r/ReformJews • u/CommissionSerious984 • 3d ago

Monetary etiquette for rabbi doing a blessing at the hospital for son’s circumcision?

I’m expecting my first child - a boy - in a few days and we’ve decided not to do a traditional bris. Instead, my OB will perform the circumcision at the hospital and our rabbi is generously coming to the hospital to give a blessing. I’m wondering what kind of monetary compensation I should give the rabbi and how (e.g., cash, donation to discretionary fund, etc.). TIA!

7 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

71% Upvoted

11 comments sorted by

1

u/bachelorsinlurking 2d ago

Mazel tov! At my synagogue the Rabbi usually requests a donation be made to a charity supporting Jewish education, but it's probably okay to just ask your Rabbi what would be appropriate!

2

u/KathAlMyPal 2d ago

Our rabbi "officiated" at my grandson's bris. No "fee" was required because we're synagogue members. We were asked to make a $180 donation to the Kiddush fund.

1

u/Desperate-Gain8515 3d ago

Congratulations on your son! Since you're members and he married you, a donation to the shul or his discretionary fund is the usual way to say thanks, and a lot of people pick an amount close to what they'd give a mohel. Something that often means a lot on top of that is a short handwritten note saying what the moment meant to your family, because rabbis tend to keep those. If money feels awkward to bring up, quietly asking the shul office what's customary is completely normal and nobody will judge you. Do you know yet if the rabbi will be there for the whole ceremony or just the blessing beforehand?

13

u/AceAttorneyMaster111 3d ago

Assuming you are a member of the rabbi’s congregation, this is part of their job duties, and payment is not expected. But a donation to the synagogue in their honor would be very kind.

8

u/EffectiveVarious8095 3d ago

I would not be embarrassed to ask what is customary.

I don't know what a bris goes for these days - 25 years ago we paid $600 cash. Your rabbi is not the mohel, but you may want to donate something in the same ballpark.

12

u/Mayor_Gubbin 3d ago

Can always sponsor an Oneg

1

u/valuemeal2 3d ago

That’s my vote too.

7

u/kjacmuse 3d ago

A check or donation to discretionary fund is fine. Important distinction—when you say “our rabbi”, are you a member of the congregation?

4

u/CommissionSerious984 3d ago

Yes we are members of the congregation. He also married us.

1

u/canuck1975 3d ago

I just had a similar conundrum but it was with our cantor and for my dad's unveiling. At my shul, the pastoral care is included in our fees, and any honorarium was at our leisure. Our cantor is a bit uneasy around financial things and so I gave a token gift as a way to compensate for travel (the cemetery is around 90km from where we live and it kinda lined up nicely on its own).

5

u/vipsfour 3d ago

I would donate to the congregation/community then. If you want to do something nice for the Rabbi, bottle of wine is good if they drink.