always nice to know more straight trans guy, and haven't found many binary trans man write about being only attract to women and their love life.

Single again and in a new, bigger, queerer city after moving from a red state to NYC so decided to hop back on Hinge. I’m not struggling for attention necessarily…I get probably 5-15 likes a day and maybe a few matches. Sometimes from women who I struggle to believe would be into me but idk ¯_(ツ)_/¯ often them liking me first and adding a super flattering comment about my appearance and profile

But it never really goes anywhere? I met up with one woman about 2 months ago and we went out and hooked up a couple times. She eventually said she wasn’t interested anymore through text (which was fine, I didn’t think we were really a match anyway). But other than that, I haven’t been able to get to the meeting up part with anyone despite me having 50+ matches. Like I match, have 1-2 exchanges with them, and they never respond after that so I never get to ask them out. I swear I’m not being boring in my messages idt. I didn’t really have this experience when I lived in a red state.

Good chance this is just how NYC dating is for everyone but curious if anyone has any thoughts or advice! Sometimes I wonder if a lot of these women are curious about dating a trans man but ultimately not enough to pull the trigger. oh well.

edit: I do have trans man as my gender on my profile and for strategic reasons i have my profile sorted under non-binary rather than man, because personally I find straight hinge a total waste of time and energy. Easier to know they’re a little queer off the bat and i find sex with bi girls more satisfying. I’m not stealth but I don’t tell everyone I know I’m trans. If they ask I’ll answer honestly unless the circumstances are unsafe or it’s a work thing. I’ve been on T for 13 years, top surgery 11 years ago, and pass 100%. I’m 28.

Hey guys! I got my name changed officially yesterday! Lot more paperwork than I was expecting but at least it's done now lol. My question is what are all the places you should notify? I have a list (already updated SSA, plan on updating bank, credit cards, mortgage, insurances for car and work, IRS, and my work). Are there any other places? I just don't want to miss one and not realize it after 10 years lol. Thanks in advance!

I'm 20, and I've only been on T for almost one month. Due to family circumstances, I still have to pretend to be a girl. I experience a lot of dysphoria overall and often feel hopeless about finding someone who sees me as a man. I feel awful. Like, most women will choose cis men. It's bad enough that I feel emasculated, the chance of me finding someone is much lower.

I wish I could have a girlfriend, get married, have children (probably if I have the money, donate my egg and she carries the baby).

I just hate it. Okay, maybe if I were cis I still wouldn't have a girlfriend thanks to the whole purity culture I was raised in, and I'm still dealing with evangelicalism. I sometimes feel disgusted for wanting to have a penis, to have good bottom growth, or to like girls, wanting to have a girlfriend and have sex.

But if I was cis I would still be seen as a man, I would have a better chance of finding a girl who likes me, I would be cis, I would have my family support and whatever.I might be a few years behind in the dating game, but statistically I'd be better than me now.

I just wanted to know if anyone has achieved this miracle. I wish I could get married, have children, live a simple life in the countryside with a farm, and plant forests.Like, I wish I could give her a bouquet of flowers, take her on a date, be romantic, etc.

Tw:bottom dysphoria

I also feel like I'll never feel good enough if I have a girlfriend. I would definitely be madly in love and respectful, but I would feel like she deserved someone with a dick and not the absence of one (I hate being pre op. I should try to find a packer, but these shit are expensive as hell), and who could give her children.

Having grown up in an evangelical environment, I know nothing about dating, how to get a girlfriend, and I feel awful trying to date while looking like a girl (thanks dysphoria). I only want to date when I am stealthy, and I hope her family never finds out I'm trans. I would only date someone the way I am if they truly saw me as a man.

Trying to be optimistic, at least my voice is starting to change. But it all still sucks a lot. I feel like I am missing my life. I want to get a girlfriend.

Hey,

I'm really struggling with feelings of disgust and anger towards my body at the moment, and I think I just need to vent a little and maybe hear from people who understand.

I'm in the process of being assessed for bottom surgery. I need to get this whole alien ripped out of me because I genuinely cannot stand having that thing living inside my body any longer.

But the waiting times are absolute hell.

I finally have my referral and appointments scheduled for all the necessary assessments and tests, but the downside is that having to deal with all of this is also forcing me to interact with the very thing I desperately want gone. And it's just... making everything so much harder.

I've been feeling constantly nauseous and sick from it all, and I can't escape it. I can't just switch off the awareness that it's there, and tonight it's really pushing me over the edge.

I can't seem to shake these feelings, no matter what I do.

I don't know if I'm looking for advice, coping strategies, or just some understanding from people who've been through something similar. I just needed to get this out somewhere where people might actually understand.

Most of the times they’re so sweet and I love them. And I also understand that they have more shit to deal with since some transphobes will tolerate straight trans people a little more.

But sometimes I see a straight trans guy talking about not feeling desirable or having trouble finding partners, and there are always several gay trans men talking about how they have it harder. I understand their sentiment(it’s hard to find partners as a trans person period) but it’s a bit rude. Every trans person deserves a space to find community and let out steam even if they’re straight men.

And when I try to call them out on it they usually say “how do straight people go through more than gay people”. Which I find kind of reductive bc the trans masc community as a whole agrees that even if trans women go through more on average(women are more persecuted than men, and there are certain ways transphobes target trans women in particular that’s very deeply rooted in transmisogyny, which trans men do not experience) we also go through so many things. That kind of bio essentialist and stupid thinking is the last thing I would’ve expected from my trans brothers so I’m always discouraged to see it.

All women are curated for me which means I have to pay to swipe them. Then the ones who aren't never swipe me. Just ridiculous. Oh and all I get is cis men. Yes I know I can turn that setting off but if I leave it to women only I only get about 5 pop up then that's it. Frustrating

I am 21 and 1 year into transition & pass as an average cis guy but I'm openly trans and I live in a very progressive city. Every girl I meet is bisexual and super vocal about being queer. A lot of these women are interested in me and vice versa, but their loudness about their queerness while dating me makes me so dysphoric.

Obviously it is not their intention but even when I communicate this it is not taken seriously and I don't want to force anyone to tone themselves down for my sake. I know when cis men hear their gf say things like "Im only attracted to women, and my bf" or "i'm so gay" it is not the same as when you say that while dating a trans man.

Another thing is that a lot of the women I date know waaayyyy too much about trans men, whether from social media or their friendships. they already know about things like bottom growth and it freaks me out so much.. ive even encountered female chasers.

I keep encountering the same type of person in dating. Do I need to stop being bothered by this stuff? or wait for someone different to come along? It seems like any girl who's open to dating trans men is also the type of girl to be weird about it.

I'm not going to carry the baby myself, that's for sure, and yes I'm straight and I'm open to the chance that maybe one day I'll find the love of my life, but even so I would still consider commercial surrogacy as a plan, so I want to know more information before I make major decisions.

I’ve been on T for over 7 years now, I’ve had top surgery (no scars) for 3 years, passed consistently since I was like 15, and been completely stealth in my adult life.

Never been in a relationship. Never held hands, kissed someone, had sex, etc…. I’m about to turn 24 and I’m wondering if this is just wraps for me. I’m not an unattractive person (I think) and I’m doing well for myself in life so far. I have hobbies and a life and I take care of my physical health. I have fulfilling friendships with people I love and care about.

The one piece of my life that is missing is romance and intimacy. I feel like growing up I was so caught up with trying to figure myself out and my own identity that I missed out on that formative time where you learn how to interact in relationships. I’ve watched my whole life as the people around me seem to get in and out of relationships. Now as I’ve grown older, I’m seeing my friends grow with their partners and foster relationships that are a completely foreign idea to me.

Now at this point in my life I feel completely inexperienced and inadequate. I don’t know how to function as a person who is “romantically eligible” as I’ve kind of spent my whole life trying not to step on anyone’s toes or offend or possibly disgust someone by my liking them. Never have I ever received any kind of romantic interest either. It’s kind of fucked up, but sometimes I wish I could even understand what it would be like to be objectified because at least I would be desired.

I just have no idea how to navigate this and at this point it feels like I’m too behind to catch up. This is something I’ve yearned for deeply my entire life but sometimes it feels like I just wasn’t meant to participate.

I have never done it or took the courage to apprach and then how and when you disclose it ? is it a fantasy or it can happens? thanks

There’s this girl that im kinda interested in because i think our interests align, and from her social media i saw that she liked a post about dating trans guy.

However she’s openly queer and im stealth, im not that close to her but her circle of friends are pretty queer(i think), and not like mine. I’ve been stealth for safety for a few years, and i gave up on dating for a long time, but i feel like she could be the kind of person that can accept me/ see me as who i am.

I feel like i’d have a shot if i lowk out myself but it also feels like, i know she might be interested if she knows im trans, but that to me also feel like she wont see me as a real man/ is a chaser.

I also can’t tell if i actually like her, or just feel more comfortable around bi women that aren’t transphobic, and I’ve been single for way too long.

Does anyone have sone experience with this? Like a few years ago I’ve had experience where a girl is more interested after knowing im trans, and seems to just be curious about my “transness” and kept asking me disrespectful questions. When i first got outed to her (involuntarily), she had a good reaction and i trusted her, for like a day, then i realise shes talking behind my back 😭i dont want something like this to happen again, but at the same time i’d love a more lgbt friendly/educated environment :((

What packer do you use? Is it multi use? If not what your preferred for the different uses. I'm looking to get a new one that's not the Mr limpy

And this is advice I say to all the single men I know in my life.

You are worthy now.

It doesn’t matter what you look like, your height, your current stage in transitioning, your job status.

You are worthy now.

Don’t ever tell yourself you aren’t enough right now for your future girl.

Understand that she is also waiting for you to come into her life. And you wont be chosen because you’ve sharpened your dating skills enough, or whatever you guys try to work on to feel like you are enough. You’ll be chosen simply for just being you. Just the same as it is for you choosing her.

The truth is there is no trick to finding your girl.

It just happens.

So don’t break your back to change yourself to meet these ridiculous standards you see from shallow women and men out there. You don’t just want any girl that will just say yes to a date because you convinced her you are worth the time. You want a girl that genuinely likes who you naturally are, and wants that date just as much as you do. One that can love your flaws, and in flaws I mean your unique flaws, what makes you angry, sad, your trauma if you have it, and how you handle all of that, etc. You want a ride or die. And if you can provide that love in return. You are worthy right now.

So my advice to all you gentlemen here is to start moving through life like you deserve it now because you do! When this woman comes into your life, you will be glad you waited for her. You wouldn’t want it any other way.

Is it better to online date or just approach in person? I match with beautiful woman on dating apps but the convos never go anywhere it’s just hey wyd how your day I try sometimes to get their number to talk otp or FaceTime but they ghost I’m open about wing trans in my profile but idk I match with so many woman talk to a few but it never goes anywhere I also notice when I do get the number it’s like they don’t show high interest it’s like I have to chase & initiate & reach out first idk what to do I’m think it’s a number game just keep swiping & talking & trying I’m black so I use BLK Facebook dating & HER I deleted Tamia I didn’t really like that one

I see so many people saying this, but I don't think it is true. We know how people just be saying shit, lol.

A couple days ago I had this random thought that maybe what I do is a bit weird but it makes sense to me and I was wondering if anyone else feels like this and does this.

So I use a strap on and no big surprise there but it makes me feel more comfortable and euphoric even if I don't technically use it. If I do use it I typically use a condom on it. I've always said it's for easier cleanup but tbh it makes me feel less special. If most guys have to do it, I don't want to be left out either. I wouldn't want to get anyone accidentally pregnant!