I look like my agab and I can’t always “pass” well as androgynous. I also don’t always want to be androgynous and sometimes want to engage with things traditionally associated with my agab. But, it starts to wear down on my always being called the wrong pronouns, and I can’t always correct people or be open. Maybe it isn’t reasonable to expect, and I doubt most people mean any harm, but it still bothers me nonetheless. What helps you accept it without letting it bring you down?

So my question is basically the title.

I identify myself as non binary and use they/them on internet (hasn't came out yet to most people). English is not my first question so i'm sorry if something isn't clear enough.

The problem/question is, that i came to conclusion, that my level of dysphoria highly depends on people i am around. For example if it is a mixed group of teens that +- treat equally one another and gender doesn't play a role in communication, I would feel myself just fine and even embrace the gender expression of my AGAB as everyone does in group in question (with implications of wearing a binder).

But the moment i'm out of any gender neutral bubble and the realisation of how other people perceive gender/role it plays in social dynamics, I become a way too much conscious about body i have (++++++ if without a binder) and limitations it lays on my existence in society and physical capabilities. The desperation may raise up to hysteric/panic attacks when i really think about it. And that feeling comes up at moments that aren't even connected to gender (for example in biology class during studying of reproduction topics or literally anything that depends on a sex assigned at birth). I always knew that i want to get top surgery, but was rather negative about getting on T in the future. Yet in those moments, i have impression that i would do anything, just to be physically average on men's level (wich is impossible without hrt).

Previously, from the start of teenage years i've dealt with high chest dysphoria and intence inner misogyny. For the last year, happily, things got SIGNIFICANTLY better and this comes up more of occasionally when discussion takes that turn. I just cannot accept physiological differences and that i got the much more complicated side.

Because of those ups and downs of my state, i cannot really formulate to a cic people with who i feel safe, what or who i am without sounding hypocritical/acting for attention/being delusional. Even though i'm deffinetly out of cic boxes, i fear that mostly it came up because of inner misogyny and not feeling of gender itself. I thought that maybe people here, whatever gender you are now or your AGAB with somewhat similar experience could share it or give some advice.

So it's been around a decade since I came out, and I still can't seem to settle on a name. I don't really know why. I've tried so many names over the years it's a little ridiculous. Sometimes names will feel okay at first and overtime feel very ill-fitting. Nothing has ever stuck for more than a year. Some of the people in my life are genuinely fed up with how many names I've gone through (even if they're supportive) so I'm looking for help on how to finally settle on a name.

I do have a name right now that I'm wanting to try that I genuinely love a lot, and it feels like this one could be the one. I've been using it as my character's name in a video game to test it before bringing it to anyone else and it hasn't felt wrong once. But I'm scared that once I start using the name in real life it won't feel right anymore like every other one I've tried.

tl;dr how do you settle on a name when none stick?

Hello there!

I'm considering starting to take estrogens and I'm kinda scared/in the dark.

For the people who take some, how does it go? What to expect?

What form(s?) does taking E take, medically? Like is it a shot, a pill..?

Anything to know about it?

I guess I'm just looking for general information from the horses mouths rather than just reading things online ^^

Literally everything is gendered: jokes, clothes, personality traits, colors, jobs, haircuts, movies, friendships, even fucking fragrances are gendered. I feel like it's one big performance even for cis people. It's exclusionary to queer folks and puts unfair expectations on everybody regardless of identity. The incessant need to gender everything is based in misogyny, transphobia, and capitalism. It's just about time we give it up.

I enjoy cooking/baking, figure skating, and doing funky makeup looks. No, that's not because I'm a woman??

I enjoy playing video games, superhero/action movies, and want to get into wood-working. No, that's not because I want to be a man??

Can people just exist?? The same mfs that put down drag queens for their gendered performances, put on a gendered performance every day.

I don’t think I should have or should still be questioning my gender. As far as I think I can tell, I don’t experience dysphoria or much gender envy/euphoria, if I did it was like two months ago but even then it wasn’t big w to where I could confidently say I know what my gender is, if I even truly did experience it.

I don’t want to come off as disrespectful or joking about this or anything, I’ve just been questioning it for over three or four months or so and I’m still not sure what it is or if I’m just overthinking it or something. I genuinely don’t really relate to any of the peoples experiences of the genders I thought I could be, if I did it was probably only 5% relating but probably less than that.

Point is, I have no reason to be questioning it and I don’t know if I just really want to be different to the point where I’ve diluted myself into thinking this is bigger than it actually is, or if my brain is just weird or something since i can’t even fully tell if my feelings towards certain things are even my own/real, and I’ve just been sitting with it in my mind without knowing the answer and I don’t have any to talk to about it.

I have a job interview tomorrow with the owner of a small, locally-owned shop and i'm not sure what I should do vis a vis pronouns, officially i go by it/they but i'd just say they/them. I look fairly androgynous and get a mix of gendered terms and he's and she's when I go out, so its kind of a toss-up what the interviewer will see me as. I live in a pretty progressive town, its not uncommon to see pride flags in business windows or outside people's homes, but I'm worried about how the owner will feel about me being nonbinary and using neutral pronouns.

I don't get particularly upset when I'm misgendered, so like if a customer calls me "ma'am" I won't correct them, but I dont want to have my boss or coworkers constantly calling me he or she. Should I mention in the interview that I go by they/them? Should I wait until I'm hired? Should I say it in-person or should I just send an email saying those are my pronouns? Or maybe I should just start including my pronouns in my email signature? Im just not sure what to do

Hello,

For those whose presentation leads them to be perceived as cis men, even though your actual identity is not as such, how would you react to this statement?

I encountered a woman recently in a queer space who, due to her trauma with men, is automatically wary around people who she thinks of as men. When I mentioned that I am not a man but non binary, She said it doesn’t matter, that I have the privilege to move about in most of the world due to how I look and wouldn’t know the pain of why so many women must be extremely cautious of men (or people like me who remind them of men).

And I honestly did not know what to say. For a time in my life I did identify as a man, and even though I do not now my appearance has not changed much. I can fathom where her pain was coming from and just decided to disengage. But it did sting a bit and I am trying to understand what my role should be in all of these cases. I do my best to confront injustices as it stands, but I am fully aware my image can lead to dread in people because they do not know who I am and rely on the visual cues in front of them.

———— EDITS vvvvvvvvvvvv *\*

How this conversation came up I explained in a comment below, but it was a public meet up for queer folks. Happened to randomly be invited to join a mini group where this woman I think is known in the space and seemed to have been friends with everyone in the circle except me. Thus I suppose she felt comfortable enough to talk about her trauma and make jokes anyway. I also happened to be the most masculine presenting person present where everyone else appeared to be very feminine or androgynous in comparison.

Also when I meant by “disengage” was that I apologized and didn’t really interact with her further and left the circle after a time for the rest of the night. I didn’t actually have any discussion about my gender with her. I had just mentioned that I was nonbinary after being referred to as a man multiple times over which was then followed by her response.

Is there a field out there like transfeminism but with regards to nonbinary people? If so what is it called? ‘Exorfeminism’ doesn’t seem to turn up results. Also what are you guys’ recs for such theoretical works to get into?

Edit: I mean literature, essays, etc

haii!! ^~^

i'm not sure if there's anyone here who has already gone through this and would be willing to talk about it, but any advice would be super appreciated while im trying to figure thingies out

i'm anxious about having an appointment with a clinic for hrt, and honestly just worried about a few things:

1. do doctors usually understand how or why someone would want gender affirming care for being nonbinary? It feels like mtf and ftm hrt are more commonly known, and i'm worried about a possibility where they don't know what to do for a nonbinary case -- if that happens would it be reasonable to just explain what my transition goals are? or should I be ready to also share like what prescriptions I would ideally be receiving?
2. I live in a southern US state (fortunately, I do live in a progressive city), but I'm also worried that this could make the awareness/education issue worse, not sure if anybody has guidance on that part as well
3. for people who have been successful in obtaining affirming care in this situation, how similar or different was the plan compared to like binary mtf hrt? I've only been able to find a handful of discussions about it online, so also just trying to get any information i can -- I've seen some people talk about going on a lower dose plan or doing essentially binary hrt but with selective estrogen receptors modulators (e.g., raloxifene)

thankies for the help!! im excited to finally take this step, but just like uncertainties that make it a lil silly inside my head

Rececntly my egg broke. It hurts saying it because it feels like parts of me r lagging behind. I rmr since i was a kid i was very into desires of dyeing my hair or piercings or tattoos, to the point where it hurt that i couldnt be like that. Also obsessed with like js my body changing in general. I rmr crying because it wasnt possible and then from there on avoiding it.

Then I came to the conclusion that I am non binary, and the same INSANE joy and amazing floaty feeling came with it, and I tried out a new name which ik ive wanted since b4 and They/Them pronouns. It felt so good i cried once or twice.

But now the feelings gone and everything hurts. Its like for a brief moment sm1 dangled the like secret to life in front of my face and now every second feels like torture. My mental healths gotten worse. All in the span of one month. I have no one to talk to. I really don't. For most things in my life. I really want sm1 to talk to so badly. I wanna be able to live outside of my dreams so badly.

So if any1 has any tips on how to last (Im 18) and how to get on hrt or find ppl that genuinely care id love it pls. Esp communities that r active like discord. Im closeted and a dropout in a conservative muslim family. So anything would help. Please.

Im pretty young, around starting as a teenager(i genuinly dont know how i have an acount in here) and i lately been very comfortable speaking to myself by they/them pronouns, and also the thought of people refering to me (partially) as non binary made me comfier, and, i am cis, i dont mind being a guy, but imagining myself refering to me as they/them made me feel... honestly i cant really say the feeling lol

Holy that feels weird sharing it

Also off topic but i see a lot of people who send a lot of pictures like in instagram so im just saying that i dont really take selfies and send them anywhere, so just sayin

Also this is a repost cuz i didnt really saw except one person comment and i want more of other people's views, pr you can just call me an attension seeker idk

Hii, I just wanted to share my experiences, maybe some of you can relate or share some advice. I feel like I really need it.

So I am genderfluid, but mostly wishing to present in a neutral way. But it's not really possible, is it? If I wear masculine clothes, I am scared of looking like a trans man (I've been accused of that by my transphobic family) or just a tomboy and therefore feel uncomfortable most of the time. If I'm wearing a dress, I get afraid of being invalidated and misgendered, so even though I do like dresses, I end up feeling uncomfortable.

When people ask me which pronouns do I use, I don't even know what to answer so I say ”any” and then regret it. I don't want to be called by ”he” nor ”she”, and I am afraid to ask them to call me by ”they” since most cis folks won't even try to refer to me by them afterwards, and even if they do for a while, they usually come back to ”she”, and the problem is that in my country, ”I” and ”You” all have gender! It gets really annoying and at this point I don't want to be perceived at all 😮‍💨

someone came up with stupid rules and they force me to follow them

I have been playing video games,have been exploring different names and pronouns. How do I explore being nonbinary more?

Somehow others don't seem to care much about it, but I experience constant dysphoria.