r/IFchildfree • u/Futuretrailertrash • 12d ago
Rant I suppose?
Hey everyone! I read on here quite a bit and finally decided to make a post. I am married and everyone around me (family included) is either married with kids or single. I still socialize with those that have kids but am quite tired of having quite literally no one who gets what me and my husband are going through. I’ve noticed moms that I am around have this attitude of “you think that’s hard? try being a mom” and it’s quite frustrating. I have to try not to be bitter towards these people because I do love them all but I have realized that IF is one of those things that people don’t want to be there for you for. I think it makes them uncomfortable? And before I say this I want to preface by saying mothers are amazing and make incredible sacrifices daily. But sometimes it’s hard not to feel like they will try and “out-victim” me. Like infertility is no biggie and their lives are SO much harder. And I’m not saying they are or aren’t. It’s just more so the lack of support and empathy I guess. I was having a conversation recently with one of my friends who has children, and I was telling her about how it’s very difficult to meet people who are going through what I am and her response was “yea how do you think I feel” and this made me kinda pissed ngl and I told her “you can walk down the street and see multiple people who are also moms” and this led into a whole discussion and her saying she knows multiple people who are going through what I am or have been through it. (I highly doubt that) and not to mention “have been through it” THIS ISNT PAST TENSE FOR ME I DONT WANNA HEAR “when it’s ur time sweetheart don’t stress🥰” ANYMORE🫠 she also made it a point to mention that EVERYTHING she did before she had kids was meaningless which honestly frustrated me so much because it feels like it’s implying that my life in meaningless bc I am childfree EDIT: I am not trying for kids/going through any treatment due to medical reasons. When I say “what I am currently going through” I am referring to being chilldfree after infertility which can still honestly be hard sometimes. That’s a big reason too why I feel as though I don’t find anyone in my situation bc most still are trying/ had a baby. but yea I think that’s my rant lol
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u/LaylaWhitney 11d ago
Your friend really wasn't being a friend in this instance. It's the equivalent of an employed person telling an unemployed person who's struggling to pay their bills that having a job is harder.
Those who want children are presented with two different kinds of hard: having children and not having children. Your friend clearly decided her kind of hard was preferable to your kind of hard so she has no room to be telling you she has it worse.
Being childless after infertility is a very lonely place to be because a lot of people who go through infertility get their baby in the end and those who don't tend to be less vocal about it. And childlessness doesn't hit the same for people who never wanted kids or for people who wanted them but never tried to have them.
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u/Futuretrailertrash 11d ago
Yea it’s honestly tough and due to my own chronic illness its even more isolating 🤦♀️
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u/Own_Program_9726 11d ago
elles veulent du soutien, avoir un village comment on entend souvent dire, mais ne sont pas prêtes à soutenir les autres!
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u/dans_la_poubelle7 10d ago
to me, seeing those who have living children, i think of how PRIVILEGED they are to have a living child/children. i truly think it must be an honour to be a parent, to be a part of such a recognized, respected, and praised part of society. to have the opportunity to imprint upon and influence a member of the next generation of that society. to know that someone will be there to look after you when you’re old and vulnerable. to have a way to easily meet new people who also have children, and build social support networks organically.
ffs, EVERYONE wants to talk to/be with/help the person with the baby, young child, adolescent, teenager, college-aged kid. everyone’s parents are thrilled about becoming grandparents, their siblings are proud to be aunts and uncles.
but me? what did i get out of the same adventure that you got a child out of? losses. surgeries. both my tubes gone. tonnes of medical trauma. my marriage fell apart. and then my whole life went with it.
but i’m supposed to feel sorry for YOU because PARENTING IS EXHAUSTING?
i’d give anything to be in your shoes, ma’am! (ofc i don’t mean you, OP.)
this kind of attitude is akin to someone with living parents complaining to an orphan, “you think being an orphan is hard?”
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u/Aromatic-Incident179 9d ago
I like and agree with this take. Having children is a privilege and it constantly frustrates me that it isnt seen as such.
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u/library_wench 11d ago
OP, you keep speaking in the present tense. Are you still trying to become a parent?
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u/Futuretrailertrash 11d ago
Hey sorry for the confusion. I made an edit to clarify. I am no longer trying. There are multiple reasons including medical why it’s not an option for me and my husband
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u/blackbird828 11d ago edited 11d ago
Post locked- OP, please respond to the modmail I just sent you.
Edit- post approved.