whenever someone ends their life theres ALWAYS some asshole saying shit like "they should have thought about how their family/friends would feel" FUCKKKKKK OFFFFFFFFF. these people dont give a shit about suicidal people. theyll find away to blame the victim.

So this is still deeply repressed, I have memories surrounding the Montessori school where it happened but this draws a blank in my mind. When I was 4, i was repeatedly sexually assaulted/raped at that school. Not by an adult, but by another child. A 5 year old boy who was physically bigger than me, the owners grandson. The teachers weren’t following safety standards and would leave us somewhat unsupervized at times. A 5 year old assaulting a 4 year old. Just layers upon layers of fucked. There was nothing confirmed but apparently my parents think he must have also have been a victim to even know how to do that stuff. Parents pulled me out once they realized what was happening (i was starting to be terrified every time it would be time to go and i started acting super out of character and screaming and getting aggressive with other children) and filed a police report, and the church that was leasing them space kicked them out. They reopened the same year at a nearby location and are still open under the same owner. The weirdest thing is I don’t feel angry about the perpetrator, he was 5. I just feel so sick and disgusted and depressed. I do feel angry kinda at the owner, and looking it up i found no records of a formal filed complaint against them in that counties chapter of the Department of Children and Families even though there was a police report made. Idk its just so sick.

I appreciate it so so much but it feels like Im falling into a trap and theyre gonna start being cruel and hurting me at any time

my doctor should've just told me to go fuck myself and it would've hurt less lol

There was a fire alarm at uni that made us all get out… which kinda made me realize I have some trauma that I didn’t actually process, it just is never triggered because it’s not everyday you have the fire alarm start… so I grabbed all my things even though I am technically not supposed to.

I couldn’t stop thinking about that time at a huge student event party where the fire alarm rang during a party and I had to get out in barely any clothes in the snow and I was freezing and having the biggest panic attack and like 50 drunk people (barely an exaggeration) decided the thing to do was giving me a group hug (I’m also autistic and super touch averse and I was HAVING A MASSIVE PANIC ATTACK) and then a person I met there who was somehow obsessed with me like… imagined I said I was in hypothermia and literally told the cops so a cop asked me to get in his car (which made me freak out even more because I’m honestly scared of them and I feel like it’s warranted).

So… yeah. I was only thinking about that. There wasn’t a real fire then either, it was the smoke machines that tripped up the alarm but my panic attack was very real.

Going home and I just want to do something fun and relaxing…

I know everything I’m about to say is gonna sound dumb but please be patient. This body of money is just a fucking prison, I hate so much about it and just want to replace it. I hate how sickness prone I am, I hate how slow and clumsy I am, I hate how weak I am, I hate how I look, I genuinely just wish I could swap every flawed part of me with some superior maybe mechanical part. I’m just so tired of being this weak flawed fleshy human and wish I could cast off a lot of this flesh for some more powerful easier to replace, easier to improve mechanical parts. This feeling usually comes and goes and it’s a bit embarrassing but this feeling came back as I started watching edgerunners season 2 but just like. I hate this body, I hate how it looks, how sluggish and clumsy it is, and I just wish I could replace everything about it.

i don't want to feel better i just want them to forget about me so i'm left to wallow in the misery of being alone until i kill myself

pretty much broke things off with my gf and everyone i knew for no reason

The flair is just what it is for me since nothing else fits, the gibberish can be anything for you

My sis and I haven't celebrated Halloween in yrs now:/ & my sis is just depressed now she doesnt even leave her rm:/ I hope i can get her to watch a scary movie w me:/ my moms very neglectful & I hate it. I just wish for once she cared about us and we celebrated especially for my little sister😞

I’m genuinely upset over this. It’s so stupid to not know the answers to basic pub-quizzes. Specific categories such as music, history or literature, I wouldn’t be so harsh on myself because they’re more difficult and I only know very few things - mostly what I learned. But I don’t even know the basics.

I fail to remember the years of important historical events, I fail to know my own politics, I fail to remember names and face of people - both real life and fictional. I can’t even remember the basics of my own goddamn fixations or hobbies. Something is terribly wrong with me. It’s like I’m a blank slate that’s living someone else’s life because they’ve had enough.

I don't even feel like posting my art, my lore, my favorite things, or some things because a shithead will come, ruin my day making a comment, and soon that comment will make me regret in making that post in the first place.

Sadly, it is in everything because you can't scape from shitty people no matter what.. They like many people are the reason I hate/have fear of being social btw

Also, that's the reason why I hate comments on my post about everything, and I mean everything.. I guess bro

And if you ask, I am actually nineteen, almost in my twenties, but, guess my traumas and my neurodivergence will always say otherwise

i was abused very badly because of my gender and as such developed severe trauma as well as an intense self hatred to myself. all that i ask is that someone sends me kind words. please dont offer to help me or give me encouragement relating to my gender, just be nice.

Goodie gumdrops, I sure am happy that I spent 4+ weeks waiting AND over $100 on it (I did get it refunded but still. I'm gonna kill myself). also arm chair dietitians, fuck off. this post is not for gathering weight loss advice.

I've been searching for binders since the beginning of the year and literally everyone's sizes stops at 2XL. 3XL if they really want to be "fat inclusive".

I ate my losses and finally ordered a custom sized binder. Got out a measuring tape, measured my fat fucking self and sent it off. And of course it would take donkey's ages to get here. It cost a hundred plus dollars to order.

And guess what? Even with all the correct measurements in place, that shit STILL doesn't fit. I can't even get it over my fucking head. It's a binder for rats.

I'm so fucking tired.