I am at my wits end and need advice on how to talk to one of my classroom assistants about her relationship with a child.

I've worked with her for over a year and she generally accepts feedback really well. She is a great assistant in all other areas.

She sometimes has difficulty setting boundaries with the children and is aware of this and has been working on it with guidance from me and our Program Director. But there's one child in my class that is clearly her favorite, and their relationship has become pretty inappropriate.

He is EXTREMELY attached to her and she is unable to set a boundary with him. He insists on sitting in her lap everyday at circle and tries to shove other children who are near her, he wants her to put him down for nap everyday and he cries if she's with someone else, and just generally follows her around all day and wants her undivided attention and she willingly gives it to him. I obviously cannot allow this for multiple reasons and step in on occasion to essentially separate them, since she is unable to set the boundary herself. After many many months of doing this I feel super frustrated and am tired of always feeling like the villain setting the limits.

I have talked with her about this on multiple occasions and so has my program director. I've given her examples of language she can use or things she can do to aid in setting limits. For the most part, they aren't happening, and I'm beginning to suspect a small, maybe subconscious part of her likes the feeling of being wanted and so well-liked by a student. I think she also is afraid of hurting his feelings, even though I've explained to her so many times that establishing boundaries will only strengthen their relationship and make it healthier.

What else can I do or say to educate her or get through to her? I plan on just making more of an effort to create distance between them whether they like it or not. When she's not at school, he is so much happier, more engaged and social with his peers. I feel like the dynamic is becoming damaging and hindering his development 🙁

i work at a daycare. we are currently operating with only two staff members for four classrooms, that means no sick days, staying well over 10 hours daily mandatory when scheduled 8 sometimes an open to close, not getting breaks, no help, one other coworker is 19 and sits on her phone instead of taking care of the one infant while i lead toddler, preschool, school age, school pick ups. i’m tired! i feel used! boss literally pointed his finger in my face and told me to shut up. i love being a preschool teacher and i love my students but i feel so miserable and i don’t know what to do.
i need advice. i’m looking for a new job but i feel so guilty leaving my students, i’ve had them for two years and i don’t know how to say goodbye. but action needs to be taken, our daycare is nasty and literally falling apart while investor boss sits on his butt and does nothing but degrade his staff and ghost us.

If I can preface this with I’m currently crying and 6 weeks postpartum with a newborn so please be gentle 🥺

I have a daughter who is 2 years and 7 months old. She’s been going to the same daycare since she was three months old and moves up classrooms approximately every 5 to 6 months. She just moved up to the 2 1/2 to 3 year-old classroom.

About two months ago, we wanted to potty train her as she was showing all the signs that she was ready and this was also according to her teacher in the last classroom. We did all the prep work, read books and decided a method. The first day did not go well and I was pregnant at the time after some thinking we decide to scrap it and then revisit it in another 2 to 3 months.

Now in the past few weeks, she has shown signs that she’s even more ready. She’s refusing her diaper. She walks around saying she does not want to wear a diaper anymore. In addition to all the typical potty ready signs. She also wants to take her diaper off for naps and bedtime. So this past weekend we decided to do the three day potty training method. I expected it not to go smoothly because I figured if you’re wearing a diaper your whole life it’s gonna be an adjustment. Saturday she wasn’t too successful but Sunday she was really successful and had multiple pees on the potty. It’s still scary to her, but we show lots of encouragement. We read potty books on the potty. It just takes her some time to release her pee. I have shown her that Miss Rachel potty video as well.

My question here is that we are receiving a lot of pushback from her daycare teacher in the new classroom to the point of I’m crying. She said that all of her other students are already potty trained and that my daughter was the only one who’s not. She asked how often is our daughter peeing and I said the last time she went on the potty and about every 4 hours. She said our daughter was being demanding on the potty and that she was on the playground crying she had to go potty and then it took her too long to let her pee on the potty out. They only allow up to two minutes on the potty. The teacher said even though she shows interest and it works at home and suggested keeping her home a week (which I mean I could but that’s money down the drain). We explained again she is only a few days in and it will take time and we of course don’t want to push her, trying our best to partner with the teacher. The teacher pushed back again saying our daughter isn’t ready. She also said when our daughter when on the potty (which was ~4 hours after her last pee oh the potty) it was very dark yellow and to encourage her to give water. I felt that was a slight at us…I give my daughter access to her water bottle all day and she drinks milk. She’s at daycare today so I’m not available to give her water. The teacher, in the last class, said that it was amazing that my daughter had drank so much water that she had to fill up her water bottle sometimes multiple times a day and my daughter drinks so much water here. All the time she’s peed on the potty at home it’s been yellow.

What do we do here? Our daughter has been successful on the potty at home obviously with some hesitation, which I feel like is normal because if you’re in a diaper your whole life, something new is going to be scary but we just using encouragement and all the tools that we read about and she’s now peeing at home. I just never thought it would take a kid two minutes to learn how to pee on the potty and that every time they go it only takes two minutes. Is my kid an odd ball? It feels like we’re getting pressure from the teacher to stop potty training and I feel like we’re already a few days in and having successful pees on the potty that it would feel weird to go back to diapers (minus nap time and overnights).

Not sure if this matters probably not, but every class my daughter has been at this daycare, we have received amazing feedback from the teachers on our parenting, on how much they love us and how they love having our daughter in their classroom. I always show praise and recognition for the teachers I ensure to always get them gifts for the holidays, teacher appreciation week and then every time my daughter moves up from their class and we have never had an issue before.

My 6 month old twins started at daycare two weeks ago and they seem really happy there. The only issue is that it has been extremely challenging on the nap front. The staff have been really supportive with letting my twins fall asleep on their arms/at the bottle and transferring to the crib since that’s the only way for them to get any rest (even at home). But their naps still seem to rarely exceed 25 minutes, and their wake windows are all over the place- sometimes 5 hours and sometimes 15 minutes. It’s clear to me that they are over tired all day and struggling to make it through. Today the teachers told me that they were cranky and angry all day, and I am sure it’s because of the difficult naps. Yesterday they even put the whole classroom into quiet lullaby time because they said my girl was having so much trouble sleeping. In general I’m sure the environment is brighter and louder than home, plus they find it fun and seem to have FOMO. Plus they are bad nappers at home even with their sound machine and dark room.

I guess I am just looking for reassurance that my babies will survive this and it will get better soon. How long does it usually take for infants to adjust? Anything I can offer to the teachers to help? I am considering nap training and seeing if that helps, but it’s difficult to meaningfully nap train when we only have them for naps 2 days a week. From your experience do ECE workers follow requested guidelines for nap training if it means that a baby may be crying for a period of time? I’m so sad for them and desperate for them to be getting better sleep and my mom heart is hurting with this transition. Just wishing I could be home with them to give them a few days to reset.

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Hi. I'm new to a Montessori program, but have been in ELE for 4 years. This is only my second job as a lead though! I am the current colead in my classroom. I'm not trained in Montessori but working on it while my colead is trained in Montessori but out on maternity leave (haven't even met her yet). My questions are around the lead vs assistant teacher typicals. I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong somehow? At my last center I didn't work with an assistant for more than 6 months, mostly I worked solo cause I was at normal ratio for one teacher but I have been an assistant myself before. This center it's 11-14 kids so I have assistants, and even a second due to needing extra support to introduce all the Montessori independence (lots of self cloth changing, potty training, independent work, doing their own shoes, family style eating, etc. here)

My current assistant teachers are not following my lesson planning, every time I rearrange the class to fit licensing protocols and make it a more cohesive environment they change it back. I put out works (aka toys or learning activities for the children in Montessori language) to follow the lesson plan, the assistant teachers change it to something they chose or take back what I did every week. One of my assistants doesn't set boundries well and allows a child to hang on her crying every day, confusing the other kids cause they can't for example leave the classroom without asking but the other child can, or they can't use a chair because the assistant teacher protects this little girl who demands and tantrums over the one chair. This assistant mostly ignores me when I tell her that if she was more firm with boundaries over caving the child would adjust and it would be more fair to the whole class (I've also seen it work, when this teacher is out and it's just me, the child listens to boundaries well but the chaos starts over the moment the assistant comes back). The other assistant (evening only) constantly reorganizes the room, I can't have anything how I want it, she changes it back. Which is weird because she's never here for activity times (her shift is nap, snack and then outside time only) and the day assistant told me "you're here now, it's your classroom, change it how you want". I tried talking to them both, I'm making some way with my day assistant, especially about the emotional child with boundaries (she stopped giving the kid blankets all day, doesn't just let her sit crying in a special chair outside like she did before which now ends up with the child trying to actually play and be active) but the other flat out told me she finds my adjustments to the class not workable without real context or just says mhm- mind you she's a part time closer and the book shelf I moved is to cover open loose cords everyone seems to ignore is a liscencing violation and unsafe for the kids. That was our argument today and she said "I feel like it's not safe because I can't see the kids" - but it's a 2 foot high book shelf and the kids don't even use it during her shift, it also worked fine for me/the other assistant during the day cause It pretty easy to see the kids form my perspective. She also didn't offer any solutions, just that we should think of some and then mhm again.

I don't know what I'm doing. I honestly feel like I'm not a lead, I have no control over what happens in my classroom and all my work for lesson planning and prepping seems to be disrespected- which I do off the clock cause there's never time on the clock to do so, I also pay for some of the special activities which we rarely get to now. I know I'm following the lead job assignment for this job/Montessori philosophy, it says in the handbook I cover circle time, boundary setting, classroom environment and lesson planning. Guiding the children. That my assistant teachers are there to help me and I direct them to what I need. But my assistants both constantly take over leading and redo every effort I put in. And talking to the one evening assistant literally does nothing, I'm shut down, it goes right over her head. I'm just confused. I can't tell if this is a Montessori thing, or if I just got stuck with a rough batch in my class cause every other assistant who fills in for mine does what Id expect in an assistant teacher and allows me to do my job. I don't mind team work but that's not happening, no one's letting me know or asking me about what they're doing, we're not jointly making a plan. And truthfully, I've never followed an assistant as a lead before, I'm used to them following my lead or coworking a plan together. I'm used to being the one to take on a lot of the parent conversation, the lesson planning, and rearranging the environment. It's kinda making me hate working this job at this point. Every time they're out sick or on leave, it all goes fine but when they come back we clash a lot or they ignore me.

I will say for context I hear the colead of mine didn't do all her duties and when she got pregnant was sick often, so I'm aware my assistants are used to leading, but even when I say - ok I'm gonna take over- it doesn't get received well or I'm flat out ignored/told no, and I'm at a loss. Being so new I feel a little bad going to the bosses but I'm thinking it may be my only option now. I'm not sure what else I can do, yet I'm nervous my boss won't support me. My bosses are new to me and idk what kind of support they truly give yet. My old boss wouldve given me advice to do it myself or had the hard conversation if it wasn't working on my end.

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Lead for toddlers- 2/3yrs old

I have been at my current job for 5 months now and generally don't have a lot of issues/ complaints. But Lately it seems everything I do is either wrong or not done " her way".asking me : have I ever filled out an injury report,I have been doing this job for 20 years! She says " you can't be negative " ie when I see a child being unsafe I say for example " we dont throw toys, thats not safe".

She will say: don't pick her up ( a younger todd not great on stairs) then the next time she picks up said child.

There was an incident where 2 children were fighting over a toy, both very verbal btw. The the one who had the toy smacks the other on the head with it and she said"she deserved it". Mind you the child who did the hitting is her favorite, this is fact not opinion

I haven't experienced this much with her before now. I know it's her title as lead but she doesn't do this with my other coteacher, much older and experienced than I.

So much of her classroom/teaching styles I disagree with but generally can get over it. We will have preschool teachers come help sometimes and they said : that won't fly in preschool " and it feels validating others agree. Her motto basically is "as long as they're happy in my classroom " ..

I couldn't wait to get out of there today!

I've been going through a difficult situation with the K-8 aftercare program in my Massachusetts school district. They are a new (corporate) provider this year and there have been issues from the beginning, namely being chronically out of ratio (and all the things that come with that--safety concerns, kids being minimally supervised and bored and acting out, too much stress and BS for teachers, leading to lots of resignations, which have exacerbated the staffing shortage, etc.). I'm close with our site director and have had numerous conversations with her since the school year started. She spent weeks asking for more staff, any kind of help, and was either ignored or gaslit by middle management at every turn. I wrote to people in the corporate office and was gaslit myself (among other things, told they would NEVER operate outside of ratio, even though it's plain they have been). I then spoke to our superintendent, who contacted a VP at corporate, and he (superintendent) was told the same thing. Total denial that anything has been off. So either there's really bad top to bottom miscommunication throughout this organization or someone is outright lying.

Fast forward three weeks from my superintendent meeting: they have actually brought in substitute staff so technically the program is now in compliance (mind you, only after parents got involved). But of the 10 staff we currently have, two have submitted their resignations and two more are in the process of looking for new jobs. That will leave us with only 6 staffers for 90 kids, and four of those are substitutes. This program is wholly dysfunctional and I hate it, but I realize that being shitty probably isn't cause enough for formal complaint.

I'd been fighting the urge to report to the EEC because I didn't want to be the person who got aftercare shut down altogether. But once our site director leaves next week, I won't have a person on the inside anymore (my 8yo doesn't count lol) so I won't know if/when things get bad again. Is there any point to filing a retroactive complaint about them knowingly being out of compliance? Can I contact someone at the EEC and tell them to keep a close eye on our district? How does the complaint process even work? How can I get someone's attention and be taken seriously?

I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for here, But thought I'd see if someone else on here has some suggestions.

My daughter is not necessarily the absolutely most reliable narrator. I didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill by asking her too much about it, but at the same time I don't want her to feel sad. I'd like her to be able to make and keep her own friendships.

My partner (who did the pickup) said he asked the teacher but that the teacher said she didn't notice anything.

Is there a good book for kids on making friends or other suggestions that people have for this situation?

Her twin brother is in the same class as her.

I’ve made some posts about how nuts she is, how short tempered she is and yet still has a job….

Anyway, I’m finally being given a break but it’s almost not worth it because every day when I return she’s mad at them because they know how to poke the bear. And because she’s mad at them she goes off about them in front of them to me and then expects me to reprimand them.

Half of this stuff is common sense - no, I don’t allow them to climb on tables and dance or lie down on them, no I don’t allow them to chase each other with rakes outside, no I don’t allow them to dig massive holes in the wood chips. “Well they told me you did”… seriously, do you even know me at all (we’ve known each other for over 25 years).

I had a convo with my kids about why they keep doing this and the answer is “because we want to, we want to make her mad” but there’s no why. I’m at my wits end because I want to come back from my break reset and not pissed off (I’m not even mad at the kids).. I just don’t know what to say to them to get them to just go out and play and follow the rules. Don’t poke the big angry bear

I can feel the burnout creeping in. Also, I need to vent. I have a coworker who just started and he is AWFUL. He is not new to the field and my boss told us that he has a lot of experience. That's all well and good, but my room lead and I are the ones who do all the heavy lifting when it comes to classroom management. The guy just sits around and smiles like a dope.

He doesn't get down to the children's level, is constantly getting into power struggles, and we always have to be telling him what to do. We have to tell him to supervise or he will literally just sit down with one child, stare off into space, and smile. I told my boss that he is not a good fit for our classroom. And she ended up placing him permanently in our classroom.

ALSO! Before my last coworker quit, I asked my director for her shift, then I reminded her twice. And she said we would talk about it, but they ended up giving the shift to this guy. No explanation or talk with me.

Anyway, because it feels like I'm babysitting in an adult all day in addition to caring for all the children alone when my lead is on her break, planning, or gone for the day, I feel so burned out.

Our classroom has 10 children with challenging behaviour and we have 24 children. Our float staff can only do so much, too. Lately, I've fought with calling out because I'm so effing exhausted emotionally and mentally. I'm so stressed out and now I feel put out.

I run a mixed age 2.5-4 year old classroom in NYS. We follow a 1:6 ratio so two teachers with 12 kids, and some days a few of our kids only do half days, so the ratios goes down to a 1:5. It’s a great classroom set up with lots of natural lights, open ended toys, and a huge playground area that’s fully open ended as well.

My students are really struggling to get into any kind of routine this year. Even something as simple as washing their hands before and after meals, which we have never had a problem with prior, and all have done since they were in the infant-toddler classroom.

What we have noticed if they all just want to run, jump, and tackle each other all day. Inside or outside. Obviously we want to help them do this in safe ways because their bodies are telling us that’s what they need. But when we looked at our space we realized there isn’t anything safe to jump off of and crash into! Does anyone have anything at their schools that they absolutely love? Any OT’s able to weigh in on this so we can best support them?

Would also like it if the parents would be able to see this as learning so ways to word it into our daily notes so they can see that this is exactly what the kids need? Also as budget friendly as possible. My boss will pay for a lot, but there’s other classrooms that need supplies as well so I don’t want to overwhelm the budget.

Hi all, I have some questions regarding employer paid trainings. I’m an ECE professional learning the ropes of leadership. Is a childcare center allowed to withhold training certificates that have your name on them but not the name of the company? These trainings are always done on personal time with no pay other than the training itself being paid for. I feel like there is a lot of gray area here due to the lack of paid time but the company paying for the training. Thank you for any clarification

I have been in childcare for over 30 years. Mostly younger infants. I have recently moved to a room where the babies are 14-18 months. I am working with a new teacher. We have been struggling with keeping them occupied. We have a curriculum but they do those activities pretty fast. Leaves us with a lot of open time. During this time they get on the tables, get on top of each other and fight over toys. Makes for a very rough day. Even worse during diaper changes. They aren’t sleeping well which I think is partially due to not being stimulated enough before nap time. What kind of activities would be good? Any other advice is also welcome.

Hi everyone my kiddo is about to be 18 months in 10 days for context of where he’s at developmentally. And for context he was on a 5/5 schedule of waking at 7am nap at 12 for 2 hours and bed around 630/7 depending on nap length. He is not and never has been a low sleep needs kid, but has always been a sensitive sleeper since he was born.

He started daycare September 8. He didn’t begin staying for nap at the daycare until about 3 weeks after that.

He sleeps in a room of 9 other kids on cots where they are allowed a stuffed animal comfort item, they black out the room as best they can, and play some classical music. In the beginning he would sometimes nap for 20 minutes with the odd day of napping 40/50 minutes. So he can fall asleep.

I do my best to give him early bedtimes and course correct on weekends. But he is accumulating serious sleep debt and now is no longer sleeping at the daycare. He comes home a zombie who is asleep by 4:50 in his bed for the night and will wake at 5:30.

I also tried offering a rescue nap at home at 4pm in hopes to get him back waking up later (because now his super long first wake window is also perpetuating him being unable to settle at daycare because he’s so overtired) but his circadian rhythm seems to be waking him up at 530am regardless and we’re about to experience a time change on Sunday.

The daycare doesn’t seem to mind that he doesn’t sleep because he just sits on his cot quietly and doesn’t bother the other children. They’ve tried a sound machine under his cot as he fell asleep one time when a teacher played a lullaby under his bed on her phone. But he just ended up trying to play with it and keep changing the sound.

I’m truly at a loss of what to do. He’s exhausted and it just seems to be getting worse. And now he is missing out on time at home with us, which I can see is having an emotional impact on him too. I get 45 min of dinner bath and story and then 1 hour of play, morning routine, daycare.

Any advice? He is in a corner where it’s as dark as possible and as un stimulating as can be in the environment.

Edited to add: he fully naps 1.5 - 2 hours with us on the weekends. So far a lot of people have been suggesting he is done with his nap and I can assure that is not his case.

I'm a trainee in a nursery and about a week ago I was super stressed trying to get evrrything done on the work tablet, and I stupidly decided to sit and do this while the children were eating and I was sat with my co worker at the table (on opposite sides) she rightfully reminded me I should have my full attention on the children incase one chokes. I went home and did a bunch of research into how.silent choking can be.

I had a standard review with my boss yesterday and admitted this. She said as long as I dont continue to make the same mistakes its fine as we learn. However I remembered that I did this another time too, but I wasnt corrected then so I didnt think anything of it (I see people doing it regularly and when I said this my boss just nodded like she knows). It may have been on the same day as when I was corrected, but I cant remember. Now I'm freaking out that she will think I lied as I made it sound like I just did it one time. I'm also worrying what if ive done it at another point and dont remember? I've been there 8 weeks. But how do I say that without sounding crazy..

I have OCD so I go over everything in my head and have a compulsion to confess mistakes. And she commented thst sbe has noticed I am very anxious, so I dont want to keep annoying her with it, especially as im on probation..

I did say it will never happen again so I dont know whether to just draw a line under it. But im scared if she thinks I purposely lied (there are cameras so she could see also) I dont know what to do and its eating away at me inside. I will never do it again

What would you guys do?

This is cross posted. Someone suggested I post here. Looking for insight encouragement or whatever anyone has. Thanks.

Hello guys,

I am currently a fourth year student gathering data for my dissertation on early childhood educators perspective and awareness of children's relationship with screens and digital media. More details in my survey are available. I would highly appreciate you taking 5/6 minutes to fill it out.

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