I’m curious whether other TCKs ever feel uncomfortable talking about their upbringing because of the assumptions people tend to make about it.

I’ve noticed that when I mention growing up across different countries and cultures, there’s sometimes this immediate assumption that I must have come from significant class privilege. As though being a TCK automatically means you grew up wealthy, attended international schools, had diplomat parents, or lived some extraordinarily glamorous, cosmopolitan childhood. And while I’m sure that’s true for some TCKs, it’s certainly not a universal experience.

There’s also this other hesitation I have, where I sometimes feel reluctant to talk about being a TCK because I don’t want people to think I’m trying to make it my entire personality, but the irony is that, in many ways, it actually is the essence of who I am.

It’s not some interesting biographical detail I bring up to seem worldly or different; it’s the entire framework through which I understand myself, other people, culture, belonging, identity, and the world around me. It’s shaped how I speak, how I think, how I relate to people, and even how I understand the concept of home.

I can’t separate myself from that experience because there isn’t some alternative version of me that existed before it. It’s not something I acquired along the way. It’s how I became who I am. And yet I sometimes find myself downplaying it, almost as though I need to make my upbringing sound less unusual to avoid being perceived as pretentious, privileged, or someone who’s desperate to seem interesting.

Does anyone else experience this? That strange feeling of having to minimize something so fundamental to your identity because you’re conscious of how other people might interpret it?

I was born in one country but grew up in America for most of my developmental stage of life. I few months ago I decided to move back home, because I wanted to become a "say yes' person to everything and somehow I realized, I’m a foreigner in both places.

People here can seem cold. They don’t smile at strangers, and they tell you the hard truth whether you asked for it or not. In the US I got used to the opposite: people being nice on purpose, sometimes like they’re proving something to you or to themselves. The “hi, how are you?” when nobody actually means it or has time to hear the answer. The constant cheerfulness, the surface-level conversations. I didn’t notice how used to it I was until it was gone.

The hardest part is the language. I obviously speak it, since my whole family does, but I’ve become so Americanized that I breathe, sleep and eat in English. My whole personality is built around American norms. When I speak my native language I’m subconsciously translating from English, so my sentences come out framed wrong, or I use phrases that just don’t translate. Sometimes I can’t show that I’m confident or that I actually know a topic, because I explain it like I don’t.

It’s not just how I talk, either. All the media I consume is in English, so I don’t know the local celebrities, the songs everyone’s listening to, or even the jokes and slang. People look at me like I’ve been hiding out in a cave somewhere. But some people think it’s really cool. We end up swapping experiences, and I get to share parts of myself and of America with them, which I love.

I love where I live now. I’m closer to my family and my roots, and this is probably where I want to start a family of my own. But my identity feels like it got left behind in the US. It’s weird that at the age when most people are close to figuring themselves out, I’m rebuilding myself from scratch and trying to feel as secure here as I can.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this. I just needed to say it somewhere people might get it.

“How social media supports friendship formation, friendship quality, and a sense of belonging among Third Culture Kids (TCKs) during relocation.”

The questionnaire takes approximately 10–15 minutes and mainly consists of open-ended questions about your personal experiences.

🌎 Are 18–25 years old
🌎 Have lived in more than one country or experienced international relocation
🌎 Have used social media during or after relocating
🌎 Have used social media to make, develop, or maintain friendships after relocating

Your responses will help me understand how social media can support TCKs in:

• Making new friendships after relocation
• Developing and maintaining friendships
• Feeling connected to their new environment
• Building a sense of belonging after moving

Participation is completely voluntary, and you do not need to provide your name.

If you meet the criteria and would be willing to help, I would really, really appreciate your participation! I only need 2 more participants to reach my target.

👉 https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc-iA9sRVYkbGVd3LScrmYBIn4SvN11UUwQW6EUBb0nXiIjbg/viewform?usp=publish-editor

Thank you so much for your help! 🙏

Ich weiß nicht, ob es auch paar anderen hier ähnlich geht, aber in letzter Zeit beschäftigt mich das Thema Zugehörigkeit ziemlich stark.
Ich komme ursprünglich aus dem Irak, bin kurdische Abstammung und lebe seit 15 Jahren in Deutschland. Ich habe zum Glück meine Frau, und meine Familie, die mich unterstützen. Trotzdem habe ich soziale Probleme und zunehmend das Gefühl, irgendwie zwischen zwei Welten zu stehen.
Wenn ich mit Verwandten zusammen bin (z.B. bei Familienfeiern), habe ich oft das Gefühl, dass sie eher untereinander bleiben und ich mich aktiv einbringen muss. Ich versuche mich anzupassen und auf die Leute zuzugehen, aber wenn von mir nichts kommt, kommt von der anderen Seite häufig auch wenig. Mir fällt auf, die Leute in meinem Umfeld sind vom Verhalten her meistens deutlich lauter und extrovertierter. Ich dagegen bin eher ein ruhiger Mensch. Manchmal habe ich dadurch das Gefühl, dass ich für sie nicht wirklich „einer von ihnen" bin und daher uninteressant bin. Ich glaube, dass ich für deren Verhältnisse einfach anders ticke und vielleicht auch etwas „zu deutsch" bin. Ähnlich empfinde ich es bei anderen Irakern in meinem Alter. Kurz bevor ich geheiratet habe, wurde ich öfter gefragt, wie die Vorbereitungen laufen. Da hatte ich das Gefühl, dass ich auf einmal interessant bin. Aber in all den Jahren zuvor und auch danach, sehe ich, wie ich wieder nur begrüßt werde. Nach der Begrüßung kommt nichts mehr. Ich möchte auch nicht mehr wie früher jedes Mal auf Leute zugehen, bis man mich wahrnimmt.

Gleichzeitig merke ich aber auch immer öfter in Situationen mit Deutschen, dass ich mich nicht vollständig zugehörig fühle. Zum Beispiel auf der Arbeit: Wenn ich mich nicht aktiv in Gespräche einbringe, habe ich schnell das Gefühl, dass die anderen eher unter sich bleiben und mich weniger beachten. Dabei gebe ich mir wirklich Mühe, offen
und höflich auf sie zuzugehen.
Sogar bei meiner aktuellen Jobsuche habe ich angefangen, darüber nachzudenken. Ich habe mittlerweile 120 Bewerbungen (mit Bild von mir) geschrieben und über 80 Absagen bekommen. Meine Bewerbungen habe ich mehreren Beratern gezeigt und mir wurde gesagt, dass sie gut formuliert und für die jeweiligen Stellen passend sind. Trotzdem bekomme ich viele Absagen. Natürlich weiß man nie sicher, ob mein Aussehen bei den Absagen tatsächlich eine Rolle gespielt hat. Aber wenn man so viele Absagen bekommt und sowieso schon mit diesem Gefühl der fehlenden Zugehörigkeit kämpft, fängt man irgendwann an, über solche Dinge nachzudenken.

In letzter Zeit fühle ich mich deshalb ziemlich einsam.
Im Verwandtenkreis bin ich gefühlt „der Deutsche", und hier in Deutschland habe ich wiederum oft das Gefühl, auch nicht als einer von ihnen wahrgenommen zu werden. Ich will nicht 1000 Freunde haben, aber sich jedes Mal irgendwo ständig anzupassen, um wahrgenommen zu werden, ist auch nicht einfach.

Ich würde gerne wissen, ob andere, die zwischen zwei Kulturen aufgewachsen sind, etwas Ähnliches erlebt haben. Und falls ja: Wie seid ihr damit umgegangen und wie sehen eure Erfahrungen heute aus?

I am a black African TCK who had to move to her parents' home country temporarily. It's super conservative and patriarchal here. I want to move.

To the black TCKs: Where do you live and what makes the country so great?

Do you feel safe there?

How has job opportunities been?

Have you been able to build a life there?

How do the locals treat you?

All opinions are welcome as we all have different life experiences and you might be friends with an African/Black TCK. However, I would love to hear from African TCKs in particular as certain countries that are amazing for other TCKs are not always welcoming to us.

I am looking for examples other than the US

Born in India, raised in Singapore, spent the last 10 years in the U.S.

I got laid off my job in NYC last July. My parents moved back to India a few years ago, so since then I’ve split my time between there, India, and traveling. I really cannot stand it there - living with my parents is always fighting, I have no friends or connection to the country, and I feel miserable. I maintained Singapore PR so I’m now here looking for work, but it’s an uphill battle. The job market is abysmal. What makes things worse is my re-entry permit expires in December, and there’s no chance they’re going to renew it until I get a job, so I have to stay here till who knows when. The holidays are approaching and I know that’s going to slow hiring, not that I’ve had any luck anyway. I have no friends here, feel super out of place, and have a constant feeling of just wanting out of the country even though I have no option besides India which is worse. All my friends, support system, things that made me happy are in NYC, but we all know how the political climate is in the U.S. now. I can't even get a tourist visa without a job and proving "strong ties". I feel stuck and hopeless. I hate that everyone in my life is scattered and nowhere can truly feel like “home”. I’m broke, depressed, feel washed up, and just dream of being around the people I love in the place I love but I can’t.

Hii everyone ! I am french egyptian currently living in Melbourne. Grew up accross Canada, Indonesia, Egypt and France.
I am wanting to create a meetup for TCKs in Melbourne as I know theres a strong one in Sydney and would love to have this here !

Shoot me a message or comment if you’re keen! Wouldn’t mind potentially some help with finding TCK folks out there.

Look forward to hearing from you ☀️☀️

I grew up between countries and when it came time to pick a university, every source I could find told me about rankings, acceptance rates and employment outcomes. None of them told me the thing I actually needed to know, which was whether I’d be able to make friends there.

I ended up somewhere that was academically fine and socially a disaster, and I didn’t have the language for why until much later. The short version: being obviously foreign is survivable because people expect you to be lost. Being invisibly foreign — looking local, sounding local, and being expected to already know how everything works — is the harder one, and nobody warns you about it.

So I built TCKHuman — university reviews by third culture kids. It’s reviews of universities written by people who grew up outside their passport country. Four sliders and one open box, takes about ninety seconds. No rankings, no ads, no login, nothing to sign up for.

There are 44 reviews across 40 universities on it so far. Most schools have one review, which isn’t enough to tell anyone anything yet — that’s the honest state of it.

If you went to university and grew up abroad, I’d genuinely like yours. And if you just want to read what people said, that’s there too.

Title. I'm a 40M who grew up in Indonesia plus several other places.

Recently I've been working at a community services nonprofit in north side Chicago and have been looking for more friends in the international, intercultural, and Third Culture communities.

Would anyone be up for coffee, a walk, or a meal?

Hi everyone!

I’m Haruki, a university student conducting a research project on:

“How social media supports friendship formation, friendship quality, and a sense of belonging among Third Culture Kids (TCKs) during relocation.”

Originally, I planned to conduct online interviews for this research. However, I had difficulty finding enough participants who met all of the research criteria and were available for an interview. Because of this, I changed my research method to an online questionnaire, which makes it easier for TCKs from different backgrounds and locations to participate.

I’m looking for participants who:

🌎 Are 18–25 years old
🌎 Have lived in more than one country or experienced international relocation
🌎 Have used social media during or after relocating
🌎 Have used social media to make, develop, or maintain friendships after relocating

The questionnaire takes approximately 10–15 minutes and mainly consists of open-ended questions about your personal experiences.

Your responses will help me understand how social media can support TCKs in:

• Making new friendships after relocation
• Developing and maintaining friendships
• Feeling connected to their new environment
• Building a sense of belonging after moving

Participation is completely voluntary, and you do not need to provide your name.

If you meet the criteria and would be willing to help, I would really, really appreciate your participation! I only need 5 more participants to reach my target.

👉 https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc-iA9sRVYkbGVd3LScrmYBIn4SvN11UUwQW6EUBb0nXiIjbg/viewform?usp=publish-editor

Thank you so much for your help! 🙏

Cześć, szukam osób, które skutecznie zmieniły e-mail w TC (legalne kasyno) bez dostępu do starej skrzynki. Mój mail, który jest obecnie przypisany do konta, został trwale skasowany przez operatora za nieaktywność.

Mam dostęp jedynie do mojego pierwszego maila (na wp), na którym zakładałem to konto, ale później w panelu zmieniłem go właśnie na ten, który teraz usunęli (w onecie).

Na czacie totalna ściana – bot i konsultanci odsyłają do panelu gracza, co jest niemożliwe z powodu braku skrzynki. Poszedł oficjalny wniosek do IOD (Inspektora Ochrony Danych) z tego mojego pierwszego maila założycielskiego z dołączonym dowodem osobistym i pismem od operatora poczty, że tamten adres nie istnieje.

Jakie macie doświadczenia z ich działem bezpieczeństwa? Przejdzie taka weryfikacja ręczna po przesłaniu dokumentów, czy robili Wam jakieś problemy? Ile się czeka?

Hi everyone,

I'm a solo dad and I have built a language app for children aged 5 to 12. It's optimized for iPads, but it will also run on a plain laptop browser just fine. There is nothing to buy and nothing to sign up for.

There are 13 languages (Spanish, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Hindi, Arabic, Polish, Russian and English).

I'm looking for a few bilingual people or native speakers to try it and tell me honestly if it is useful. It's fun and lightweight, and I think it has a lot of truly novel approaches.

If you can help, please comment or send me a direct message, and I will send you the app privately.

Thank you, Michael

🌍 I'm a TCK finishing my master's thesis in psychology, and I'm looking for other TCKs to take a short survey on how staying connected online shaped our sense of belonging.

✅ You qualify if you're 18+ and spent at least 3 years living outside your parents' home country before 18 because of a parent's job.

⏱️ 12 to 15 minutes, anonymous, voluntary, no payment.

🔗 https://app.smartsheet.com/b/form/019e14c926057f2aab9a896c59f5f499

Questions: [lol715@g.harvard.edu](mailto:lol715@g.harvard.edu). If you know other TCKs, please share it. Thank you! 💛

Hi hello everyone i need five people more plz

I’m haruki, university student conducting a research project on:

“How social media supports friendship formation, friendship quality, and a sense of belonging among Third Culture Kids (TCKs) during relocation.”

I’m looking for participants who:
🌎 Are 18–25 years old

🌎 Have lived in more than one country or experienced international relocation

🌎 Have used social media during or after relocating

🌎 Have used social media to make, develop, or maintain friendships after relocating

The questionnaire takes approximately 10-15 mins and mainly consists of open-ended questions about your personal experiences.

Your responses will help me understand how social media can support TCKs in:

making new friendships after relocation

developing and maintaining friendships

feeling connected to their new environment

Participation is voluntary, and you do not need to provide your name.

If you meet the criteria and would like to participate, I would really appreciate your help!
👉https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc-iA9sRVYkbGVd3LScrmYBIn4SvN11UUwQW6EUBb0nXiIjbg/viewform?usp=publish-editor

Thank you very much!!!!!!

I'm aware that I need therapy for some life events I'm going through, but I'm having this situation where, twice now, therapists don't really know what to do with me.

I live in a safe EU country, but I did not grow up in a safe/stable EU country, I grew up in a place that could be considered "3rd world" I guess.

I had a nice, safe childhood overall, but as is the case with many of us who grow up in such places I was indirectly exposed to some dark stuff, wtinessing things like systemic violence, extreme poverty, taking precautions to avoid risk of kidnapping, hearing about murders.

All of this stuff of course comes up in therapy and it's apparent that when it does most therapists here can't really relate. Even "basic" bad stuff I used to deal with like the power going out randomly or seeing a dead dog in the street are borderline unthinkable to people where I live now, and when I've talked about this stuff in therapy, the therapist just usually goes silent. I worked with two different therapists for 6 months each and never really felt like I made progress.

Even when I bring up basic universal immigrant problems, like not being able to see family, I feel like I don't get much feedback from therapists.

Hello, I'm in the Midlands, haven't met any other TCKs while here really. There must be others out here?

I'm Matt - born in Poland, raised in Egypt and Canada. Bounced between seven countries before settling in the U.S. a decade ago. Last year I moved to Tucson, AZ to lock in and build something I couldn't find anywhere else. Disclosure up front: it's an app called Perpetual Foreigners, and I'm the solo founder.

The premise comes straight out of David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken. In their book, Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds, they describe TCKs as finding belonging in people raised the same way, not in any one place. Van Reken later widened the circle to cross-cultural kids (CCKs). That means the classic military, missionary, diplomat and expat kids, but also kids of immigrants and refugees, bicultural kids and international adoptees. Anyone raised in between.

They also wrote about rootlessness and restlessness, and I think the two are closer than they look. Rootlessness doesn't only arrive as grief, it also arrives as restlessness: the grass is greener in the next city, always. The people who already know your whole story are eight time zones away. The people in front of you would need three hours and a map. So you stay adaptable, and you stay alone in it.

Here's the part I actually want to test on this sub. Napoleon Hill called it the mastermind: two minds in harmony produce a third mind that neither had alone. We already know how that works. The third culture formed in us between places - Hill's third mind forms between people.

We're already spread out - that's the shape of the life, and nobody did it to us. We can talk to anyone and still be fully understood by almost no one, and right now that position feels more fragile and more necessary at the same time: borders are hardening. The people with the most practice holding two or more truths at once are the hardest ones to place. So what do we build if we gather on purpose instead of by accident? I don't think it's only belonging.

That's the question Perpetual Foreigners is built around. It's a free social app for Third Culture Kids, cross-cultural kids, and anyone shaped by more than one place. It's on the App Store and Google Play in 175 countries, and the site is perpetualforeigners.com. When you join, you pin your cities on a globe. Those pins aren't an address. They're a story.

Question for you all: if we gathered on purpose, what should it be for?

TL;DR: I built Perpetual Foreigners, a free social app for Third Culture Kids (TCKs) and cross-cultural kids (CCKs), on Pollock and Van Reken's idea that we belong to people, not places.