r/TransHelpingTrans • u/Ok_Worldliness8167 • 2d ago
Please help
sorry for the rude question. I’m at the end of the rope. I’m 17 I’m kinda suicidal, I’ve recently thought of myself as nonbinary and I felt so great, I tried different pronouns I tried a new name they all felt amazing.
but at the same time I feel like it’s a fetish? like when I was younger I’d watch transformation vids and I’d feel aroused by em. but at the same time the thought of getting piercings and tattoos or dyeing my hair did the same.
but whenever I see other people that ig I have gender envy of I feel this insane knot in my stomach and it just burns me from the inside and ig the only thing stopping it from hurting so much is sexual release which in turn makes me more suicidal and empty.
I’ve got literally no one to talk to. not abt being gay not about my mental health nothing. any comments would help really.
it hurts so badly at times emotionally like I wanna throw u. and I’ve been getting more impulsive and doing stuoid stuff online like adrenaline rush wise. I’m scared. and idk if I’m safe from myself anymore
1
u/herdisleah 1d ago
https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/beneath-the-surface?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Its not a fetish. You're not weird. It's perfectly fine and it gets better. Make use of Trans Lifeline, this is what it is here for. You're not a burden and transition is possible for you.
1
u/broccoli_butler 2d ago
you're going to be okay, that's a really scary place to be in! Make sure you keep yourself safe, scary impulses like this will pass! Have you had a look at the gender dysphoria bible? If not, I'd say that and Andrea's trans map are two good resources to look at.