Self doubt

[u/Weary-Gas-4387]

Hey guys.
I (25f) recently got a job as a cook in a nursing home and just finished my second week. I have around 7 years of combined kitchen experience and after trying something in a different field for a year, and hating it, I decided to get back in the industry.
Unfortunately like many places we are very short staffed and everybody is working overtime. For me that’s both good and bad because I’m poor, but it’s also been a shock to my body trying to get used to this kind of work again. That fact has also made my training somewhat difficult. They’re great at training and have been legitimately trying, and I hear I’m doing well but my imposter syndrome is so fucking bad.
The problem is that there is so much food to prepare especially given the different textures needed and specials people prefer and often not enough time for one person to do it. Even with two people we still run tray line a little late. I genuinely try so hard to go as fast as I can, not leaving time for anything in between tasks and always consolidating everything I need to do, and somehow I end up falling short. (At least by my standards) I just can’t help but feel that I’m letting them down already.
I’ve grown up working in kitchens in really tough places and endured lots of abuse, so I’m extremely strict with myself. I also have severe OCD that makes trusting myself and being confident in my actions a lot more difficult, but I’m working on that. I try to do everything as physically fast as I can and somehow it still takes longer than I feel it should.
There have been a few things they’ve given me tips on in terms of speed, just teaching me how to do it their way, but I haven’t gotten any talkings to about my performance yet. I am always there when I need to be and I’m consistently, always always always doing something. I mind my business and work. My brain is telling me though that if I don’t develop superhuman speed I’m going to get fired.
I’m consistently wondering if I made a mistake or if they made a mistake hiring me.. it’s tough. I know I’m still very new and these things come with time but I can’t help beating myself up. There is a part of me that wonders if I should look for something else (difficult because I can’t really afford to make less and switching environments too soon fucks with my head..I also don’t want to fuck them over) or just bite the bullet and keep going and hope I succeed. Everybody was new once but I truly hate being new.

[u/510Goodhands]

Breathe. Take their word for what they are telling you, and check out CBD, or something else that will help you relax.

Also, figure out a way to get some therapy, even if it’s through a book. Stop buying into the notion that you are locked into OCD.

[u/Weary-Gas-4387 → u/510Goodhands]

Yeah I definitely need to be more trusting of that and try to chill out. I’ve been trying to work on not over complicating things for myself. Thank you

[u/510Goodhands → u/Weary-Gas-4387]

He might start taking notes on what they tell you about what you were doing well, then put them up on your bathroom mirror, and remind yourself that while you were working.

Is it possible that family members have been hard on you in the past? You have enough self-awareness to see what’s happening in near real time. Take the next step and get some new information, and apply some newly acquired wisdom. It sounds like you’re smart enough to break the pattern.

[u/Live-Reading-4712]

Everyone in a kitchen has days like this. Keep a short list of what you got right this week, and ask your chef one specific question about your work instead of guessing what they think.

[u/Tasty_Impress3016]

I've never seen a single person say they had 7 years of combined experience. Combined with what? Are you multiple personality? Do you have a twin?

[u/duderino_okc]

Sounds like you're doing a great job... of beating yourself up. I only recognize the signs bc I do it to myself as well. Detail your prep list, start charting your times and you will see the improvement on time management. Quit worrying about getting fired until you're getting fired, lol.