Okay, so this might be a bit of a rant, but I genuinely want to hear your thoughts because I donโt know if Iโm overthinking or if my fears are understandable.
Iโm a Punjabi girl, born and raised in the Philippines, and now living in Canada. I have a normal tattoo that I got when I was 17. Itโs nothing vulgar or related to Sikhi, and honestly, I want to get more tattoos! I personally believe being a Sikh isnโt just about our appearance but also about who we are as human beings and how we treat others.
But my parents donโt know about my tattoo, and sometimes I worry about how my future husband or his family might react. Would they judge me for it? Would it become a whole issue? I know it sounds like a soap opera, but these are the things I think about lol.
And itโs not just the tattoo. Every time I say I want to do something, my parents tell me to do it after I get married. Like WHAT? Why do I have to wait until I have a husband to enjoy my life?
Iโm turning 21, and theyโve already said that once Iโm out of college, theyโll marry me off. Iโve told them I might want to get married at 28 or 29, when Iโve saved some money and feel ready to enter a relationship. Their response? โYouโll be old by then.โ Like, seriously? Why is there so much pressure?
I think some of my fear comes from what Iโve seen in my own family. My father is normally a good dad, but when heโs stressed, he drinks and gets angry over little things. Back when I lived with my parents, he and my mom would sometimes fight almost every day or every other day, and me and my brother would get dragged into it or blamed for things. Obviously, weโve made mistakes too, but sometimes it felt like everything was our fault.
I was so stressed and mentally tired back then. Sometimes, I just wanted some peace.
There have also been times when my father has hit me, my brother, and my mom. What makes it harder is that our relatives see him as a good, jolly man, but they donโt see everything that happens at home. He wears a pagg (just been a year) and Iโve struggled with seeing the difference between how people view him as a Sikh and how things are sometimes at home.
Me and my brother are both huge people pleasers because we were raised to respect our elders and never say anything bad about family. So speaking up for ourselves has always been difficult.
I think all of this has made me scared of marriage. What if I end up with someone who controls what I wear, who I see, whether I can travel, or what I do with my own life? What if Iโm unhappy, but my family tells me that every marriage has problems and I should just adjust?
I donโt want to end up in an unhappy marriage like my momโs. I want a peaceful home, a partner who respects me, and the freedom to still be my own person.
I know not every person is the same, and maybe Iโm projecting some of my family experiences onto my future. But this has been a real fear of mine since I was a teenager, and itโs still here now.
Am I overthinking all of this? Do I have valid reasons to be worried, or am I letting my experiences with my family scare me too much? I genuinely want to hear your thoughts because Iโve been carrying these fears for a long time, and apart from my brother, I havenโt really had anyone to talk to about them.
Sorry for the long rant. I started thinking about tattoos and somehow ended up ranting about my entire life lol.