I’ve been working on translating some passages from Sanskrit to English lately. I’ve experimented both ways: 1) adhering to a literal translation, and 2) modifying the original Sanskrit verses to correspond more smoothly in English.
This leads to a number of problems; as you have mentioned, a true to form translation leaves the English rendering rather clunky and awkward, especially with regards to phrasing and word order. Conversely, a less literal, interpretive translation runs the risk of diluting (or imposing another) meaning. Furthermore, Sanskrit is known to have words with MANY different meanings, and some literal phrases can signify different things semantically, which can pass over the heads of the audience, especially western or unfamiliar ones.
I find the optimal strategy to be a balance between the two, paired with a commentary of my own detailing my translative choices and their impact on the overall meaning. Extrapolation through commentary allows for clarity, preserving meaning without compromising the integrity, which of course varies verse by verse. For example, take this verse from the Bhrgu Valli of the Taittiryopanishad:
“pūrva-ndēvēbhyō amṛtasya nā… bhā̠yi̠”
purva- “old”, “east”, “regular” (here it connotes the former, serving as an indicator of age, as in “older”)
deva- “god” (shining one)
bhyo- indicator of relationship (“than”/“of”)
amrtasya- “nectar” or “immortality” (without death)
na- “navel”
bhayi- “radiant”/“resplendent”/“luminous”
This is incredibly tricky without a degree of familiarity with both the semantics and the underlying philosophy that lends its meaning to the passage. Knowing that this comes from the concluding part of an Upanishad which is meant to be a dialogue between student and teacher, it can be inferred that this is meant to be a self affirmation on the student’s (Bhrgu) part, and therefore ought to be in the first person. Studying the other lines in this verse reveals that it’s meant to be nondual and comparative, specifically between the self and the Devas here, so the meaning of Purva can be narrowed to connotate relative age. Amrtam translated too literally is “nondeath”/“without death”, and translated too broadly, can mean nectar; unfamiliar audiences or translators might not be aware of the closely intertwined relationship between immortality and nectar in Hindu cosmology. Na literally means “navel”, but is here best understood as “center” or “source”, and Bhayi is fairly clear. The next problem is fitting the words together in English, which does not read smoothly as laid out above.
Thus, I would translated this line as:
“[I am] older than the gods[, the] resplendent source of immortality”
TLDR: Translation is an arduous, yet exceedingly rewarding- mentally, physically, and spiritually. For context, this is example is one line out of sixteen verses, out of a work containing three chapters. Despite this, translation is the means of preserving and adapting time honored wisdom. In an age of technology and digitization, it’s easy for us to lose our way as purpose is replaced by productivity and profit margins. AI can spit out a blind translation in an instant, but the genuine process, the endeavor of seeking truth, drawing a conclusion, scrutinizingit, refining it, and applying it to our own lives is now threatened. At the end of the day, all things fade- knowledge and culture are no exception- however if we are content to let them disappear, what wisdom is left for the future?