As the title states. I just have come to enjoy being gendered a certain way and worry that the older population at my job will react to me not presenting as traditionally femme. Alot of people were suprisingly accepting of my pronouns and new name. It's the balance of not wanting to "pass" but also wanting to seem that I'm putting in effort if that makes sense? Theres this really transphobic trope about "person identifies as X and doesn't put any effort in because they're a sCaRy pReDatoR" 🤮 I have to admit it but that gets to me sometimes. Like I work alongside a day school and just get paranoid about how people will see me.

found a blazer. too butch? don't care

I'm still in the process of learning makeup, but I feel like this sub is a good place to post this.

just in time for the pink hair to fade into a nice orange

Hey friends.

Throw away account obvi.

I am mtf but I haven’t transitioned. My soul is a lesbian. Im butch at heart. Im a woman, but I cant do anythint because my family is homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc. I live with them, just got laid off of my shitty job (that couldnt support basic needs anyways because fuck Trump and this fucked economy) and feel like everyday is a struggle. I have no friends, not in a relationship, and feel stuck. And even if I did get queer friends and or a girlfriend I feel like I would be judged either way. Either for being weird or not transitioning. Im not the type of person to take risks, Im pretty introverted, and feel beat down by my family (emotionally for the last million years). I cant look at my refelction to long and I try to cope with my TikTok and writing. I feel like if I could just get some friends who understood, pushed me to take small steps, then I would feel less like everything is pointless. I just dont know what to do. Im also pretty traumatized by a surgery that left me fucked up for 5 years and do not want to fuck with bottom surgery. So yeah. Rant over. I think I got everything.

Hey, I've posted about this before but I'm bringing it up again. Hair is one of the things I'm most jealous about other people having cuz I started having nasty hair loss starting at 20 and it's extremely bad now at 21. I shaved my head bald and started taking finasteride but from what I've read, finasteride isn't like a miracle that'll just make my hair go back to normal. I wear a hat all the time but I feel like a weirdo constantly wearing a hat and I just hate to see myself not in one. I don't know what to do. Balding and hair loss in this pattern is so heavily associated with men, and especially older men, and I fucking hate it.

Even the girls here have this beautiful fluffy huge hair and it makes me want to rip my skin off

Pre-concert pic from last night, plus a pic of me and my girlfriend

story relevant, selfie because I want to. again I'm sorry if I'm posting too many selfies, still new to this sub. Feeling myself.

but update after coming out to my friends and family, I came out at work. I do work remote, effectively tech support management.

It went better than I could have imagined. I came to a supervisor first, who was incredibly supportive and put me in touch with one of our engineers, who is another trans woman that came out to her and...happens to live in my city, and invited me to their local transbian anarchist magic the gathering experimental music discord. I'm gonna meet up with them next week. I came out at work and it was like I just immediately manifested a group of people like me. I couldn't believe it.

Everyone else has been amazing, and even my department head (after giving me details on a pretty major project) said "for the love of all that's unholy, tell me if anyone gives you any sass about this." My direct supervisor started using my pronouns...not a single person has been weird about it.

I feel guilty, almost. I feel incredibly privileged, and lucky, that I get to have such a positive experience. I almost don't feel it's deserved, I did nothing any more special than any other women that weren't extended the same kindness. I live somewhere I'm respected. My small close family accepts me. I happened to land upon a workplace that supports me.

I'm not sure how to handle that feeling, but I know it means I need to do what I can to be a safe place for other people. I apologize for sounding so saccharine.

I’m old and not up on my identity / presentation words lol. This is my most comfortable with myself presentation. WTF am I?