Backstory: MIL made my first postpartum unbearable as well. I had baby blues with PPA/PPD immediately that spiraled because of my in laws. They had no idea what a boundary was, I was a major people pleaser. They came unannounced every single night, multiple family members at once for HOURS. Then would guilt me into family dinners with a newborn & pass her around even to the KIDS. This is also when I noticed MIL, her sister, & her mom would actually bully me often. Even had GIL curse me out once for forgetting the babies bassinet…Eventually I grew a pair and stood up to everyone but it ended in them all ghosting me when I was 5m pp. Within a month of silence I gave in & confronted MIL bc of my SO. Things got swept under the rug and we all moved on the best we could.

Now, I am 3 weeks postpartum with my second child. Mind you, I had an emergency c section & it was a very traumatic experience for my husband and I. Then I was also in the ER twice within the first week postpartum.

When we were in the hospital MIL wanted to come but my husband texted her, “sorry, [wife] needs space right now. We will let you know when we’re ready.” No response. 3 days later we’re finally released to go home. I am introducing my toddler to our new baby for the first time ever. I decided I would let her have this day to herself, we push off the parents. Except my mom, I needed her for night time help. His parents come in unannounced with soup that she forced on us insisting she make it. They see me walk in and run out saying they were only dropping off soup.

Then husband gets this text from MIL: “Do You think it's right that your mom and your dad who brought you to this world have to wait for your invite??? Isn't [wifes] parents same like us but for some reason it's not the same and not the first time around have noticed this. I am sorry to have to write this to you but i am as your mother believes And know I have to. How would you feel when your kids will tell you the same try to put yourself in mine and your dad's shoes.And please know you are not the first and not last many people go through even worse pregnancies and God forbid they have issues with their baby's. Please be thankful that both mom and baby are feeling good!!!”

Ok, lots of guilt tripping… husband falls for it and we end up inviting them the next day. You won’t believe it, MIL doesn’t show up! She says she’s too upset to show up and doesn’t want to say something she will regret. We move past this somehow… Then she comes a day or two later and now she’s showing up everyday uninvited, “I’ll be here tomorrow” I don’t say anything bc at least she’s cleaning, cooking, & helping with toddler. Fast forward to 10/18 now, I’m 2 weeks pp. She again invites herself over but this time with FIL & SIL. They all come over and within 10 min she asks to take my toddler out on a walk. I agree, she’s been doing this the past week. A walk is usually in front of our house on our street. She was gone for an hour… SIL pulls up her location to find her 5 blocks away at her sisters house. Apparently MIL felt it was appropriate to walk my daughter all the way over to her sisters house and sit for lunch? What the actual fuck. Problem 1, you invited yourself over and made me host everyone thinking you’d spend time here too just to leave the whole hour? Problem 2, you took my daughter on a whole field trip and didn’t decide to update me throughout the ENTIRE time?? This is where I no longer could keep quiet. I told my husband he BETTER say something to MIL. He ends up aggressively telling her to follow our rules and update us if she ever takes our daughter elsewhere. She gets pissed yells and hangs up. She left our house fast after coming back from their “walk” so he ended up confronting her on the phone when she called like nothing happened.

After this she ghosts me and my kids for over a week. No phone call, no coming over, silence. To me this was nice, until my toddler started asking where her grandma is. Then pretending to text and call grandma. You cry so much for a relationship then fucking ghost us? I couldn’t tell if this was ego or embarrassment. Now, husband calls MIL and she says, “so you guys think this is all my fault?” And she flips the script about how I’m so controlling, everything she does is wrong, & how she did nothing wrong. Mind you while ghosting me she’s also posting passive aggressive videos in the group chat. (Instagram reels about kids listening, how sons don’t care about their parents , how to stand up to people who don’t agree w you)

After her call off course she did a great job guilt tripping my husband who is a really bad people pleaser esp when it comes to enabling his mother. He flips the script and is now coming at me. Then we get into it. Then he rage texts his mom and she says “this sounds like [wife], not [son]” and sticks to that theme while also sending messages about how we are unwelcoming and nobody is allowed over until we’re “ready”. And a bunch of other bs then this spirals into her again inviting herself over and stating, “we are coming over tomorrow. Going to talk about this” then somehow SIL sends the longest message ever to my SO saying she will also be coming to this now “intervention” at our house.

What the actual fuck is happening. All I wanted after Saturday was for her to take some fucking accountability or apologize… now we’re all in a full blown fight and MIL is blaming me completely while also being defensive/guilt tripping. Mind you she’s also talking shit about me to her sister. Which means also GIL probably. I am not hosting a fucking intervention apparently meant for me? At my house when I have a literal newborn and toddler while healing from a major surgery. SO told me to call MIL & confront her. Wtf do I do? If I call her I fear i will make this worse because she is relentless.

Edit: Not sure why people are assuming I'm the wife lol I am the 32 year old husband and father in this situation. Also not sure if that matters.

My MIL and FIL (both 50) have recently opened a campsite/RV park on their property. This is the same property they live on, have family events on, where my children go out unsupervised to play, and where all the kids in the family have cousin sleepovers. The park is my MIL's idea and my FIL usually just goes along with what she wants. I have no objections to them doing what they want with their own property, but my spouse and I have come to the agreement that we do not want our children staying there anymore since the yard will be fully visible and accessible to anyone who stays there.

My in-laws have all banded together to tell us that we're overprotective, helicoptering, that we can't control everything our children do (my oldest is an 8 year old so I argue that I actually can and should control where they go and who has access to them at this young age), and that we're depriving our children of having the same relationship with them that they had before, and that the other cousins who have continued to stay over will have in the future.

I was already on the fence as to whether or not we should let them attend sleepovers in general. My kids have only been allowed to stay with their two sets of grandparents for fun, and occasionally with the siblings that we trust the most during emergencies. This is making me increasingly uncomfortable with allowing my children to stay with ANYONE on this side of the family, as I am now doubting if they even pay attention to my children at all if they're comfortable with their own children being left unsupervised at an RV park.

I feel like I've crossed over into a completely different universe where this family suddenly has zero awareness about the existence of pedos, creeps, abusers, and AI sensitive materials based on real images of children.

How can I make them understand that not only am I never going to allow my children to stay with them on their property now that it is open to strangers, but even if they eventually shut it down, my trust in them has been completely destroyed by them pressuring me to let my kids stay even when my spouse and I are uncomfortable with it? I am sad for my kids because they're losing some of the only people they have in their support system besides us as their parents, but I can't allow the risk of someone grabbing my child and pulling them into their RV for devil knows what. Will my children eventually understand and be glad that we made this decision, or will they resent us for taking away their bond with the rest of the family for "safety?"

I cannot believe I'm having an argument about a grocery list, but here we are.

My husband and I use AnyList because otherwise we both buy milk and neither of us remembers toilet paper.

Last winter MIL stayed with us for about a week while we were dealing with some stuff at home. She offered to pick up groceries a couple of times, so my husband added her to our shared list. We completely forgot she still had access after she went home.

About two weeks ago I added frozen dumplings to the list. The next morning they were gone, and there were potatoes, onions and flour instead. I assumed my husband was planning to cook something.

He wasn't.

A few days later I noticed my usual oat milk had been replaced with regular milk, with a note saying "much cheaper." Then MIL texted my husband asking why we were buying so many convenience foods when we have a perfectly good kitchen.

She's two hours away. She hasn't shopped for us since last winter.

My husband called and asked her to stop changing things on our list. She genuinely seemed confused about why we were upset. Apparently she'd been checking it occasionally and thought she was helping us save money.

He removed her from the shared list, which I thought was the obvious solution. Now she's hurt and saying we didn't have to "shut her out" over groceries.

The annoying part is that she's making me feel petty for caring. It's milk and frozen food. Nobody got hurt. But I also really don't like knowing that someone has apparently been looking at what we buy for months and deciding which of our purchases need correcting.

And the fact that she went to my husband to discuss what I was putting on the list makes it worse somehow.

Am I turning a minor annoyance into a huge boundary issue? Would you just laugh this off?

MIL has a long history of skipping events as our kids were growing up, unless they're extremely convenient for her. She and her husband also only stay as long as is absolutely necessary when they do come. I kind of thought that the kids had noticed this over the years. Coming to a recital but only for the dance our kid was in and not staying for presentations at the end or even talking to our kid. Vacations regularly scheduled during their birthday weeks, even though they're retired and can vacation any time. (Yes, sometimes or for some destinations a conflict might make sense, but this has happened many times.) Etc, etc, etc. One time she skipped a big event and then when she saw us on the next holiday, told our kid that it was a timing issue, which was not what she had told us at all, and didn't even make sense because there was no timing issue. I called her out on it right then and there and she got flustered and said she must've gotten confused. There's more but you get the gist.

Now the kid (teenager) from that event has an important ceremony on Friday. Kid told me that not only do they want MIL and her husband to come, but they want them to be up there with us for the presentation (not just in the audience). I was surprised because of all the above, but okay. My husband told MIL about it and she was immediately dismissive and clearly looking for ways out. He clarified that this was important to our kid and that MIL and her husband had been offered a place of honor. Then all of a sudden she said that there was a maintenance appointment that afternoon that they couldn't possibly reschedule for another day (even though it's a minor thing that isn't actively causing an issue), and they can't ask the guy to come earlier because her husband has a casual friend gathering that morning (he sees them quite often and is not hosting). So they might come but they won't know until they're ready to leave the house because it depends when the guy gets there and how long he takes.

I can't say I'm surprised, but I'm not sure how to tell my kid. I definitely don't want to cover for them, but I also don't want to hurt her / have her be upset for her event. It's supposed to be a fun celebration and I don't love the idea of her realizing that they just don't care that much right then. I know that it's on them and not me, but I don't really care about that when it's my kid's feelings. I also hate that it's in limbo and not even a firm yes or no, so she'll probably have her hopes up right until the last minute. Yes, it's possible that they'll end up coming, which I don't know if that's better or worse because there will still be the uncertainty leading up to it and knowing that it's not a priority to them, but then maybe all will be forgiven if they do show and this whole situation will be prolonged. I'm not sure if this event is something they're actively trying to avoid, or if it's just that they can't be bothered to inconvenience themselves a little.

FWIW, husband is ready to blow up at her but is waiting to see what happens.

My MIL has always been the kind of person who plans everything months in advance, but this is a new one.

About six weeks ago she created a shared Google calendar called "Family" and invited my husband, me, SIL and a few other relatives. At first it seemed harmless. Birthdays were on it, a couple of dinners that had already been discussed, Thanksgiving, etc.

Then she started adding things.

"Family lunch - Sunday 1pm."

"Help Mom with garage."

"Christmas decorating."

"Dinner at Aunt Lisa's."

None of these were conversations. They just appeared on the calendar.

The first time it happened I assumed she was using it as a suggestion, so I ignored a Sunday lunch because we already had plans. Friday night she texted my husband asking what dessert we were bringing.

He said we weren't coming.

She replied, "But it's been on the family calendar for two weeks."

He told her putting something on a calendar isn't the same as asking us. She got annoyed but eventually dropped it.

Now it's happening constantly.

Last week she added something called "Family Photos" for November 15th. My husband immediately texted her that we already have plans that day.

Her response was basically that she booked the photographer based on everyone's availability because nobody had marked themselves busy on the family calendar.

Except nobody ever agreed that this calendar was supposed to contain our entire private schedules.

She is now upset because apparently changing the photo date will cost a deposit, and keeps saying she "checked with everyone" before booking it.

Her version of checking was apparently looking at an empty square on a calendar she created.

The frustrating part is that each individual event sounds reasonable enough that saying no makes us look difficult. Lunch. Photos. Helping with something. Dinner with relatives.

But the bigger issue is that she's quietly changed the process from "Would you like to do this?" to "You're attending unless you register a conflict in advance."

My husband wants to leave the shared calendar entirely. I'm tempted, but I can already hear the argument that we're intentionally making family planning harder.

Has anyone dealt with something like this without turning every calendar notification into another boundary discussion? I don't mind coordinating plans. I just don't want my empty Saturday to become something my MIL can reserve.

My husband and I initially met in the mid 80s. We found each other about 20 years ago. MIL has never been playing with a full deck. She's a hoarder, living on a fixed income and is having to give up a storage shed. She has two and they're HUGE, and costing her an arm and a leg. We go to help her clean stuff out to consolidate them and it was a nightmare.

MIL thinks of herself as the "adult" and barks orders at my husband and SIL. She was going on and on about how she grew up in a military family and "you respect and listen to your superiors. " All of this because my husband and SIL weren't following her (ridiculous) orders to the letter.

We opened the storage unit and there are actual piles of mouse turds. I'm DEATHLY allergic to mice. If they've been somewhere I get serious effects. Respiratory issues way beyond sneezing. So I nope it out of there to get a particulate mask. After I get back, both my husband and SIL are getting tense.

At one point she starts talking about how if my husband doesn't come back over (he walked off for a minute because he was really getting annoyed), he'd never get anything from her because he needs to obey her. My SIL and husband are in their late 50s. I had enough at that point. I snapped and while I didn't cuss or raise my voice, I let her know about herself. I told her that my husband doesn't need a damn thing from her, she's behaving like her own mother. (Her mother was even more of a nightmare) My husband and SIL are adults, and she needs to stop acting like they're little kids and SHE'S the one who's disrespectful in the situation.

I'm not apologizing, I've bitten my tongue for years, but I will go full honey badger when it comes to my husband. No one is stressing him out and going unanswered. Was I wrong?

For those of you who have followed my previous posts about my MIL, I have another update. At this point I’m starting to think this woman is never going to stop finding new ways to create drama.

First, we figured out how she found out about baby. Turns out that one of my mom’s friends who lives in another town like 2 hours away happened to run into my MIL (pretty bad luck, huh?!) at the women’s clothing store where MIL currently works, and MIL recognized her from my wedding several years ago. Obviously, my mom’s friend had no idea that we hadn’t told MIL about the pregnancy, so she casually mentioned something along the lines of, “I’ll see you at the baby shower!”

Apparently, MIL had an absolute emotional meltdown in the middle of the store in response to that… 🙄 She ran to the back room and refused to come out, to the point that one of her coworkers had to come out and tell the customers she had been helping that MIL couldn’t work anymore because she was too upset.

Later that same day, she sent my husband that nasty, aggressive, and profanity-filled text I mentioned in my last post. Because of course, everything is a personal attack against her. 😆 🤦🏼‍♀️

But wait; there’s more. For context, before I saw her true colors, several years ago, I invited MIL to a couple of women’s ministry events at my church. Through that, she got to know the leader of our women’s ministry, whom we’ll call Barb for purposes of this post.

Fast-forward to this Sunday. MIL encounters Barb at the store where she works and immediately beelines toward her and asks if Barb has had any contact with DH and me. In the middle of the store, she loudly said something along the lines of, “Did you know (me, OP) and (her son, DH) are having a baby and they didn’t even tell me? I had to find out from somebody else! Can you believe that?!” She then apparently yet again became extremely vocal and emotional, according to what Barb told me. And yep, this happened in public…at MIL’s place of work, to boot.

Keep in mind, MIL hasn’t attended our church in more than a year and a half. She only ever seemed interested in going as a way to get to us, so once we stopped talking to her, of course she doesn’t care one bit about church. But now, suddenly, she’s interested in getting connected with our church again?? She apparently even told Barb that she’d really like to talk to a pastor or get some counseling through the church and asked if Barb could arrange that for her. Barb followed up with her by email afterward, and surprise, surprise, MIL ghosted her. Predictable. 😂

So, naturally, this feels like yet another attempt to find a way to get to us through someone else. She knows Barb has a connection to us, and now she’s trying to use that connection to insert herself back into our lives.

Oh and apparently, she’s also talking about us to her coworkers. Both DH and I have been receiving LinkedIn notifications showing that people who work at her store are frequently viewing both my husband’s and my profiles. We obviously can’t know exactly what she’s telling them or why they’re looking at our profiles, but given everything else that’s happened and her proclivity for lying, manipulation, and self-victimization, we have our suspicions that she’s telling a verrrrrry warped version of events in which she, of course, is the wounded martyr.

The gossiping to her coworkers part particularly bothers DH because he very recently opened a small professional business in our small city. His reputation and the impressions people have of him matter. So, the thought of his own mother going around talking about him to her coworkers and trying to damage his credibility in the community is understandably quite upsetting.

That said, we’re not overly worried that she’ll actually damage our reputations. She has very little credibility with us, and she has quit so many jobs in our small city that we know it’s just a matter of time before she quits this one and loses her current group of “allies.”

I have a feeling this isn’t the end of her drama, but DH and I have agreed to maintain the status quo and not to engage with her. I’m almost 31 weeks pregnant, and if I have my way, she will not be involved in our lives anytime before or soon after the baby is born. Ideally, I’d like to remain no contact indefinitely.

My husband also feels strongly that reaching out to her now, even if only to call her out for her most recent antics, would essentially be caving to her toxicity and drama. And I tend to agree.

Part of me thinks about how inappropriate it is for her to be airing our private family issues to people at her workplace and involving people from our church. Obviously, we don’t want her spreading lies about us, and we certainly don’t want her behavior affecting my husband’s new business.
But if we reach out to her because of these latest events, aren’t we basically teaching her that her tactics work? I.e., that if she creates enough drama, involves enough people, and makes enough of a spectacle of herself, eventually we’ll respond? We REALLY don’t want to reward that behavior by giving her the attention she’s clearly trying to get from us.

Anyways, I just wanted to share another update with everyone who has followed this situation. 😂 I genuinely appreciate this community and the support I’ve received here. It’s helped me feel so much less alone and so much less terrible about this situation. My DH really struggles to talk about his mom because she’s such a major trigger for him, so having a place where I can process everything with people who understand these kinds of family dynamics has been incredibly helpful.

The saga continues, I guess. And at almost 31 weeks pregnant, I would really love for the next several weeks to be peaceful and drama-free.
But with this nightmare of a woman, I’m not holding my breath. 🙃

I posted on here recently that my MIL wanted to work for the same company that I work for…https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/SlxMpVbK74
Here is the link in case you haven’t seen the post and are interested!

I ended up texting her asking if she ever applied for the job. I verified with my husband first that it would be okay to send the text since it seemed like she wanted it to be a secret that she was applying. He said go ahead and ask if you want. She responded to me that she didn’t apply because it was part time. She continued to say “I need full time.” Lol!

I immediately thought well then what was the point of that? OH, wait… the point was exactly what we all thought it was! She knew she wasn’t going to actually apply because it was part time. She just wanted to test her son and see what he’d say.

 My in-laws have always gotten my kids birthday gifts, but they didn’t bring anything to my daughter’s first birthday party, despite knowing about it for three weeks. but the month before they got the other grandkids gifts.

When I mentioned wrapping a gift from another family member, my MIL defensively and somewhat coldky said, “Oh, we’ll have to get her a gift another time.”

They are VERY frugal, and my MIL did contribute an ice cream cake, which I appreciated.

I know this might sound petty, but it’s genuinely not about the gift or money. It’s about the thoughtfulness and effort, especially for a first birthday. Her annoyed reaction also rubbed me the wrong way, and I doubt they’ll actually follow through.

Would you say something or just let it go? Am I being unreasonable for feeling disappoint

My MIL has started doing something that sounds small when I describe each incident separately, but it's becoming a real problem.

My husband and I bought our house last year. It's nothing huge, but we have a decent backyard and we're roughly in the middle geographically between several relatives.

The first time was Easter. MIL called and said, "Everyone agreed your place makes the most sense this year." We had never been part of that discussion.

My husband told her we'd already made plans, so it didn't happen. She acted mildly annoyed but dropped it.

Then in August my SIL texted me asking what she should bring to the "cookout at your house Saturday."

There was no cookout at our house Saturday.

MIL had apparently told six people we'd host because she thought it would be "easier than everyone driving all the way to her place." She hadn't asked us yet because, according to her, she was "still working out the details."

We shut that down too, which made us look like the people cancelling an event everyone had already been invited to.

Now she's done it again for Thanksgiving.

My husband's aunt casually mentioned yesterday that she's looking forward to seeing our new dining room. That's how we discovered MIL has been telling relatives Thanksgiving will "probably" be at our house.

When my husband confronted her, MIL said she hasn't officially promised anything and we're making a big deal out of nothing. Then came, "I just thought you'd be happy everyone wants to come to your home."

That's the part that's driving me nuts. She keeps creating a social commitment first, then treating our consent like the final administrative step.

My husband wants to send one message to the family group chat saying that invitations to our house only count if they come directly from one of us. I agree, but I'm worried it'll sound like we're publicly scolding her.

At the same time, privately correcting her hasn't changed anything, and I'm tired of finding out from guests that I'm apparently hosting them.

I don't want a huge family feud over Thanksgiving. I just want ownership of my own front door back.

Well it finally happened. I finally decided to confront my MIL after her decade of passive aggressive comments, directly aggressive comments and finally - criticisms of my child and my parenting.

I cannot even go into the horrific details of this argument, but as soon as I set my verbal, calm boundary at first, she lost it on me and went off the deep end.

Saying things that can never be taken back.

My question now is, for those of you that have had this type of interaction with a MIL, how did you move forward?

I absolutely cannot go no contact and I cannot ice out my husbands family, it’s not an option. My husband and I are a united front. And yes my child will be protected from verbal comments from her moving forward. But how can me and her co-exist, hating eachother????

I just need to vent about my MIL! Been a lurker but never posted. Today I am just beyond fed up! It’s long (way longer than it needs to be) and a bunch of all over the place-gibberish. But here it is if anyone feels like reading it! I also didn’t proofread it cuz I’m just not in the mood! So I hope it’s not too butchered but here goes:

She’s not technically my official MIL yet but I’ve been engaged to her son for a while and we have 2 sons (5 and almost 1). Him and I are in our mid 30s and she’s in her 60s and widowed. We recently moved back from living out of state and our car is in the shop so this week she has been helping with rides. She’s the type that feels like because she helps out, she has the right to just do whatever she pleases. Keep in mind, I’m a SAHM and my 5 year old didn’t start school this year. So I’m not the one needing the rides or asking her for anything. She’s giving her own son rides to work.

For context: My bf has been in recovery for awhile. He started using in high school and has been to multiple rehabs over the years but sober for awhile. She feels somewhat responsible for putting him on Adderall at an early age-and I think that’s trapped them in this cycle where he needs her more than he should but she’s addicted to being needed. She has 2 other sons who are fine and doesn’t treat them anything like how she treats him. She creates these scenarios where he is incapable of things he is totally capable of. And she wants me to treat him the same and baby him which I refuse to do. He does stick up for me and put his foot down with her-but in a way it’s almost like he’s scared of her or scared of making her mad or hurting her feelings, especially since his dad who was her HS sweetheart passed from cancer a few years ago. An example: she bought him new black pants for work and told me not to wash them with whites or bleach. I was like I’m totally aware of that thanks and she goes well B doesn’t know cuz he doesn’t know how to do laundry. I was like yes he does he does laundry all the time. She was like he does?! I was like ya. She was like wow when my husband worked and I stayed home I did all the laundry! (I should probably throw in that even tho I don’t work-the reason we have 90% of what we have is because of my parents. They live out of state and are retired and very well off so they pay for the rent and utilities so all he has to worry about is everything else. They do this so I am able to stay home with my older son who is special needs and was kicked out of daycare for running out of the classroom all the time). Maybe I would feel more like Suzy homemaker if he paid for everything, but since he doesn’t, I’m more than happy to let him share the housework with me. And that doesn’t seem to sit well with her.

I know that’s kind of a long backstory and I’m probably all over the place. I’m not a good story teller or Reddit poster so please don’t judge me I’m trying here lol. Ok so let’s fast forward to this week. We recently moved so he was getting his mail sent to her house because we weren’t 100% sure of our new address. She brought a bag of mail over to our house for him then offered to take me to the store and sit in the car with the kids while I went in. I’ve been door dashing what I needed so I thought what the heck it’ll save $ so I went with her to take him to work then went to the store. When we got back I took the groceries in then went back to the car for the kids. She insisted on helping me bring the kids in and help put the groceries away. I politely declined but she wasn’t having it. When we got inside she acted like she was helping but I noticed her snooping around. She says she’s looking for the bag of important mail she brought for B. I said oh it’s probably in our bedroom I’m sure it’s safe. And she starts walking down the hall towards our bedroom. I was like I will look for it and she said no i want to. And walks into our freaking bedroom! It’s still not organized from moving and there’s boxes and bags of clothes and she starts picking his clothes up off the floor and asking are these all B’s?! Are they dirty?! Why don’t I sit up here with the boys while u run down and do a load of his clothes. I was like um no u can just leave those there he likes to wash his own clothes actually and idk what’s dirty and what’s clean. Then I find the bag of mail on the counter and she comes out and grabs it and goes and hangs it on a hanger in the closet and reminds me 50 times that it’s there. I’m screaming inside at this point.

So today I know she’s on her way over and I told him I don’t want her coming inside. He said he totally understood and told her he would be out and she was arguing that she needed to come in cuz she had a case of water for us. (That we didn’t ask for). He said he would come out and get it. I hurried and locked the door. When she got there he again told her he’d be out and a few mins later I hear someone downstairs trying to open the door. I hear the keypad going over and over again like they are trying the code but they don’t know it so it keeps beeping. Then B goes down and says “mom it’s really a mess and the kids are still sleeping she doesn’t want them to wake up let’s just go we doesn’t want anyone coming inside right now”. and she says “I don’t care I need to use the bathroom and I’m not going to Burger King to do it!” And pushes past him and waltzes right in like she owns the place. I finally got stern and said I didn’t want anyone coming in and she goes oh it’s fine I had 3 kids I don’t care about the mess and I said I appreciate that but it’s a personal thing.

I forgot to mention he had a doctors appt this morning then they were coming back for him to get ready for work. He asked me to put his clothes in the dryer (she was already in the car when we had this convo) and I said ok as long as ur mom doesn’t call me to make sure I have ur work clothes ready! We both laughed and he left.

I kid u not 30 mins before I expected them back the phone is ringing and it’s her but it rang twice then she hung up. Then again then again. I knew what was happening. She was calling to ask about his clothes and he was telling her to hang up. So finally the 4th time I answered for shits and giggles. And she goes hi I was just calling to make sure B’s work clothes are done!- I hung up. She keeps calling back and texting me saying please answer. I texted her and told her B knew I was taking care of his clothes we privately discussed it and I don’t need u checking in on it. I said I know u mean well but I’m more than sure B asked u not to call me just like I’ve heard him ask u not to do a lot of things lately that u continue to do anyways. Your son is an adult and so am I and we appreciate your help but I’d appreciate it you respected the things we are asking of you. She responded back telling me not to reprimand her. I was texting with my sister who is currently out of a long term toxic relationship and reading a book on boundaries and she said something I didn’t even think of that was so obvious. She said u are setting clear boundaries for your home and relationship and she is accusing u of reprimanding her?! I’m like omg right so I texted her back and told her all I’m doing is setting boundaries and you clearly have an issue with that. You seem to have a big issue with boundaries and it’s affecting my relationship with your son. I brought up her walking into my house without knocking and how inappropriate it was that she went into our bedroom. Maybe I was a little out of line for this part but I let her know that my own mother who pays the rent doesn’t even just walk in when she visits and she wouldn’t even come into my bedroom even when I invited her. She stood at the bedroom door and talked to me but said it was my private space and she didn’t want to be invasive. Her response was something B has told me time and time again that she does-he will bring up something she doesn’t want to talk about and she will instantly try to deter him and be like “oh look at that cow over there”. (I recall him saying exactly that one time lol). Her response: “T I don’t wanna argue with u just enjoy the day and try not to be so angry! Life is too short!” And I said you are avoiding the issue here which is trying to establish healthy boundaries. Her response was “I remember when my kids were little it was so much fun! Enjoy it! Ur lucky u get to stay home!”

I didnt even respond and I could tell B didn’t wanna talk about it. He had to be at work and was in a hurry. I know he sticks up for me and does try to establish boundaries with her and she doesn’t listen-but at the same time he just shrugs it off. Like when he was in the house changing his work clothes he couldn’t find his vape and she called to see what was taking so long and he told her. Then she calls back 5 mins later and said she found it it was in his backpack in the car. I asked him if he asked her to look through his backpack and he said no. I pointed out that’s part of the issue. She feels she has the right to just go thru his stuff and I don’t think he’s putting his foot down because it’s not bothering him the way it’s bothering me. According to my mom, this was a very similar situation to my grandparents and why my grandma left my grandpa.
But my mom is Romanian and it was more of a cultural thing where the son was supposed to take care of the mother and the mothers were always overbearing with their sons.

Anyways this is more of just a rant. Please be nice I know there’s a lot of judgement on Reddit-especially on posts that are long like this. I’m embarrassed to say that before being a SAHM, I taught elementary school lol cuz the grammar is probably all over the place. It’s late and I’m exhausted and really just typing out all the thoughts and feelings in my head for anyone who is awake and bored and wants to read them.

TLDR: MIL has no boundaries. Walks into our house. Into our bedroom. Changes the subject when I try to set boundaries. Her son half ass gets on her case, but nothing changes.

An update on the tiny home situation where my fiancé ordered it for his mother to live in without my agreement or consent. This is a throwaway account. For those asking in the last thread, I live in NZ where after 3 years in a relationship your retirement fund is considered relationship property and everything you put into the fund during that relationship must be split 50/50 upon breaking up.

So I’d had enough of the constant dismissive responses to my concerns and invalidating comments from my partner. We fought every day for about a week about this tiny home. I booked an emergency couples counselling session that lasted a whole two hours. I think he did hear me, but still didn't budge on his stance about the tiny home. I felt like we were going nowhere fast. I had reluctantly decided it was time to cancel the wedding. $8,200NZD lost in non-refundable deposits. But that’s not the painful part.

I came home early from work because I was so heartbroken and stressed out. I told him I was going to leave. He cried but didn’t even try to say anything to make me stay. He went and spent the night somewhere else. The next morning, he came home, still in tears but put no effort into rectifying things. He went to work. I spent nearly a whole day boxing up my belongings (and realised I have way too much crap). I was only about halfway through when he came home. He cried again and finally started to say some things that made me want to stay and work it out. I put the boxes in a room for the time being.

A few days went past, and nothing really changed. The piles for the tiny home were dug into the ground 2 meters from the house, on the front lawn last Wednesday. That was a shock. We argued again about money and the tiny home. Then we were ok for a day or two, then argued again, then we were ok. We celebrated our anniversary. But you could cut the tension with a knife.

The tiny home arrives today. I think as I type this it is being lifted on the piles. The reality of it hit me like a freight train. Last night I read out the boundaries I had written down for me to feel secure still living at the house while his mother lives in the tiny home. He tried to argue them and told me not to get shitty if they get crossed or pushed. He kept saying that I knew this was going to happen so I shouldn’t be so worried. He kept defending his mother, the decision to put the tiny home on the property, and the idea that there’s nothing to worry about and it will all work out fine. He believes he’s “doing the right thing”. If you could have seen the steam blowing out of my ears when he said those things.

I spent the entirety of last night and early this morning in a super bitchy mood. I was mean. I said some mean things in a mean way. I am not sorry for being angry, but I don't like this monster I am becoming because of this. However, I am still second to his mother and that will never change.

I’m back to square one. I am so angry, so bitter and resentful. I feel like this is worse than the pain of being cheated on, which I have gone through twice in my life (so far). I want to leave. I really do. But I am in a tough position. I have no money to move; I have too much stuff (I’m trying to sell or get rid of a lot of it) and I don’t have many options of places to go. I don’t want to move in with my parents, as lovely and supportive as they are. I also still really, really love him. I’ll be heartbroken all over again and I just don’t think my mental health can handle it. But at the same time, I CANNOT handle walking past that damn tiny home every day and seeing it out the lounge window, blocking the sunlight. And the boundary crossing. Being unable to say anything about it. Having to put up with all the bullshit. Every. Single. Day.

I am making some moves to go, but I am still so hesitant to leave. My fear is holding me back. I am afraid I won’t get back on my feet or move on from this heart ache. The trust is broken; the faith is gone. I know what I need to do, but it’s so hard. There's a fork in the road and both roads fucking suck.

Thanks for reading.

My MIL is 80 and has mild dementia. She lives with us. She’s on a fixed income and my husband covers a lot of her expenses.

He loses his patience with her easily and is more curt in the way he speaks to her compared to me. She prefers to talk to me, so she asks me for everything she needs. When I redirect her to him, she doesn’t ask for anything. For example, she needs one of the lightbulbs in her room changed. I told her to ask DH. It’s been over a week now.

She broke her hip a few months ago. DH does not want to put her in a nursing home. She has a caregiver 25 hours a week, a CNA who comes twice a week, and an RN that comes once a week. Between all her care, her needs are covered. She resents having help.

MIL moved to our state about 5 years ago. DH originally moved her for grad school. The family thinks he should have stayed in his old state for his mom. MIL badmouths him often when she talks to her friends and family on the phone, and it drives me crazy that they reinforce her belief that he’s treating her unfairly.

He also somewhat takes his mom and relatives opinions to heart. He thinks he’s assertive with his mom. He’s not. When I tell him to draw boundaries with her, he says she’s crazy and can’t help the way she acts. Some of the differences between how he and I want to handle her are:

-MIL gets upset and angry on every holiday because we don’t do things exactly her way. I’m the main person she lashes out at, because she thinks women should handle holiday stuff. I decided I’m not going to capitulate to her this year. She usually starts talking about Christmas and thanksgiving as soon as Halloween is over. I’m not participating in holidays with her anymore, and I plan to say that directly. I will either book travel or go to my aunts house. DH doesn’t want to be direct with her, and wants to invite other relatives to distract her so we can travel.

-DH doesn’t tell her when he travels for work. She doesn’t really even notice when he’s gone. She gets passive aggressive and lashes out when he travels alone and I don’t know why. She doesn’t act like that when I travel without him. I think it’s ridiculous that he doesn’t just let her be upset.

-MIL uses a ridiculous amount of detergent, dish soap, etc. I refuse to buy those things now. DH complains about her product use. I told him that I would let her run out of things until she figures out how to use the normal amount. He said that’s cruel.

-DH does almost all her shopping and I’ve stopped telling him what she needs. She asks for groceries one item at a time, only from me, usually when I’m getting back from the store and unloading things. I told her many times that I grocery shop once a week, and to make a list with her caregiver if she needs things.

Am I being unreasonable given her cognitive impairment? I feel some guilt about the holidays since she doesn’t have many years left, but I also can’t make myself miserable for another holiday season.

MIL’s illness involves a chronic (years) nasty, wet cough. She gets winded after walking short distances. She’s lost a lot of weight. She’s from Southeast Asia, where TB is rampant, and she does go to doctors often but doesn’t always follow their advice and also doesn’t see the best physicians, even though we live outside of a major city with world class healthcare easily available.

After our first was born we asked all grandparents and siblings to get the TDAP, flu, and Covid shots. He was born in autumn. Everyone complied except MIL. So, we said that’s fine, it’s ultimately your choice, but that means our choice is you don’t see baby until he’s fully vaxxed. We stuck to that. She insisted she was “okay” and demanded to see him, we said no, not unless you’re transparent about your health problems. When asked questions she doesn’t want to answer she will simply close her mouth and look away and pretend you’re not there, and that’s what she did.

Same thing happened with baby #2. Now, both kids are vaxxed, and we see her maybe once every 1-2 months. She insists her cough isn’t contagious but won’t tell us what it is. Fine, we’re over it.

Or we were.

She has lately been refusing to see us when she’s coughing a lot because she “doesn’t want to infect the kids.” We asked why she’s worried when we assumed she had something non-contagious like pulmonary fibrosis. She won’t answer us. She still wants to see them when she feels okay.

Husband wants our kids to see her. I’m not comfortable with it. It took me a long time to get past her refusal to vaccinate when our first was born, and I felt that she was an unsafe person for a long time. She’s also done things like talk about me behind my back, steal money from close family members, etc., that make me dislike her.

So, I can’t tell if I’m being incredibly biased and don’t want to see her just because I don’t like her, or if her health is a legitimate reason not to bring her around our kids.

UPDATE: I’m calling the pediatrician this morning (both kids see the same doctor), telling her everything, and asking if they need a TB test. She knows about the cough because I’ve worried about it before, but last she heard it was not contagious.

Hi, I’d love some advice from anyone who has repaired their relationship with their MIL.

For context, my MIL and I had a good relationship before my firstborn. She is widowed and a couple of years before I had my firstborn, she had a dream she was holding a baby boy, and she understood the dream as a sign from her late husband that caring for a baby was her next purpose in life. My husband and I were the next in the family to get pregnant and once she found out we were having a boy, she told my husband she would retire from her job, sell her home, move halfway across the country, and be our live-in nanny. My husband was really worried about her since she lived alone and had lost some weight, and despite my fear that the situation could go poorly and result in permanent damage, I ultimately agreed to a trial run, after a lot of convincing (my husband said it’d be too hard for us to find reliable childcare due to our work hours, frequent need for weekend coverage, it would be expensive, etc. I didn’t know at the time that he’d never once looked into childcare options outside of his mother so it was all BS). I very much felt guilted into the situation. My husband told me that the moment things weren’t working out, he’d figure out an alternative plan not only for our son’s childcare but also for his mom. Obviously with me posting here now for the third time, that didn’t happen. I’m a physician and when she moved in with us, I was in my final year of residency, so I worked a lot, usually 60-80 hours/week. My husband worked about ten 12-hour shifts per month at that time as well. My MIL therefore often spent more time with my son than I did and because of that, and because of her dream, she felt this weird entitlement over my son, as if she was more of a mother to him than I was. That said, she kept doing things her way, ignoring my wishes and requests, disrespecting me, and trying to force her own traditions onto me and my nuclear family. She also refused to communicate with me in a productive way. She wouldn’t listen to anything I said and would immediately redirect conversations about her behavior away from her, calling my marriage into question, bringing up something I’d confided in her about over 5 years prior, etc. My husband couldn’t fathom his mother being a problem and assumed the problem must be me, and we had serious marital issues due to the constant gaslighting and abandonment. I felt like an outsider in my own family and home, and I genuinely questioned myself and whether I was the problem. Then, my MIL invited herself along to move to another state with us, and we bought a home with a makeshift MIL suite. Things were so broken by the time we moved in (see my last post) that she and I barely interacted for months.

Finally, everything came to a head 7 months ago and my husband and I kicked her out. She’s since moved several states away. I haven’t spoken a word to her since she moved out of my house. She texted me on a couple of occasions but I never responded. I blinded her to my Instagram stories. My husband and son have visited with her once while we were in her area for a medical conference I was attending. My husband still talks to her at least several times weekly.

So here we are. My MIL called my husband maybe a month or so ago saying she was flying to our area to help her cousin babysit her grandkids for a week. She asked if she could come visit us while she was in the area. My husband proposed she come stay over this past Monday night since I’d be out of the home working an overnight shift, and she was going to start babysitting the following day, so she’d get one day and one night with my husband and son. We specifically told her it would not work for her to come visit over Halloween weekend because we want to do our own thing. She ruined the last two Halloweens by provoking arguments between my husband and I, so of course I don’t want her here again this Halloween, plus it’ll be my son’s first time trick or treating. It should come as no surprise that despite that discussion, she told my husband that she wants to stay for 5 days and 4 nights, including Halloween weekend. I was beyond upset when he told me he’d agreed to that. He claimed it was her only option since her cousin paid for her flights and therefore our desired visit date was not an option. I managed to reduce the visit to 4 days and 3 nights, but that still seems like forever to have someone who makes me uncomfortable in my home.

I genuinely don’t know how to have a normal conversation with this woman anymore. She is the most inept communicator I’ve ever met. She was so disrespectful to me that even the thought of having to interact with her makes me start shaking. I’m currently pregnant with my second child, so I don’t need this stress.

I feel like the visit will go one of two ways: 1) she will pretend nothing ever happened and try to act “normal” towards me (I’ve never received an apology from her), or 2) she will fall immediately into her old patterns and try to bulldoze me in my home like usual. Since she already bulldozed her way into a much longer visit than we wanted, I’m worried the latter will happen. My husband keeps saying he will protect me and have my back, and if she falls into old behaviors and the visit isn’t working out, he will get her out of our house and put her in a hotel. It’s hard for me to believe he will have a backbone when dealing with his mother since that historically hasn’t happened; he always protects her because even though she and her behavior are problematic, she always plays the victim when confronted, and he falls for it every time. He also feels extremely guilty for kicking his widowed and then-homeless mother out of our home. I can’t trust him to deal with her, and I’m too pregnant to be dealing with her BS.

How did you stay calm and in control when your no-contact MIL came to visit for the first time since things fell apart?? How did you let go of the past and move forward?

I don’t feel the desire or the need to be close with her, but I want to be able to have normal interactions with her during visits and holidays for the sake of my children. She’s a good grandmother, just a bad MIL. I just don’t even know how that will be possible after everything that’s happened. Thanks in advance for your input.

I have had a ton of struggles with my husbands family. Particularly my MIL, but they all have done things that have either hurt me or made me uncomfortable. And have been rude to me, while being overly possessive over my baby. See post history for reference. I confronted my MIL this past summer, and you can imagine that didn’t go over well. My FIL and MIL came over to talk about it in September with my husband and I and they were very aggressive, with my FIL even saying to me “I don’t speak to my son when you’re around”… which really stung. He has since apologized, and my MIL has since half “apologized” but I’m still not over it. My brother in law (a Jewish convert) who I barely have a relationship with has also recently came at me in my instagram dms for posting against what Israel has done in Palestine.. So yeah, you can say I’m very uncomfortable by them all. My husband has stood up for me against his parents, but I can tell he just hopes time heals everything. I know me and I truly don’t think I ever will want to be very close with any of them or want my children close with them either. My question is, if you’ve been through anything similar how have you navigated this? I’m not asking for “screw your husband” sort of advice because I do love him and want to remain together for our baby. But I find myself getting triggered by him just even having a friendly conversation with one of them after everything they’ve done. If you’ve gone through something similar and found peace in it all, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Thank you in advance as this has not been easy.

LOLLL I still can't believe this happened. My MIL is usually super passive, but on my husband's birthday, she innocently said she wanted to bring him a cake to his work (he was working on his bday). My husband complied. She took that window to invite my husband's brothers, papa, aunt & uncle. Brought a full sheet cake, cut it with plates & utensils, brought CANDLES (in a hospital!!) and SANG HIM HAPPY BIRTHDAY (in English & then in Portuguese) IN THE LOBBY OF THE HOSPITAL WHILE HE WAS WORKING. ANNDDD did not even think to mention it to me !!!

My husband told me he was super embarrassed and annoyed - he had no idea anyone else was coming. And she had the gall to say "I hope you got to celebrate more earlier today!" like passive aggressive 'i hope your wife actually did something for you, but I know I did it better!' WTFFF this lady

Last December, I asked MIL not to question our kids about my husband or me while we were dealing with serious marital issues. Instead of respecting my request, she became defensive, rude, and angry and involved my own mom.

She also spread misinformation that I had banned her from seeing the kids. I restricted unsupervised visits because of concerns about her respecting my parenting boundaries. That restriction was later violated.

I didn’t hear from her again until May where she wanted access and I said I wasn’t ready to meet because she damaged my trust and was still rude and dismissive in her response.

In August, she sent a letter apologizing for unsolicited advice. I replied explaining that the issues went far beyond unsolicited advice, including misinformation, interference in my marriage, and disrespect for my role as a mother. She never acknowledged or responded to those concerns.

Now it’s late October. Today my husband finally offered to speak with his mother and tell her to address the issues directly with me. This was significant because I’ve often felt unsupported by him.

Shortly afterward, she called but didn’t leave a voicemail. 🤔

I’m planning to return her call tomorrow and tell her:
I'm returning your call. The issues I raised in my reply to you back in August are serious and remain unresolved. I want to understand whether you're willing to address them.

I’ll listen and from there decide what to do next.

ETA: After sleeping on it last night I decided not to call her back yet. I talked to my husband this morning about it, that she called me but didn’t leave a message. From there I told
him that I would like for me and him to talk about this first in counseling before I feel ready to call her back. He was cool with it saying it’s up to me. He didn’t behave defensively or act frustrated so that was a huge step and it made me feel better with him with handling issues with my MIL. I want my relationship with my husband solid whether or not she comes around.

I have a 3 month old baby and I’m going to a hens party so I’ll be out for about 7 hours or so. My husband is going to his parents place with the baby while I’m out. His mum has decided that she will invite her friend & friends husband over to meet him. (I haven’t met said friends before) Last time we went over there she took the opportunity to invite multiple people over. Can’t she just see him on her own? She barely ever sees him because she works 4 days a week so I wish she would prioritise building a relationship with him instead of showing him off to everyone else. She doesn’t even know how he likes to be held at the moment but she’s inviting others to see him?

I wish she would work on her relationship with him first instead of inviting others around especially when I’m not gonna be there!!

Edit: I’d like to point out that my husband is fit to look after our baby, he’s just using his free time with the baby to visit parents and an opportunity for them to spend time with baby. I haven’t been away from baby yet so it’s hard for a first time mum knowing he will be around people I don’t know so be gentle with me in your approach please!!

My MIL is involved in my 4 year olds sons life and she's a good grandma to him. She has an ok relationship with my husband (he doesn't talk to her much unless she visits. He just keeps it to talking about our son) it seems over the past nine years ive know her she has a hard time building relationships with people around her because of how she talks. She talks with a sort of arrogance sometimes and comes off narcissistic (not diagnosed). Even my mom feels bad talking to her sometimes. She will have very huge arguments with my brother in law and husband a couple times a year. My husband doesn't want to cut off contact because she's very much involved as a grandma and wants me to stop talking to her unless it's about our son. How do I do that? I don't have that big of a problem with her but he said eventually I will and to be careful

Of course a few days later after the event, not after my post.
Here is a refined, clear, and coherent version of your update. It preserves your exact voice, facts, and emotion while fixing the grammar and flow so it is easy to read. I used ai. I will post my original version in the comments. TLDR down below.

Update: Moving Forward & Going Full No Contact

First, thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post about my mother-in-law hitting me. I apologize if it was a bit confusing; English is not my native language, and I was extremely emotional when typing it out. I hope this clear breakdown makes things easier to understand.

The Fallout with my Father-in-Law (FIL) We are now 100% No Contact with both of my husband's parents.

Initially, we gave my FIL the opportunity to stay in our lives on a low-contact basis so he could still be a grandfather to our daughter. We thought he might take it, especially since my husband (DH) had a chaotic,loveless childhood. His mother is diagnosed with narcissism and bipolar disorder (and possibly borderline personality disorder), and the police have taken her to the psych ward multiple times. Growing up, DH had food and shelter, but he has no memories of affection or unconditional love.

His father always claimed to hate her behavior and even drafted divorce papers several times. Whenever she was in the psych ward, he was visibly relieved and relaxed. Yet he never went through with the divorce.

Because of this history, DH assumed his dad would stay neutral and keep a relationship with his son and grandchild. Instead, his father hit us with a massive mindfuck: he stated he will only stay in contact if we let MIL back into our lives and "forget and forgive." He said if we did that, they would "forget and forgive" us in return.

We said no. He hung up on us, and that was that. My husband feels completely betrayed; he never saw his dad turning on him like this.

The Anger & Hypocrisy Beyond the hurt, DH is feeling a deep, justified anger right now.

Ten years ago, when his father was in the hospital after an aneurysm, DH was by his bedside every single day.Yet to this day, all his dad talks about are the people who didn't visit him enough. In fact, his dad is currently refusing to speak to his own brother—who has cancer—purely out of spite over past visits.

You would think a man who felt so unsupported during his own medical emergency would show up for his son.But when our family had a severe medical emergency while on holiday recently, DH's parents didn't even consider coming to support him.

Where We Stand Now I am still constantly replaying the events of Saturday night in my head, even though I don't want to. But alongside the shock, I also feel a deep sense of relief and peace knowing they are out of our lives. I truly hope my husband will find that same peace soon.

We are taking all the right steps to heal:

Me: I am already in individual therapy and will be processing the physical assault with my therapist.

Us: We are starting couples therapy together to navigate this transition and support each other.

Our Daughter (LO): We had already arranged therapy for her to process the trauma of our holiday medical emergency, so her therapist will help her process this family transition as well.

Thank you all for listening and for the support.

TL;DR

No Contact with In-Laws: We went 100% No Contact with my in-laws after MIL physically assaulted me.FIL issued an ultimatum—either forgive MIL and let her back in, or lose him too. We refused, and he hung up.

Betrayal & Hypocrisy: My husband (DH) feels deeply betrayed. His dad always claimed to hate MIL's behavior (she is diagnosed with narcissism and bipolar disorder) and relied on DH during his own past health crises, but completely abandoned us during our recent holiday medical emergency.

Moving Forward: Despite replaying Saturday night's assault in my head, I feel relieved and at peace. To heal, I am continuing individual therapy, DH and I are starting couples therapy, and our daughter will begin therapy to process the recent trauma.

Last year was our first Christmas with a baby (was just over 5 months old old). For all of our dating/ early married life, my husband & I have always gone to my in-laws on Christmas day. We've been married 8 years. Pre-baby we had a better relationship but now my in-law relationship is pretty superficial, frustrating & tense at times. I've been blessed with that type of MIL who feels entitled to have her sons on Christmas day. Her other son (45, unemployed & still lives at home) will be up by 6am (normally sleeps very late) like he's 5 years old excited for gifts. It's all such a bizarre, unhealthy, enmeshed dynamic.🤢 Of course they don't want any changes from us. My immediate family (except my parents who don't typically make it due to my mom's health) traditionally has Christmas eve dinner/ gift exchange. Last year we saw my folks a few days before Christmas, which is fine.

I agreed to do a mini visit in afternoon for a couple hours at my in-laws Christmas day last year. So many reasons it sucked.. hauling baby stuff, skipping/ rushing any new traditions with my nuclear family, etc. I let it slide because baby was barely past potato stage. MIL hit me with subtle passive-agressive jabs & there was tension between us. She puffed her chest holding onto crown of THE top mom, leading the Christmas day traditions. It was obvious she was irritated we weren't there first thing in morning; I was irritated we made the 35 min drive at all.. I wanted to be home in my pj's cuddled on the couch! MIL also attempted to butt in on Christmas Eve, too (she knows we do few hours with my side family) but asked anyway if we'd join their church service.. Really? It was rude & entitled. A few months later, I started this incredible text setting called mute. I use it regularly. 🙌🏻

This year HAS to be different. First off, I'm pregnant, will be pushing third trimester & want to be comfortable in my own home. It is engrained in enmeshed (in counseling) husband that he has to see mommy & daddy on Christmas day or it doesn't count. I am not interested in spending a single hour at my entitled, bratty MIL's on biggest holiday of the year. I just bought matching pj's, want to make holiday themed waffles, etc. Now my son almost 16 months old, we can have more fun with starting our own traditions. I am also not tearing him away from his new toys to go drive somewhere else; it'd be unfair & lame. Quite certain 0 kids would enjoy this.

I plan to offer December 19 or 20 to exchange gifts. I expect everyone to be resistant & difficult, including my husband on some level. MIL will likely say she has plans (Christmas parties, etc) to try to force husband to feel we truly have to go there day of. My plan is to just announce (very soon) this is what we're doing & when we're available before her expectations start building (more). Any tips & advice appreciated.