r/MenGetRapedToo • u/_Ilovecats_1 • 7d ago
I was raped in prison
I was 19, my assaulter was 38. I was a pretty nasty kid, selfsentered and rude, not many people liked me. I was struggling with aspd (diagnosed a few years later) I had gotten to a lot of therapy to fix my anger issues and learn to regulate them instead of snapping. I pissed off the wrong person, he had lost it, stalked me to my cell and raped me. He was also choking me whilst doing it and put his hand over my mouth so I couldn’t scream for help. He also made sure that any time it looked like I was about to pass out he would stop and make sure I got enough air to not pass out before he continued to make sure I 100% present while it happened. After he was done he just left me in my cell and walked out like nothing happened. I cried for a good 20-30 minutes before a guard went rounds to lock the cells for the night (luckily it was one I liked and trusted) she saw I had cried and asked if something happened, I tried to speak but could barely because he choked me so hard. I eventually managed to say that the 38 year old had raped me. She called another guard and I was taken to a doctor to examine my neck and other parts of my body. The guy started telling everyone that he had raped the 19 year old everyone hated and thought him a lesson. His whole reasoning for raping me was because he hated me and wanted to teach me a lesson (kinda reasonable, I get why he hated me I was a shitty kid but he didn’t have to rape me for it) Literally everyone in the prison knew what happened, some felt sorry for me and thought the guy had stepped way over the line, some thought I deserved it and even even started using it to threaten me. The police investigated him and I stopped seeing him in the prison. I don’t know if his sentence was prolonged or if he’d moved to another prison or section or something. I asked to be moved because literally everyone in the prison now knew what happened, they said they’d talk about it but nothing really happened. I feel like I’m not allowed to feel sad about this. That I actually deserved it for my shitty behavior. Yea I got “nicer” or whatever but I was really just traumatized and terrified if I ever pissed of anyone again they’d do the same to me (I was still a shitty person) The fact that there are so many people who get raped repeatedly in prisons with no justice makes me feel ungrateful for the justice I got. Prison rape and violence in general is rare where I live too. Yea, sorry if it’s all over the place and sorry if my English is bad it’s not my first language I just needed to say this somewhere.
3
3
3
21
u/NoRealPersonInvoIved 7d ago
You did not "deserve" it. No one deserves it. Not even criminals, not even those in prison, not even rapists, not even child predators. No one. Especially not just because you were annoying, or an asshole, or selfish, or rude. I know you said you have ASPD but all of these traits are pretty normal for a 19 years old. I know that it's difficult to believe it yourself and that words might not matter that much, but I'm so sorry that happened to you. Of course you became nicer, that's the fawn response and you were just trying to survive. I'd say that you were "rude" at first for the same reason, ASPD is not 100% genetic and it's caused by trauma too, there is a reason why people end up in prison after all. Even if you didn't see him again I feel like it's normal for you to feel ungrateful too because you basically had no closure and I know how it feels like when everyone knows about it, but I cannot even imagine the feelings you must have felt in that place, I'm so sorry, they shoild have protected you more and should have moved you. Criminals are people too and deserve dignity, protection and respect as much as any other human being. Prison is a flawed system and you were literally a fucking teenager. 19 is still a teen.