r/ForeverAlone • u/MediumSizeExtra • Jul 20 '23
Success Story As a 30 year old, I escaped FA
At the beginning of 2019 I had just turned 30. I was unemployed, living with my parents, and not in school. A sequence of events took place where I managed to hit it off with a girl and finally escape being forever alone. I was an active poster on this subreddit at the time and ended up documenting the experience. If you’d like to know more about how it happened, everything culminated in this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAlone/comments/b46g02/somethings_happened/
A lot of people in the comments of that post advised me to leave the sub and not come back, which I did. However, whenever I log into this account, I’m often greeted with DMs asking for follow up. For those who have expressed an ongoing interested in my story, I’ve decided to publicly answer some of the common questions I’ve been asked. I’ll provide a little update at the end as well, as something rather remarkable has happened recently.
First, here are some answers to the most common questions I receive.
Are you together still?
Yes. More details on this later.
Are you still unemployed?
No, a few months into our relationship I got a job. For about 6 months I changed motor oil at a near-by “quick lube” place. It didn’t pan out so now I work as a packaging worker (trimming packaging, gluing, folding cartons, blah blah blah).
Do you still live with your parents?
No. Once my girl finished school and got established in her career we moved into an apartment together near her job.
Did you get your driver’s license?
Unfortunately no. This is something I’ve yet to tackle.
Was it easy after you escaped?
No. The evolution of my personal self has been hell. I went from being a NEET to being required to function in adult society in the span of a few months. I felt like I was constantly on fire. For the most part I’ve settled into my new life now, but there are still plenty of moments that make my anxiety flare up.
What’s the hardest thing about being in a relationship?
Girls get hit on constantly. If you’re not within three feet of your girl in public, she will get hit on. When we’re at the beach, every time I go into the water while she stays on the beach some guy will walk up to her and try to chat her up. Experiences like this make me feel terrible because she’s sacrificing so many opportunities with better men just to be with me. She knows how I feel and tells me it’s not true, but it still gives me a pit in my stomach every time it happens.
Does the world treat you better when you’re in a relationship?
It 100% does. Anyone who disagrees with this point has never walked a mile in our shoes. No matter how ugly, untalented, or socially awkward you are, the societal validation you receive from being in a relationship elevates you from sub-human to human status.
Your relationship started long after your youth. Do you feel bad that you’ll never experience a teenage romance?
This was only asked once, but I’ve seen a few posts questioning a similar thing. I really don’t feel this way. We’ve biked to McDonald’s as the sun was setting, gone to see local fireworks on foot, window shopped at the mall, etc. These are the things I feel like I missed out on in adolescence, so I’m happy I finally have experienced them now.
Pics?
I made the mistake of sharing my girlfriend’s cosplay IG account with one person who asked. Needless to say there will be no pics, but at least one redditor agrees (in a vulgar way) that she’s very beautiful.
Recent Updates
In June 2022 we got married. We didn't have a wedding. I wouldn’t have been able to stand the pressure and fortunately she wasn’t too interested in having one either. Instead we used her cosplaying prowess to do a couple really high end photo shoots. The first was with typical wedding attire and the second was cosplay of a NEET and his demon bride.
Lastly, the update that spurred me to make this post was we just found out she’s pregnant. Although not planned, this has been a wonderful surprise.
This news has really made me reflect on my life. Four years ago I was living at my parents, unemployed, never had a girlfriend, and didn’t even have a credit card in my name. If somebody told me I’d have a wife and be a dad in a few years, I would not have believed them. It’s insane how one lucky break can make your life go in a completely different direction.
Parting Words
On a couple occasions I’ve been asked for advice in DMs. The thing is, I didn’t crack the girl code or suddenly became less ugly. I just got extremely lucky. I wish I had something uplifting to say but I don’t. Perhaps one thing I can say is I now see why normies don't understand the FA struggle. It's not their fault, but at the same time don't let them gaslight you with their uninformed views.
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Jul 20 '23
Congratulations on finding someone and I hope that your baby is going to be happy and healthy.
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Jul 20 '23
since you pretty much ascribe your situation to dumb luck, in your opinion do you think you can "create luck" by going out more or just being around people more? maybe its worth it to just be out more but necessarily trying anything else in particular
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u/Anotherguy783 Jul 20 '23
Bro, you showered 20 times a day while getting therapy while lifting weights while on a treadmill while getting nice clothes, while volunteering, while joining hobby groups. Don't hide it. [/s]
I am so freaking happy and jealous for you and of you. This is the success story I like to read. Luck is what counts the most for us. All the other stuff is just trying to distract us from FA. It's busy work while we think it will help us escape FA. She gets hit on but she loves you. She chose you over those guys. That's so freaking good and you are an example of someone who escaped FA at an advanced age but just was yourself. Happy for you. Having a girlfriend helped you improve yourself. She gave you a reason to improve yourself and you got the energy to do all of what you did. She didn't leave you when a better option arose. I'm not saying women do this but people do this. That's how I know I will remain FA. You hit the lottery and found an exception. She sounds amazing. You did this on your own. I want to shake your hand. Congratulations dude!
Edit, I 100% can tell you when you are with someone, you get treated better. I used to have woman friends and when I was alone nobody would talk to me but when I was with a woman friends people suddenly talked to us.
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u/MediumSizeExtra Jul 20 '23
Thank you! It really all comes down to luck and saying I hit the lottery is an understatement. It's above average luck to escape forever alone from a situation like mine, but it's astronomical luck for the girl to want to stay with someone like me when there are better options.
I remember the day I applied for a credit card. I had to have an appointment with my bank and meet someone in person to request the credit amount. Due to my social phobias and general lack of adult experiences, I was having an anxiety attack in the morning before the appointment. My girlfriend was so patient in comforting me. Later that day she had completed a new outfit and she wanted to go to a local public garden to take pictures. I was acting as the cameraman, and while we were taking a break a really tall and suave guy came up and started talking to her. He eventually ask for her number and she declined. He laughed it off, passed her a piece of paper, and said "If you're worried giving your number out in front of your photographer will make him jealous, here's mine. You can message me later." To that she grabbed my arm, pulled me close to her side and angrily said, "He's not my photographer, he's my boyfriend!"
It felt so amazing to have her stand up for me like that, but I also felt such a massive pang of guilt. I was such a pathetic excuse of a man, yet she was turning down better opportunities just to be with me.
Either way, there are a lot of things I've had to overcome, but it has definitely been amazing, and I really appreciate your kind words!
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u/ecnumak Jul 20 '23 edited Jul 20 '23
I say this all the time here, luck is such a huge factor beating yourself up about things can help you push forward but it’s usually not accurate at all. Love this story!
Don’t forget that in all that luck is still perseverance of the heart. And unlike others th will ALWAYS remember and cherish what you have, because you know what it is to be alone. That is something no one else in this world will easily be able to feel :)
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Jul 20 '23
If one escapes FA, was they even FA in the first place, or just old bloomer?
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u/MediumSizeExtra Jul 20 '23
I guess technically not, but to be considered a late bloomer, I would've had to, well, bloom. I just got incredibly lucky ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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Jul 20 '23
I looked at your older post(s) that u linked and i actually remember that. How time flies. Thank you for posting an update and even better that it's still going well
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u/Caiur Jul 21 '23
Congrats, and good luck with everything! This is a great story.
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u/BurnaAccount1227 Jul 20 '23
Best wishes to you!!
This made my day, honestly. Sincerely hope it keeps working out for you, man.
Yeah, normal people will never relate. Nature of the beast, I guess. I can only bench my therapist in the shower so many times, but they can't understand that.
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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '23
You're so lucky... At least you don't have physical issues. If you're unattractive and have physical issues, is game over.