I’m 18, and my family wants me to marry someone I don’t love. I feel trapped and don’t know what to do.
I’m 18 years old, originally from Sudan, and currently living in Ontario, Canada. I’ve been holding everything inside for years, and I honestly don’t know who to talk to anymore. I just want someone to understand me without judging me.
I come from a very traditional, tribal family. In my family, parents often decide whom their daughters will marry, and marriages are usually within the same culture, sometimes between cousins or other relatives the family already knows. Girls are expected to obey their parents, and refusing a marriage is seen as bringing shame to the family.
When I was around 14, my parents told me that my father and uncles had chosen a man for me to marry. Nobody asked me what I wanted. I was shocked, and I remember going to my room and crying because I didn’t know what to do.
I had seen my cousins go through similar situations. Some married at 14 or 15, and one of my cousins gave birth at 15, but her baby didn’t survive. Everyone around me seemed to accept these things as normal, but I couldn’t understand how a child could be expected to become a wife and mother.
Eventually, the man my parents chose sent me a phone so we could communicate. I took the phone to my mother and told her I didn’t want to marry him. I thought she would listen to me, but instead, she shouted at me.
She told me about my aunt, my father’s younger sister, who refused to marry the man her family had chosen because he was too old for her. She ran away a week before the wedding, but her family found her, brought her back, and beat her until she agreed to marry him.
My mother told me the same thing could happen to me. I was terrified. I tried explaining that I was only 15 and that the man was about 12 years older than me, but I was told I was too young to understand and that the parents had already arranged everything.
I even tried telling the man that I didn’t want to marry him and that my parents weren’t really asking for my opinion. He dismissed my feelings and told me I was young and didn’t know what I was talking about, and that I needed to respect my parents.
Since then, I’ve been living with this fear in the back of my mind. He wants to get married sometime between January and April 2027, and I’m terrified that it’s actually going to happen.
The marriage isn’t the only reason I’m unhappy. Growing up, I was expected to cook, clean, and take care of the house while my two brothers weren’t expected to do the same. If something wasn’t clean or dinner wasn’t ready, I’d get yelled at. My brothers could go out and do things while I was expected to stay home and help.
I got used to it, in a way. I distracted myself with school and work and told myself that maybe things would get better when I grew older. Before my family moved to a new province, I had a job and school to keep me occupied. Now I’m at home most of the time, cooking and cleaning for everyone. I feel like my life has become nothing but household responsibilities and worrying about a marriage I don’t want.
I’ve tried talking to both my parents about it. Instead of listening, they thought I must be talking to another man. They took my phone, went through it, and yelled at me. They compared me to my cousins and other relatives who never questioned their families’ decisions. They said the engagement had already happened and they couldn’t go back on it.
I feel like nobody understands that I am not refusing marriage because I want to disobey my parents or because there is another man in my life. I simply don’t want to marry someone I don’t love, especially when I never freely agreed to it in the first place.
I’m Muslim, and sometimes I tell myself that this is a test from Allah. I make dua and try to have faith, but there are moments when I feel so hopeless that I start wondering whether I’ve failed as a Muslim or as a person. I know that struggling emotionally doesn’t mean I have no faith, but sometimes it’s difficult not to blame myself.
I also feel guilty about the way I feel toward my culture. I know there are people who love their traditions and find comfort in them, but I feel angry and hurt by the expectations placed on me as a girl. I hate feeling as though I have no control over my own future.
I don’t want to hate where I come from, but I don’t know how to separate my cultural background from the things that have hurt me so deeply.
The hardest part is that I still love my parents. I don’t want them to get into trouble, and I don’t want them to feel humiliated in front of our community or our relatives back home. There is a large Sudanese community where we live in Ontario, and I’m scared of the gossip and shame that could come if I speak up.
Sometimes, when my mother gets angry, she tells me to leave the house. I know she usually says it out of anger rather than genuinely wanting me gone, but a part of me keeps waiting for her to say it again because I wonder if that would be my chance to leave.
At the same time, I’m scared. I don’t have anyone who can take me in or help me figure out what to do. I’ve spoken to some Sudanese friends about my situation, but they told me to accept it and try to get along with the man. That made me feel even more alone.
I don’t want to get married at 18. I don’t want to become a wife and have children before I’m ready. I’m scared of being stuck in a life I never chose and becoming a mother when I still feel like a child myself.
I want to finish my education. I want to go to university, make friends, go shopping with them, take pictures, laugh, and experience the things other people my age get to experience. I want to fall in love naturally, talk to someone I genuinely care about, and choose a partner because I want to be with him, not because my family decided he was the right person.
I didn’t get accepted into university this year and was placed on a waitlist. I already feel terrible about my situation, and that made me feel even more useless. I keep questioning whether I’m smart enough or good enough to accomplish anything.
I’ve been feeling depressed, exhausted, and mentally drained for a long time. Sometimes I have thoughts about ending my life because I feel trapped and can’t imagine how I’m going to escape this situation. I’m scared of how hopeless I feel, and I don’t want to keep feeling this way.
I know my parents love me in their own way, but I wish they could understand me for once. I wish they could see that I’m not trying to disgrace them. I’m a young woman who is scared and wants a chance to live her own life.
I’m posting this because I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared of getting authorities involved because I don’t want my parents to suffer, but I’m also scared of staying and being forced into a marriage I don’t want.
For anyone who has experienced something similar, especially someone from a traditional or immigrant family: How did you get out of this situation? How can I seek help and become independent without putting myself in more danger? Are there any organizations in Ontario that can help someone in my position confidentially?
I don’t need anyone to tell me to accept the marriage or that my parents know best. I’ve heard that my entire life. I just want someone to understand how frightening it is to feel like your future isn’t yours to choose, and to help me see that there might be a way out.

Nusseibeh has spent the last three years denying her country's role in the genocide in Sudan

To people who have married "foreigners", do you think this limited your experience of the culture? Do you feel less connected now? How's your overall experience

عندي كودات لجيميني ممكن تفعلهم في حسابك الخاص بتاع غوغل، السعر هو 40٫000 جنيه سوداني، و 70٫000 لو اشتريت 2، يدعم جيميني ارجون 4، واتساب 0995618142

يا شباب التيك مربح في السودان للسودانيين؟ لو زول عندو حساب تيك توك ولا بعرف معلومة يوريني،

Over the past few years, you can plot the plunge into global instability not only through the unchecked assaults on international law and civilian life, but through the decline and undermining of the authority and credibility of international institutions. The latest level in this spiral is the proposed appointment of Lana Nusseibeh of the United Arab Emirates (UAE) as the UN secretary general. Her bid has been rapidly gaining momentum and endorsements. And it has been met with outrage among the Sudanese.

لو في زول سافر و استقر في جورجيا، ممكن يحكي تجربتو، إجراءات السفر و التأشيرة و شروطها بالنسبة كالسودانين ، الأسعار والأمان و العلاج و نسبة العنصرية، والحياة العامة و المجتمع

السلام عليكم

اخواني و اخواتي عايز اعرف معلومات عن الدنقلاويين و شنو البميزهم عن باقي قبايل السودان و مشهورين بي شنو و بالأخص البنات الدنقلاويات.

أي معلومة حتكون مفيدة حتى و لو بسيطة. أنا ما عشت في السودان الا سنتين من حياتي و ما عندي معلومات كتيرة

بارك الله فيكم.

I miss sudan so much i used to live in sudan but i was ill i had severe dissociation and depersonalization it didnt affect my mentality but affected my perception about my surrounding so i feel my stay and experience of sudan wasnt full despite this i love sudan so much and i just want to re do it but im sure the war and all this struggle wont make it easy also my situation now i cant travel soon , im fully cured now so now when i see pictures from sudan i see it so beautiful and faces of people so peaceful and handsome and beautiful people i really want to reexperience sudan 😭😂 a crazy vent i know but anyhow this is how i feel. I hope one day we will see a better sudan and this can be if we all focused on fixing ourselves.

Magician and black magic practice , in my culture im from eastern sudan many people are so away from religion and like to go to magician to get married and to harm others!! ..etc also they believe in this so much ,is this something in other parts of sudan or only east , lately ive been thinking deeply about my community (hadendwa) we really have big and deep problems. And i would like to discuss it here. I really dont know how to fix this but im sure islam is a fix but my community resisted islam for eo long they resist anything out side them منغلقين ،even now after accepting islam for the last decades still the community struggle alot to practice or get education.

اظن مشكلتنا الكبيرة في الشرق هي الانغلاق و غالبا انغلق المجتمع خوفا من التشتت و الضياع لانه كان في هجوم كبير على وجودنا في التاريخ من دول الجوار و حروب من زمن الفراعنة فالمجتمع رافض للاسلام رافض للتداخل مع المجتمعات حوله بدليل اننا عندنا الزواج من القبايل السودانية الاخرى و الاجانب حتى العرب يعتبر شي سيئ و الاهل برفضو اشد الرفض و بفتخرو بالرفض دا عندنا قصص في اسرتنا بفتخرو انو. حبوباتي رفضو يتزوجو شوام و عندنا قصص لتضليل عريس جعلي زوجوه بنت مواليد بدل البنت الخطبها يعني اهلنا باختصار عايشين في عالم موازي والله تماما زي عندنا نرجسية جمعية او شي بالشكل دا غايته ما اعمم كل الهدندوة لكن دا الجزء الشفته و عاشرته فترة وجودي في الشرق و اهلي و ازيدكم من الشعر بيت عندنا اغاني ضد الاسلام ولليوم ببتتورث و الناس بتغنيها و اهلنا غنوها لينا و احنا صغار اظن الاغنية دي تفسر كتير من الحالة العايشين فيها ناسنا ديل و كلماتها بالعربي :

هي عبارة عن محادثة بين عصفور و اخته في شجرة

الاخت تقول لاخيها

المسلم بلاء الم اقل لك

يضربك بالحجر و يرميك الم اقل لك

يشويك و ياكلك الم اقل لك .

طبعا الكلام دا خارم بارم و الاسلام دين حق و عدل لكن الاغنية دي بتقول الهدندوة حاسين بشنو حاسين انهم لو استسلمو و لو شوية و هم شايفين التداخل و قبول الدين استسلام هيحصل فيهم كدا... طبعا يمكن ناس تهاجم خلاوي همشكوريب ..الخ ايوة المجتمع اتقبل الاسلام ولكن مؤخرا و ما كل القبايل تمارس او تعلم شي عن الاسلام و ما زالو في طقوسهم القديمة القبل السلام او قبل التاريخ اصلا.

I want to first preface by saying I mean absolutely no offense to men as a whole; I know that there are good ones, but this is just unfortunately bad behavior that I have noticed is too common among Sudanese men, and I want to bring attention to it in hopes of them changing and doing better.

Over the years, I have noticed that Sudanese men rarely hold each other or themselves accountable, even when their actions causes great harm to the women and children around them. There’s always an excuse or reason for doing so, or they simply just ignore it.

By actions, I mainly mean harming his wife and children emotionally (ex: marrying a second woman without her consent/permission or abandoning his children when he divorces his wife), financially (ex: being overly stingy with money when it comes to his immediate family but pouring everything he has into random distant relatives), and sometimes even physically or sexually.

It’s not only that there is no accountability, but in some cases they defend those same shitty men. I can’t count the amount of times in which a male relative does something shitty, my mom and I rightfully talk smack about him for doing so, and my dad or an uncle play devils advocate for him; its honestly insane and frustrating.

This lack of accountability isn’t only limited among male family members but also among male friends. How many times did I see Sudani men defend or stay cordial with male friends who harassed or harmed women or who spew misogynistic incel bs? Way too many to count.

On a more darker note, I know a friend who has a distant family member who is a known p3dophile that harmed children, but her family does nothing about him and stays quiet. He still gets invited to family functions and events as if he is some normal uncle.

This is how bad things can get when there’s a lack of accountability and consequences; evil pieces of shit feel they can get away with more and more heinous crimes and will stop at nothing until they get rightfully reprimanded. At the very least, these sort of people should get exiled from society and treated as if they’re dead, but even that is considered ‘too much and 3eib’ for us.

So I keep wondering, why is it that our men refuse to hold each other accountable? Are they not supposed to be our ‘protectors’? How do we expect our women and children to feel safe when most men stay silent?

Hello everyone, writing from Sudan. I have saved around $10,000 USD. Would this budget be sufficient to cover migration and initial settlement costs in Australia or New Zealand? I would greatly appreciate any insights, advice, or personal experiences. Thank you.

This footage from the drone developed by Turkish company Baykar. Each costs 2-5 million depending on model and munitions. This thing is huge. It it's 6.5 m long and has a 12 m (39 feet) wingspan. It can carry a 150 kg payload, travels at up to 120 knots at altitudes up to 27k feet.

Inspired by Wacky Tacky Tiktokers..
absolute Random Song - Hope it doesn’t offend you.

I’m Sudanese and grew up and live in one of the gulf countries which as you know don’t have long term living stability, and something that’s been constantly on my mind is what’s the backup plan in case my family and I have to leave due to father retirement or job losses?

Sudan was always what my family had in mind, with a house and close connection to the country. But having lived outside for so long, and with parents medical needs and the current situation, I don’t see us going back there permanently.

I see many passport through investment ads, but it’s a lot of money and I’m not sure it’s worth it.

I guess I’m wondering what are options for countries where residency/ passport are relatively reasonable, either through investment or just accessible in terms of visa and cost of living, that are actually viable options to consider?

ليه السودانيين في الغربة وبيئة العمل خسيسين مع السودانيين لكن مع الأجانب ملائكة وناس واو و رهيبة وسلسه؟

Hello all. I’m a PhD student studying religious dynamics in Sudanese families living in the West. I myself am Sudanese, but was adopted by Black-American parents at birth. They were active in raising me in Sudanese culture by taking me to Sudanese events, taking me to Sudan when I was younger, and even raising me in Islam (I went to an Islamic after-school program, taught me Sudanese Arabic, and even taught me to pray/prayed with me since Islam is a large aspect of Sudanese culture). My parents are not religious people so ultimately when I got older and realized that I did not consider myself a muslim, they had no hesitations. There are still many aspects of Islam that align with my personal beliefs: I don’t drink or smoke, I practice Sadaqah, and I do still make Duaa in some ways. However, I studied all Abrahamic religions out of personal historical interest and ultimately came to the same conclusion that I am Athiest/Agnostic.

Many of my closest friends and chosen family are Sudanese women. Those Sudanese women range in diversity: Queer, Muslim, Practice Witchcraft, Etc. A commonality they all have is that religious culturalism and and religion itself seem to be a point of tension in their relationship with their family members. Even my devout Sudanese friends who are truly some of the best Muslims I have witnessed MashaAllah, struggle with these issues in their families. Whether it be issues with their personal beliefs, finding a spouse, or even just living their own lifestyle.

I wanted to know more about how religion plays a role in your life as a Sudanese individual living in the West. How do you navigate these difficulties? How do they impact your decision making day to day? How does it impact your mental health? How do you celebrate yourself and our culture?

Please be as open as possible. As a Sudanese woman, I love our country dearly. Watching the war break out has been such a heartbreaking thing to endure. I want to devout all my research to allowing us to have the best lives. I want to continue to focus on individuals living in the war, the experiences of the diaspora, the experiences of our women and children. Hopefully I can continue to use my education to help us all InshaAllah.