sorry for the dumb first recording lol, I don’t have many from back then 😭 I was on T 4.5 years. The first recording I was probably around 23-24, I’m about to turn 27 now.

That was the lowest I could go with my voice, and I did always try and speak in my lowest register. I don’t remember the exact timeline, but a year or two before I decided to detransition, I stopped speaking just in my low voice, and things did lighten up slightly. I’ve now been detransitioning and actively trying to speak a bit more fem, and it’s been just under a year of that.

I see a lot of doom and gloom about voice, and I just wanted to show the progress you can make with voice training. There’s a lot of hangups and mental blocks people run into, but if you’re patient with yourself and don’t push too hard you can get there. I know I don’t have the highest voice, but it wasn’t high before T either and I’m not aiming for that. There’s plenty of room to push even further than I have.

Any advice on how to not sound so awkward after testosterone? My voice is kinda a mess but I like to write little poem/song things and would like to try actually singing them but currently sounds pretty bad.. and masculine I think 🫤

Any like creators to watch or anything for tips would be great too. Thanks for any help

hi everyone, idk if anyone will read this, but i just wanted to share my experience.

i realized i was trans when i was 14. back then, i was really, really unhappy. i hated my body, and transitioning felt like the only way out. it was either transition or die. there was no in-between. there was no one else like me in my town, so youtube became an ally. i watched people share their stories and found myself relating to them.

at 18, i started testosterone and stayed on it for six and a half years. three years ago, i decided to stop taking it. but detransitioning to "become a woman again" has been even harder than transitioning to "become a man."

somewhere along the way, by finally giving myself room to explore these feelings, i started to reconcile with my female identity. i came to understand that rejecting my femininity back then was, in a way, how i survived a really difficult time in my life. i don't think i can look back at that version of myself with resentment anymore. she was just trying to find a way to survive.

i was also lucky enough to have my family's support through both processes, and i know that's something not everyone gets to experience. i'm really grateful for that. but it's still really frustrating. i feel more dysphoria now than i did before. back then, when i imagined myself as masculine, i didn't really have a reference for what i would look like. now i actually know what i used to look like, and i feel like i can't go back to that. i see masculine features in my face all the time. and yet, when i was living as a man, i used to notice feminine features in myself, too. idk.

i'm currently in therapy to help me navigate all of this. having someone to talk to has been important, because this process has been much harder than i expected, and i don't want to have to figure everything out on my own. i also feel like estrogen has been much more emotionally intense for me, and the whole process seems to be taking longer than testosterone did. it's all been really frustrating, and i guess that's why i'm posting here. i'd like to hear from people who've been through something similar.

thx :)

CW: Sexual Assault and Grooming

I, being 28, realized that I wanted to transition (mtf) when I was 13, and while I didn't get on HRT for a long time I identified openly as such for a very long time. Unfortunately due to very naturally passing even prior to HRT I was exposed to a lot of awful experiences in relation to my gender. I was groomed repeatedly and used sexually for years to a rather extreme degree, it felt more and more that while I was more what I wanted to be my happiness was ruined by people viewing me as nothing more than an object to lust over. My identity had quickly stopped feeling safe, and it all culminated with me being SA'd by a fellow trans woman around two years ago.

After the initial denial and difficulty coping I had a sudden rejection of my gender identity, feeling no pleasure from being seen as a woman anymore, so I had very suddenly starting to identify more as a guy. It started to give me a lot more euphoria just be seen as a feminine leaning guy. But some people were saying i was too fem to be so, and I got a lot of pushback for wanting to detransition and it made me feel sad and guilty. I thought it was wrong to chase that emotional reaction so I stopped.

But it never really went away, I still feel afraid of and little pleasure from being seen as a woman, but there is a part of me that still latches onto it, still likes being feminine. I've explored being more so nonbinary instead as a result, and its been better of a fit for me but there is still this constant sadness and dissatisfaction I constantly feel with my identity that I cannot escape. I feel torn in that part of me just wants to go away from it all, but another part of me feels that it'd be wrong to do so and that I'd be giving up some part of myself out of fear. I don't know how to figure out what is me and what is trauma, and if that truly even matters in this situation. How can I deconstruct all these feelings and get a clear head for a decision? I feel stuck and need some sort of starting point.

Like I don't want to talk about the spefics of the boxes of a man which is really hard to describe because of how abirtary gender roles are its uncomfortable makes me shake alot and I feel like inorder to answer I'd need to look up examples of what I'm talking about to give a proper picture.

I don't like describing why I feel like I'd like i fit in better with women on a technicality because I'm nonbinary I don't feel like talking about the changes I'd like from estrogen outside of breast tissue because its hard to describe.

I just want a detranstioner perspective since I feel attacked for being trans and autisic because autistic detransioners feel like a talking point weaponized against me, and I just don't want a perspective from statistics.

I am regretting all my choices and hating parties that made me woke and made me transition. I have come to my senses.

I've been struggling with depression & dysphoria lately, and it feels like i feel the most affirmed while playing as girly video game characters and interracting with people as a woman in them.

I'm not financially able to get out of the house much unless it's for work, and not having boobs feels like a large source of dysphoria. Not getting to interract with other women my age irl seems to be too. What helps other people?

the real reason i detransitioned was because i could not handle the stress of being a non passing trans person. the isolation, constant paranoia, dysphoria and impostor syndrome made my life a living hell, made worse by my history of ocd, depression, anxiety and low self esteem.

i could not handle being trans anymore. it almost took my life. so i detransitioned. and now, i see a future for myself again, and actually found joy in being a woman. i finally feel like a person again and i am much happier.

but if i told that to anyone they'd just tell me i'm still trans and repressing. so instead i tell them i just "realized i wasn't really trans". but it's not that simple.

i feel like people see our journies so black and white. you're either "still trans deep down and repressing" or you were never trans in the first place. isn't that dumb? aren't we all just imperfect humans who make decisions based on what feels right at a given moment of our lives?

I had my 6 month post op from my top surgery and found out I can get implants! I have my first official consultation the day before my birthday in January!

I’m so excited.

Anywho, here’s 2 years on t vs 5 months off. Between fat distribution and losing some weight, I’m pretty happy with my retransition so far!

was on t for about a year, and i had top surgery abt two and half years ago. been off t for 5 months, and got breast reconstruction last week on thursday! so happy in my body and life these days!!! we love self discovery

follow up to this post — i have officially
been off T for one year! icl i actually think i look so cute in both photos, but i am truly rocking with being a woman lately. feeling much more empowered & less repressed. there are definitely still things i’d like to change about my appearance and i am still deconstructing a lot of insecurity and internalized transphobia/misogyny, but overall this choice has been so good for me. who tf knows where my gender will go in the future but for now i feel healed.

this feels like fishing for compliments but be so fr with me, do i pass as a cis girl at all when i’m wearing minimal makeup? i am reallyyyy trying to work on my face dysmorphia and wear less makeup, but i don’t feel like i pass very well without it :( i think my voice is the main thing that gets me clocked, but sometimes i pass with no makeup or voice masking so idk anymore. do i look like a woman? i feel like my perception of gender is so warped lol.

i am gonna keep growing my hair out and i want to get laser asap, but i’m trying to figure out how to look less clocky in the meantime for safety reasons.