r/PoursTea • u/Timbucktwo1230 š« Mod āļø • 26d ago
FeministTeaš©š»āšš©šæāāļøš š„¾ Be Better
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u/ThisGuy2319 26d ago
Slide 1: same goes for your sons, protect your children from harm.
Slide 2: women attack other women, but yes, men shouldnāt be needed to play protectors.
Slide 3: same goes for if the dude is too drunk to properly consent.
Slide 4: I like to add the caveat of also being half-asleep is rape.
Slide 5: it needs to be an emphatic āyesā and all other responses are ānoā.
Letās all be better.
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u/afishinabirdcage 26d ago
As a man, I also get annoyed when people say that.
Like ... brother ... if you feel attacked when people are criticizing RAPISTS then you might be part of the problem.
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u/UncleTio92 26d ago
Itās such a gross over generalization comment that removes any responsibility . āall men are straight pedo trashā. āIf that not talking about you, the move onā
It allows you to say whatever you want without repercussions or responsibility
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u/Pasta4ever13 26d ago
But also, "Would you hire a male nanny?"
Is there some stat I'm missing where male nannies are bad?
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u/afishinabirdcage 26d ago
Yeah, I'm not down for gendering jobs (like nannies or nurses) but I read that more in the context of the people who wail "not all men" all the time who are also the first to act like a penis is a weapon and that men can't be trusted. Hell, they even say trans women can't be trusted because they haver/had a penis
The irony is lost on them
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u/KactusVAXT 26d ago
No. Itās gender discrimination perpetuated by people who grew up with a useless father around the home.
Then again Iām a stay at home dad who raised both my daughters through infancy and adolescence so my wife could work
I have the classic āwoman roleā. I manage our home. She fills the bank account. Not many men willing to do it but I sure as shit will tell you other men are jealous of my lifestyle
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u/Pasta4ever13 26d ago
Not many men willing to do it but I will tell you other men are jealous of my lifestyle
Probably because they don't know what being a stay at home parent entails (depends on kids ages ofc). My wife is staying at home with our kids and they are all under 6. I work from home so I am able to see on a daily basis what it takes.
It's not an easy job. Your labor should be appreciated. Keep on keeping on, brother. ā
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u/LurkLurkleton1 26d ago
As a former male nanny, I have to say that I was amazing at my job and those kids loved me!
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u/Mother_You_5739 26d ago
And I am sure that you had to earn trust and made a damn good job doing your best. That isnāt the best example in the attached text, but the best response is going to be yes, but only if they have good references, have a proven good police record (what used to be a DBS check in the UK) and comes with excellent references that can be verified. Though, to be honest I would say the same thing about anyone I trusted my children with, male or female.
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u/No-Cat3606 26d ago
No. But most people would prefer a female nanny because they'd be afraid that a man mya have bad intentions, but don't question it when it's a woman.
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u/Bluegill15 26d ago
Just wanted to add that the āNot all menā quote is incomplete, which is my only annoyance with it. The quote should read āNot all men, but always men.ā
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u/Infamous-Employ5487 26d ago
no sane person is defending the rapists, they're pushing back against the idea that all men are like this, which is what the overarching narrative recurringly comes back to.
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u/Huzzo_zo 26d ago
Do you get annoyed when people say "women are hysterical"?
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u/WhichHoes 26d ago
Its also just dudes who wanna argue. If someone says "all men lick dirt patches" and I, a man, dont eat dirt patches, I dont feel a need to say "Well I dont!" I'll just continue living my life, not eating dirt patches.
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u/okaaayyyyuh 26d ago
She's not implying that all males are unsafe as a nanny to an infant. She's implying that there is a general perception of higher risk when leaving an infant with a male nanny.
Which I assume holds little basis in truth, as women are also capable of abusing children, and often do.
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u/Booster_Seat_Enjoyer 26d ago
do you feel the same way about other protected characteristics?
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u/SaltMage5864 26d ago
Woman always cover their drinks when you enter the room, don't they son?
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u/UsualPilot1420 26d ago
Have you ever asked someone why they feel attacked?
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u/Mundane_Zucchini_547 26d ago
Are you feeling attacked?
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u/Juxtapoe 26d ago
Are you feeling attacked?
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u/Mundane_Zucchini_547 26d ago
No, because I know not all women kill their children, I know not all women are domestic abusers, I know not all women attack men who dare to walk the street on their own.
See? That's how I don't feel personally attacked when someone says "women do..." because it's not attacking me.
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u/Impossible-Key-2212 26d ago
66% of Democrat women believe that āthe challenges that woman face in society are in a great deal due to the behavior of men.ā
21% of republican women believe the same.
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u/BuryTomorrowToday 26d ago
Post this shit on truth social, those are the "people" who need to see it
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u/My_leg_still_hurt92 26d ago
I asked myself who needs to get told this but then I read the comments.
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u/CptPurpleHaze 26d ago
Lol right? You say things like "Men raping women is wrong" and they come out of cracks and crevices to comment about how "so all men are rapists!? I'm not!" And it's just... Dude... if you gotta say that... Nobody is gonna believe you.
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u/My_leg_still_hurt92 26d ago
I ask myself if there are panels I can't see because some of the comments don't make sense because they aren't addressing any of the points.
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u/Nice-Bit-3550 26d ago
Lot of "My 'I am not involved in human trafficking' shirt is raising a lot of questions already answered by my shirt!" Ass dudes here
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u/Loud_Flatworm_4146 26d ago edited 26d ago
Men will always defend men and many women will always defend men.
They know exactly what you mean but pretend not to. They will say, "I don't think every woman is a predator" as if the statistics don't say that 93-99 percent of rapists are men.
When pregnant women are murdered, it is their male partner that did it.
If you need it explained to you like a toddler, you are the problem.
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u/66allthe88s 26d ago
Unconcious people don't want tea.
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u/Mother_You_5739 26d ago
Exactly the thing I was going to say. I like the bit about asking someone if they want a cup of tea, and if they say yes, donāt insist they have a cup of tea if they change their mind. Also, if someone is asleep, donāt try making them drink a cup of tea. It makes the idea of consent funny and ridiculous, but some people need it explained to them that simply because they wouldnāt cope with anything more complex.
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u/Meatbot-v20 26d ago
People can also say yes to make you happy. They might not change their mind at all. It's kind of on you to consider if you've pressured them into it or made them feel guilty, even if that wasn't your intent. You can double and triple check with them, but at the end of the day, you really have to pay attention to any clues that they might be doing something they'd rather not be.
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u/JoeNoYouDidnt 26d ago
Being a male middle school teacher, I would absolutely leave my young daughter with a trusted male babysitter.
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u/grnhornet76 26d ago
I think the pic is implying that most men would not feel comfortable leaving their daughters with a male nanny, yet those are the same men that say āNot all men are bad.ā
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u/Historical-Finish564 26d ago
Ironically when we see all men labeled as possible predators, we protest that thatās not all men. On the other hand most of us men know several individuals that would totally fit the description of the predator women are complaining about.
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u/baby_got_yak 26d ago
Jesus, no I donāt. Do you seriously socialize with several men who could be predators?
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u/musicaltrashpanda 26d ago edited 26d ago
To be fair, the comment said "know" not socialize with. I've known several men, through the context of jobs, friends of friends of friends, community organisations, etc that I wouldn't trust. I don't choose to spend my time with them, for clear and obvious reasons, but I do know them. I do agree though, if someone is actively socializing with someone like this, they need to reevaluate their choices.
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u/baby_got_yak 26d ago
I suppose it depends largely on how one is using the term āknow.ā I genuinely cannot name a single man who I view that way. Have I overheard conversations, encountered people in the past? Sure. I couldnāt even tell you who they are though, itās not the kind of thing I keep track of.
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u/Vegetable-Virus7118 26d ago
Maybe you should keep better track of the people you encounter that are potential predators.
Also maybe you don't know the folks you know as well as you think, you know?
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u/Loud_Flatworm_4146 26d ago
Every woman knows one. Yet you don't know any. Maybe you're not that observant because you aren't worried about men like that attacking you.
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u/Made_Human_Music 26d ago
It probably depends on who you associate with. When I used to work in finance there were a lot of problematic guys who Iād definitely keep an eye on if I saw them follow a woman. Especially the sales guys. They would leave early on Friday to go to strip clubs and Iām not making that up. They even invited me once I didnāt feel comfortable going
Today I work in human services and weāre all what āalpha malesā would call betas. That mostly means weāre kind and respectful toward everyone
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u/Thegaykid93 26d ago
Have you HEARD how men talk so long as a woman isn't in the room? Could easily be a dude at the gym he knows of. Doesn't mean it's a friend he drinks with
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u/IThinkItsAverage 26d ago
Knowing someone doesnāt mean you regularly socialize with them or are on friendly terms. I know several men in my day to day life who I would not be surprised if they had raped someone at least once. Itās one of the many (many maaaaany) reasons I donāt socialize with them intentionally.
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u/send_me_you_cumming 26d ago
Of course I don't socialize with them. But I know who they are. Big difference.
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u/Mountain_rage 26d ago
If you claim you dont, you probably are not paying attention. Pretty sure everyone knows at least a few that are throwing red flags. Personally had to kick one off a rec league team a while back.
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u/No-Plan8216 26d ago
Absolutely, I do. I'm good friends with a former felon (sex offense). I spend time with a few different sex offenders through the church I'm affiliated with. I have a nephew who I try to talk to weekly who is a concern in this regard.
That doesn't even count the various people I work with who I don't consider closely enough to form an opinion.
I think this idea that a good person should only socialize with other good people is both harmful to society and in most cases delusional.
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u/Frewdy1 26d ago
A problem is that you may know someone that is, but they havenāt acted on it yet (and may never act on it at all). But history is littered with āWow, I never would have guessed they would have done that!ā
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u/baby_got_yak 26d ago
That is possible, sure. But not at all what the person above is saying. If they havenāt acted on it, no one could know they are one of those men.
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u/UncleTio92 26d ago
You say that, I donāt know a single person who falls under that category.
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u/baby_got_yak 26d ago
Thank you. Iām beginning to get a little concerned about all the guys replying to me saying that OF COURSE I know men who are predators.
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u/Klutzy_Act2033 26d ago
I don't think I do. I can think of two people who, if asked, id probably say they are bad dates. I don't think either of them are rapists just... Not great.
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u/SwellinCaldera 26d ago
As a man there are very few men i would trust to babysit my daughter all of which are family and maybe 1 friend. Also there are plenty of men in my family I would not want babysitting my daughter as well. I understand that its not in actuality all men that are problematic but I understand why they would say all men given the amount of men in my family alone that I dont trust with my daughter. Better safe than sorry
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u/Firemission13B 26d ago
I take no offense when women say these things. Why? Because I'm not one of the fragile men that takes things like these to heart. I hate seeing men who don't understand certain things and just continue to joke or not get the point.
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u/RezLovesPez 26d ago
The seed of every sin known to man is in my heart.
Robert Murray McCheyne
Some of us are man enough to admit it.
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u/ElBarbas 26d ago edited 26d ago
I always reply with : in a table are 10 plates they all look the same, 5 have chocolate mousse, 5 have poop mousse , would you eat one randomly ? why not, not all plates have poop .
< now Im curious about the removed comment >
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u/anand_rishabh 26d ago
I mean, I'd be ok hiring a male nanny if they pass the vibe check. But she does have a point when she says "you call it being protective when it's your daughter, you call it being paranoid when it's us"
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u/Glittering_Sorbet913 26d ago
Yeah, youāve got a point. Itās honestly really disturbing when you sit back and think about it. So many messed up people Iām sick of seeing it on the news constantly every day because itās really messing with my mental health and I just want to curl up and die sometimes.
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u/EggplantFearless5969 26d ago
No one wants to get involved. Everyone would rather keep their head down and worry about making rent. We need a cultural shift. Empathy is seriously lacking in our society.
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u/Lone-Frequency 26d ago
I sometimes worry about girls I don't even know in situations like that.
Any guy who gets their nuts in a vice over basic logic is ridiculous. No, it isn't "All Men", but what the hell do the ones saying that expect women to do? Become psychic and read the minds of all men and strangers around them to know if they mean them harm?
Not every dog or cat bites, either, but plenty still do, oftentimes without warning.
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u/9CaptainRaymondHolt9 26d ago
I'm a guy who has been sexually harassed by women, and also a couple men. It's obviously not one size fits all, but the problem continually being ignored because of some insecurities is appalling. As a society we are failing abysmally.
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u/Soft_Marshmall0w0s 26d ago
Oh AND!! Just because you are married to your WIFE does NOT MEAN she owes YOU sex due to a paper contract. You still need her CONSENT! If you know shes not in the mood and still force yourself onto her... THAT IS RAPE!
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u/Mother_You_5739 26d ago
I find it interesting that as a man I am not offended by the points being made and donāt think I am being called a rapist or being accused of being a man who attacks women, but other men in the comments clearly are offended. If you are offended, why? If you understood how many women suffer unwanted attention and misogynistic abusive threats from men you might begin to understand why women are wary of you for no other reason than the fact you are a man they donāt know.
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u/F2d24 26d ago
Idk, i think im offended by it because my mom used to go "ehh, men" pretty often which doesnt feel great when youre a young guy growing up.
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u/Mother_You_5739 26d ago
Mums get a free pass criticising men. My mum loved me almost unconditionally, but she also had to put up with me! And my dad. And my two brothers! Not that my sister was perfect, but she didnāt do half of the crazy crap me and my brothers got up to.
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u/MoiraRose_fan 26d ago
Thank you for saying this. The great man I married is also not offended by these obvious points being made. Seems like the men being triggered here reallllly need to look inward.
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u/Mother_You_5739 26d ago
I hope my wife has a similar opinion of me as you have of your husband. Iāve done my best for 36 years this year, and donāt take her for granted.
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u/calycocalypso 26d ago
Narcissism. Being a victim hits dopamine centers of the brain & plays to narcissistic tendencies. Of course they insert themselves into the situation, theyre narcissists.
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u/Mother_You_5739 26d ago
Sorry, what? I donāt understand what you are trying to say.
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u/klako8196 26d ago
Itās always funny to me how these ānot all menā guys donāt have this same visceral reaction against religious leaders who preach that women should dress modestly to avoid tempting men. When a pastor goes up to the pulpit, and implies that men are incapable of self-control around women dressed a certain way, you donāt see these guys take the same level of offense to that. In fact, there are plenty of these guys who lap that up.
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u/Careful_Purple2838 26d ago
I (a man, so i dont really have the personal expiriences please correct me if you feel different, i think its important to rethink my stance regularly) thought a bit about the statement the ladt days and i think the better way to word it is any man, not all. Yes, treat every man with the caution of a potential predator, but dont judge all men as predators. And the religious leaders saying that are just spouting bs, supporting that is immoral and those who support that are already on the spectrum of predators as they mentally defend predators as not accountable
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u/needs_more_zoidberg 26d ago
I tell my sisters, not all men, but assume the worst in every man until you've been given compelling evidence to the contrary. The stakes are too high.
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u/Important_Fox 26d ago
I get where this person is coming from but "would you hire a male nanny for your infant daughter" is a really bad example imo. It isn't feminist at all to reinforce the gendered stereotype that women are inherently good with children and men are inherently bad with them.
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u/Adowyth 26d ago
It's about pedophiles not whether they are good at the job or not.
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u/Carbon_Sixx 26d ago
Watching this unfold from a sociological perspective is fascinating. I see these misogynists spinning a narrative about how strong and stoic men are and how women wouldn't last a second without them, all the while crying because their feelings aren't being catered to right this instant. The ideology contradicts itself.
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u/JediKnightNitaz 26d ago
Lot of men also make excuses for their bros, "he could never do that" "he's such a nice guy" "did you make him mad?"
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u/Regular_Alfalfa_1039 26d ago
It may not be all men, but it is always a man. If this hurts your snowflake feelings, then itās you.
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u/TheGrolarBear 26d ago
Iām a man who would have no issue with any of the scenarios presented in that first slide. I canāt prevent bad things from happening but I can teach my hypothetical daughter to exercise her best judgement/take safety precautions and I can check the references for a male nanny (who in theory would not be any less competent or professional compared to a female nanny).
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u/nhavar 26d ago
It's like saying not all sharks, not all ticks, or not all intestinal parasites.
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u/BoingBoingBooty 26d ago
There's 1 billion sharks in the world. Sharks at most kill 10 people in a year, mostly by accident. Humans kill over 100 million sharks each year.
Sounds like you're ignorant and believe stereotypes based on popular media instead of reality.
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u/NobleK42 26d ago
Yeah, I would also not feel safe with my teenage son leaving a party with women he just met. Nor him being the only guy in a dorm full of women. Look, I get the point, but the tweet is kinda a straw manās argument because these are inherently āunsafeā situations regardless of gender. Also, wtf. is the problem with male nannies?? This just makes you sound dumb.
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u/Accomplished_Song219 26d ago
Insert unnecessary commentary about how calling out the complicity harms men here. May also include "Not me" rhetoric.
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u/Accomplished_Song219 26d ago
Also avoid this topic and call out another demographic in the context of insinuating another demographic not mentioned in this particular post will somehow invalidate this post.
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u/Testy_Terrance 26d ago
There were men I wouldn't trust watching my kids and there were women I definitely wouldn't have trusted watching my kids either. It comes down to the person. I find that overgeneralizations based on gender are wildly unproductive and usually just meant to rile people up. I think this post served it's original intent which was clearly to score internet virtue points and rile people up.
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u/NYCWartortle 26d ago
I know itās probably messed up but I wouldnāt hire a male nanny. I donāt know.
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u/Sufficient_Beach_445 26d ago
I can say "not all men" and still not call u paranoid for u not wanting a male nanny etc.
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u/Southern_Value_7158 26d ago
A lot of the comments here are obviously exactly who the post is referencing.
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u/jredgiant1 26d ago
Why would I not hire a male nanny for my infant daughter? (Assuming same background check results and qualifications as a female nanny)
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u/DirectKonjo 26d ago edited 26d ago
I'd hire a male nanny. I'd be uncomfortable with her leaving with anyone she just met. Would be otherwise apprehensive in any situation if you presented it like here as your child in a room full of people different to her. Next.
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u/ThelIIusion0fSeIf 26d ago
First slide: The only thing I'd care about is that my infant of any gender is with a responsible, intelligent adult of any gender. It's basically building a strawman for any opposing arguments that I doubt most men would agree with.
Second slide: Yeah, this is fair on a very surface level analysis. Women and men are more likely to be violently attacked by men but there is nothing to say that niche wouldn't be filled once there are no men and that power vacuum is left wide open. There are likely plenty of ambitious, violent, cruel, etc. women out there who are only kept in check by their male counterparts.
Third, fourth and fifth slides: Agreed
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u/ExtremlyFastLinoone 26d ago
I guess im just supposed to accept society will never feel safe around me?
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u/Lord-Curriculum 26d ago
It's not all men. It's the vast majority of men that engage in active or passive misogyny. Anyhow, the strong argument can be made though is that all men have the potential to be "predators."
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u/Leather-Mix5600 26d ago
Thanks for putting me in the same category as rapist, just because I am a man. I am aware of the horrible things women have to face on a daily basis and wish they wouldn't happen. But I received mental and physical abuse by a women for a long time and can honestly say that "not all women" are against violence and abuse. So with your logic and my experience I would say that every women is capable of everything.
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u/They-Them_Moonwalker 26d ago
The worst thing a bear can do is kill her.
A bear can't spike her drink.
A bear can't groom her.
A bear can't manipulate her.
A bear can't stalk her socials.
A bear can't put her face into Grok.
A bear can't get away with just writing essays.
A bear doesn't have millions of men defending it.
A bear doesn't spark wars on women's rights.
A bear doesn't have an opinion on abortion.
A bear doesn't ask her what she was wearing.
A bear doesn't say it was her fault.
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u/Snoo93550 26d ago
One of the wildest example is Republicans in Ohio forcing a 10 year old girl to leave the state to end a pregnancy. I think they changed the law (not much but at least a little) but it's insane such a thing happened.
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u/Dramatic_Substance31 26d ago
Also, I can only imagine SA is terrible is traumatic and damaging. In some cases worse than others. Itās bad o get it. Iād never want any girl I know or knew to go through it. I understand men Overwhelmingly are the perps But, being mauled and possibly eaten alive by a bear? Nah, better take man. Such an un-based take.
āA bear doesnāt ask her what she was wearingā youāre right. The bear just rips her a new asshole and leaves her on the ground to slowly die.
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u/DifficultAd3885 26d ago edited 26d ago
Iāve never raped. Iāve beat the shit out of people who have tried to roofy my friends. Iāve disowned and blasted people who have tried to coerce sex out of women. Iāve always stopped if thereās any hesitation during an intimate encounter. Iāve help countless women out of interactions they clearly didnāt want to be part of. But sure, weāre all pieces of shit because that has catchier phrasing. Sure, all men are capable of rape but a lot of use are just trying to help and being demeaned in the process. A lot of us are able to influence other guys into being better because they let their guard down around us but please continue to paint us all with a broad brush because thereās no way we could understand the issue just as well as you. Itās not like we understand and suppress our primal instincts, we must just be better at getting away with being a trash human being.
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u/martygospo 26d ago
I donāt disagree with the sentiment of the first image.. but as a man, what am I supposed to do? Like how can I help?
ā¦ Iām I supposed to just live in shame because of the junk between my legs? Lmao
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u/PoursTea-ModTeam 26d ago
Please comment only regarding the topic under discussion.
Use of the word ābotā.
Banned.
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u/FrostyMudPuppy 26d ago
Congrats, you just engaged. Not engaging would onvolve not typing a holier-than-thou comment.
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u/Klutzy_Act2033 26d ago
I don't exactly disagree but youre also not addressing that point the post is making at all.
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u/steel-monkey 26d ago
What the fuck is your problem? I can understand why a woman would choose a bear over you.
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u/Timbucktwo1230 26d ago