r/SRSDiscussion • u/[deleted] • Jan 10 '12
[EFFORT] Debunking Rape Misconceptions
MASSIVE Trigger Warning for rape, rape apology (albeit to rip them apart)
Before I begin, I’d like to give a shoutout to QwestionEveryPost’s brilliant effortpost here, about a similar topic.
What is rape culture? ● Doesn’t it demonize men? ● The Fear of False Rape Allegations ● Victim-blaming and the Just World Fallacy ● What now? ● Further links and resources
What is rape culture?
Rape, we can all agree, is a horrible crime. It leaves long-lasting physical and psychological scars. Rape is a crime seen by some as on par with murder; there is no one in society who wouldn’t shun rape.
Why, then, are we living in a supposed “rape culture”?
Let me be clear on one point: “rape culture” is not the same as “a culture of rapists”. Rape culture does not demonise men. Rather, rape culture refers to the fact that we live in a society where the behaviour, thoughts, and actions of rapists can be concealed in a socially acceptable fashion. Rape culture allows rapists to justify their behaviours to themselves and hide among the rest of us.
Rape culture, then, could be summarised as:
- A collection of beliefs in society that allows the mindset and behaviours that lead to rape to flourish.
These are beliefs like,
- Only slutty girls get raped/“Good girls” don’t get raped
- They were drunk, so it was okay
- It’s not rape if you enjoyed it
- All men are horny anyway, men can’t get raped
- Rape jokes are just that - jokes.
There are many, many, many more examples.
As it stands, statistics on rape paint a startling picture. 14.8% of ALL women were raped at some point in their life. The majority of rapists are men. 85% of cases are never reported. Of the 15% that are, only 10% will ever be filed. Of that 10%, only a paltry 40% might result in an arrest. That’s 0.6% of the original cases. Less than one percent of all rape will ever end in an arrest.
Doesn’t it demonize men?
In a word, no.
Though the majority of rapists are men, these men make up a tiny minority of men as a whole. Furthermore, rape culture dismisses or otherwise downplays the threat of female-on-male rape, as well as prison rape. Only an estimated 1 out of 100 cases of male rape are ever reported.
More information on male rape.
The Fear of False Rape Allegations
Nearly any lengthy discussion on rape will inevitably mention false rape accusations. These false rape allegations are made out to be absolutely horrible, destroying reputations, lives and futures. Women are portrayed as having ultimate power over a man’s fate; just by pointing at him and yelling “RAPE!” she can ruin his life. It is true that false rape allegations can indeed have a significant negative impact on a man’s life, especially if the case then goes to trial. Due to the stigma surrounding rapists in society, those accused will often be ostracized.
The statistics, however, tell a different story. Some 8% of rape cases filed by the FBI in 1995 were closed as “unfounded”. However, the “unfounded” category does not necessarily translate to a false rape claim aimed at ruining a man’s life. From the same report,
a report of rape might be classified as unfounded (rather than as forcible rape) if the alleged victim did not try to fight off the suspect, if the alleged perpetrator did not use physical force or a weapon of some sort, if the alleged victim did not sustain any physical injuries, or if the alleged victim and the accused had a prior sexual relationship. Similarly, a report might be deemed unfounded if there is no physical evidence or too many inconsistencies between the accuser’s statement and what evidence does exist. As such, although some unfounded cases of rape may be false or fabricated, not all unfounded cases are false.
Therefore, it is very, very hard to determine actual statistics for false rape allegations. Studies done of false rape allegations have put the possible percentage of false claims at anywhere from 1% to 90%. Those studies which have been done are often of limited sample sizes, and not very many have been done. False rape allegations are not the only aspect of rape claims that lack sufficient data; data related to female-on-male rape or prison rape is very rare, often because of the way rape is defined in different countries.
Although false rape accusations are indeed very serious, this is NOT an invitation to treat rape victims callously. Rape victims deserve our support and sympathy; just because some claims are false does not make it okay to treat EVERY claim as if they are false. Furthermore, the rates of reported rape are incredibly low. In 2008, 90,000 women reported that they were raped, but an estimated 75,000 cases were never even reported. Against such a backdrop, the sensationalizing of false rape allegations, though they have a legitimate base, does not seem as realistic as otherwise claimed.
To sum up, the actual number of false rape accusations are hard to define, and rape allegations (real or otherwise) already have an incredibly low chance of getting to court because of the lack of failsafes for rape. Though it is very important to assure that the claims are real, there is no reason not to treat victims with sympathy and respect, regardless of the perceived validity of their claims. Err on the side of caution, and don't use the possibility of false rape accusations as an excuse to act callously towards rape victims online.
Victim-blaming and the Just World Fallacy
A survey in the UK, conducted by Amnesty International, found that
34% believe women who flirt can be blamed if they are raped and 26% say if a woman is in sexy clothing she is partly to blame. More than a third of people - mainly males - believe girls trying to chat up men are partially or totally responsible for being attacked. A quarter reckon a woman wearing a provocative outfit is at least partly to blame - especially if she has been drinking. One in 12 thinks she is a natural target if she has had a number of sexual partners. And a third believe she is responsible to some degree if she has clearly failed to say No.
This depressing phenomena is called victim-blaming, where the victim is blamed - wholly, or in part - for what has happened to them. Think about that for a while.
Nobody asks to be raped. Nobody deserves it, no one wants it, nobody “hints” that they want it. End of discussion!
And yet this victim-blaming mindset is very common, even among women. It’s not always as straightforward as “women who flirt are asking for it.” A common rationalization of rape cases is, “well, if you dress provocatively, you’re more likely to be raped.”
Not so. Although it definitely influences how we perceive the victim, dressing provocatively does not make you more likely to be raped.
It is very important to remember that rape is not about sex. Rape is primarily motivated by rage and/or anger; sexuality is very rarely the main factor in rape. It is about dominating another, using sex as a weapon.
Another possible reason that victim-blaming is so prevalent is the Just World fallacy. The Just World Fallacy is a logical fallacy, where - because of the assumption that the world is inherently fair and just - people who suffer misfortune must, therefore, in some way deserve it. This gets applied to rape and rape victims. In a just world, only the guilty are punished; these people have been ‘punished’, so they must have been guilty.
Common Rape Myths
There are loads, so I will try and address ONLY those which have not already been mentioned in the parts above.
- The view that “real rape” (whatever the heck that means) is a stranger jumping out at you from a dark alleyway and overpowering you.
From RAINN’s information page:
Approximately 2/3rds were committed by someone known to the victim... More than 50% of all rape/sexual assault incidents were reported by victims to have occured within 1 mile of their home or at their home... 43% of rapes occur between 6:00pm and midnight.
- There are different "levels" of rape/stranger rape is the only "real" rape/date rape doesn't count
This one is particularly odious. Repeat this with me: Rape is rape. There is no distinction between different "levels" of rape. Rape by intoxication is just as dangerous, and much more common, than rape through the use of physical violence.
The issue here that confuses many people is the issue of consent if one or both people involved are drunk. If someone uses another person's intoxication as a way to get past their defenses, that's rape. Even if the drunk person initiates it, err on the side of caution. Don't have sex with drunk people.
Consent is a tricky subject, and probably worth an entire effortpost by itself. It's a topic with lots of valid points. That said, it's important to remember that enthusiastic consent to sex is always the safest bet, if in doubt get a clear confirmation, and finally remember that consent can change at any time. Just because someone kisses you, it doesn't mean that they will necessarily consent to sex.
More info on the link between alcohol and sexual assault.
- If she doesn’t fight back or struggle against it, that means she wanted it.
From this frankly amazing 101 post (which inspired me to write this),
[Rapists] rape people who are strong and people who are weak, people who are smart and people who are dumb, people who fight back and people who submit just to get it over with, people who are sluts and people who are prudes, people who rich and people who are poor, people who are tall and people who are short, people who are fat and people who are thin, people who are blind and people who are sighted, people who are deaf and people who can hear, people of every race and shape and size and ability and circumstance.
- It’s a misunderstanding - what if the rapist didn’t know she was saying no?
The young men who participated in the study displayed "sophisticated and nuanced understandings" of different ways people could indicate sexual refusal. But when it came time to talk about non-consensual sex, these same men were startlingly eager to explain away acquaintance rapes as communication failures instead of deliberate assaults.
- Rape fantasies in women are really common - what if she actually wanted to be raped?
Once again, no one asks to be raped. A rape fantasy is very different. A rape fantasy, like other sexual fantasies, are typical methods of exploring our sexuality. There are all sorts of reasons why someone might have a rape fantasy, for example they may enjoy the feeling of being dominated or overpowered. Rape fantasies require the consent of both participants and VERY careful planning and communication, the result of which is a good time had by both parties. This only works if the people involved have previously consented to it. Being raped is in no way the same as acting out a fantasy.
What now?
A rape culture is sustained by misinformation. Learning about the truth behind rape myths, calling people out on harmful behaviour such as telling rape jokes, victim-blaming or spreading other misconceptions, reduces the ease with which actual rapists can hide among other people. Rape culture allows rapists to rationalize their actions. It shames and scares victims into never telling their stories and never seeking justice. Ending rape misconceptions will help stop rape.
Further links and resources
- The Rape of Mr. Smith
- Wikipedia has a pretty good article on the speculated causes of sexual violence
- David Lisak on Acquaintance Rapists (i.e. date rapists)
- The effect of sexist humour on victim blaming
If there’s anything that you feel I should add, please tell me in the comments.
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u/Kasseev Jan 10 '12
I agree with just about everything in this post but I have one question.
In the realm of jokes or comedy or media in general involving crimes in a non-serious fashion, can it be automatically assumed that said media promotes a corresponding 'crime'-culture? Do jokes about war or murder or movies glorifying violent criminals promote corresponding behaviours in audiences to a significant degree?And if so, is it justified to censor all such expression in the interest of avoiding this influence on society?
In a sense I am clearly asking rhetorical questions, but seriously - why the double standard for rape jokes and insensitivity regarding rape, when so much other deviant irreverent expression is permitted or even encouraged?
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u/JaronK Jan 10 '12
Most folks do realize that war and murder are bad. There really does exist a subset of the population that thinks rape is okay. That's the primary issue.
Obviously, there are some people that think killing someone is totally fine if they deserve it, and around them jokes about "killing that asshole that cut me off in traffic" might be bad for similar reasons. But that's less common.
Essentially, rape jokes are bad because sometimes your audience might be using them to justify their own behavior, and some studies do back this up.
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Jan 11 '12
On top of that the casual rape jokes you can see in Reddit are potentially triggering; given the high incidence of sexual assault plus the fact that you're speaking to strangers, it's quite, well, rude and inconsiderate.
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u/JaronK Jan 10 '12
I like a lot of this, and I think it's better than most similar posts I've seen. However, one part struck me as problematic (and note that I'm saying this as someone who's been counseling rape victims for quite a while now):
"It is very important to remember that rape is not about sex. Rape is about power. It is about dominating another, using sex as a weapon."
I hate this myth. I really do. I hate it because while it's true in many cases, it's not true in all. And for those cases where it's not true, it tells the victim "what happened to you isn't rape, because rape is about power, and that wasn't. So you weren't raped. You don't count."
The fact is, some rape really is about sex. As much as we hate to say it, sometimes it really is miscommunication. I'd give examples, but unfortunately the ones I can think of aren't ones I'd be allowed to share with random strangers. But I do remember one girl in particular who kept feeling like what happened to her "didn't count" because it had been clearly about sex, not power. And as such she never felt comfortable talking about it, because she felt she shouldn't have been so upset over something that obviously couldn't have been rape.
So while it would be perfectly fine to say that rape is usually about power and not sex... please don't say always/never.
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Jan 10 '12
Yeah, I had this conversation down below. I think it would be better to say that rape is a combination of aggression, violence, and sexuality, though for my part I'm still convinced that sexuality is less of a dominant factor than the other two.
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Jan 11 '12
Very informative and insightful post. But why are rape jokes, as potentially triggering they may be, considered a part of rape culture while ubiquitous shock-jokes about other heinous deeds and crimes aren't considered to reinforce a culture of, for example, murder or genocide? And can this connection be objectively demonstrated?
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u/PinkySlayer Feb 24 '12
This is great, but I think this statement needs to be reworded:
Although false rape accusations are indeed very serious, this is NOT an invitation to treat rape victims callously. Whether or not the claim turns out to be true, rape victims deserve our support and sympathy. Furthermore, the rates of reported rape are incredibly low.
you are mixing two different scenarios here and inadvertently making it sound as if every rape accusation is true by default. I think what you are meaning to say is even if an accusation turns out to be a flat out lie, we don't need to use the possibility of that happening to callously question/doubt/accuse someone. Rape victims absolutely deserve support, people who make accusations that are false (and yes i understand this is much rarer than actual rape) do not. The safest bet is to treat every case as if it were true while finding the facts(which many on Reddit fail to realize is not their fucking job or even possible over the internet)
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u/ilikepix Jan 10 '12 edited Jan 10 '12
Whether or not the claim turns out to be true, rape victims deserve our support and sympathy
I don't know what you're trying to say here.
If you're trying to say people who make false rape accusations deserve our support and sympathy, I disagree fairly strongly.
It is very important to remember that rape is not about sex. Rape is about power. It is about dominating another, using sex as a weapon.
While this is doubtless true for many types of rape, I am uncomfortable with it as a blanket statement because doubtless in at least some cases of rape, the motivation of the attacker is sexual. Most != all.
The young men who participated in the study displayed "sophisticated and nuanced understandings" of different ways people could indicate sexual refusal. But when it came time to talk about non-consensual sex, these same men were startlingly eager to explain away acquaintance rapes as communication failures instead of deliberate assaults.
That study is confused to say the least. It compares the way men say they would turn down sex with the way those same men expect a clear "no" in cases of rape. The two situations are simply not the same. If the study had asked "How would you respond to a woman giving unwanted physical contact?" or "How would you respond to a woman trying to pressure you into sex?" then it would have a point.
In other words, asking how you would politely indicate to someone you didn't want to sleep with them is not the same as asking how you would deal with someone who ignored those polite indications, and this is simply not addressed by the study. After asking the men how they would politely indicate to a woman that they didn't want to have sex, it should have followed-up by asking "How would you proceed if the woman didn't pick up on your polite attempt to let her know you didn't want to have sex with her?" I imagine that had they asked that question, they would have gotten more "clear no" responses, or at least more explicit responses.
Making a definition of "rape" that's dependent on body language is problematic because firstly, it's extremely hard to work out what happened in terms of body language ex post facto, and secondly, some people are terrible at reading body language or picking up nonverbal cues. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect some form of verbal or active physical resistance, absent some external factor that makes that impossible (such as inebriation, threats, coercion etc.). Is it reasonable to expect "a clear no"? Perhaps not. But is it reasonable to expect someone more explicit that the scenarios posited in the study, such as a woman "looking at their watch" or saying "it's getting late"? In my opinion, yes.
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Jan 10 '12
What I am trying to say is, if your first reaction to someone saying "I was raped" is "Well where's your proof?!", that's what we call being an enormous jerk. Our first reactions should not be doubt, they should be sympathy. IF the claim turns out to be false, then our sympathy should be with the guy accused.
The authors ranked accounts from 133 offenders and 92 victims for the dominant issue and found that the offenses could be categorized as power rape (sexuality used primarily to express power) or anger rape (use of sexuality to express anger). There were no rapes in which sex was the dominant issue; sexuality was always in the service of other, nonsexual needs.
As for your issues with the study, what that shows is that rape is not a case of simply "misinterpreting" someone's signals. The myth is that rapists do not pick up on subtle cues that their victims use to try and say that they are not interested in sex. The study proves that this is false; the men surveyed have absolutely no problem in understanding the implications behind behaviour like checking their watch or mentioning that they have to get up early.
In other words: Yes, you can pick up on body language. Yes, you can use body language to determine if someone is interested in having sex. Saying that it's hard to tell when someone is not interested in having sex, therefore some rapes can be excused, is a prime example of rape apology.
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u/Bittervirus Jan 10 '12
This is only somewhat related to the post (which is good by the way) and is only really a semantic issue, but I have a question. I agree with the reasoning behind replacing the phrase "rape victim" with "rape survivor" but how far do you expand that? Would it be correct to say "most rapes are committed by someone the survivor already knows" and so on?
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Jan 11 '12
Where does the myth "lots of women want to be raped" or "many women have rape fantasies" fall into this?
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Jan 11 '12
Ooh, right, I should add that to the top. I think I made a side mention of it but it deserves some expansion.
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u/moonmeh Jan 10 '12
Very very well put effort post.
Although false rape accusations are indeed very serious, this is NOT an invitation to treat rape victims callously. Whether or not the claim turns out to be true, rape victims deserve our support and sympathy.
So so fucking true yet it boggles me so very few people manage to do so. We either deride the rapist for saying he was falsely accused or accuse the raped of being a slut. Why can't we just hold back out accusations and acumen and just offer a hand who ever the guilty is?
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u/JaronK Jan 10 '12
There's definitely reasons why people will attack the person who's making the accusation. They're actually the same reasons that some people instantly leap to attack the accused person before getting any evidence, and I've watched this happen numerous times.
On one side, you've got the people who've been raped in the past or had their friends raped, especially the ones who were raped but couldn't talk about it because people didn't believe them. They're EXTREMELY quick to attack the person being accused, because they remember what it was like to feel alone and like you couldn't do anything and like no one would believe you. So they believe things wholesale, and sometimes even add details (heck, I've watched one girl who'd been raped fabricate an event wholesale because she triggered... she accused someone of raping her friend even though the friend didn't remember any such thing).
On the other side, you've got people who've been falsely accused before or threatened with false accusations. They remember the terror of not being believed too, but in the other direction. So they jump on that bandwagon and defend the accused person whole heartedly, even adding in their own accusations (that person was a slut anyway and would fuck anyone!) for similar reasons.
And neither side is right in doing this, for obvious reasons. Far better to simply listen and see if you can help... in the end, there's usually a lot more evidence than people realize at first.
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u/tuba_man Jan 10 '12
This is amazing. I've got a few people who need to read this, even though I fully expect an MRA rant from each of them. :/
I don't have a lot to contribute, but goddamn do I love me that article about the Just World fallacy. I repost it to my facebook page about twice a year.
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u/matriarchy Jan 11 '12
I posted a link to this thread on my facebook wall and got exactly 1 'like'. People keep getting mad at me for being exasperated by their ignorance and keep asking for material to read to get on the same page as me ... only to completely ignore any links I post at them. Reading is hard apparently :|
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u/Othello Jan 10 '12
I think there's more to 'rape culture' than just the lightening of the act. I think there's also a big problem in how rape itself is perceived.
A rapist has an average of 7 victims. That means about 3% of men are rapists. 73% of rapes are committed by a person known to the victim. The amazingly vast majority of men will not sexually assault a woman. The approximate percentage of all males who will rape a stranger is 0.81%
Yet rape is largely presented as a risk associated with strangers. People jumping out of bushes, people drugging drinks at parties and what have you. This is a huge problem, in my opinion. For one, it encourages ignorance of negative behaviors in would-be rapists; often times you will find people who have committed sexual assault completely oblivious to the idea that what they did was wrong. By mischaracterizing rape as something only strangers commit, it furthers the idea that certain behavior is acceptable, especially if you're friends or dating etc. It enables the idea of 'owed sex', the concept that a woman owes you for taking her out what have you, by declawing the issue somewhat.
Secondly it can make it harder for women to come forward, for reports to be taken seriously, for support to be received when the perception is that only strangers sexually assault people. A woman is more likely to doubt herself when assaulted by a friend, and will often times blame themselves or make excuses for the person who assaulted them.
Another issue is the impact this has on the relationship between men and women in the world, and in causes such as equal rights, for myriad reasons. It helps to paint men as perpetrators, making it more difficult on men who have been victimized. It often times makes men shy away from helping out either in real life situations or in terms of activism. It serves as a wedge to drive people apart when they need to be coming together to address the issues of equal rights and sexual assault.
The myth of the stranger as the biggest and only danger is one I think needs to be addressed more often.
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Jan 31 '12 edited Jan 31 '12
Mostly agree with this post, but I don't agree that consent is complicated.
Consent exists if:
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You say "yes" (or give some other clear signal that you agree to have sex)
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You are capable of saying "no" (Meaning you aren't passed-out drunk or being threatened with violence if you refuse)
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You understand what you are saying "yes" to (meaning you aren't out-of-your-mind drunk and aren't being deceived regarding your partner's sexual intentions)
That's it. Consent doesn't have to be "enthusiastic," and you don't even actually have to want to have sex. All consent means is that you freely agree to engage in sexual activity, when you are capable of refusing to engage in sexual activity. Regardless of why you have decided to voluntarily agree to sexual activity.
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Jan 31 '12
I suggest you read this article, and part two as well. It is a very well thought out post about consent and what it means.
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u/mySRSquestion Jan 10 '12
I'm beginning to think I may have raped someone without realizing it. Here's the situation:
I like this girl a lot and we occasionally hang out as friends. She has made it clear that she does not want to have sex with me, but she knows that I do. We still enjoy each others company anyway. One night she calls me at 1am asking me if I want to hang out. I can tell she had been out all night drinking. So I go over there. When I arrive, she is in a tshirt and underwear and drunkenly gives me a long hug saying how good it is to see me and starts kissing my neck. Now I have this boner. So I lead her to the bedroom and we have sex.
Does this fall under the rape category or am I overreacting?
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u/failbus Jan 10 '12
Great post. Enough that I stared, looked up, looked down again and said "wait, where the fuck am I? This is reddit?" This may be the first time I haven't rolled my eyes. Even the parts where I'd be tempted to go "yes, but" are at least properly cited with the basis for an argument.
Against my better judgement there's one part that stood out, so I'll throw it out as an open question.
I hear this bandied about a lot, and unlike everything else you cited, I don't see a source. No doubt wartime rapes are about power, and no doubt if you asked captured rapists they'd say "oh yeah, I wanted to put her in her place." But every rape? If it's not about sex, does that a would-be victim could deter a rapist simply by not being afraid and enthusiastically consenting? Would a date rapist be disappointed if his victim didn't fight back so he could exert power? I find that idea absurd on the face. Could you clarify the methodology by which the statement "rape isn't about sex" is arrived at?