r/TwoXADHD • u/macedo9187 • 13d ago
ADHD (help)
I recognize I have ADHD, and it is genuinely frustrating. Although I have not received confirmation, I told my husband I would consider Adderall if prescribed. He refused outright, fearing the side effects—even though he has ADHD as well. I am tired of how I feel. I do not wish to act behind my husband’s back, yet I want to feel normal and lead a normal life. What associations arise when you hear ADHD? I experience that and additional conditions.
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u/sanityjanity 13d ago
Why would you let your husband prevent you from accessing medical treatment?
If you are prescribed medication by a doctor, then there's a medical need.
If you were diabetic, would you let him tell you that you couldn't have insulin? If you broke your leg, would you let him prevent you from having crutches?
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u/macedo9187 13d ago
It’s more of the side effects the medication could have. 😭
It’s honestly frustrating 😔27
u/Phoenixfangor 13d ago
Simulants have the fewest side effects of any ADHD medication, if I understand correctly.
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u/Timely--Challenge 13d ago
Could. COULD. Not "will". And what specific symptoms is he so desperately concerned about that he is controlling your decision-making about your own health and wellbeing? What exactly does he think is going to happen? Every single medical and medical treatment has potential side-effects. Every. Single. One. THEY ARE NOT GUARANTEED TO HAPPEN.
u/op please think about this - pretend your friend came to you and said their spouse won't let them take migraine medication because they're worried about the side effects so your friend lives with constant migraines.
Your husband cannot, cannot, CANNOT control your medical experiences. This is a form of abuse. Please respect yourself enough to make your own decisions.
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u/JustALittleOod 13d ago
The side effects are minimal and if you get diagnosed and your doctor prescribes you medication then they will address any side effects and adjust as needed.
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u/FloraP 13d ago
Your husband cannot stop you from accessing medical treatment. He CAN be unhappy about it, which itself is strange because he should have your best interests at heart. But he cannot prevent you from going to the doctor and setting out your symptoms.
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u/macedo9187 13d ago
I believe he thinks his way of seeing it is his best interest at heart. 🫠 I was literally just talking to him and blurted out I want to take medication! And began this loooooooong conversation about how we should be healthy and xyz…. I’m thinking to myself ( I eat clean) and my mind is still in shambles. I take vitamins and what not….. it’s not working for me…. I really think I need medication. I know I’m not at my potential and procrastination is HOLDING ME BACK.
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u/SpectroSlade 13d ago
You probably do. I was the same way, I did everything "right" but still could not get a handle on my life. It felt like I was constantly jugging, very poorly. Like I was dropping balls and then dropping even more trying to pick them up.
Then I got diagnosed, then I got on Vyvanse. Literally life-saving medication. I don't mean that hyperbolically, I mean I was letting mold grow in my apartment, I was failing at my job, every aspect of my life was crumbling. Now, I actually feel like a person. My home is clean, I cook for myself, I do good at work.
Don't let your husband's opinions determine what YOU do for yourself!
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u/blackestberrypie93 13d ago
With love and light, he can fuck off. Take the meds if you need them. It's your life not his and he can disagree with your choices but not stop you from making them. Even if he has good intentions, that doesn't mean he knows what's best.
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u/velvedire 13d ago
Is he controlling ("concerned") in other areas of your life? That's not healthy behavior in a relationship.
Try your medication. Then you, and you alone, decide whether it's working for you overall.
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u/DinoGoGrrr7 12d ago
My husband disagreed with meds too, even my subutex I’ve taken and stayed clean thanks to for 5.5 Years, he wants me off.
I also have chronic mental health issues that are treatment resistant and severe and severe chronic pain it helps some with.
I take Vyvanse and Adderall and Subutex daily and will for life probably.
He gets no say so where me living for my children is concerned.
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u/icodeswitch 8d ago
Your husband shouldn't have the final say about what medicine you take.
Given that you are competent to make your own medical decisions, that is controlling of him at best, and medical abuse at worst.
There are other alternative stimulant medications to Adderall (e.g. Concerta, Ritalin, Vyvanse) and you should discuss them with YOUR DOCTOR and not only your husband.
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u/peicatsASkicker 11d ago
It's unclear from your wording if you are saying he said HE wouldn't take medication for HIS ADHD, or if you are saying he said he would not allow you to take medication? In your subsequent comment it sounded a bit more like you surprised him by saying you wanted to be drugged and he objected based on his idea of side effects. (?) He may be thinking of the side effects of antidepressants, which, depending on the drug, might keep you from eating certain foods, cause alarming dreams, make you gain weight or lose interest in sex, or other.
So a man telling you that a decision you are considering is a bad idea (in his fearful way, saying "you can't') isn't exactly the same as saying " I FoRBiD u". For all of our charms, we NDs aren't good at communicating especially with our ND partners. So many commenters are just assuming you're in an abusive relationship but your other comment made me think you didn't include all the context.
Don't let his ignorance on the subject or your ignorance on the subject get in the way of you getting the facts. And by research I don't mean only asking strangers on a forum.
You must find a mental health provider who specializes in diagnosis and treatment of ADHD. You may ask your Primary care provider for some names of reputable practices. Then get an appointment to discuss evaluation of ADHD. After the evaluation, which may take more than one appointment, depending on their process, then you can discuss treatment options with your mental health provider. They will likely recommend a combination of medical treatment and talk therapy.
My provider told me the gold star treatment is stimulants. We found that the most effective dose made me jittery. To counter that I was prescribed a beta blocker (heart drug commonly used for anxiety) which decreases my heart rate. This solution worked great for me. The only other side effects are related to the medication's drying effects. I have to drink more water and sometimes use over the counter eye drops.
You have other conditions, that might enter into the discussion you have with your provider, if other meds you take might conflict.
You should read and understand about how your hormones interact with your ADHD. Many find it harder to cope during certain times of the cycle. Some come to treatment in perimenopause and menopause because the waning of estrogen affects the ability of women to manage it at all.
ADHD has tens of symptoms, and associated conditions. You should understand that the main ones are executive dysfunction and emotional dysregulation. Having two people in one household that have ADHD and are both untreated is a mess, on a physical and emotional level. My experience is that despite both parties suffering, for many reasons the woman in the relationship bears the larger burden of the administrative, scheduling, cleaning, food preparation, shopping and other tasks, despite them suffering equally.
Why does this happen? Part of it is due to the emotional dysregulation on both parties and part of it is that women often are less hyperactive & of the inattentive type of ADHD.
Many women have managed all their lives trying to minimize the trouble ADHD causes. It's a combo of smoothing out all problems and conflicts and anticipation of possible problems. She has been doing this all her life. She is masking, pretending she has it together, when she is actually barely holding it together. The executive function problems can be managed with alarms and timers and calendars and systems. The emotional dysregulation causes other kinds of problems which can veer into trauma, OCD, and PTSD territory. The reveal of the emotional components of ADHD: the obsession with avoiding criticism & conflicts and the inability to sit with the feelings of being to blame, the shame of not doing x, forgetting y, or the defensiveness to protect from that pain is a motivator of many unhealthy behaviors. She suffers as much as he, but he thinks she should help him cause she has her sh!t together thus has bandwidth to help him. Soon it becomes her job to manage all his sensory problems and his tendency to avoid things and appointments and he doesn't get better at handling things because he has love and support, his assumption that she is going to do or fix things for him is cemented. It's easier to help him avoid the problems because the emotional fallout is worse. Over time resentment builds up. Therapy is needed for the emotional components. You should require him to get diagnosis and treatment also. If he won't take stimulants they have some non stimulant meds. Make him go to therapy by himself. Separately from couple therapy.
Lastly do not let him take your meds! Not to deprive you of them, and not to take for himself. Lock up your meds. Figure out how to secure them. Do not tell family and friends you are taking Adderall. It's sad but people will steal from you. They put you in a position where you have to report the theft to the police. That can have serious consequences. Don't let them take advantage of you.
Good luck.Taking care of yourself is the key to improving your life and happiness.
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