hi li. hope you're doin great.
we heard you at nialls show. your voice, somethin I never thought I'd hear again.
we're still shitty without you.
I don't like kate anymore. I think she moved on.
to my heart, movin on means acceptin and startin to live w it.
movin on means acceptin that you're gone. I could never do that. I'd hate myself if I do.
I'm always angry, liam.
since you left, death scares me. even the word triggers me sm.
I think your sister misses you more.
I'm js a fan, I wonder how much bear misses you
it's so unfair. have you accepted your death? you shouldn't. you were seperated from the people who love, admire and adore you. from your own son. it'll always be unfair. how are you goin on without your people? do you not miss your son?
I have a bittersweet thingy w your absence.
I'm grateful you're peaceful, but miserable and angry that it costed your life.
I always have this empty feelin when I think ab you. a low feelin in my tummy. like a part of my home disappeared.
I wonder if I'd still be this bad if you were still alive. would I be less shitty? less depressed?
I miss you so bad, payno. it's so hard without you.
I've always said this, that it feels like it's been a long long time since you left, but like yesterday at the same time. I think I'll forever feel this way.
you took all my comfort w you. I no longer find happiness while listenin to your music or hearin you laugh. I no longer enjoy one directions music. I feel guilty if I enjoy it. like I'm not supposed to.
I can't believe it's already been two damn years since god stole you away from us.
I miss your smile and that sunshine self the most.
everythins been dim since then.
my birthdays in oct. but I've never hated October more after you left. I hate everythin ab it. even my birthday. ofc, I've always hated my birthday but its different now.
I'm angry. I'm so angry, lima bear. I'm consumed by rage just writin this. questions fill my mind. questions which have no answers or explanations. they haunt me when I think of you.
sometimes, I don't even miss you. I feel so numb. for that, I blame my shitty mental health but still, I just hate that I can't cry anymore. over anythin, over yours. I feel guilty. I miss you too much, but I just can't express it. I feel suffocated.
all I feel is anger and numbness. I don't know how they exist together in me.
i miss you. i miss you more than words could explain. and i love you. i love you more than i miss you.