Not sure if it's the right flair. I guess looking for help coming to terms I'm making the right call.
Roci is approximately 2 years 8 months. She's been pretty spry and active until about 2months months ago. She's my fancy little lady.
She had a mammary tumor removed back in June and got an infection from ripping her stitches open so badly I thought it would take her out. She recovered with lots of care and now there's not even a scar. She's one tough cookie but has definitely started showing her age since that event.
She started to waddle and I noticed her back legs started to deteriorate - loss of muscle definition and her toes curling a bit. She stopped being able to climb easily and so I heavily modified her cage to make it easier for her to get around. Some days she'd be more active and come out of her cage, others she was more likely to stay inside. The vet gave me some Meloxicam and said to give as needed to provide inflammation/pain relief. She also started showing signs of cataracts at that point, but still seems able to find her way around just fine. Pretty standard stuff for an older rat who could probably go on for months with extra care and love.
But..In the past 18 days she's lost 30g of body weight. I make a daily porridge for her out of softened regular rat pellets, high calorie rescue omnivore food powder, high calorie baby food, and baby oatmeal.
I see her eating and drinking, but obviously she's not getting enough if she's dropping so much weight. She doesn't seem to be in pain, but I know rats hide it extremely well so I take the lack of obvious pain with a grain of salt.
She's had this very mild respiratory funk since her surgery recovery that hasn't wanted to get worse or go away. Mostly very sneezy and a soft wheeze. She's been to the vet a few times to get checked for it. I was sporadically nebulizing saline for her when it seemed worse and she'd get better for a few days. A few days ago the vet finally said to try some nebulized gentamicin.
Two days ago I noticed a discharge and a rank smell coming from one of her ears and it seemed tender. Took her to the vet the next day and they couldn't find bacteria in the ear swab to indicate an ear infection.
Vet said it could be cancer and I asked about the likelihood of a Zymbal's Gland tumor. She said normally you'd see a lump in the jaw area and a head tilt and Roci has neither of those but that it could still be that.
She prescribed some oral antibiotics and said to continue with the nebulized gentamicin and to come back in about 10 days.
That vet visit took it out of her. After her exam, she curled up in her nest while we were still there and went to sleep. This girl never does that. Even after surgery she's been the Energizer bunny. The rest of the night she was definitely showing more signs of being out of it and lack of energy.
I didn't have the heart to shove the meds down her throat or put her in the nebulizer chamber last night. She just wanted to snuggle with me next to the heater.
I think I realized last night that this is most likely it. I don't want her to have to go through 10 days of forced meds/nebulizer for it to still end up not curing her - especially if it is ZGT/cancer.
After her last surgery's prolonged recovery, I already decided no more. The weight loss more than anything is sealing it for me. She's been eating very high calorie foods and is still dropping weight. 30g seems like so freaking much for her tiny body. I did the math and I think that's about 6% of her body weight in 18 days. I also know that ZGT can progress very rapidly in a short period of time.
I can't stand seeing her spark dimmed. As much as I really don't want to, my son and I are thinking of taking her to the vet Thurs or Fri and saying goodbye. I want to be able to have at least a last day of snuggles and treats. I don't want her to get to the point where she is obviously and visibly suffering.
I'm scared to also say goodbye too soon. I feel like it means I'm giving up on her somehow. I know I know, better to say goodbye a week too early than wait a day too late. I learned that painful lesson when her sister passed last year. And she's had a good run. It just fucking sucks. I love her so freaking much. She's been my ride or die and gotten me through one of the worst years in my life.
