I genuinely don’t understand how people can be so judgmental about a woman’s personal choices and still believe that women have equal rights and freedom.
Today, I was having lunch with two of my colleagues, who are quite conservative and judgmental. A woman walked past us, and they noticed that she wasn’t wearing any of the so-called symbols of marriage — no sindoor, no mangalsutra, etc.
And guess what followed? They started gossiping about whether she was divorced. They even asked another colleague who knew her whether she was divorced or not. When they found out that she wasn’t, their response was, “How forward the girl is!”
I was honestly baffled.
I told them that it was her choice whether she wanted to wear those things or not. She could be married and still choose not to wear a mangalsutra or sindoor. How does that affect anyone else? But all I got in return was a weird look.
And this is exactly why I believe we still need to talk about patriarchy.
Why is a woman's marital status expected to be visibly displayed on her body? Why are women expected to wear symbols of marriage, while men aren't subjected to the same expectations? What visible symbols are men expected to wear to prove that they're married? And why is a woman who chooses not to follow these traditions automatically labelled as “forward” or treated as if something is wrong with her?
More importantly, why do we feel entitled to question a woman's character, choices, or marital status simply because she doesn't conform to our expectations?
You can choose to wear sindoor, a mangalsutra, bangles, or whatever else holds meaning for you. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But the freedom to follow a tradition also means having the freedom not to follow it.
The problem isn't the tradition itself. The problem is turning a personal choice into a social obligation and then judging women who don't comply.
And honestly, the irony is that people will argue that women have all the rights they deserve, but who exactly is deciding what women deserve? Who gets to decide how a married woman should dress, what she should wear, or how she should present herself to the world?
Equality isn't just about allowing women to make choices that society approves of. It's about allowing them to make choices that society doesn't understand, either.
A woman doesn't owe anyone proof of her marital status. She doesn't owe anyone an explanation for her choices. And she certainly doesn't need to dress a certain way to prove that she's a “good” wife.
I don't understand why this is so difficult for people to comprehend.
Am I overthinking this, or is this exactly the kind of everyday, normalised sexism that people conveniently ignore when they claim patriarchy no longer exists?