Step 1, When you find what you like, ignore people who tell you you're doing it wrong.

Seriously, there is no more holier-than-thou (gothier-than-thou??) group than goths. It's almost like hazing among some.

Step 2, Find what you like.

Look, this is transgoth, but we are not defining qualifications to be here. There are no hard and fast rules, other than about how we treat each other. I have a certain idea of looks I like and want to emulate, music and art i like that's often called goth. (Jfc, i used to bounce at Jekyl and Hyde's on Vine in Cincinnati and I had to break up an incipient slap fight between arguing goth factions about requesting Rob Zombie from the DJ because Zombie wasn't real goth. Meanwhile, the DJ nearly got punched by a guy in a Sister's of Mercy t shirt because the DJ called him a poser for not knowing Skinny Puppy and RedLorry/YellowLorry. Enough, people!)

So, what do I mean? When you see something you like, it might be hard to see how you could get there yourself. This applies to a lot of things, but aesthetics most of all. Don't try. I've done the whole "whole look, dozen new things all at once, omg I look awful and nothing like i wanted, run away and never try again!" thing. Many times.

I'm audhd, I'm awkward AF, I've got damage, and I've screwed myself over in a litany of ways, so please learn from my experience.

Find one thing you like. Find many things, but from that list, pick one. Hair style? Eyeliner? Choker? Maybe it's daring, or maybe it's just a little further than your norm. Little darker, little more bold, jewelry that isn't always visible, underwear that's more daring, etc, whatever. Find one thing, try it. Do you like it? If so, find another. If not, set it aside. Maybe it'll work better later, with different other pieces or when you feel different about your look and style and confidence, maybe not, who knows?

Step 3, Keep going.

That's it, just keep going. Keep finding things you like, keep trying. Goth, cottage core, whatever. This is life, it's supposed to be joyous, or it can, if you want. Maybe you'll look back someday on a road that brought you to goth baddie queen (or king or non gendered monarch, whatever), maybe you diverged of a different way, or maybe you're a person of multitudinous and wondrous variety, and goth is simply one of your looks. All good, all lovely.

Look with curiosity, ask with courtesy and honesty (for yourself and others), and seek, try, journey, leap with joy. That's it.

Oh, and for nascent transbians trying to unlearn male socialization patterns you had to memorize like a foreign language you hated but are unsure of alternatives, it's OK to ask about things. In fact, it's often the case that women compliment women on things they've chosen, while men often compliment women on physical features. One acknowledges effort, taste, and validates self-determination and choice in how one presents to the world. The other is, usually, just happenstance of genetics. So, Trans girls, saying, "hey, i love your X, that works so well for you! May i ask how you did it? Where you got it? How you found the right one to fit your look/aesthetic?" is usually perfectly fine. Normal social rules apply, of course, and don't be offended if someone doesn't feel comfortable engaging, maybe they're shy and just venturing into whatever themselves, but it's usually on to ask and sometimes a great way to make friends and meet people!