Any feedback appreciated.

ON A BED OF RAINBOW STONECROP is a contemporary M/M romance combining the place-centered emotional stakes of Susie Dumond's BED AND BREAKUP with the contrasting character backgrounds of Steven Salvatore's THE BOYFRIEND SUBSCRIPTION, set against a historical family mystery in the Norwegian mountains.

Twenty-five-year-old Bror has spent a decade working at Fjellstua, a struggling mountain hotel he considers his second home. Convinced that the elusive rainbow stonecrop exists, he even devoted his master's thesis in biology to a flower never scientifically documented. The decision has left him with few prospects in his chosen field, though he's hardly unhappy guiding hikers, repairing whatever breaks, and living among the mountains he grew up in.

Massimiliano "Massi," the son of the hotel's wealthy owners, arrives with two ambitions: secure Fjellstua's future and reconnect with his half-Norwegian heritage. His plans for the hotel threaten Bror's familiar world, and the two men clash almost immediately. But Massi's connection to the region runs deeper than Bror realizes. Twenty-eight years earlier, his uncle disappeared in the surrounding mountains, leaving behind questions his family has never been able to answer.

When an old photograph reveals Massi's missing uncle with a rainbow stonecrop tucked behind his ear, Bror and Massi find themselves pursuing a mystery neither expected to uncover. Their search draws them closer, revealing traces of a hidden love story from the hotel's past while giving rise to one of their own. But as they piece together what happened twenty-eight years ago, they begin to question what they want from their own futures.

Kindest of regards etc etc etc

Dear [Agent], I am seeking representation for EVERGREEN, a gothic adult fantasy novel in the vein of a Shakespearean tragedy. The novel tells the story of a girl from the slums who enters a marriage of convenience with an older lord from another country, and the trickster god who falls hopelessly in love with her. EVERGREEN encompasses the rich gothic fantasy and romance between a mortal and a god similar to the Belladonna by Adalyn Grace and combines it with a twist on the story of King Midas similar to The Plated Prisoner series by Raven Kennedy. 

Dorothea Midas must make a difficult choice to save her family from the mafia who threatens it over her drunken father’s gambling debt. She enters a virginity auction, but a wealthy lord from her mother’s home country takes a liking to her and asks her to be his wife. She agrees and goes with him to Evergreen Manor. 

Locke is the trickster god. Unlucky in love for centuries, he, too, spots Dorothea at the auction and falls wildly in love with her. He will not, however, be deterred by her new husband and infiltrates Evergreen pretending to be a nobleman to get close to Dorothea. 

At the ivy-covered, dreary and foreign Evergreen, Dorothea struggles to find her way as a lady of noble standing when she still feels like a girl from the slums and her new husband reveals a dark side. In an attempt to help her, Locke begs for help and the goddess of abundance bestows Dorothea with the magical power of creating gold. Dorothea must hide her powers while trying to appease her husband, but she is consumed by Locke whose real identity she is unaware of, threatening a ruinous love.

\**One thing I'm struggling to seamlessly add in, is that I try to quite consciously invert certain romantasy tropes in the novel. As much as I love reading these books, the semi-evil ancient shadow daddy trope is quite problematic at times, and in EVERGREEN I show how involving oneself with one of them can go horribly wrong. I feel like it is important to make it clear that it's not your typical romantasy, without seeming like I'm slagging off the genre. Any advice on how to work this in would be much appreciated!****

I read these posts religiously for the last eight months. Comparing my journey to everyone else's, and looking for clues that it would work out for me.

"Okay, I'm on month two and it took that person three months!"

"That person only had three manuscript requests and got an agent, I've had a lot more requests, so at least ONE of mine will turn into an offer."

It was a grueling process, so hopefully my stats can ease your minds, or add fuel for your overthinking. Either way!

It's Commercial Fiction with elements of Psychological Horror! Comps were Rouge by Mona Awad and Make Me Famous by Maud Ventura

Started writing novel: February 2025
Started querying: March 16, 2026
Offer of Rep: October 1, 2026 (She requested the full on April 20)

Full requests: 24 (23 before offer of rep, 1 after notification of offer)
Partial requests: 4 (1 turned into full)

Of those fulls I received:
1 r&r that I really disagreed with and did not pursue.
1 r&r that was more aligned but it came two days before my call with my now agent.
1 agent who told me she stopped reading after chapter 3 and that "no agent is going to sign this current draft of the book." (BOLD)

I received one offer, and I'm really happy with my agent! I know one of her existing clients who raves about her. That, along with her vision for my book and good rapport we have, makes me feel confident about working together!

A few agents said they were very sad about missing out on my book but couldn't finish in time for my agent deadline.

It really ONLY TAKES ONE. Good luck to you all, wishing you the best!!! <3

Has anyone ever applied for one of these please? Is it very hard to get in? I would love to do this but unsure of my chances. I applied and was selected for Penguin's WriteNow previously and got some mentoring through that, but that was for an earlier novel which I have now sadly accepted is my apprentice piece. This one is for a much more developed piece but I still need to develop further.

Hey everyone! I'm hoping to get some feedback after polishing a query for a minute now, and hoping y'all can give me insight. Thanks in advance!

On Halloween in 1953, Jordan wants one uncomplicated night of parties and romance in New Orleans. Instead, an invitation leads him to a house where inside lies a realm far exceeding the living world.

Beyond the door is a school outside the boundaries of time and death; its students are Jordan’s age, but their pasts are steeped in brutality: among them, enslavers, murderous rebels, and even torturers of Unit 731, while the teachers are former Schutzstaffel officers. Being a history major, Jordan condemns their past crimes, yet the school teaches them to take pride in and celebrate them, a baffling concept in his mind. So what’s his purpose in being brought there?

Learning of their life stories and arrival gives Jordan little doubt that he’s been transported to hell. And a peek outside the school reveals an entity that has imprisoned them, feasting on their dread. So escape becomes the only clear goal, despite everyone’s refusal to help him return home. However, the longer Jordan remains, the clearer it becomes that his presence was chosen by the teachers for a reason. To escape, he must confront his own sins born from an adherence to the racial supremacy that fuels the evils around him.

Complete at 62,000 words, BLOOD IN THE HALLOWED RIFT is a standalone adult cosmic horror novel combining the historical and institutional horror of Tananarive Due's THE REFORMATORY with the visceral, reality-bending horror of Jenny Kiefer's THIS WRETCHED VALLEY in a story exploring how racial supremacy corrupts people and perpetuates a cycle of violence and insanity.

I’m considering submitting my MS to Susanna Lea Associates (their London branch), but QT doesn’t seem to have much information about their agents’ response times or querying experiences, so I’m wondering whether it’s worth submitting or if I should expect an inevitable CNR.

Has anyone here queried Susanna Lea Associates or had any experience with them? And I’d be especially interested to hear from anyone who has worked with agent Thérèse Coen. Thanks a lot!

Will try to make this brief. Have an agent, got 2-book deal with small independent press. Book 1 was published and did well (major awards, great reviews, decent sales.) Between books 1 and 2 I got a major deal with a big 5 for book 3. Editor at the independent press became very angry and stopped communicating with me.

Book 2 is supposed to be published in May and I have not seen edits. They were promised in April, June and August. My agent asked about it a few times and was treated rudely. Editor said I would probably have them in October. I don’t yet.

This leaves little time for the various stages of editing, getting blurbs, sending out ARCs etc.

Is it time to ask my agent to pull the book from the publisher?

Tl;dr: editor who was very keen on my book has stopped responding to my agent after she asked for a formal offer

So this year I finally got an agent after many years (I’ve been writing for smaller publishers who don’t require agents). Book went on sub in about February, we waited and waited, only one editor was interested. I met with her, and told my agent to go ahead with the offer. This was in July. Editor contacted agent a few times to pass on information about the sort of contract offered and asked about sales information for my previous books, etc.

This all happened over the summer, which can be slow in publishing. My agent and the editor were both away at various times, as was I, but when September rolled around and I’d still heard nothing, I started to politely harass my agent.

And she cannot get the editor to reply.

Now, as I said I’ve been an author for a long time (since the days of printing out manuscripts and paying for postage) and I know how slow publishing can be. (I once wrote a whole book before my then-editor replied to say she didn’t like the outline I’d sent her.) But currently, my agent cannot get any response out of this editor. The last contact we had from her was at the beginning of August. Agent has emailed and phoned but it goes to voicemail. I’ve even asked a friend at the same publisher to check the editor is still working there (she is) and isn’t sick or off work for any reason (she isn’t).

My agent, who has been in the business even longer than me (between us we’ve racked up about 50 years) is baffled. She’s never been ghosted like this by an editor who was very keen to buy the book. We both know they can be so slow to reply, or even fail to reply at all, to a submission, but this is way beyond the submission stage.

Agent has now called editor and said if you don’t want the book, just tell us. (I’ll probably end up self publishing and I hate self publishing.) Still nothing.

Is this a new thing editors are doing now? Has anyone else experienced this?

First attempt

Dear [Agent],

I am seeking representation for OUTRUN THE SCRIPT, an approximately 80,000-word adult contemporary romance about an actor who discovers her boyfriend was paid to date her, then enters a filmed race with him to beat the producer who hired them both. It combines the romantic complications of paid impersonation in Carlie Walker’s CODE WORD ROMANCE with the comic schemes of Sara Desai’s TO HAVE AND TO HEIST.

Rory Keene takes a ninety-second acting job for producer Sloane Vale: dump a stranger on camera and collect the eight hundred dollars still owed for her performance. But the stranger is her boyfriend Adam, and Sloane has been paying him to date her for the breakup that launches her reality competition. Rory ends the relationship, then signs up with her very recent ex for thirty-six hours of challenges across New York, determined to take the million-dollar prize Sloane wants another couple to win.

When spectators block their route, Rory turns her humiliation into a vicious abandoned-bride routine, clearing a path and making Adam the joke. The clip reaches eighty thousand views and his mother, who believes he left Rory at the altar. Rory corrects the lie on camera, even though she still wants to hurt him: getting even has made her the one lying about what happened between them.

As they race across New York, Rory finds herself falling back into step with a man whose qualifications include professional boyfriend fraud. Adam gives her his shoelace for her broken boot and sacrifices their time to expose a false route marker before other pairs follow it. His messages show he stopped reporting on her six weeks ago, but not whether he stopped taking Sloane’s money. Rory wants the prize and, increasingly, Adam back, but taking him back requires more than useful teamwork: he must tell her a truth that makes him harder to love.

[Author Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

I know we're supposed to nudge all active queries with offer of rep, but do you need to email agents that are past their CNR date as well? Or is their CNR a blanket pass and is there no need to let them know about any developments?

#generationaltrauma #femalefriendships #bookclub #noHEA #MessyWomen #MidlifeReckoning #DarkHumor

I would love this threads POV on the query! I've attempted to include all feedback from attempt one, without going over 400 words. Full query (including bio) is 379 words.

Because you’re looking for books about [fill in MSWL detail here e.g. books on generational trauma, no happily ever after, centered around female friendships, dynamics at work that have women in positions of power, messy situations for bookclub debates], I hope you’ll consider ALL THE CHOICES WE NEVER MADE, an upmarket novel about a second coming-of-age complete at 95,000 words.

There are two ways a child survives a house where a spilled cup of milk can end in violence: rebellion or perfection. Ari Elliot chose perfection as her one-way ticket out of her Korean mother’s grasp, a woman who taught her that love is sacrifice and crying is weak. Now thirty-nine, she has everything on her checklist: a husband her mother would approve of, two adorable sons, and a big media career, but no idea who the hell she is.

A new global role lands Ari in the orbit of Marcelo, a colleague based in Sydney. Her husband Gray’s sharp tongue and her own exhaustion have left her marriage fractured. Late-night texts and stolen days abroad turn Marcelo into an escape hatch. Terrified, she cuts him off. It almost works, until work keeps throwing them back together, and one reckless kiss shatters a lifetime of control. Twenty-four hours later, a long-awaited promotion makes him her direct report, putting more than her marriage on the line.

Ari usually relies on her best friends' dark humor for survival, but their midlife reckonings hold up a terrifying mirror of self-neglect. Confronting her past, she realizes her curated life is turning her into the sacrificial mother she fled. She loves her husband, but staying risks passing unhealthy patterns to their sons, while leaving for an uncertain romance could destroy her bond with them. To break the cycle, Ari must figure out what she actually wants. For once, no checklist can choose for her.

With flashbacks that mirror each choice Ari faces in the present, it will appeal to readers drawn to the personal growth and wry humor of Alison Espach’s The Wedding People, the two-loves dilemma of Jill Santopolo’s The Light We Lost, and the fated yearning of the film Past Lives.

[bio here]

please help. I'm really struggling with describing the story - how many space should I take up? how much to give away? - and I have nothing to say about myself. :(

Dear [agent],

I am seeking representation for SPARE PRESUMPTIVE, a character-driven sci-fi romcom aimed at adults, complete at 87,000 words. It combines science-fiction worldbuilding, royal politics, a central romance, humour and heightened emotional stakes, and will appeal to readers of Winter's Orbit and The Psychology of Time Travel.

Prince Elavnik is charming, handsome, and incredibly bored by politics, economics, and all the other things princes are apparently supposed to care about. He didn’t realise this was something worth murdering him over. When Elavnik accidentally overhears an assassination order by his own brother, he ends up crash-landing on an isolationist human colony that believes aliens do not exist. He hides in the struggling diner inherited by overworked neuroscience student Katy Ann Watts, where their wary alliance becomes a romance. Meanwhile, Elavnik’s fiercely loyal assistant Lev defies the royal court to find him, uncovering evidence that the apparent assassination order from Elavnik’s brother was fabricated as part of a conspiracy rooted in the kingdom’s unresolved class divisions and post-war settlement.

Elavnik’s return exposes the conspirators but also threatens to force him into a political marriage, while Katy Ann confronts the danger of allowing love to replace her own ambitions and Lev discovers that Ilya, the woman he loves, was part of the conspiracy. Both men ultimately learn that care is not the same as control: Elavnik gives Katy Ann the freedom and resources to build a scientific future independent of him, and Lev leaves the hierarchy that has defined his life, allowing the central romance to reunite only after Katy Ann has established a life she actively chooses.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

[Name]

Hello all! I'm back with a second attempt. I found the feedback on my first attempt really helpful and hoping I incorporated it well. I still don't feel the second comp is 100% right, but I'm looking for something else.

First Attempt

Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for THE LAST WITCH OF THE WOODS, a 92,000-word, dual-POV romantasy set in a post-apocalyptic world. My debut novel combines the gothic atmosphere of The Sacred Space Between by Kalie Reid with the transcendent love story of Wild Reverence by Rebecca Ross.

Brecken entered his century-long hibernation hoping to run from the grief of his past and awaken with magic. When fellow sorcerer Orion rouses him from his slumber, Brecken discovers a world covered in ash. Orion is dying and has chosen Brecken to replace him as the leader of what’s left of humankind. As Brecken tries to adjust to the strange, new society, he senses something isn’t right.

Acacia is the last witch of the woods: a magical guardian of the forest the humans now call home. Born years after her kind destroyed the world, Acacia is spellbound to Orion, forced to serve him and keep his secrets. She knows Orion plans to siphon Brecken’s lifeforce to replenish his waning powers, but even if she could warn Brecken, she wouldn’t. Orion’s magic is slowly poisoning her forest, and Acacia has finally discovered how to escape his hold. All she must do is watch Orion drain Brecken of his magic, a process that will weaken Orion enough for Acacia to end him.

Despite Orion’s warnings about the witch and her bloodlust, Brecken is drawn to Acacia’s woods and soon discovers she is the opposite of what Orion claims her to be. This leads him to question everything Orion has told him. As he attempts to gain her trust and learn the truth, Acacia’s resolve to allow Brecken’s unknowing sacrifice wavers. Brecken is gentle and uses his powers to nurture instead of control. With Brecken’s time running out, Acacia must decide if her developing feelings are strong enough to find a way to save Brecken, risking her forest and long-sought freedom, or if she will abandon him to Orion’s deadly magic.

[Bio and Salutations]

Congrats to everyone who found success and landed an agent. I wasn't so lucky. Here's my story: I began querying a novel in April and queried about 170 agents. I received two full requests, two partials, 60 form rejections, and seven personalized passes. The rest timed out, though there are still a few queries open, but I'm not optimistic about them.

A bit of a backstory: I had a lovely agent for my first book, a collection of short stories that died on submission. I promised a multigenerational novel about Italian Jewry and WW2, but ended up getting attached to a foul-mouthed 14-year-old narrator growing up in an Orthodox (i.e. Jewish religious) community like the one I grew up in. Back in 2017, I sent her a version of the early chapters and she passed. She said that the book could be either a YA novel or feature an adult narrator looking back at his past, but an adult novel with a teenage protagonist would be a hard sell.

It's been pulled off before—I wasn't going to list Catcher in the Rye in my comps, though I did mention Black Swan Green—but I think it's mainly writers with a track record. The book was also a bit of a love letter to the things that got me through high school: comic books, Final Fantasy, sci-fi, and grunge rock. About a year ago, I found the manuscript and realized it was almost done, so thought I might as well finish it.

I had a pretty weak query, but two agents asked for the manuscript right off. One of the agents, I had a relationship with prior. The second wanted a novel set in that world. I only realized how bad the query was once I started reading pubtips. I redrafted the query several times and sent out different versions, but the response was mainly the same. I figured the book was a long shot so I queried a lot, I'm not sure I recommend the numbers game. But, with that being said, I wrote really personalized letters to several agents (I knew their authors; we had some connection otherwise) and the hit response was about the same as those I queried blindly.

It doesn't feel particularly great. I've always written or thought of myself as a writer—and it helped me through some dark times—but being a writer (or thinking of yourself as a writer) and being a published author are two very different things. I have some small publishing credit to my name and a distant background as a journalist, but nothing enough to carry a book like this. Also, did I mention that the book is pretty dark? Lots of crude humor and teenage angst. It's also a bit short for a debut novel.

I'd say that my takeaway from this is to have good beta readers and run your query through friends/pubtips. I didn't really have either and looking at the work now, I can see things that would alienate an agent right away. I'm glad I finished it since it allowed me to come to terms with things I went through years ago. I wonder now if I write something else, will I ask myself if I'm writing it because I want to write it or because I want someone else to read it. Both are good, but I'd handle my expectations accordingly. Also look at the market. An immature teen narrator for an adult book is a hard sell no matter where.

I'm going to take off some time from the book before I do anything else with it. I might submit it to small presses and see if there's any interest. Otherwise, I might see how much work it would take to make it a full-fledged YA novel. I guess the most important thing I can tell myself was that at least it was good to finish.

Thank you to all the agents out there who responded. You're busy, drowning in good submissions, bad submissions and millions of AI-generated submissions, but even writing back with a form letter makes it feel real.

Hey there everyone! I wanted to get some feedback on my query while I work on the outlines for my next books. I'd recently gotten a message saying that the pitch wasn't immediately captivating, and I'd like to get an extra set of eyes on my Query, to see if it can use some polish.

Dear [Agent],

I am writing you seeking representation for my 90,000 word BIPOC New Adult Upmarket Contemporary Fantasy/Sci-fi novel THE WONDERLUST CHRONICLES: THE SAGA OF ADAM STERLING. Like David Mitchell's Cloud Atlas there is an emphasis on multiple perspectives, and it also has the sci-fi/fantasy genre-bending of Octavia E Butler's Kindred.

For over half his life Adam Sterling has struggled with the power to jaunt into another person's future self and experience things from their perspective. It's only thanks to the tireless efforts of his family, only friend Broderick, and his handlers Devin and Samson, that he has had a semblance of a normal life. When his efforts to join the Helpers, a secretive organization that's helped him since childhood in coming to terms with his gifts, are turned down, Adam feels adrift without direction or purpose.

But all that changes when Adam falls asleep, and is transported to a wondrous and dangerous land. It is here in this new place that Adam meets a group of beings wondrous and dangerous in their own right. Adam is eventually able to return to the waking world, but not without the scars that prove his journey to have been no dream, only for the entire thing to repeat the next time he goes to sleep.

As the danger mounts, and what assistance the Helpers can provide is stretched to the limit, Adam finds himself adrift. Perhaps the dezidens of the worlds might be able to help. But how would he best reach them? He could use his powers to find the answers. It's just about the only thing they're good for.

It's not without risk however; it always is. And there's no guarantee that he'll be in any condition to use what he's learned; to say nothing about what could happen to whomever he happens to take a 'jaunt' into...

The manuscript is complete. And I envision this to be the first in a series.

I have a degree in Information Technology and live in Oklahoma. I've been writing off and on for the past 15 years, with this being my very first novel.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

[My Name]

1st 300 words:

Apparently sometime in my pre-teens I was taken to the hospital. I remembered, if not happily, coming to as I was being pushed through the doors of the hospital on a large gurney by two doctors that the EMTs had given me to. It was not my first time in a hospital, but it was my first time going to the ER. And it was a terrible.

“Clear the way!” Called out the doctor to my right, a disheveled looking man with big glasses and spiky hair, who pushed me down a brightly lit corridor. The way he looked at me whenever I looked at him felt weirdly flat, and it gave me the creeps.

“ERTs should have taken his vitals. Give me the chart.” He said to a doctor on my left, a bubbly woman with shoulder-length blond hair who wore bright pink scrubs with big yellow flowers all over it. I scooted towards her a bit, as she felt to be much nicer than the other doctor.

“Here!” She then reached over me to hand him a bunch of papers and then she took over pushing my gurney though the hallway. I remembered her turning to smile at me and say “It'll be better if you're still.”

When I heard this spoke up and asked. “What's wrong? Why do I need to be still?” I immediately noticed that I didn't sound right; rather I sounded like I was speaking at the same time as someone else, who was also me. The combination of voices that came from my mouth began to rise in volume as I heard what didn't sound like me say what I wanted to say, and I became very, very afraid.“What the hell is going on!? Why do I sound like this!?

My manuscript for this novel is in the final editing stages, so I figured it's time to get some feedback on my query. Thanks all!
--

I’m seeking representation for my adult romantasy novel, A Ballad of Burning Wings, an 83,000 word standalone with series potential. In this gender-swapped Pirates of the Caribbean inspired tale, a morally gray pirate queen’s decade-long quest for vengeance is interrupted by a bounty hunter who just won’t die. The themes of feminine rage and resilience will appeal to readers who enjoyed Steelborn by Taylor J. LaRue and When the Moon Hatched by Sarah A. Parker.

Xara, a siren, was once many things. A sister. A daughter. A wife. But that woman died alongside her family the night her peaceful village burned, leaving behind a widow who would become the notorious Night Maven. The Pirate Queen. A singing vendetta with a singular goal—to kill every name on her list of those involved before the magic rotting her soul can kill her first. 

Drexen Bane is on that list, but the commander-turned-bounty hunter has no intention of letting a pirate assassin cut out his heart. He needs her to help him find another one of her targets—the Alchemist—the man responsible for Drexen’s name being on her list and the only lead he has to finding a mythical amulet that could reforge the key to his lost power. He must weigh risk against reward in choosing whether to face the amulet’s guardian and consider that the burden of sacrifice might not belong to him alone.

Despite the possibility of deception, Xara and Drexen work together while navigating the waters of both the living and the dead with her meddlesome sentient ship. When forbidden attraction sparks and secrets unravel, Xara suffers another betrayal that buries her so deep under fury that even love might not be enough to bring her back. With the remnants of her soul on the line and a bounty hunter fighting to keep her alive, Xara ends up with an impossible choice—vengeance or life—not knowing that both paths end with fire.

[Author bio]

Hey there everyone! I'm taking a bit of a break from the trenches to get my package polished up and I'd love some feedback on my query. My concern right now is it runs long, but I'd rather it run long and do the job then go short and not pitch things well. Any feedback is welcome.

Dear [AGENT NAME], 

In response to your interest in [insert an interest/feature from the agent’s wish list], I am submitting my debut sci-fi novel, A DEBT TO THE DEAD, complete at 97,000 words. It is a standalone with series potential and will appeal to adult readers who enjoy the unforgiving worlds, visceral action, and twisty conspiracies of Pierce Brown’s Red Rising series and Emily Tesh’s Some Desperate Glory, all set against the decaying space-age Americana of the FALLOUT series.

Constance Blythe is dead set on avenging his beloved sister, Lenore, who was killed by her lover, Percival, in a duel nearly two years ago. Once the youngest of the five Blythe children, Constance is now the last survivor of the brood. When Executess Desdemona, ruler of the Solar Union, announces she will grant a boon to all who survive the expedition to claim an ancient weapons cache—which she needs to launch a campaign of interstellar reconquest—Constance sees a chance to force Percival into facing justice.

Defying his parents' refusal to let him join the expedition for fear of losing their last child, Constance steals the Gifts—cybernetic implants that bestow superhuman abilities and mark the societal elite—harvested from his sister’s corpse, and undergoes the procedure to have them implanted despite being years past the safe age. Yet Constance survives, emerging from the operation with the superhuman physicality he’ll need on the expedition to the cache—and to kill Percival.

When he discovers that Percival’s vicious younger sister, Isolde, is also part of the expedition, Constance views her as an extension of her brother, and the two clash violently. Isolde proves to be fearsome, cruel, and as much a threat to his life and his aims as anything in the wasteland.

At the outset of the expedition, an ambush throws everything into chaos. Constance and Isolde are forced to cooperate, saving each other’s lives, and growing to rely on one another to survive. Reluctant feelings grow between them, mirroring their sibling’s past.

When Isolde is wounded, and fearing death, she confronts Constance with her own version of the truth about the duel. She claims that Percival had been sold to the Executess as little more than a slave to cover family debts, and when his relationship with Lenore was discovered, Desdemona arranged the duel out of petty jealousy. Worse, Desdemona forced the tragic outcome, threatening Constance and Isolde’s lives in order to make their siblings play along.

When Isolde survives, Constance must decide between a revenge he no longer trusts and the word of his former enemy. But if Constance chooses to trust Isolde, and even aid her in her quest to free Percival, their boons might not be enough to protect them from Desdemona's deadly pride.

[BIO]. In addition to co-running a writing group, I am working on my next novel, and trying to work through my ever-growing TBR.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

[ME]

I'm back, with a tiny request that I hope comes across the right away. I've received feedback a couple times that my weird premise doesn't fit with the romance genre. This is completely fine feedback--I know I took a risk with my plot choice. If you share this opinion, could you please let me know how I could reframe my query to sound more appealing? For example, it's been suggested to focus more on the humour and romance elements, which I've tried to do here. Thank you! I've include my first 300 words below as well.

Dear XX,

With your interest in XX, I’m excited to share A SCRATCHED UP KIND OF LOVE, a 90,000-word speculative contemporary romance. It combines the cozy magic of Sounds like Love by Ashley Poston, the black cat/golden retriever relationship dynamic of Swift and Saddled by Lyla Sage, and the outlandish humour of Love and Other Conspiracies by Mallory Marlowe.

Cassie Costa mostly suppresses her desires–until an itch-inducing curse makes love irritating to ignore.

Men usually reject Cassie's intense, and, okay, slightly mean energy. So when she's asked out by her crush Jon, a happy-go-lucky regular guest at the Vancouver Island inn where she works, she declines. He couldn’t like the real her. Anyway, her practical dream to open a coffee shop consumes her. Until she develops a funny-looking rash that itches when she’s (frequently) annoyed…

Then Jon gets the rash. Sweet, passive Jon, who chuckled at Cassie's insult when they met. At least his itching and vaguely mentioned career issues fluster him. To uncover the irritating cause, he agrees they'll examine the cryptic clues they've received.

Their very serious investigative texts turn flirty, but Cassie’s just having fun. They discover that they both unhappily met this weird spiritual lady years ago, separately. She based a workshop on the cure: her Five Tasks to De-Itch Your Irritating Life.

Cassie thinks it's nonsense–empty platitudes to fumble through. Help others? But when Cassie must open herself up to something new and denies her crush, the itching intensifies. Cassie has to admit: Jon's patience as she berated an unsuspecting student was nice. And when he resists break old habits and surprisingly experiences pain, Cassie just wants to help.

As they grow closer, Cassie becomes angry as Jon hides personal problems. Surely his patience for her will expire. Cassie must decide whether she’ll accept the curse’s demands into her non-magical life: to improve herself and let love in.

I have a professional writing minor from the University of XX and once owned a cafe. Residing in XX, I’m now in property management and barely tolerate caffeine. Thank you for considering my work.

First 300 Words

If the Park of Broken Dreams were a cup of coffee, it’d be a gas station drip. Though capable of providing a burst of thrill from the rusted and questionably slanted slide, or that creaky swing, ultimately, you better avoid it.

I knew this, yet today I leaned back against the peeling, sliver-inducing picnic table whose bench I sat on and opened the YouTube video Dana sent. I assumed Jon would arrive his usual three-to-five minutes late. On this breezy summers’ afternoon—just sixteen degrees Celsius, barely warm, really—I couldn’t fathom why he’d asked to meet here for lunch.

“Whatcha watching, Cassie?”

I paused the video—two minutes in, not bad—and glanced to my right to find Jon less than a foot away. There he was, just now sitting down, a small smile bringing out the laugh lines and corner eye wrinkles on his handsome face, a hand brushing his floppy brown hair back. I’d spent months examining that face over lunchtime hang outs at the inn next door where I worked. I never tired of his many different smiles, the way his nostrils flared when he was amused. Something was probably wrong with me. His face shouldn’t still intrigue me so much.

I tried to hold back my own smile today. I’d seen him once already; this hardly necessitated excitement. Some self-respect was required. Keeping my gaze on his grey eyes, I scooted closer, stopping myself when the stubble covering his strong jawline screamed out rub me. Yikes, Cassie.

“Oh, my roommate sent me this clip from The Mummy. She’d never watched it before this weekend.”

Jon leaned over my shoulder, looking down at my phone. I spotted goosebumps on his arms, below the sleeves of his t-shirt, but that was probably because of the ocean breeze, not how close we sat.

Back again for #4! Previous attempts here and here for ease of access.

Some things from last post that I tried to fix include clarifying the first paragraph, hopefully fixing tonal discrepancy with the secondary world, and removed the Moana comp because while I was trying to comp specifically the setting but it called to mind different expectations. Also took it upon myself to highlight the weirdness of the second world since it's supposed to feel weird.

This process is brutal but necessary and I can only hope that this letter is improving no matter how incrementally. Thanks to everyone who gives feedback.

----

Dear [Agent],

[Personalization]

I am seeking representation for THE MAGICAL LAND OF SOMEWHERE ELSE (115,000 words), a standalone adult fantasy that combines the surreal portrayal of grief in Samantha Sotto Yambao’s The Elsewhere Express and the unflinchingly recalcitrant protagonist of M.L. Wang’s Blood Over Bright Haven.

Thelda is renowned for her artistic prowess while her husband Serin interprets obscure prophecies he summons from his beach of mystical pink sand. Both orphans, they dream of giving their prophesied child the loving life they never had. But their joy sours when Thelda falls deathly ill, and the thin-haired, blanket-wrapped figure in the sand portends, instead, a far more devastating future.

Desperate to change fate and save her life, they seek out Natau, a healer whose golden sand cures any ailment. But with each grain set at an exorbitant price, Serin and Thelda incur a steep debt for a mere pinch of sand. Except it is not enough, and the sickness claims her first.

Distraught and impoverished, Serin prepares to join Thelda in death. That is, until the mysterious Mr. Blip arrives from Somewhere Else, an uncanny realm in which grief itself can be given away. Among statues carved from forgiveness and fuzzy creatures cataloging answers to the universe lie the Things, omniscient entities who offer Serin the gold to pay off Natau in eventual exchange for his grief, an act that would erase not only his sorrow, but his memory of Thelda completely.

Only after accepting Mr. Blip’s guidance in moving on does he discover that Natau’s sand is fake. Before crushing debt puts him out of his home, Serin must expose Natau as a fraud. Or, he can trade grief for gold, wiping his memories of Thelda clean—even if the Things may not be as benevolent as they seem.

[Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration,

[Name]

I queried a few small and mid-size publishers in June of this year. One requested a full, but then ultimately passed.

Recently, I received this reply (below) from another traditional publisher. I haven’t found anything suspicious when researching them, but it definitely seems weird to mention that “our CEO would like to speak with you directly.”

Anyone ever receive a reply like this? How did it end up going?

I’m obviously on my guard for scams and things that seem too good to be true. Any insight is appreciated!

Email:

Thank you for sending us [manuscript title]. We've now had the chance to read it in full, and we think it fits our list.

I'd like to set up a brief conversation about the manuscript and what we have in mind - [name], our CEO, would like to speak with you
directly.

Could you send over a few times that work for you next week, along with your time zone? We'll take it from there and send a calendar invite.

Here are my first and second attempts — if you read my second attempt, you'll recall that I've spent months trying to get this thing into better shape after no interest from a handful of agents.

I HOPE I'm getting closer with specificity and movement, but my main issue now seems to be that the word count is still sitting around 420 words. I know there is probably some fat left to be trimmed, but I can't for the life of me find it.

As always, thank you to everyone who has read and provided thoughts on any version of this query!

--

Dear [AGENT],

I’m happy to share YOU’VE BEEN CANCELLED!, complete at 79,000 words. The satirically delusional protagonist of Meredith Hambrock’s SHE’S A LAMB! meets the twisty social commentary of Liann Zhang’s JULIE CHAN IS DEAD in this “coming of rage” psychological thriller and dark comedy.

As a rising relationship influencer, Alana Wilson loves profiting off of women’s insecurities. Until she realizes it might not pay for much longer: she’s forced to split from Matt, her husband and the backbone of her content, when his mistress threatens to go public. To make matters worse, someone knows about the role Alana played in a classmate’s death years ago, and they’re using it to extort her. She’s hemorrhaging money just to keep her secret hidden and avoid prison—or worse, losing her millions of admirers—but she’s a certified girlboss. She just needs a new content strategy to finally secure the brand deal that would set her for life and give her the resources to track down her blackmailer, burying her secret for good.

But when an AI-generated video depicting Alana screaming racist slurs goes viral, the social media empire she’s killed herself to build topples overnight. She’s dropped by her manager, blasted by CNN, dragged into bar fights, and forced to wield hammers against strange men lurking outside her house—all while trying to figure out who is hell-bent on destroying her life. When she’s not breaking into Matt’s laptop to search for evidence or obsessively stalking Charlie, her two-faced best friend and more successful competitor, she’s entrapping Zay, her new millionaire boyfriend who might hold the answers (and the cash) to all her problems, despite her suspicions that he’s hiding something from her.

Alana is running out of time: if she doesn’t come up with the funds for her next blackmail payment, the police documents that she thought her father had bribed away—before her parents died under tragic circumstances—will be released. But Alana’s desperation to clear her name and return to her well-deserved spotlight soon bleeds into a budding fixation on Charlie, whose career begins inexplicably rising every inch that hers has fallen. When Charlie manages to steal Alana’s dream brand deal and all the success that comes with it, Alana is cemented in her downward spiral, realizing that justice is nothing compared to revenge.

[Bio and thanks]

Hey all, I'm nearing completion of my first draft of my next book while my first completed manuscript is in the query trenches, and I decided to write my query alongside it to make sure I know how to pitch it. I'm still a few beta reader passes and structural edits out from it being query-ready, but wanted to offer my first try to see what everyone thinks, as well as get opinions on:

• What genre should I label this as? From my viewpoint it seems like it could fall under Upmarket, Women's Fiction, Book Club Fiction and/or Speculative fiction, and that's a lot of possible categories...
• Does the way this concept is presented here seem like it's "copying" The Midnight Library too much? I have never read The Midnight Library and from what I know of it, I doubt I'd like it. But I don't want to appear like I'm just chasing trends by trying to emulate a very commercially successful novel.
• Any ideas for good comps for this? Piranesi and The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo were my main inspos, so I added them for now, but they're both VERY popular and also a little older than 5 years, so not perfect/ideal.

Dear [Agent],

THE NEVERENDING LIBRARY OF MARTHA JEAN (complete at 80,000 words) is a work of upmarket speculative fiction with a hidden sapphic love story. [Personalization] 

Martha "Jeanie" Jean is an 85 year old late-stage dementia patient living in a memory care home—and the woman at her bedside has just informed her that she is in terrible danger.

The woman, who introduces herself as Jeanie’s daughter, tells her that the majority of her estate is set to go to an abusive man from her past. If she doesn’t sign over her remaining assets, he intends to come after her. But there’s another problem: Jeanie has no idea who this woman is or what she’s talking about. In Jeanie’s dementia-clouded mind, she is still young, single, and working as a professional ballerina.

Confused and distraught, Jeanie tries to escape the care home, only to find herself in a vast, labyrinthine library that exists outside of time and space. The endless library’s sole inhabitant is a mysterious, beautiful, and strangely familiar woman who encourages her to pick out a book and start reading. 

Each book contains a memory, taking Jeanie back to a different time in her semi-forgotten life: her difficult upbringing, the trials and triumphs of her ballet career, and her tumultuous relationship with a choreographer who she believed to be the man of her dreams.

Starting from her childhood and ending in the present day, Jeanie must uncover her past in time to solve the mysteries of the present. Is she really in danger? Why is her heart drawn to the woman in the library? And as the story of her life comes to its end, who should she trust with everything she built over the past eight decades?

Told in two interwoven timelines, this novel explores the importance of memory, the societal exploitation of women both young and old, and the breadth of the queer experience. It is perfect for fans of the dual timelines and mid-1900s sapphic love story of The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo and the fantastical architecture of Piranesi.

Hi y'all! Here's the (final) version of my query. I plan on sending out a new batch in the coming weeks, so I'm hoping these revisions have strengthened my pitch. All the tips I got on my last version were very helpful! Thanks in advance <3

-

The 100 meets Silver Elite in RUSTED SKIES, a 102,000-word new adult science fantasy novel with a strong romantic subplot and duology potential. For readers who crave the hidden truths and slow-burn romance of Samantha Shannon’s The Bone Season and the gritty, emotionally charged survival elements of K. L. Speer’s Bones, RUSTED SKIES merges genre-blending worldbuilding with a haunting fish-out-of-water experience.

Never feel. Never react. Never trigger forbidden magic. Those who do are punished.

The Nitrynian Council has conditioned Sol to suppress every feeling, so when her mother is executed for an emotional outburst, she feels nothing. The Council then sends Sol’s crew to Earth to assess its habitability, and their ship crashes, stranding them amid infinite hills of scorching sand. With their food running low, Sol focuses on finding a way to keep from starving. But her fight for survival takes a turn when she’s separated from her crew and captured by Dax Reyes, a Human who shouldn’t exist.

Sol has never heard of Humans, yet Dax looks exactly like her people. He takes her to a thriving underground colony, whose leaders offer a way to find her crew: mastering her forbidden magic so she can track them through her mind. Desperate to reunite with them, she decides to train under Dax, risking the emotions the Council taught her to fear. But as Dax helps her unlock her powers, their growing attraction complicates her mission, and she starts to wonder what it means that their people are so alike.

Now that Sol is learning to feel, her grief over her mother’s death drives her to investigate a strange object her mother left behind before her execution. When Sol realizes the object may reveal a secret the Council has spent generations hiding, one that ties Humans and Nitrynians together, her search for her crew becomes a hunt for the truth. Worse still, uncovering the lie could force Sol to question whether Nitrynians deserve saving at all.

Please help me with my query letter!

Dear [Name],

I found your name in the Acknowledgements of [book I enjoyed reading]. I write adventure-based mysteries to make readers feel transported into a fun adventure that becomes filled with danger, comradery, conspiracy, and excitement. Since you represent stories with intrigue, physical danger, humor, and close relationships being tested, I would like to submit Bolivia for your consideration.

Patton Walker has no interest in being an ordinary grad student. She picks pockets. She hitchhikes with truckers. She attends campus ministries because they’re full of suckers. She stays out of jail by providing information to law enforcement; in fact, she provides information to whatever outfit she can get the most out of. So when her most generous but most secretive beneficiary asks her to be part of a research team in Bolivia, she jumps at the chance. Along with her best - really, her only - friend, she takes a motorcycle trek through the Andes, encountering dangers along the way, from military roadblocks to a mine collapse. When the mine caves in, she and a handful of others have to find another way out, but in doing so, they discover a walled off section that the local miners are terrified of. Patton has to know what was beyond that wall, and her single-minded resolve to get answers makes her the target of the mine’s owner, strains her relationships with both her best friend and her benefactor, risks the health and safety of the miners, and compels her try to stop a tragedy from being unleashed.

Readers who enjoyed The Fine Art of Lying by Alexandra Andrews, Mother Daughter Murder Night by Nina Simon, and We Were Never Here by Andrea Bartz will also enjoy my book.

As for me, I am an artist, have a degree in Architecture with a minor in World Religions, ran a small landscape architecture design-build business for 25 years while homeschooling my four children, and am now an Urban Forester. I spent time in Bolivia during college and used real places and experiences as the jumping-off point for my book.

Thank you for your time, and I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

[Me]