Mod Topics - How to Keep your Cool

[u/techiesgoboom]

Howdy, ModSupport!

Welcome to the latest installment of our Mod Topics series. Today’s discussion is about how we keep tempers cool when strong convictions are being shared in our shared spaces. How do we moderate when someone gets mad?

Most of us have witnessed a thread getting a little out of hand, two users who really do not have anything nice to say about each other, or, everyone’s favorite, a user having an exceptionally bad day in modmail.

How do you reset the tone of a conversation on your subreddits? In your modmail? What advice do you give to new mods who are cooling heated conversations for the first time?

Let us know your stories in the comments below!

[u/techiesgoboom]

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[u/cupcakes531]

The hardest lesson for new mods is that silence is actually a response. Some people just want an audience for their bad day, and you don't have to provide it.

[u/welding_guy_from_LI → u/cupcakes531]

When I first started modding , I fell into that trap.. the Reddit I have to get the last word in moments .. now I just do things stealth ..

[u/techiesgoboom → u/welding_guy_from_LI]

This xkcd is a classic for a reason! Do you have any tips on when you choose to walk away vs explaining a mod action?

[u/SampleOfNone]

For comments, we have a nice rule that says "choice of words matter, be kind to one another". We have two removal reasons for that "choice of words matter" and "choice of words matter, that goes for everyone". Then we'll comment mop.

For modmail, descalate and the art of not responding.

It's never fun when your post of comment gets removed. So someone coming into modmail being aggravated, just focus on the question they're actually asking, answer that and ignore the rest. It's the fastest way to get people to simmer down and have a normal conversation.

Never try to prove you're right, because there's nothing to win. You took a mod action, you stand behind it, you don't have to prove anything. I would argue that if you keep trying to convince a user that you're right in modmail, you're the one that's escalating the issue. So explain once, and that's that. If they ask a follow up question because something is unclear, then by all means answer but don't be drawn into a back or forth or be the one that's instigating the back and forth. It's perfectly fine to simply archive if you have nothing more to add to the matter.

And if your fingers are really itching, set it to "mod only" first, type your rebuttal and then delete it instead of sending.

For hate speech, threats and all those nice things, report, ban and archive but never respond.

[u/techiesgoboom → u/SampleOfNone]

All of this is gold! Especially the point about not diving into that back and forth in modmail. I remember another mod team described this as their "two bites at the apple rule", in taking two attempts to explain the rule.

[u/7thAndGreenhill]

I often will insert myself into the thread reminding people to follow sub rules and “remember the human”.

Half of the time this works and the tone simmers down.

The other half of the time one of the parties makes me the target. Which is then followed by a very long but temporary time out from the sub.

[u/techiesgoboom → u/7thAndGreenhill]

Being visible like that can have a nice impact, although it sucks when you're made the target! One tip I've found helpful is writing those reminders to the audience of the people following the rules and reporting. Something along the lines of "Thank you to everyone here who's been remembering the human, and an extra thanks to everyone that's been reporting those that aren't" can land a little differently.

[u/baseballlover723]

I mained jungle in League of Legends for a decade. I've heard it all. The stuff redditors say is tame compared to the hellhole I was forged in.

[u/emily_in_boots]

I remove it all lol. I don't want to deal with arguments. If things get contentious, they get yeeted.

With modmail, if people are uncivil, they get banned and muted. Everyone should be able to remain civil.

I remember when I was new on reddit getting banned in multiple subs I liked one day by safestbot. Later, I ended up modding one of those and went to check my old convos. As upset as I was, my modmails were completely polite and civil. So I'm not asking others to do what I didn't do myself.

[u/Hierophantically]

Repeat this mantra: nothing on reddit is urgent;* nothing on reddit requires your full emotional attention.

* with the rare exception of active violence, predatory stalking, doxxing, and other attempts to cause real harm by posting

[u/welding_guy_from_LI]

If it’s in the comments , I will lock the comments and remove anything that is harassing , insulting or violates the rules ..same goes for posts .. most of the time I go the 3 strikes before I ban someone unless it’s egregious .. same logic applies to modmail .. if the person acts reasonable , I’m willing to talk , but the moment it goes into attacks and insults it’s ban and mute

I get it we all have bad days , mods and users sometimes act irrational .. I must say my members are pretty good about following rules ..

[u/cupcakes531]

Walking away for twenty minutes before hitting reply saved me so much pointless stress.

[u/infinitebroth → u/cupcakes531]

I'm also team walking away for a few minutes! Always a great suggestion.

[u/Kill_Your_Masters]

I draw the line at getting nasty. I will explain and debate mod actions ad nauseum, I will relentlessly respond to any and all query. many mod actions have had long debates and information exchanged in a civil manner. a lot of times people understand and can use that information to be a better member going forward.

but as soon as you tell me to do something expletive to myself, youre muted and gone. if you cant articulate a response without being nasty or disruptive, we just dont need you there. there are timeouts for the slightly over the line to cool off, like a 3 day suspension. but the over the top insults or attacks, thats just a mute forever, ban permanently and move on.

you cant save em all.

[u/uppercasemad]

Comment Mop is excellent for shutting shit down quickly to give you time to assess.

[u/Mason11987]

If someone is "having an exceptionally bad day in modmail" ie: being abusive. I ban and mute them permanently if possible.

This isn't my job, it's silly to do anything other than that, and no one should expect anything other than that from any mod. If we were paid to accept abuse it'd be different, but we're not, so we shouldn't be expected or encouraged to entertain it even a little bit. There's millions of people on here, most of them are fine, you don't need to have the ones who aren't in your community.

[u/brunoxid0]

Lock the thread. Delete rude comments. Ban people who break the rules.

[u/viperfan7]

Would be a ton easier to if the people at reddit stopped making decisions that seem intentionally direct at making moderating harder.

[u/maiyannah]

Im Canadian.

If I need to cool down, I just go outside.

[u/Duke_Newcombe → u/maiyannah]

...sor-ry...

[u/SnooDonuts6494]

1. If you feel angry, don't reply until the next day.

2. Modmail represents the subreddit, not you. Keep it impersonal. Instead of "I think this was unacceptable", say "It seems that you broke one of the subreddit rules."

[u/sadandshy]

I haven't had to deal with many angry posters. The one super angry person I did have had the wonderful timing of going crazy while I was a sleep. The filters caught everything, and by the time I was having my morning cocoa the account was banned by admin. It was fun reading all 34 posts during breakfast.

[u/ANaughtyTree]

We've had some crazy modmail messages come through on r/AutoDetailing. Calling us slurs, threatening to beat us up if they see us, even threatening to sue us for removing a post because it's "harassment"...? They're mad at us because THEY violated the subreddit rules and are facing consequences. I just mute, ban, and move on. We clean cars, it's not that serious 🥲

[u/ZaphodBeebblebrox]

If two people are yelling at and insulting each other in my sub, I typically warn both of them. I don't care which of them started it. My theory is that it takes two to tango, and that the proper response is to disengage and use your report button.

If I start to get mad at another user or situation, it's no longer my problem. I have co-mods, they can deal with it without my anger. Anger isn't productive and doesn't lead to good choices.

[u/InGeekiTrust]

I love comment mop, where I just remove/mop the whole thread. I also make sure to use the lock feature on comment mop where it makes it so there can't be any more replies to comments

Sometimes very rarely it's a good argument, but I don't want it to continue. What I will do is I will un toggle the remove function of comment mop, and use only the lock function. It will lock the entire argument just down the thread. This is good for informative debates! Maybe I'll remove some of the really bad stuff at the end, but I'll leave it up for others to read.

[u/Miss_L_Worldwide]

I moderate contentious subs. I have learned to ban and mute immediately. There's nothing to be gained from trying to reason with some of these people. So many people just go in subs to start trouble.

[u/Old_One_I]

Hahaha I shouldn’t even be laughing, I’m just learning about controversial posts. I always relied on steering conversations by providing the content that doesn’t promote fights. So modmail wasn’t really a problem and still isn’t. But as people are starting to post we’re getting some fights. My eyes start to roll in the back of my head. That being said, if you aren’t mentally prepared it doesn’t hurt to sleep on it. I can be guilty.

I’m following this.

[u/AsteriskRX → u/Old_One_I]

Yeah, I'm right there with you. Someone else mentioned walking away; sometimes I need to walk away not because I'm negatively affected, but because there are occasions where I shouldn't be laughing. Also agree that sleeping on it is a good way to process too.

[u/999_Seth]

I tell the trouble makers to block each other

some Redditors just have a very strong "it was MY TURN to talk" mentality and no amount of banning or censoring them will calm it down

they just have to block each other, that's the only way to keep them from hijacking and soapboxing on every topic with stuff that should be kept in DM

[u/Mason11987 → u/999_Seth]

that's the only way to keep them from hijacking and soapboxing on every topic

Why not just ban them? You can prevent them from doing the thing you don't like really easily.

[u/Intelligent-Dot-8969]

I have zero tolerance for insults and uncivil comments. They are immediately deleted.

[u/greywar777]

I remember that the people causing problems often have mental issues. They will demand you respond etc. They WANT the conflict.

Dont hop into that sty with the pig-theyre going to have a great time, you arent.

Not always perfect at that, but I do try.

[u/Dom76210]

If a conversation gets heated, we put both parties to it in timeout like the toddlers they are behaving like. That usually is a 24hr ban. If one person was more blatant about it, they might get 3 days to cool off.

It's surprisingly effective, as this way they can't start up with anyone else on the sub who may have tried helping at got caught in the crossfire.

[u/MableXeno]

Well I'm not a therapist (which is really what most people need).

A few subs actually have a "bickering" macro/removal to tell people to knock it off. But otherwise I just mop comments from where it starts & lock & put the users in a temp ban. I mute them and tell them to take time to cool off before returning.

In modmail - I might reiterate rules, but I'm not doing dozens of messages back and forth. The new chat format for the users has resulted in people doing lots of messages like this:

But I didn't break the rules!
Just show me where I broke them.
I don't think you can.
MOD OVERREACH!

They've sent 4 or 5 messages before I even have a chance to ask them to calm down or maybe even say there was a mistake (doesn't happen that often, but it does happen). If they really lose it, I just perma ban, mute for a bit and move on.

I'm not really arguing with people. If they can't participate in the acceptable way, they can find another sub. They can make their own sub. I don't really care.

For new mods I tell them to mute, archive, and move on.

[u/goretsky]

Hello,

I just try to keep conversations at a professional level, and beyond that, to remember the human, as they say on Reddit. Sometimes it is good to wait to reply to something if emotions are high. Waiting a day can make a huge difference in the quality of your response.

Regards,

Aryeh Goretsky

[u/Huge-Revolution2416]

The best move is usually to slow it down before it turns personal. Once people feel heard, the whole thread gets way easier to manage.