When I was younger, all my life I hated the mere thought of being a mother, Having kids. I got sick and angry whenever someone said "When you have kids one day" or being maternal ect. Even when people showed a pic of a baby and someone else called it cute id look away disgusted. Not even sure why anymore. I hated it so much, but now that I've realized im trans and a man (Only realized like 2 weeks ago) I dont mind the thought of being a father, I see a baby and I think its cute. Im not sure why the change of heart. Does anyone relate or have any insight?

I've been on T for 5 years and am stealth in my everyday life and I'm thinking about studying to become a midwife. But I'm not sure if it's weird to do so as a man.

Subjects: Dysphoria, appreciation for queer and trans people, slightly sad/negative headspace but optimistic

I've been surrounding myself in a trans and queer bubble ever since I came out and started my social and medical transition 5 years ago. Recently i've been socializing outside my usual circles and the dysphoric episode was so unexpected. I have a new-found appreciation for my community, i never felt weird or uncomfortable with other trans/queer people, I didn't think about how I looked, how I sounded, how I acted, I just was. I was also frequently validated that I had cis-passing. Recently, I've realized that cis passing standards to other trans people are very different to cis passing with cis people. I'm lucky enough to be respected by all the cis people in my life, but the treatment is so different. I'm not treated like a man, i'm treated like a trans man. They do "masculine" hand shakes differently with me, they look at me from the side of their eye, they talk to me differently. I thought i was stealth at Uni, and there's no way to sound this without sounding ungrateful: but it was crushing to slowly realize everyone/most people know and just don't say anything. I'm taking care of myself to not let this affect me because i don´t want to go into a negative spiral and i shouldn't be ashamed of being trans. but i'm seeking out online community to talk about similar experiences or some nice words. Thanks everyone who read this

I just took my first dose less than an hour ago!! I want to know how your first month went and what were the first things you noticed or other peopled noticed.

To start, I like my name in theory. It’s a nice sounding name with a good meaning, and my form of the name (it has popped up independently on multiple continents) originates in the culture my family has held for thousands of years. It’s a good name, and I don’t have much of an issue with it. It just doesn’t really feel like mine.

Here’s where it starts to get a little more complicated. There’s another name, with all the same things I like about my current one and more. It’s a masculine name, traditional in my culture and with a similar meaning to my name. Thinking about myself with this name feels better than my current one does, it sounds nice, it’s pretty much perfect. I can’t find a single thing I dislike about it (am I repeating myself too much?).

I cannot choose this name. When I was too young to remember, my little brother died. He had this name. Despite how much I adore this name, how much it feels like mine, it would feel so awful to be a constant reminder to my parents that they lost their son.

This is marked as a discussion because I’m not really looking for solutions, just to talk about something in my life and see if anyone else had anything similar they might want to share.

There’s a specific group of people that like to target trans people, but in a way that’s subtle enough for others not to see it. But as a trans person, it’s noticeable and hard to explain to cis people because they don’t understand.

Whenever I try standing up for myself, I get compared to Tyler Catastrophe and called a narcissist for calling people out on their shit and setting boundaries.

I left a friend group a couple years ago because I was constantly being targeted and accused of things I didn’t do, and eventually really bad rumors were spread about me to make me look like a really terrible person. Eventually, most of the school hated me.

(TW: upcoming SA mention)

This one girl who I was friends with for almost a decade (we’ll call her Hannah) has bipolar and narcissism. Despite having proof (screenshots of her admitting what she did to me + admitting she spread rumors about me) that the rumors weren’t true, everyone STILL took her side because she’s 3 years younger, she’s a girl, and that she’s alternative which many high school boys are attracted to so of course they’ll side with her despite proof she’s a bad person. Mind you I had proof she SAed me multiple times even after I said stop because she admitted to it over text when I was confronting her about it.

She used the fact that I’m male, and that im older to make me look like a predator, along with spreading rumors about me that were proven to be false. Not to mention, some of the things she did to me were illegal and nobody seemed to care or admit they were wrong when I called her out for it.

There was also double standards because another girl in our friend group went on a bender and did drugs, treated us all poorly and deleted the friend group chat, and just a couple months later after her drug addiction was over everyone was welcoming her like nothing ever happened even though we never got an apology. But when I call people out on their shit I get called a predator🤦

There was another trans guy in the group who was also targeted, but I find it really weird because Hannah had an older transgender brother who she never targeted but she instead would find the “right” people to be transphobic towards. Not to mention she also would call me the T slur

I’d give more details but there’s so much that happened. I definitely feel like this would NOT have happened if I wasn’t trans

Do u put that you’re trans in ur profile? Why/why not?

I do but I tend to get dudes that’re expecting me to be some sort of femboy so I’m considering removing it idk

I apologize if this is common knowledge but i just figured this out and have to share for any bros out there who are concerned about losing doses due to hub loss (the lil bit that stays in the hub of the syringe. Can be 10% of a dose!!). This applies to syringes that dont have necked plungers (mine have flat plungers) as necked plungers address hub loss by including a necked portion at the end of the plunger to do the same thing we're doing with air.

Bolded the math terms for make easier to read

Note: I am Transfemme and originally posted a version of this in MTF but the bros could use this info too surely :D as hub loss sucks for everyone involved

Thanks to the Magic of Fluid Dynamics, you can actually use a lil bit of air in the syringe to push on the oil. I just discovered what i believe is a foolproof way to measure that air bubble so you can just push the plunger down without having to watch to see when youre about to inject air! (injecting air is nbd tbh they inject air into you for laproscopic surgery, your body dissolves it over time, but like, ya know..)

Syringes with screw-on tips may need this measurement each time unless you can fully crank the tips on all the way consistently each time. Otherwise if the syringe is unibody or youre really good at screwing it in every time you can skip measurment and go right to the Adjusted Dose + Pusher Air steps

EDIT/NOTE: I havent figured out how to articulate a foolproof way to do this if you need to change your needle tip out between draws. Drawing on 25g was fucky but i was able to do it with Valerate in sesame oil. Less fucky than having to guess/watch air for hub loss though.

• Draw your dose as normal, to your usual dose line.
• Withdraw the needle from the oil and turn it vertically so the needle points up
• Draw in air until the top of the oil in the syringe is at end of the plunger space, where the plunger would normally stop. The Hub above that spot should now contain air
• Look at dose reading, note the difference between your intended dose (ex:0.4ml) and the current reading (Ex: 0.435mL because my hubs lose 0.035ml per shot if i dont do this method. almost 10% of my prescription. waow.) This difference is your Hub Loss Measurement. This is how much fluid would be held captive in the hub if you dont do this.
• Subtract the Hub Loss Measurement (Ex. 0.035) from your Dose (0.4), to get your Adjusted Dose. For me this is 0.365mL
• Insert the syringe into the vial, with needle up, and push both the air and the oil back out into the vial until you reach that Adjusted Dose (0.365, youre pushing the same amount of oil out as the air you drew in. The reason for pushing air out in this stage is for consistency since its possible to over-draw while measuring).
• Remove the syringe from the vial and draw back on the plunger (needle up) until you reach your dose again (0.4mL). Youll notice a bubble forms in the top of the syringe. Then turn the syringe around again, needle down, and tap the syringe until the air bubble floats to the top.
• The volume of the air bubble inside is now the same amount of air needed to push in all of your dose without having to watch the air bubble/guess when to stop. My 25g needles will automatically "prime" the syringe by capillary action when pointed down, since the air bubble can "expand" a bit due to the effect of gravity and fluid dynamics. Basically you dont need to prime the needle, it will prime itself.
• Inject as normal. The air will push out all the Bestosterone with minimal amounts remaining in the needle/hub, without putting air under your skin, without having to watch :3

Getting a little air in is totally fine, they inject air into patients doing laproscopic surgery and the body just dissolves it out over time. But the last thing I wanna do is watch for the air bubble when im stabbing myself when i already hate needles.

I couldn't find a post on this, maybe because it's a dumb question since usually steroids = not natural. But trans men are using steroids to get to average male levels, not to supercede them, so does it even count?

Just wondering since I'm getting to the point where people ask about my muscles and if the question about being natural ever comes up I'm wondering what the truth would actually be since I'm on hrt but my T levels are the same as a guy who is natural.

I love being trans, but sometimes I feel sad for the person I could’ve been. I don’t think I could possibly live life any other way, but sometimes when I see a video of a woman living her life I feel kind of sad because I know that could’ve been me in a different life. I’m just putting this here because if I bring it up people say, ‘you chose to go on hormones’ and I’m glad I did, I love being a man, I love everything that comes with testosterone and I’ve never felt more myself, it’s just something I mourn sometimes idk.
( I had no idea what this would go under but I wanted to get it out so I put discussion)

I’m struggling a lot with bottom dysphoria right now and nothing seems to help. The long-term goal is phallo, but that will be years down the line at best, so somehow I need to figure out how to live with what I’ve got until then.

Packing is the obvious choice, but that brings its own kind of dysphoria. Visually I prefer how it looks, as well as the weight and just feeling like there’s something there. The problem is my mind can’t get over the fact that there’s a lump of silicone in my pants. The fact that I have to put it on and take it off causes as much dysphoria as not packing at all.

I’ve tried a few methods of packing to help with this (harnesses, pouches, etc) and have found those dual pouch boxers made for cis guys are the best because wearing anything extra makes it 10x worse. Still can’t get over taking my dick out of a drawer and putting it in my underwear.

When I don’t pack I’m constantly thinking about what’s missing. It helps to wear boxer shorts instead of boxer briefs, but only so much, and there are certain activities and/or pants where those aren’t ideal.

Also with most of the pants I wear you really can’t tell if I’m packing or not and it doesn’t impact my passing at all, so this is all just for my own peace of mind.

Basically I’m wondering if anyone here has dealt with similar feelings and how/if you managed to work through them?

I know therapy would probably be a good choice, but I’m about to lose my insurance and can’t afford to pay out of pocket right now. I’ve tried the free/affordable therapy services in my city and even though they claim to be LGBT friendly, they’re so uneducated on trans shit that I ended up having to educate them on the basics instead of being helped with my issues.

Hey I am a closetcase from Bosnia. I am just reaching out of curiocity if theres anyone out there in my country that feels the same way (being ftm).

Hows your experience? Have you ever managed to get T? Are you out to anyone? How do you cope with it?

Im working on a halloween costume and getting to crossdress as a man really made me spiral into trans thoughts i usually keep tucked away... So yk just screaming at the void rn.

yeah babeeyy

Kind of a weird question, but for DI top surgery can you ask them to make the tip of the nipple smaller or even close to flat?

I've always hated how my nipples look, they contort and wrinkle in weird ways and I hate that the tip sticks out so much. I'd still want nipple grafts when I get top surgery though cause I want a masculine looking chest, but I don't want the tips to stick out and be visible through a shirt, you know what I mean?

So I (20ftm) have been on testosterone for a year now since October 13th. Prior to starting hrt, I was firmly identifying as bisexual, had a few boyfriends cis and trans throughout my life as well as a few girlfriends and thought I leaned towards being more attracted to men. It’s also important to mention I’m asexual (I do experience arousal but don’t want anyone involved in sex with me basically)

And so this came about in a pretty silly way, but basically my friends were thirstposting about Austin Abrahms and I remembered also being attracted to him a few years back when he was in Weapons. But then I started thinking about it, looked at pictures of him etc and realized I don’t feel it anymore. And then, I started thinking back more and realized that over the course of the last three months or so, I haven’t really found any man attractive. Like, I remember I would sometimes watch a movie or just walk along the street and see a pretty man and be like “woah that guy’s pretty”, but this hasn’t happened to me in a while. I also looked at pictures etc of men I was previously attracted to or considered my crushes (celebrity and like real life crushes) and realized I’m not actually into any of them at all. Except for literally just one male actor, men aren’t attractive to me anymore, I can’t really picture myself with a man, I don’t feel like dating them, I don’t think I would catch feelings for a man.

And thing is, I know that it used to be the case before. Like I would genuinely be really, really into men, but that’s not there anymore. Instead, I find myself a lot more attracted (even sexually) to women, which I knew I liked them, but it became like more noticeable basically. I heard of people experiencing sexuality changes on hrt, but from what I found, that would usually include people’s sexual attraction broadening, not disappearing like what happened to me. What could the explanation for this be?

My height has never really bothered me. I’m pretty confident but one thing I will say that does bother me is when people try to make me feel bad about my height. The only people who mention my height are people who aren’t even that much taller than me. I’m 5’4. My height has never stopped me from doing things in life. Sports and with women. I just don’t like when people project their insecurities on other people. Just cause you don’t like your height doesn’t mean you can go around and make people feel insecure like you do. At the same time, I’ve developed this dysphoria around height I sit here and think people would treat me differently if I was taller. It feels like I have to constantly prove myself to people which is weird. I’m muscular and athletic but unfortunately we live in a society where some people think height matters and it’s frustrating. I just wish people words or opinions didn’t hold so much power over me. I’m working on not caring about what people think but it’s hard.

The short kings on here, what do you do to become more confident?

I recently changed my name again (for the 3rd time), and started telling people today. My mom is supportive but wants to know if this is my “forever” name. She says it’s stressful and confusing for her and other people if I keep changing it. The name I chose has been a longtime favorite and I know I’ll love it, but the question still made me a little worried?

So how did you guys know that the name you chose is your “forever” name?

Looking at pictures of my chest is kind of sickening. It’s like body horror. I got DI when I probably should have gotten modified peri, because my nipples and scars are now way too high on my chest. My surgeon, who usually has beautiful and consistent results, did an awful job with the nipple size and placement and it’s so unnatural looking my brain can’t seem to process it. I can feel the nerves where my nipples are supposed to be and the grafts aren’t there.

I’m 10 months post op and I just have worse and different dysphoria now that’s affecting my focus and daily functioning. My body still feels wrong and a bad transgender surgery is almost more gender incongruous to me than being able to say I’m pre-op. I’ve seen a few surgeons to ask about revision and they all recommend against it because of risks and additional scarring. I clearly need to see a specialist or something to help me deal with the panic my chest causes in my mind but I don’t know where to start. I just want my chest fixed.

Hi!! Im nonbinary myself but, my boyfriend started testosterone two days ago!! and im doing more research for him and was wondering what are some things that have happened to anyone else on testosterone? and i dont mean like “oh the body hair!” “the increased appetite!” I mean not as talked about symptoms! (and potential “side effects” for those of you who have had any complications with it!) I also wanted to know what sort of advice anyone has!! any kind of answer is appreciated :)

I dont even know where to start lol😂 im like 5'3 and pretty small, 23, ive never rode a bike before, closest ive come is a coleman minibike. Im looking into getting a yamaha mt-03. I can almost flat foot it but not quite. Not really sure where to start with helments and clothes either, i just dont want to look stupid, its so hard to find anything my size in men's clothing. I just wasn't sure if anyone on here rode bikes and had any advice to give regarding clothes, shoes, or not looking like a fruits cake😂, any would be appreciated

Had to get a new primary doctor due to my insurance changing (I'm in the US). I made the appointment specifically to get a refill on my testosterone.

She asked me about my prescriptions etc and when we got to my testosterone she asks, "what do you take the testosterone for? Do you have hypogonadism?"

I was actually confused for a second and then I had a little inside laugh, smiled, and said, "I'm transgender."

She goes, "Oh!!" And then said something along the lines of "that's great" lol. There was a trainee with her and they both looked so surprised.

I know I pass pretty well but it was funny to go to the doctor specifically for HRT, have transgender marked on my form and still have the dr be like, "your cis, right?"

hi, i need to know if im being underdosed or gaslighted by my endo, for context i never had problems with my testosterone levels they were always pretty high since the first months, but when i took the usual blood drawn and the test came back my levels where so low. I got really anxious explained everything to my endo,she prescribed me vitamin D bc i was low on it and insist that if there woudnt be testosterone in my system my red blood cells woudnt be so high a long with my estrogen levels being “low”. I’m scared that testosterone doesn’t work on me anymore and nobody is going to help me,im gonna try asking my personal doctor maybe she can figure it out.
now,i will write some of my results so u have the situation more clear
my T levels always was between 667 ng/dl,when i took it it was 256.
My dose always been 40mg of T daily,im on gel i never had actual problems with it, and i have to be honest, sometimes i would up my dose bc it just woudnt feel right, it usually lasts since the renewal but i stopped bc my Test was too high i try to keep the usual 4 pumps a day for six months which, only the 3 last months got out this low results.
Is my endocrinologist gaslighting me,was this really just a coincidence of range?

hrt was applied always 24 hours before the blood withdrawal